Joanne Duval Morgan's E-Mail Address: morgan@net1plus.com
Joanne's Favorite Song: Islands in the Stream, and Bridges


Joanne Duval Morgan's Profile:
Better know as Jo Mo on the link, retired, disabled citizen (I Hope)......... Delve in Genealogy, and love foriegn coins. Love poetry and critiqing in particular....Glad to meet you all, new members and of course old members. If for some reason you felt it necessary to leave TPL, why not consider moving back....Chris has established a new forum for us to enjoy, give it a try. I served in the Marines, was married have three children, and 16 Grandchildren, six are biological ages 21 to age 7, the numerous other children is have sons through my second married (He passed away in 1995), and of course the 10 numerous Grandchildren through marriage. Then worked at running a restaurant, went on to become vested in research stage of computer chips, and equipment, got married a second time, and worked as a Manager of a home for adults that needed hep, very interesting job, they were wonderful to work for, mental retardation is a field anyone who loves people would enjoy, left that job to work straighter Mom. through friday job, Service co-ordinator, then for Tegal, computer chip and eauipment, there were 16 salesmen throughout the country, enjoyed that job a great deal (Imiss it now that I'm unable to work, major heart and cardiovascular surgery, so I found TPL, and I love it here, I'll contribute as long as I'm able. Wonderful people are here, wonderful poetry and interreaction with all interested members. So basically that's me, ohm use to participate in sports, can't now but I still enjoy watching sports (all kinds. So welcome, stay a while you'll see that TPL gets in your blood and it's to difficult to even contimplate leaving....So You All....A Huge welcome.........Best wishes

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Displaying Critiques 173 to 222 out of 222 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Joanne Duval MorganCritique Date
A Thousand Vacant BodiesEddie S. IrisHello Eddie, Welcome aboard, sure glad Rick talked to you about RhePoeticLink, and that you've joined us. As I read the poem I was struck how vital and true your title speaks, for you have managed to encapsulate the whole scenario of societies woes. We sit back and don't take action, are we unaware of the slaughter to groups, and suicide of individuals? You poem is strongly worded, but it is very potent, and your linguist bent is current that anyone reading your intent would have to be effected by the projection. Thousand vacant bodies, literally piling up, and continuing to mass like sticks of discarged corded word, never to serve a useful purpose, because weaponary, and thrust in todays society is more violent in that it takes in cultures with a complete disregard for life, groups, and creates despair in individuals. The poem is simply worded, in a running format that makes it easy for the reader to follow, but more so then the stle or linguists, is the intent you protray, for you encapsulate the ills of humankind, no regard for human life. I like the poem, it causes reflection and an admiration that a writer could compose so powerful a thrust. So it's a great start here, and I hope you continue on. You couldn't have a better mentor the Rick, he's becoming one heralded writer here, all of us look foreward to his submissions, I think because he shows us ourselves, and cites circumstances that are such human traits, that he makes us aware, as this poem from you does also. Wonderful start Eddie, it's all a learning process, and I've found I've learned more about writing and understanding poetry from the learned membership here on TPL. Good luck and write more, really enjoyed the poem. Best regards, Jo Morgan2003-10-31 17:41:52
Sweet, Sweet Music (II)Mell W. MorrisYou know Mell music does sooth the savage breast, and maybe since the inception of man reacted to the rawness of the cosmos, music lovers were born, to feel the beat and sway to the rhythm, as a child reacts to the sound of a Mother's Luttaby, yes, music lovers sense the rawness sensation in their cells, the spirt is infected, and thus music has transpired from dancing to a drum beat around fire, to the mostery's playing with Gregorian chants, to the coming out and interpertation of all the wonder artists you cite from Ella, to Van Kilburn, and his feats at so young a age, to show the way with his wonderful talented. What I loved was the incorporation of the complete mixture you captued by naming the beats, jazz, raz ma taz, right down the line, to the mellowness of music that quiets the soul. Music is something my body and spirit has always swayed to, that inborne capturing that can't be dinied. Will dance to all forms and styles for it like the call of long ago, to the quiet chants, the liveleness of jazz, to all the styles mentioned. Yes music is cosmosic, and can't be denied. When things seem to pile up and try to dimish the spirit, music is the only medicine that cures. Another excellent presentation, with the lyrics, that move deftly to include all the beats that capture us, and why not we are a part of the cosmos, some get trapped by never letting loose, your poem is so apt, and so well constructed it is a song in its own right. You're a mavel, and never cease to amaze me with your writing talens, not just words, but movement and sensation that climbs the ladder of emotions. There is anything I would even remotely suggest, it's together, and very lyrical with a cadence that only Mell can construct, for no-talents like myself to complete enjoy. I will anser your we-mail, right now I'm fighting edema, which is difficult to contend with, gained over 40 pounds of body weight due to the edema, so the brain is really fighting to finish these comments, and hope I was articulate enough, but the month is running out, and I did want to comment. A fan here, always, Love Jo 2003-10-30 10:50:04
From Night to Morningmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, Nice thought, comfort in the quiet night, turning to the dawn of a new day. For me thought a touch of Fantasia, lovely descriptives of the glory of a stars path (in essence a poem, but it is a wonderful way of describing romantically exactly what happen. The web, light gossmer, the descriptive in beautiful convayance of what all of us feel as we awaken to a new day. I often see pictures that illiminate the senses, and this poem does that for me. At first when I saw the title I wondered how you would artistically bring out the components of from night to morning, so many thoughts flowed through this mind, but I really like the picture you crafted so well. It grabbed my senses, actually you speak of the time of day that has always been pure gossmer to me, that quiet time of night, the feeling I always feel being insulated from the transpas of what happens during daylight, ever those first glows of morning have always offered me personally, that very quet comfort of times, to be myself, to think my thoughts ( stay up most night because I can't sleep, so I really identify with your poem. To me very comforting, very beautiful, with a quet charm, yet the cosmos is in full swings being me full cycle to deal with the normal reality of dealing in this society. I think I prefer this trip to the cosmos...wonderfully restful for me. Hope you're well, your writing is becoming so special you know, you've been a excellent student of the site, and have grown in leaps and bounds. Glad I'm hear to at least be able to comment, your poems, like Mell's, Joanne, Steven and just some example of the pinnicales of writing that attract a great readersip. Very, very nice Marilyn, glad you're around to artistically say what I sense and feel. Best always, Love, Jo2003-10-24 07:10:28
DewdropDonna L. DeanHi Donna, Love it, a single dew drop, compelled to resist becoming just another dew drop that falls into the pool of oblivion. Some what a perfect analogy for we humans, don't you think, holding on, trying to retain our individuality, knowing if we get lost among the masses, to become just another lost, yes as I read these stark words concerning your dew drop I couldn't help but make the comparison. I've sat and watched the antics of single rain drops, or any moisture that beads and manages to remain an individual, know eventually that the inevitable would happen, the melting pot, from a dew drop to a [pool, to a river, to begin the journey over. Actually the poem captures nicely for me all the cosmic environemental thrust and pull, something I think that human beings fight so hard for invididuality. This short, poem, written with a lot of sensation leaves the reader to ponder, wonder, and reflect on the great possibilities. Neat submission, written simply enough for all to identify with the scenario, you did a nice job with this presentation, and I enjoy the read, nice job...Good Luck, Jo Morgan2003-10-22 22:47:54
Night DreamsMary E. GustasOh Mary, you tease with this..Alarm rings...isn't that always the way when a beautiful dream assails our subconcious, isn't that a fitting conclision for such a passinate, and artistically rendered romantic poem. This is as hot as all the burning tapers, the beautifully laid out romantic hidway, bringing lovely sensation, all set so great in this what I shall refer to as a tease, but you did did it, you grabbed this reader, and had me all warmed up for an most alluring conclusion, then the rug slipped from under my feet, The alarm rang, all I can say is oh yes, how many lovely dreams have been ruinied by the alarm. Gtreat job, really cute you know, you reved up the engine, and failed to leave the start, but just spun your tires, and left me with soot and grime all over my face, ha ha. Love it. Best regards, excellent writing maybe we need a complete romantic love poem from you with complete finish, for if all the stanze, emotion and sensation that you used in what I call brilliant form, presentation, and projection are an indication of your ability to write a love poem are in strong evidence. try it, no alarm clocks though, just the complete romantic ability you've proven you have. Best regards, Jo Morgan, no suggestions from me I can't write romance like that I can only read it, and feel all the sensations.....what a closing.2003-10-22 19:48:30
Talking To The TreesMell W. MorrisHi Friend/Girl, well welcome back, I hope the dizzy, foggy bumbling period has diminished and you are coming back full time. I feel as one of those leaves that have fallen this Autumn, alone and diminished without the my sisterly poets who stimulate the mind, and tickle the life cells of bondinding, not wasted to blow and disappear with the story each can tell. Love the gist, and the lyrical quality of this poem, and I know it was written by a wordsmith of the first degree, now I feel together again, the connection with one of my fellow leaves. Let me tell you a little story instead of giving you a real critique. On Saturday last, my two youngest Granddaughters came for a visit of five days, so they along with their older Sister Jen (who is in my custody), decided that I should jump on my Little Cherry red Scooter, and drive up to my old homestead (where I was raised), it lies along the bank of a Fresh water pond, a little white house that holds tremoundous memories. During the One and a hald mile walk the children enjoyed the Fall foliage (as did I0, and we walked up this hill, and leaves had gathered along along the side walk, in a dept of beautiful color, the dry, crackling leaves talked to us as we traversed up the hill, well we got to the house, admiring all the Maple, White Birthch, and pine trees, took in the black cool Autumn waves of the fresh water, all agreeing that it wasn't a time for swimming, well we started back, doubling our the route we had taken. This time we got to the hill and the girls begain duplicating the antics of playing in the leaves. At the point I said arn't the leaves beautiful, but did you girls notice there are hidden gems among the leaves. Of course they looked dubious, and I ponted to a green orb lying among the leave. The younges 6 year old Angelique picked it up, and instantly threw it from her hand. I asked why? and she said it has sharp point on it, and it hurts my hands. Well I picked it up and they gathered around me, using my thumb nails I split the orb open, and there rested the most beautiful brown glisting nut. I took it complete out, and gave it to them to feel, all three commented on how beautiful it was, but it arrived in a horrible shell. The brown glisted in the sun, the finish was as if 500 years of fine sand at a beach had made it as smooth as glass. Then I said there are other gems to be found hiding among the fallen leaves. Well the treasure hut was on, they found dozens and dozens of these gem. Then I told them this is a creation of God, that each year at this time his bounty is to be found. Now truly they were beautiful Horse chesnuts, a simple lesson so it would seem. As children though, no TV no video games, we the children created our own entertainment. So a simple lesson maybe, but I believe one each girl will recount later in life, and Grandmom did what Grandmoms should do teach. So the validity of your poem each stanze each, each declaration is so true, so factual so brilliant in in projection, for each leave has a history, and we should be aware that life begins, has a middle, and ending, just as your poem does. Done like like extradionary well written, linguist poem. That's my styory and I'm sticking to it, learn about all forms, seeing that leaves, each of them are like pages, each tells it's own story, just like the Horse chesnuts. Terrific, I like, the writng once again is fab, and I'm glad you're back, I've missed you, knew you were ill and didn't want to bother you, the fact you're writing agin is so welsome to me. Be well, I think of you always, Love, Jo2003-10-20 23:40:58
In Search Of The God ParticleDrenda D. CooperHi Drenda, Admirable that you are delving into physics. My mind though has always lived out the box, the scientific community may use equasions, may think in terms of matter, however my thought is, God is everywhere, he and only he has created all of the Universe. Simple maybe, I don't need pictures as proof, I don't need scientistic, or the dogma of established relegion to sell God to me, to prove anythibng. Belief is my value, also my philosophy that I can't take anyone there with me, they have to go there themselves, thus the disenchantment and uphappiness the killing, and all that takes place, God created, God can take away, no scientific theory will ever make or break belief, the individual is the only one that can determine the belief. No harsh judgement here, for everyone is allowed the space, inside the box or outside the box to live with their belief. I enjoyed your presentation, your dialogue is outstanding, your points strong rendered. A great poem, written in the best of intellect, as such I respect the poem for it's projection, and admire the ability of the poet to be as concise about a terory as is presented here. Nice writing, it certainly can make one think reflectively, and get to the root and core of their belief. I've always tested the confines of any box, and a bunch of scientific minds trying to prove God is folly, a waste of time, for he created all in the universe, including the minds of noted scientists trying to prove this this or another. Of course you understand my whole life my closest partner has been God, and I don't need proof, for I believe. Deep, deep poem, undoubtly you'll be many different takes on it, mine may be a simplist approach, but I see no complexity when it comes to my person belief..............that's all. My take and my take alone. Heck of an intellectual poem, great to read, and wonderfully written, great syntax, flow, and all apparent poetic devices.........just a great job. Besy of continue luck...........Jo Morgan2003-10-20 19:08:49
Forever DaddyJordan Brendez BandojoHi Jordan, If this tribute is the forumla that your adult life is (will) be base on, I guarantee you will forever be strong, with resolve, the principle and discipline, given in paternal love (Father to son), he endowed you with understanding (that guarantees tolorance), the dignity and heroism, are two high water marks for any lad to grow to. nobility and greatnes, not bosterious or fool hardy, but capable of making sound decisions, virtue is mine said the Lord, and you finishing off with "You do love me, and I love you too. Foverer Long, beautiful, no son could ask better lessons in life, and he is the Daddy, Love the inflection, Daddy denotes all the memories of the times these life lessons were learned, beautiful tribute, and I really can't take exception to any of your phrasing, but from a grammer point of view, wouldn't Now I've grown up", be more appropriate phrasing at the 6th stanza, that particular wording is what cause me to pause as I read. All in all beautiful, and you are one fortunate son, and you're Dad one heck of a wise man to teach you all these life lessons, to allow you to bloom into a fine man. Beautiful, and it made me feel warm glows of rememberance for my Dad, as a girl he taught me many lessons, which I learned, and all have aided me in my 64 years of life, fond, and loving memories spoken with a patina of love from Son to Father.......Love your sentiment, may be so day we shall meet, and then maybe never, but I feel a closness to you, you seems to be a wonderful man, and loving son, and for me these exchanges are very meaningful...My Best always, Jo Morgan (JoMo) 2003-10-19 15:12:34
KiteJordan Brendez BandojoVery nice Jordan (Dan according to family right?), (this poem could also speak the poets heart to experience a heartbreak, a loss of a Girl friend who has choosen marriage with God, however special blessing shall follow all the days of your lives, for those that walk into our lives truly remain a part of our lives, in special ways, it takes a strong individual to see a love choose a different life, but to me as a Catholic I understand her need to serve the Lord. Nothing happens without a reason in our lives, some we may understand, others we may never understand, HE knows the reason, and the belief has to be Faith in him.) Bless you Jordan. your three lines allows for quite a mental image to this reader. I love the wind, especially when it is barly preceptible, however it ruffles the hair, and tingles the skin, and that the image I get from your pronouncment of this type of Zephyr, enough to lift. allowing for the kite in it bulky, yet swift decoration to stay aloft, one really would work and just launching the kite, yet I feel theplay (sensation) on the skin, that glorious feeling to soar. Doubhty dreamer dares to soar, going up against the odds though allows the dreamer to be enraptured by the flying colors. Wonderful format of haiku, the count is accurate by Japanese standard, the presentation is more Western though, so it's a flowing combination of all the sensation. Hold that kite string tightly, work at keeping it aloft, and all dreams can be fulfilled. I guess it depaends on the interpertation of each reader, and being a gut critique, the sensation allowed by the visualztion is wonderful to me. Good show poet, you write very, very well, and your critiques are outstanding....Love it!! Best wishes, Jo Morgan2003-10-18 20:47:56
japanese verse 28 (Rose)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoHi Erzahl, First of all I love Roses, whenever they have been given to me, I think of my Mother long expired these many years, and a rush of sentiment engulfs me as I read this haiku. Love the color descriptive (Crimson as a wine", who can't picture, the glory in seeing this ultimate creation of God, the wine significant to daw the parrarel of color, then the second line "Filled in the glass of Season", for crimnson wine isn't drank by me, mostly because I'm a non drinker, except for those favorite occassions, so season is a very strong influence in the poem. Drunk by its beauty, is a strong closing line, that melds the whole flavor of the poem in total. So once again I find myself amazed, that this most difficult type of writing flows so easily from your pen, and it's always a pleasure to read you, and possibly surmise how you think and what gives this natural ability to write poems that I was first attracted to many, many years ago. It's wonderful, the frest, sparkling color and it's total effect on the readship. I know you are developing a following, and I gladly offer this humble offering of its total effect on making me reflective, thinking of all the occassions that Roses, their beauty to behold were offered to me, and the memories of all who offered them, right to seeing them on the bush and knowing the creators art work, to be drunk by all. Wonderful, my regards always, Jo Morgan2003-10-18 18:27:09
Two DiamantesJoanne M UppendahlAs a Genie confined in a bottle, diamantes, like a diamond from the middle french you show in this brilliant poem the discipline of a stylistic approach, and as in haiku not an easy feat to command. My gut tells me all the now, adjectives and verbs are in accordance with the prescribed formula, but along with the style the writers skill leavel for effectiveness hasn't at all been hampered by the approach. My Lord the format is great, the emphasis of prescribed usage is quite apparent. Now not being a technical critiquer I can honestly say you don't miss the beat, and extend your usage in the best possible way to this vague uncertainty for this non-techinical reader. Admire the skill, the raw discipline it takes to write to a prescribed format, but the Old Joanne brilliant usages of descriptives carry the complete mood for the shaping of your diamond. What's not to line, and if you feel a need to revise I once again with my errors in typing will gladly offer my impressions, the craggy mountain descriptive really reminded me of the lost symbol of the Man in the mountain that used to be the pride of N.E. Time and God saw the need to change, yet those clouds you asptly describe to me go hand in hand with the mountain, but then I look at the raw beauty of our world and have always been moved, the poem has the same effect, excvept you revert to a stylist form, Good show, you make it very difficult for the readerrship to profess liking one submission over another, you really do. Get that spaghetti ready if ever I make it out to Oregon to see Debbie, I shall be persistent in my great need to visit Washington, which is a state I camped in one May, with frest, clear bubbling brook, and raibow trout, fond manories these long years passed...Love, Stay well, Jo2003-10-16 23:04:36
After the StormJoanne M UppendahlHi Joanne, The small quality of movement is more then apparent in your fine use of descriptives, as I alreay critiqued the other version, my thoughts don't waver in admiration. I know you are an artistic that is always ready to revise, and regardless of version, I'm still drawn to the movement, the brutal rainfall, slashing sideways, nothing escapes its wrath. You more then string words together, you create an ambiance of unbelieveable reality that allows the reader to see it the minds eye, the lashing out, the flowers bent in suppliation, the pot crashing to the deck. Yet the message is still clear as it applies to us mre mortals, we to shall be tested, and we shall also go on as Mrs. Spider does. Man has proven the sustained ability to overcome odds, we do it every day, I do like the parrarel, is Gods creations free of these ravages, no, are we as your topic used as a vechile any different, we survie the storm and go on. That was more then proven by the resolve of ancient one, and midevil times, the scourges that ravaged mankind, the survival the same for both, flora and fauna, as it is for man (woman). No the message is blilliantly illustrrated in this admiral crafting of poetic projection. Of course I may be biased, I like evrything you write, and as a gut critiquer you allow me to be empowered to comment freely, I like that a lot. Love and best wishes always, Joa2003-10-16 16:24:39
Pastmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, I couldn't pass this poem up for to me it speaks the full essence of an emotional intensity that maybe time allows healing, but the mind doesn't forget. People telling me this to shall pass, just don't understand. There isn't anything that soothes the partner left behind, the memories to me are so vividly real, I feel the comfort and protection he offers me, and so no credibility in this to shall pass, for it truly never does. An Anniversary should be remembered, for it is a part of out cosmic glow, it sustains us when feeling low because of other raw circumstances of just living assail us. Yes, I remember the comfort not only of his arms, but latying against his chest, and the absolite wonderful feeling of being at home, yes they become memories, but time doesn't wipe our memories clean, Anniversaries and special occass always bring that nostalgic feeling back, and they become a comfort, although we still deal with being alone. Missed, wanted and throughly loved. Wonderful syntax, the thrust of your intent as written, carries the emotions, many of us share, and as such, just let me say you touched my heart with this rememberance, written extradionarly well. God Bless you and cherish those memories, they are golden, and they never pass. This poem is deep seated and emotionally apealling, and I enjoyed it, but my heart is in concert with you well spiken poem. God Bless those memories, and may they never pass, for they sistain me, allowing an inner glow I don';t and won't even try to explain, they are just there a part of my ceeilar makeup now. Best wishes, well written, once again allowing a glimpse into the emotions of the writer....Jo Morgan2003-10-16 09:38:58
Role ModelJoanne M UppendahlHi Joanne I would have appeared sooner, but my list of poems was chock full, and you my Dear were at the bottom of my list, but I finally made it here, and I welcome the opportunity to comment. First of all motion, the helter skelter of a storm lashing, in you great descriptive use and line structure you capture the intensity of the storm, then your intention leads in a parable for me, the message for this wild life, and wracking of plants comes across very strongly for me. Easily I can picture looking out a wondow that's be cascaded by the rain, power in wind drift, the intensityn causing not just a downward fall, but the intensity is highlighed strongly, with the whipping winds causing slant wise flow, not just rain but the power of Mother nature. The lesson, sometime we have to stand and face that wind (human element troubles), the revaging elemts comes across strongly, we;re test, plants, animals and insects (your spider), the proof of the pidding we just face the onslaught and go on, as Mrs. Spider does. Parable yes, wonderful direction of projection wonderful. It didn't miss Joanne another well written submission in poetic form that all should understand. Yes, we face our troubles and go on...love it of course. Love and Best wishes go your way, and I think of a plate of homemade spaghetti sauce that awaiting us, if ever we come your way, gladly I would take enjoyment in the repast, and have an opportunity to talk to you face to face, uno on uno...Love, Jo 2003-10-16 01:08:31
Droughtmarilyn terwillegerWow Marilyn, how expressive can one be in the description of the drough. My mouth is parched just thinking and imbibing all your great descriptive use in this poem, that certainly conveys a drought, especially with the sun drying the earth, to grounds spliting awaiting that cap of snow to give life sustaining water. No my fiend you more then in usage of your couplets have brought this reader to the brink of full awareness, to your wonderful use of plant life, the colors, the sulliness of their withstanding the brutality of the sun ravaging, and scourching the earth, as mere mortal watch, incapable of stopping this beastly scene, that snow cap sounds wonderfully refreshing to this parched mouth mortal. Was the syntax, and formation of expression lost, no way Marilyn. Actually I'm so secretly pleased to see this artistic full of life and death, the throes of Mother Nature, in command, not mere mortals such as we. Wonderful skill you demonstrate here, fully engages the reader, and maybe even the lack of poetic ability on my part can possible respond and say, IMPRESSIVE!! Love and Best of luck Jo Mo2003-10-15 21:50:52
For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To ThisRick BarnesHi Rick, I don't make light of this beautiful effort of lovers, it and all it's sentiment really belong on some beautiful Valentine card to be shared by a mass of Universal readers, for it in it's wistful wishes say so well, about the well of longing that many experience. So please don't think my respose trite, but I would pay readily to share this sentiment with a special love. Once again you move my emotions, and for me the wishes are deeper, for in reading this beautiful poem creates a longing now lost for me in the death of my true love, but easily I could have shared this sentiment, and emotion this card creates for this reader. No the synthax for me is beautiful phrasing, that reads as smooth as glass, and the cadence is artifully done bring to the reader deep nostalgia, lovely once again, you write some beautiful moving poetry that never fails to amaze the broard strokes of life you manage to convey, and the closeness of a true love, wonderful once again. Best regards...Jo Morgan2003-10-15 20:28:03
Clouds and CurtainsMark D. KilburnOh Mark, as I read this poem a eruption of though engulfs me. I understand the curtain (more substance) or cloud (more mystical), for you show definate thoughts of what most universal thoughts consist in all of us. Actually my preference would be the clouds, and I refuse the curtain, my omnipotent courgae is awakening each more, and waiting for those shafts of sunlight to warm the spirit, now sometimes there isn't that tangible proof each day, but it is in the spirit, my preference the clouds for they disipate with time, and new clouds form (thoughts and action, the purpose of life I think), and only I can accomplish that glow. Why do we fight, grit our teeth, go on when adversity strikes us, simple, refusal to accept in our mind (spirit) that tangible fact, that everything comes to an end, and if and when that final curtain falls, I pray Ive suceeded in my purpose of life, and the fact I always see the life sustaining sun regardless of the aging, ill, or disability, there is always purpose in our lives all we have to do is recognize it, see my preference for clouds, airy and possible disipation, with new brilliant forms each time, the curtain seems so final, so I don't dwell on it, and for sure getting out of bed, now is the reluctance to leave the warmth and comfort to face each day, well worth the effort though, going on is the preference regardless of drawbacks. Love the thoughts the poem consists of, any of us may apply it to self, the clarity is there, the intent maintained, and wellspoken, neat thought process brought in this poem, I really enjoyed the encounter with your latest submission, good going, as usual. My best wishes, plugging ion, a little harder now, but plugging on.....Jo Morgan2003-10-15 07:01:35
Hymn to AutumnRachel F. SpinozaHi Rachel, I had already seen the universal implications in this poem, your wonderful rhythm, and use of smilies (metaphors), but mostly the appeal in the the soft quality of the beauty of the season on Autumn, and the harshness and differences of the winter vissta's that are to come. Fall (Autumn) is the time of year I was born, so I've always felt that festoons quilt and elderdown comfort, that this poem so warmly reminds me of great sensations. As usual you write with a perfessional air, wonderful aluring poem for me. Good show as ual, great syntax, rhythm, and quiet, soothing quality. Good Luck, very deserving, as in another you posted that I'll critique, what a learning curve of coming to a religious understanding of a Jewish Holiday.....Best, Jo Morgan2003-10-14 17:25:10
japanese verse 26 (Camel)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoOh this holds many possibilities to equate not only to the Camel, but to the time and place we are dealing with right now, The Middle East, for you tweeked me into a great deal of reflection. First of all the haiku is applied spotlessly, each of us I believe will either instantly understand, ot quite possible question where? Well to me the Middle East, and the fact the Camel has been their workhorse, probably since we all read of the Three Kings. I take you defination in you using the singular Camel, that you speak of the one humpted version of this useful beast of burden, although we know there is a two humpted version. Listen Erzahl, it speks very fluently, to an actual gentle companion many use all these past enons, you know the analogy drawn beween "Carrying the Hills is so strongly an identification, of course anywhere there are dunes of sand one can see the camel and the hills, that's a great turn of phrasing. This poem has great appeal, it's so vivid q draw in ones mind that this applies to desert like environoments, you use gentle traveler in you second line, and instantly one sees a camel with companion, or even alone wild in its habitat, there isn't anything I would suggest in the way of its carrying the intent, and it's marvelous that so few descriptive well strung words makes me feel peaceful. Yet they spit on ocassion, but look these gentle travels have served man so well. Great read, very enjoyable. So glad I could get to the poem before the month ended, however I do read and note every poem, and those I do want to critique I do, and yours are always fun to critique on. Goog Luck this month...Best regards, Jo Morgan2003-10-01 22:42:51
When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their ColorsJoanne M UppendahlHey Joanne, was beginning to think I would never reach this poem to comment on. Talk about capturing the essence of Fall, as I read about all our feathered friends in struck me, this is the season we all become away up here of Wild Turkeys, don't they have any in Washington. It's is neat to see them, for the hens come in flocks with their young right there, and if fortunate we may even get to see the very elusive males. Just wondered, they are really something to sit quietly and watch, sumising just what their habitat turns to onece the leaves comepletely changed, and those wonderfully colored leaves no longer crackle beneath their feet, this is also the time of the year one is bond to see all the Fox, proud, defiant, doing their things like humans don't truly exist for them, crossing roads with utter defiance for cars, they stop and stare at you, almost offered the challenge to dare you to hit them, there is humor in the wild, all one has to have is an open minds to see all the natural wild life like that exists, our town and towns around have been designated by Federal law to maintain the area is the most pristine Farm lands they always have been, and that's one Federal law I feel someone had a great deal of hindsight, and we are still a fortunate generation, to experience a somewhat maintain safe lands. Anyway I go off here once again, oh I have such memories and experiences to pull from, I've always felt fortunate that a measure of old time feeling remains here in our protected Farm Lands area. Can't say about the rest of Mass. when you get close to Boston and all the Metroplitian areas it's obvious it's been caught in the whildpool of Materialism, but here, ah the woods are still the woods, I can still walk through them, and caughth that feeling of how innocent, and simple it was, a life form I would prefer. Anyways, great, complete couplets, blending so well to maintain your intent, another very enjoyable and well written submission. Sorry I'm so late with this, but I know I'll reach the end of the month. Hope you are well sitting in breath taking relaxing environoment you so aptly described. Always a pleasure to read you, and comment. Hope all is well Being a Fall Baby this has always been my favorite time of the year, and you certaintain caught all the essence of the season. Pretty soon all the leaves will have fallen, but God is gracious they don't all fall at once, some sooner, some later. Enjoy, relax, and please keep submittine.....Love, Jo2003-10-01 19:27:50
Sole MatesRick BarnesHi Rick, I know like a bad pain bothering you I'm back. Having a somewhat rough time with physical conditions, I havn't been able to reach this poem before now, but here I am now. Listing tell this with the inclusion how you and your boots, skuffed and worn, havn't left many footprints (in the sand so to speak), on this well traveled and experienced road, the comforfort of those boots, and the stories they could tell which you have done so nicely here. It's rhythm is right now, and I love the aspect of those well worn boots, the story you tell here, is joyful to read, and imagine the sights the sounds, the people the places, wonderfully done, with a great deal of humor included, a wonderful legend in its own right. I can't suggest one darn thing but just accept it, the intent maintained, holding the readers attention, becautiful turns in phrasing and well appled. Maybe I can identify easily with how you equate yourself to the boots, and vice versa. So nothing I can suggest, other then to say this is original, great writing, by what we've come to expect, a truly seasoned writer who deserves accolodes...you got it all, included it all, and I know how comfortable those boots feel, even if they are symbolic....great read once again...Best always, Jo Morgan2003-10-01 18:29:09
Straight At ItRick BarnesGreat Rick, this is a philosophy I have lived my life by, it's results in a honorable approack, of tolorance for others, with the diversity of us as people all we can use is this path of fate, realizing the diversity that some times makes the difference in approach, the brains reality is the choices that we live by in a comfortable mindset, knowing that we have never done anything overt to hurt of take adavantage of other, respect for all living breathing beings, with a viewpoint of the beauty that one can see, iff they tahey take the time to see, a great philosophy, it hasn't even gotten me in jeopardy, at 64 the peace and tranquility I experience each day, is proff positive, decisions made along the way are what, oh we may make mistakes, and they are well intented as long as we remember the lesson, and never make those mistakes again, regardless of what arena we are in at whatever point we are in our lives, and it's never to late to go straight at purpose, never selfish, always aware of implication on others. Your dialogue is straight foreward, carries the intent, and you have managed beautifully to capture the internal rhyme, lending to great rhythm in the read. Love it when you post, I can'tuhelp but feel a matual bonding, for everything you've submitted makes one introspective...Great job...Best regards Jo Morgan2003-10-01 18:04:05
Leaping Lizardmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, this is an interesting haiku, usually I don't tinker with anothers effort, but as I read it struck me that the word psychotic does really offer a sensation of what you intendted to be the descriptive for frenzy, too medicinal an application I think, another more active descriptive bringing life to the sensation would probably work better, I know you're aware of count because of the style you choose to write this, I think a world application furious frenzy, end in the same..etc..etc. Just that one work from me, but honestly I really laughed when I read there, too often we live at a maddening pace, expecting it to end somewhere other then when we started. How many times has this lesson be seem all good intentions sometime don't come to fruition, and indeed land right where we started, this is about a lizzard, and yes they do leap, people don't realize just how much they do. In Hawaii I'd look up and see one on the ceiling, and next thing I knew that lizzards leaped down and landed on me, ha ha. Good version Marilyn, a universal application here, about a lizzard for sure, just the transformation into what society does. Good life's lesson, show well, haiiku was a great choice here, and they arn't easy to write, and come out with the 5-7-5 stardard set for haiiku, wouldn't have missed this one for the world, and thought you didf an excellent job in presenting. I racked my brain for an appropriate woerd with the right count to maintain your intent, when it comes to lizzards they are a way of life, and literal bedmates all year round there, and very animated. Enjoyed then until the day I saw my 18 month old, with the tail of the lizzard in his mouth, couldn't get to it before he sollowed it, and certainly was looking foreward to that diaper change, ugh!! Humor all around us, once the incident has passed, I still shutter when I think about it and that was 37 years ago, ha ha. Nice write developing this skill is not easy, especially for the poem to carry such a punch, keep going write more......My best always, Jo Morgan2003-09-29 17:09:53
FALLINGMark D. KilburnHi Mark, being a Fall Baby I couldn't agree more with the first well written stanza. Every time I see one of your submissions I know we're in in for a extra special, upon close acquaintance with the actual sensations, and I don't believe this poem misses a nuanace to Fall creatures (by the way really like the title), even if we don't have first hand sighting of elk, and other creatures mentioned, you bring to us a reality that allows us that sighting we may never see in the wild. Not only all the essences of each creature, but the full sensation of the season is encapsulated in the tapestry of the differt weaves that constitute this seasonal delight. I wasn't wrong after reading it, just sorry that I seem to be behind my efforts of past participation, truthfully though I'm doing what this ailing ole body allows, although the mind is still sharp, physical abilities seem to drag behind. All in all I wouldn't even suggest suggest anything, but then nothing strikes me as needing to be fixed. Exciting, and really feeling that chill, don't mind the fall the winter though that's a completely different story, won't have the freedom of using my scooter which will dampen much. Keep writing, havn't failed to excitey sensen, or to make these visualization so real to me. Best regards always, Jo Morgan2003-09-25 12:47:08
God is in His GloryClaire H. CurrierOh, how true Claire. You see I've my own personal Angel sitting on my right shoulder these past 64 years, and I've realized, and have for ever so long, all of Gods creatures from the most minute to the largest is exactly Gods Angels. I love this ledgend, and how you present it, even introducing Mr. Moose, for isn't what the beauty in creation is, from the rising, to the settle sun, and the belief in the creator. You worded this ledgend to touch the soul, most ready like a tale, but you interwove a wonderful semclence of prayer, and belief, for it's when we don't believe with our whole heart we struggle so badly, the peace is stripped for the soul. A wonderfully told tale to me Claire, but then I understand there are those that totally believe, and put their trust and faith in He that created us, each living animal, each sunset, each sun rise, and resting quietly and putting you faith in, is the salvalion. I like it, ordinarilly I don't usually comment on poems like this, but this is adorable, and very heart warming, and I know it came from your heart...Amen. I know it's my Angels and creator that said, not yet Joanne, not yet, there is more for you to do. Best regards always, God Bless, and keep writing, Jo Morgan2003-09-24 18:15:36
japanese verse 25 (Dawn)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoHi Erzahl, Another and another pours from you fervent mind, regardless of suggestions given, your skill in the art of haiku, knows no peer. Each time you create a mood for the reader, in the brevity and use of linguists you create perfect pictures. Of course once again you use the right sylable count, but it what you do with that count and style that is amazing to me. No only do you capture the mood, you bring the reader into this beautiful framework of presentation. I could go on and on as to the skill you display, but I swear Erzahl you improve on a near prefection, which more then demonstrates your understanding of the style, the projection, and maintaining the intent. I don't know how many times I've experienced what you have written in my 64 years of life, but you captured the exact essence of all the sensation, and the poem creates a warm glow, you know that glow that places you in the beauty of the Creators universe, for when the sun rises in the East if fortunate enough to see the infused glow of the sun spreading, wiping out shadows to eventually proclain the warm and intent of comfort in the soul. Maybe I wane unpoetically, but honestly you're a pleasure to read, and each time you post I know I will read and cvomment..beautiful, comforting and deeply appreciated on the drab, overcast, rainey day, for I know rain is a cleansing and again and again the creator will once again allow this picture to calm troubled hearts, wonderful. (I realize you used caps, in natural poems the Japanese didn't you know, everything we read in translation is lower case, so I'll assume that's your preference in presents, either way a georgious poem.) My best as always, Jo Morgan2003-09-23 13:41:12
Between the Wind and the Song of Calling GeeseJoanne M UppendahlThe sembelance of what you are calling on, is the measure of what all look, peace and tranquilty. You use earthy reminders, but for the Lunar pull that directs the couse of our existence, the peace is in the quiet belif and acknowledgement of our Creator, for ultimately we all look, and understand there is only one ending for us, and he gives us the grace while we as simple mortal being, looking to universal meaning, and know we are only a speck in the shadow of time, but many look to the grace of the creator, for only he gives us peace, where we look upon all that surrounds us. Love your choice to hit the emotional level in this poem.. Somehow it humanizes just how fragile we are, and in looking to all of creator, and allowing uur selves to blend with the beauty and tranqulity of his creation, do we gain that measure of peace. Easily I transpose myself in the wonderful artic display of all the siction, there is some very pure in this poem, and it breaks comfort to the reader, at least this one, who is experiencing, but enjoying all the simple things that surround us. I dribble and I drabble here, but to me it speaks of that last envisioning before our demise, right now I'm failing badly, and this poem gives me peace and comfort. Amen Joanne, my mortality is limited now, and I'm not frightened, as I look at the clouds floating so majestically, and see the good of creation, I'm just so glad I was a tiny speck in the shaow of time. Others may glean completely differnt sensations from this poem, but my admiration that you have the insight and skill has open vistas always there, but finally recognized. The creator regardless of doctine and belief is when our love is, for he forgives, as long as we do not compound mistakes, but learn for them, then we can see the sundowns the sunset, all the beautiful lifeforms and we understand peace. It's marvelous. No real critique but a reflective quality given as to how your poetry affects me. Love ya, be well, and know you're a differnce in peoples lives...Love, Jo 2003-09-22 17:59:22
Brushed By DeathDebbie SpicerHi Debbie, how enphatic this poem is, "Brush with death", frightening, to floow the gist of your intent, you have capture the full essence of the experience, and in all ways a universal sensation of how it seems we're lost to relatiy, alone really with thoughts unconnected, yet making fll sense to you (all) who have had the experience of a close death. Wonderfully written, but I nary had a doubt, you were ready to write this poem, it's like the awareness of what actually hold value, those that surround, offering their strength, all one has to go is grab ahold, I really like how the thread of survival is described, for no matter, how bad the fight, God wills us on, he in quiet tones, tells us, now is not the time, to grab ahold, to turn ones face to the sun (another of his creations, it's almost as if we really have to unconciously fight, yet proclaim the will to live. I know the sun is the giver of life, all we do is continually reach for it, acknowling the Creator has determined we fight this fight, and you did. Tired, painful, out of it, yet we do reach for the sun. See I told you, no doubt in my mind, you would be very poetic, and organize, and present all these sensations so well, that's why I told you to post the poem, I had no doubt it would be well written, another extension of the healing process. You never cease to amze me, the heights you have scaled, the burdens you so carefully designate to their right place. He wants you, along with loving family and friends to reach for the sun. You make me proud to read this, and be included as a fiend, who loves and cares, and prays you will find total peace and tranquility, placing what would seem insurmountable odd, learn, and go on. You deserve the accolades, you met the devil, and beat him. Amen Love, now remember to write this deep inner respective, seeing in down in black a white, is truly a part of the total healing process. You know I care, I'm proud of you, you're quite a woman. Love you, always, Jo 2003-09-22 15:54:06
The WallMell W. MorrisHi, you had me going around with this one, to me it's the most concret poem you've written that I've seen, but I think I understand your use of so much metaphor, you never do really say what caused the hurt so grevious, a break, a death, some kind of falling out. To me the use of friable. refracting seem to strongly indicate how the woman listen to all the advice, some worthy, some not so helpful, yet it offered her a comfort zone, a networking so important when an ending has happened, in your usage of adjectives, and verbs, all descriptive of ones immediate world breaking up over the relationship thats ended, but I also get the strong sensation of the usage of this particulatr title, The Wall, affected, and crumbling, distorted from your use of refracting, all the segemts are there, but she is strong, and will gather herself, and the wall won't fall, her character to me is preseneted very strong in your choice of projection. I really don't know who the dedication is to, but I feel a great deal of admiration, for her ultimate spirit and spunk. Oh yes, memories will remain, and it might be that a strong association of what the relationship meant may effect her in the future, but she is strong, she's shown she has gumption, and the willpower to show her strength. We all learn from circumstances all of us have dealth with and if anything that networking helps so much, to know that others are affected by the hurt one is experiencing. Quite a poem Mell, and maybe I understood it, and maybe I didn't, but I sure admire your word use, expecially using the word refracting, the only time with regularity has been in conjunction with all the great telescopes, that use multiple lens to create one solid image, when the hurt is grevious I know it feels like shards break apart and create a distortion, yet I know there are those that would identify with the word refracting, it's almost how the familar world throughn heart, and mind would affect a romantic woman, but once gathering all the loose components together rhyme and reason return to a romantic woman also, and she does go on, a few more scars for sure, but women can and do go on. It's neat writing actually, and if this poem had been written by anyone other then you, I would have bypassed it, but I know you always present intent in cunning ways, and you make us find the reasoning behind the word usage, to me it's all sensation as to how it really way. Smooth, like a well written piece, even using the cosmos in regard to refracting, all very descriptive. If I've read it wrong I expect you to be completely honest and open in your response as to what I missed, ok? Love, always, Jo2003-09-20 18:02:28
Splendor in the Pages of a BookJoanne M UppendahlAh shucks, here I thought my Grand Pepere was the only one to have this similar effect on me. How wonderful it was his voice surmising what the future would hold, going to the moon, a box that would play pictures, unnamed for it was even in my teenage future. His radio, keeping him uinformed, he in turn talking to me, none of this lessons were lost on me, your Granddad giving you that first dictionary, opening up a whole new world, always something new to discover, and maybe it was the most opulate edition this was, but it was your passport to coming to a broad based understanding, that words, all have their point of origin, incorporated into the language called english. So alive, it made a wide vista of what it all meant, it gave insight, and understanding, and the basis to become the writer you have become, and still the application is worked on, oh the knowledge is there, but it's how we formulate that language, the arrangement of words that allow the deep seat expression that wants to bubble out. I think Granddad had great foresight, and he showed the path you would follow, to self satisfaction, allowing you to share those deep inner sensations, in the best possible cascade of emotion and sensation. Joanne, this isn't a difficult poem to identfy with, what I like about the intent is that it has a child-like quality that shifts into mature projection. It is elegant in it's simplicity, that alone shows the skill of the writer, to share a personal part of her life, and the role this man fulfilled. Do you suppose he looking down, with a smile on his lips, shaking his head, and mumuring, she got it, she really did. I think so, for there are Angels who have guided us since childhood, and still provide a mantle of protection, regardless of how old we become. I love sharing this thumb nail scetch of a man with great foresight, who provided that beginning tool, that started you on the path to becoming, one of the most talents, engaging poets this site has, the skill level is so obvious, and I would be the last person to suggest any changes, you have told a great story using the tools of a poem, the balance, and cadence, the style, and the intent is all there. Hooray, another wonderful submission. You write of subject dear to my hear, my Grandpepere, made me more aware of the world I was to live itm, and he even had a grand eye to the future (back then some people thought talking like he did waas strange, but somehow he knew, he was a forerunner of what was to come, and the irony he was a farmer, eventually worked in an Arrow Factory as one of the first Desiel Engineers, there were hidden talents there, and he know, so did your Granddad, he did you a tremendous favor, and provided a most wonderful gift...Good going very personal, and entertaining, with that life message, many helped us in the past, sometimes we have a tendency to forget them with the passing of time, but they truly did start us on our way....Love always, Jo2003-09-20 02:11:29
UntitledAndrea M. TaylorHi Andrea, Straight foreward haiku, your theme is animal (nature) related. Just a little suggestion usually in haiku, there isn't any capitalization used, just in case you would like to strive toward the more traditional Japanese written style. Not a distraction for this reader though. Enjoyable formation, and choice of dialogue, to most aptly describe that ardious, underlating walk, that seems to take foreever. I guess the jusposition for humankind would be, that same sort of descriptive, wondering just how long is this process going to take, especially when considers the im[patience of humankind. Easily pictured, I can recall as a child during summers, spying these creatures, fancanated by them. Latying there with the whole summer to go, the sun beating against naked skin, and watching, and wondering what exactly it must feel like to be this form of life. Yes many times these creatures were found walking on the grape leaves that surrounded the pretty untamed land that surrounded our house by the pond. Long hours wondering. Your wording, more captures the gelight, the count, using limed descriptives, carries the correct count. A new talent being born right before our eyes, for this type type of peotry takes a lot of discipline to conquer the skill. Guess some have it, and some of us never will. No question you do. Hope you got the e-mail, let me know if you didn't, ok. Best always, Jo Morgan2003-09-17 16:24:01
Sweet, Sweet MusicMell W. MorrisYes, yes, yes, all factual, love the way you captured the sensation with your fine tuning of words, highlighting by fact, which is recorded for all who take in the full essence of what surrounds, us and envisioning all the possibilities, that are actually factual if one allows themself to hear the music that springs, from life eternal, it surrounds us all we have to do is listen, it's in the soul before it's in the mind, all we have to do is listen, and partake all of Gods creation, we humans, have just built on what was here long before we were. If one has seen the coasts, the highlands, listen to the breeze as it sings through all the flora, funa, and mineral deposits created, by wind, by water, by time. Drum beats duplicated the raw power, but the singing and gentleness of the earth was always here, for the Creator had the mind to create the raw beauty, so that we in the measurement of man, established by the Greeks many years ago, have utilized. Yes those stones that cave men derived in an instrument of beauty does exist, the raw tones of melodic instruments derived from all of eath that sounds us. In Gods creation he gave us the power to see this beauty, to enjoy, to comprise new sounds, built upon all the time that precedes the current time we live in, and yet just think of the possibilities still to come, for with the mind we can continue to build upon all the arts, it's not static, by no means, top tapping has been the call, and it will continue, for it is in the soul. Mell I love the way you combined so many elements in this composition, which catches all the elements of musical beats. Ever been to the Coast line in Hawaii, the revages of the wild sea, has left craves, and hollowed out rocks, that still sing for those that have the ear to listen, as deep caves do, as inlets of water have created, mankind took what God created, and built upon it, duplicating, and creating all the facets music has gone through. The Humanaties (A College Course offered, is a great teacher of this reality), without Gods creation? Ah, that's the biggest question. I do love how they captured Ants singing, no doubt their rhythm, their beat, their Language, and how about the sound of leaves, and arie currents passing through the trees, or around the flatland, the moutains, music surrounds us, all we have to do is listen. Great joj Friend/Girl you've outdone yourself with this one, for it has it's beat, and has been a treat, to see this fantastic feat, of composition......Love and Good luck (you make it difficult for me every month you submit multiple submissions....Best always, Jo2003-09-17 04:52:10
When Small Frogs Seem to DisappearJoanne M UppendahlHow jaunty this is written Joanne, I've reread it a number of times, and that humor of presenting is still strong etched in this brain. I love the introduction, with the dramatic (bink), I would have done exactly the same thing, and wondered out loud (to the frog), and just how did you manage to be here sitting on my neatly folded towel. How many times have I gently taken part of the snimqal life that surrounds us, and gently placed him out doors also, but I love the fantasy phrasing of the prince, this is pure humor, and got a big chuckled out of me. Then the lesson, Little Green grogs come when the season is right, then hibernate until the season changes again. So you have managed to include much in this charming ditty, and quite strongly pointed out that Autumn, means hibernation through the winter (alittle taste of the reality of seasonal change), so this is really multifaceted, and really warms the cockles of my heart. Another great example of how your writing has grown, how wide the expanse of your topics, and a great way of projecting. When I read the poem, I thought about the pigeon who flew through my screenless window (I live on the third floor), he walk through the living room where he entered, stopped and seemed drawn by the TV screen, then continued around through the kitcen coming the full cyle of the layout of the arartment. Now it was important to me that he exit safely, so I shooed him back to the open wundow, at which point he did fly to the winow sill, but refused to exit, and he needed the safety of his rooftop, so taking a soft cotten cloth I was able to capture him between my two hand, as I ben out I released the cloth and gently threw him into the air, safely gone, once again safe in his family and circle of friend. The irony the screen has been replaced on the window, but he now flies to the outside window sill, and sits there and cooes at me, guess he considers me a friend who'll luisten, it's quite lovely to him him sernade me, and I feel special indeed. Yerars ago in Florida I took the children outself after a summer down por, and Joanne there were thousand of tree frogs all over the paved road the sidewalk, the sides of the house, I had never seen anything like that before, you couldn't evn take a step out of fear you would squash one. Guess that rainclose was just waaiting full of tree frod eggs that had matured, it was quite amazing (of course I didn't have a loaded camera to get pictures), I have never forgotten that experience, shortly after the moisture dissipated all the tree frogs had disappeared, strange things all in the rehlm of unbelieveable, but they happened, from that day on I had a read high regard for Mother Nauure..Amazing!! I digressed, anyway once again a joyous poem to take in all the flavors, very entertaining, and a real artistic humorous submission. My best aways, keep up writing, and I'll keep reading, putting my two cents worth in, Love always, Jo2003-09-15 00:26:10
Shadow of GreatnessMark D. KilburnHello Mark, like many I too thought of all the heroic deeds completeted to the best of each individual abilities. At first I thought of all the innocent humans, including children and babies, who never even got a chance st life, to be sacrificed by men who have no regard in the beauty of life, but as soley bent on sacrificing themselves in the light of upholding a releigion, that's interperted to me, no regard for life, their idea of weishop is so foriegn to Western concepts, the Romans willinging sacrificed innocent human beings trying to purge a religion, Hitler and his minons also tried to whip of a segment as sacrifical, what?, for what purpose, did all these men think they could suceed, do these men think that we'll be defeated, by their intimidation, and scare tactics, the terrorism, the willness to sacrifice other the gain their goal. It's all doomed for them, for the creator, regardless of religious dogma is only one creator for all of mankind, and he cries tears for us that with all the tools he provided human kind with is being aborted by so far. Will it end, yes, eventually, but there will be many dead innocents, along with these so called worriors who are willing to die, for a convulted belief. As long as there is one brave fireman, policeman, or the oridnary man/woman this uninvited war of terrorism will be battled, by man/women being the brave deeds already established by every being who has done the right thing, giving up their lives to do the right thing, but the irony these people continue to do the right thing, and they should never, never be forgotten, the way of the world has changed, there arn't any barriers to protect a given country, and we all better understand, that tolorance and understanding, and respect is the way to go, not take out the sword and threaten. War in whatever form will be fought in all times, those of the past and the future to come. As long as we have those hores to set an example there is hope for civilization. Yes, they run into burning buildings that can collasp at any time, but they still do it, that's the goodness of mankind, they provide the example of being a true compassionate, caring human being, willing to face dire odd they still go. What better example of goodness in behalf of other humans. I won't even speak to the pledges they take to perform a duty, because in spite of that oath, they go, for the love of people, those they might help. We lost 334 firfighters and emergency personal in the Worl Trade Center, and 3,000 toral human lives in all the plane eposides on September 11, all bave courageous people, and I will never forget, and the mental images that flood my senses has been difficuklt to deal with, the babies, and very young children, and Moms and Dads, sister and brothers, cousin, friends who shared a horrible fate, all heroes, but we know and understand their abject fright, knowing those plans were bombs and they would die, so unfair, so cruel and selfish, my mind whirls thinking about the fright all felt when their worls caved in on them, deliberate, cruel, un human acts of mankind, did they really become martyers? I don't know, God is an forgiving God, but what they did was no different then all cruel, inhumane acts against mankind, that are even happing in world today. Of yes, the world has chasnged, and the shame one has to procure a weapon to protect themselves from inhuman acts. The poem so fitting, and well laid out, and speaks the complete intention, the kind of poem that makes the reader resee many issues, most of all for me, you relate the sadness of it all, yet pay homage to all the heroes. Another great submission. To be able to take so many topics and write with a clarity, that bonds all our feeling, in a rush of rememberance, now that takes a skilled writer, you are that writer. Best regards, Jo Morgan2003-09-12 12:41:04
Echoes From The SeaMell W. MorrisHow melodic can words sing, this is an Irish toned poem for sure. I can picture, the craggy rock stren coast, picure the waves of the North Alantic waves breasting those rocks, smell the moss covering the rocks, crush by bodies who preceded you. I'm there, I meld right into this poem, the essence of sensation flow, and I feel the Irish lSeal mist, with free swimming seals, capable of swimming freely, and the concept for me ring true, but then you know how I feel about our energy flow leaving our bodies, yet it's purpose is the universal cosmos, blending back into the energy mass, so the myth rings more vibrantly in the sensations some feel. When I read poetry, my preference is to share and feel every sensation, throse alluded to but deep beyond the simply phrases. That's just me I guess, trying to be in tune with those forces I'm a part of. I don't take anything for granted, and I look for discovery to true sensation, and this poem has all the qualities of a well written poem, that should automatically affect the senses of true poety lovers, those that enjoy the mythical, yet are one on one with the cosmos, and we know the tides and water dominate our senses, this poem is full of sensation, of course the style, the descritives are placed with care, and notes on a music sheet. Once again you accomplish the feeling of living the myth, of being there with all the sounds, and smells and visualization of the seals, which to me is one beautiful Irish myth. Perfectly enjoyable, and even tyoing this with one eye closed affords me the opportunity of focusing on the actual wording, I would have critiqued it at any cost. I have an eye appointment on the 30th, so maybe the Surgeon will afford me the chance to see everything with clatrity once again, for right now it's very difficult to read and respnd. I could never deny my Friend/Girl a response. It's always a pleasure, and I won;t be foretting this poem, it's beautiful, full of ambiance, the intent maintained, the format great, but then hey, what do I know, just think I love it, and would respond at any cost, only total blinness might put a dent in my ability, but I could always get someone to trype my words, I believe I could dictate all the sensations I feel. Yes friend/girl I deal with the possibility of bliness, my Mother went blind about my age. and being blue eyed doesn't make my eyes the dominant color. We'll know on the 30th of the Month, say a prayer, I do want to see properly again. My love friend/girl you have turned out to be one great poet, thanks to Shamus, what a guide, and I'm glad you introduced him to me......Good Luck, Love Jo2003-09-10 17:11:08
Lies and VicesMark D. KilburnWow Mark, what a strong statement (the truth be told) in poetic fashion combined with great sequence, and pretty measured cadence. Most I'm taken with the message, if it's written from a personal experience, it's a horrif way to have to live, you point out the money to be made, but money that isn't saved but rotated back in the drug culture. I don't believe I've ever read a poem so pointly honest, your truth are apparent. Yes, Uncle Sam slams this insideous habit, drugs do kill when used improperly, but so to does the Alcohol, I believe more insideous then drugs, for it is a liesure time activity, enjoyed and abused by many, when they get behind the wheel, so out and kill innocent victims, and is the punishment so great for what is classified as a manslaughter charge, for these people to be slapped on the wrist and allowed the freedom of society, where it goes overboard, the punishment for growing weed, throw them in jail, in some cases to serve outlandish unfair punishment. Hard drugs on the other hand are more threating, for they are used as liesure drugs, and many people suffer death because these drugs control their existence. In a way it affords the opportunity, the same as hiding and avoidance, and once it controls in puts many in jeopardy. Pot on the other hand would afford relief to many in abject pain, where as the acceptable is the drugs by the medical community, where as smoking a joint affords a relief much prefered I belief, but it's denied the War on drugs you know. We are so screqwed up in society, the people in charge misise their power to seek their aims, not in the mode of what the public may need to here. They use our money, yet take money from lobbyist, that literally screws the public. Yes, you poem speaks the truth, but we'll never be afforded, the intent of whats good for the public, we live in a convoluted conception society, ruled, rather then ruling, for many times the will of the people is thrown aside to favor some political whim, it's really a system that needs to look at the truth, but how can people know whn they adsorb being constantly lied to, and fed bunk. I better get away from this it's making me angry, and my rethoric may just come through, for I do believe we've been lied to for so long, the public believes the lies now, convoluted it really is. Anyway, the poem speaks the truth, from a first person point of view, and it's presentation is excellent, it'sa strong state, worthy of merit, I appreciate this opportunity to comment. I guess a part of Hippy outspokeness remains in these old old bones. I do think this is a great submission, enjoy to read and partake it. Great rhyming sequences Mark, that's for sure, My best always, Jo Morgan2003-09-10 16:38:47
Little Manmarilyn terwillegerMy Gosh, I've fallen in love with Caden, and I havn't ever seen him, but from the wee man to the eyes of violet your descriptives wrenched at my heart, it brought me back to the Birth of my Granddaugter Vivienne, she to fitas that descriptive, right to the violet eyes, apparent right at bith and still as fluid as gold, she stops grown me with that angekic face, and you know God has something very special for her, so your boy would melt my heart, and I envy your placement as his Great Grandmother, how terrific for you Marilyn, I've only reached Grandmother, my oldest Grandchild be eighteen, may Jonathan will give that illusterious distinction of Great Grandman soon, at least once he's finished college and settled down to familyhood. I can;t tell you how glorious it must be seeing that second generation to you being born, and what it must me to all the family members. Wonderfuly articulated poem to Caden, a touch of Irish sentiment seems to seep through your descruiptive of the wee one, and being part Irish, and Indian blood I love the reference to shasrman, the poem wonderfully covers your genealogical tree, and that's a wonderful legacy. Love it Marily an very well poem, that brings a rusg of sentiment to this old woman. My Granddaughters will be spending the weekend of my Birthday week with me, and I'm so excited, every time they come and spend quality time, all the girls have my eyes, which people always comment on, but Vivienne's eyes ate a standout, a legacy she will have forever, and maybe pass on which would thrill me no end. My legacy, my Grandchildren, so for me a very significant poem with all the qualities of love...Beautiful, My love always, Jo2003-09-10 10:34:52
Lunar SpoofsJoanne M UppendahlAdorably phrased, each type of moon, significant of changes, not only in season, but human participation. I do believe you just managed to convey the full senses of how things change with the different season, the pull of the different moon on the movement of of the tides, that compell human charactistics to blend and move with the surges, the differences the moon place on human being, which are comprised of a great deal of water. Oh how closely, if we realized the effects the plants excercvise on us. Beautifully presented, allowing the feeling to come to the forefront of all the moons faces. Love it of course, anything cosmics you write of excites my senses. You never fail to get me in deep thoughts, this poem well constructed, laid out in defined patterns, does bring me to look at the moon during all these phases and become mesmerized by the strength and beauty of the cosmos, I can't blindly just accept the moon as just being there, all the moons bring thoughts to what preceded us, and understand it's always affected, pur moods, our health, and affords us strength, though a dead plant it excercises the life we experience. There I go again,m but I can't help but relate and write back how your poems affect my senses, this one does, and it's a joy to join in and read...because I'm always aware of the moon, and spend a lot of night hours wondering, as I see it in the sky, it certainly makes this reader think,My best always Joanne, Love, Jo2003-09-10 10:15:06
The Lethal LetterErzahl Leo M. EspinoOh Erzahl, yes you convey very distinct charactistics in this poem, it's eerie in its projection, your theme is wonderfully strong, intentions of human falacy taken to a point of no return, that set us all on a differnt path of awareness. No fear, just wondering to what extreme we will face, from this faceless threat the seems to hang over our heads, like a pall of death ready to strike at any time. Makes me wonder how giving up your life circimvents the goodness and compassion God instilled in everyone as babes, regardless of religious belief, honestly their concept is beyond me, I understand the cultural pull, the belief that certain groups live a religious belief, but to sacrifice the human compassion born in all of us, I can't believe God intends for people to be sacrificed. The concept is beyond my understanding, where as, holding out the hand in friendship, trying to be tolorant, wow, beyond my Western concept. Your poems raised all this feeling in me, it is dark and foreboding, and very eerie, but very effective in its layout, use of descriptive, and intention, at least that my perception drawn from this poem. Heavy, heavy, heavy../.... My best as always, my preference is for lighter poetry, regardless of style, but I have to admit this poem is highly effective, just hope I don't have nightmares tonight, ha ha. Hey focusing my eyes to reader is really difficult, so I doing this one eyed, if there are typos, and there will be, I apologize...Best Jo Morgan2003-09-10 09:45:02
SilhouetteAndrea M. TaylorLReally like the "Gnarly" descriptive of the first line, automatically brings to mind, aged, a tree that has withstood all the trials and ravements of weathering storm, which is upheld in the second line, stating the intention of thought, which we know leads to wisdom by experiences, as can be applied to humans also, so I find the thought profound, allowing the reader to think about what it takes in the process of aging. Very nice haiku. Hi Andrea, nice haiku, Western style, meets the count, nice use of descriptives, upholding your intent. Glad to see the resubmission, gives me a chance this time to comment, although I have to try and type with one ey closed, really having trouble focusing on the lines as I read, but this haiku being short makes it easier on the old cockeyed eyes, ha ha. Keep it up, you have the measure pat, and have the right to post two a day, if you can afford it, it would seem to get to be a bit expensive though. The sicussion is past now, you know and understand, we all learn every day Andrea, and even though you, or I may think something is just fine, it may not have the appeal for everyone, sp sometimes what others suggest gives us the opportunity to see it from a differnt angle, I always take to heart the suggestions made, and visual their concept, and lots of times it makes darn good sense. Part of the understanding process, we all learn every day, regardless of how old we get, we have to be open to learning. Even Masters worked at perfection, and took to heart what the general concensious was. We just learn, thats all one has to go accept the recommendations and see if they apply. We leave in a varied world when things affect some differently, but we have to respect that they are just tryibng to help. I think you understand that concept, and that's good. You keep reaching girl those sunbeams are there for you also...My best regards, affectionately, Jo Morgan2003-09-10 09:16:06
japanese verse 24 (Old Age)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoHi Erzahl, Oh, this is the simple truth, when young we think we know, we sound as if we know, but by the time you reach sixty-four, then the truth is told, we really know. I love it of course, much has been written about aging, this haiku in the aret well founded, speaks the simple truth. There really isn't anything left to doubt, in the end the attractiveness may fade, but look at the eyes of people aging, in those eyes you still see the attractiveness, and understand, now they know. Oh when a youth we feel we know, the tinge of knowing is there, in preperation of that time to come, when one truly knows. Wonderful haiku, most enjoyed, and a prode and sense of value in your words, gratefully acknowledged.... My best always, form, intent, presentation, and dialogue artfully applied, nothing I can suggest, other then to say, I chuckled to myself, that finally someone stated the simple truth, in great form...Lovely....Jo Morgan2003-09-10 08:46:55
GracedAndrea M. TaylorHi There, after you're eposide of hurt I just want to say, haiku was the first poetry I fell in love with, in the traditional sense the Japanese took poetry to a level of unbelievable heights, but in this time frame I always have a deep regard for Western style haiku, as you've captured in such a magfificent way here, and automatically I realized from your word selection the intent of this haiku, for me making wonderful heartfelt feelings, for you realize that many of us saw only a poet stating her feeling and emotions, a new member writing with deep feeling and sentiment, using this art form for total expression. I saw nothing improper in your venture onto this site, and if I had been able I would have surely critiqued your previous entries, I think you understand that I was deeply moved by your e-mail, and felt pang of guilt that that I uable to respond, may I take this opportunity and say Thank you, you are wonderfully kind, and your message was gratefully received. I was remiss in no response. I love reading the new membership, and when individuals write with such a consuming desire I believe I understand the need, and I would always advocate and say to them, write, and write, and write somemore. It's only in the experience that we hone a skill, and one see a smoothness develope, and in depth reader automatically understand the drive, alwaus admirable. Just think if you can produce a style, difficult to achieve as haiku, where ultimately the skill will be always georgious, and the writer will be known as having a skill that sipercedes the ability of most. So you write, and continue to produce gems like this, and I promise to be more productive in response. As I used to be, just that now I have so many personal limitations. You keep going, a express what you need to, and I fully expect to see an accomplished, polished writer evole...Honestly!! My best regards and I'm relieved to see this submissions, a treat to behold. Jo Morgan2003-09-09 09:42:46
Crucible Of The TowersPaul R LindenmeyerTotal recall Paul, and very nice to see it posted once again. I remember your first version, and ultimate choice from the bottom up. Once again this poem has an identy of it's own, it belongs to those who fought this fight, many giving up their lives, but also high admiration for those that have replaced them, from the small town to the big city fireman/woman, they do place themselves in jeopardy, from the bottom up, they climb those stairs not knowing what awaits to face not only open flame, but torrid gases emitted from substances now used in manufactured goods, too nunmerous to even list, to possible collasp walls and ceilings, and roofs, going about and doing their duty, to me the bravest of the brave. This poem hasn't lost strength of time diminishing it's value of rememberance. I once again have to say I consider this poem, a wonderful tribute, and instantly I recognized it, and automatically said, how fitting you post it once again. Wonderful line of thought, done in a unique style, replicating a stairwell leading up, up, and in some cases the stairway into heavens paradise. Thanks Paul, probably the one poem that strikes a cord of rememberance in me, where a rush of emotion concerning that dire day, in lives of every citizen of the civilized world. Best regards, just had to comment once again, but I did recognize it instantly, it's a breathing rememberance..Jo Morgan2003-09-09 03:31:39
japanese verse 22 (Water Lilies)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoHi Erzahl, havn't a clue as to what your other critiques may say about the submission. I will say in one word Marvelious, and Magnificent!! How much clarity does one need to partake in a haiku that contains all the element, to so vividly bring to my mind the lieetle pong, with the lilies floated so serenly, with the dezines of that pond sitting on their surface, croaking to welcome possible mates, with shats of moonlight breaking apart on the surface caused by fine ripples as the frogs actively jump lily pads. Wonderful, each line says a mutitude of sensation, and vividly allows the reader to become fully enrossed in you descriptive usage. Love it, another great example of a craft difficult to conquer. Yet I'll bet you the poet, are satisfied, but as you reread it, it may strike you senses for more examples of your wonderful haiku style. Congratulation, and I'm still mesmerized by the poem, remember that little pond in the wood, by my childhood home. Good luck this month, but then you don't need luck, you have the skill...Jo Morgan2003-09-01 11:49:03
Home Townmarilyn terwillegerHi Marilyn, I can't begin to tell you what a honest rendering of a small town, it's simplicity, it's comfort and it's innoncence lay in the meaning of all the emotions this poems recalls for me, not so small now, and a lot more wordly these days, but as a youngester, the realize all this sights, and values, and innoncence, and it didn't sway or really change until my Uncle and his friends returned from the War, shot up, and now disababled with the rest of their lives to live. You recounting of this young man fate, is too touching to even comment on, all I can say is He went home, to capture the values the innoncence and to once again fish in the fishing hole, and God Bless him, it's a sad poem to relate to, and you the story in poetic form with a clarity the easily I recapture all the sensations of a time, and I wish many times we had never left there, but as the way of life, we did, but he remains in his santuary, in peace and tranquility. That's what this poem articulates so very well, enjoyed to partake in a poem so well written, yet so very sad. God Luck this month, and keep writing I throughly enjoy all you submissions even though my critiquing has slide, due to many different life influences, but this was an enjoyanle and well written encounter, very human touch to these words, as told from the heart....Best always, Love Jo Morgan2003-08-31 16:27:02
Each Morning I Begin AgainJoanne M UppendahlI remember the original Joanne, you've managed ever so nice to maintain the full meaning of your intentent, carry over all the sensations, and with brevity create a complete poem once again, in a way this shortened version I've really enjoyed, for as you know I write everything in poetry with brevity and complete meaning ( (I hope), and you've managed very nicely in this challenge poem to do that in excellent manner...Love Ya, Jo2003-08-31 14:00:31
japanese verse 21 (Prayer)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoHi Ezahl, you know the allagiation of plagerism was not possible, and you stated what you had to, and that's good. None of us ever thought the claim was valid, for you write with a purity of heart, and are truly a Gentleman Poet. Enough said, people usually don't have facts to back what they say up, and this person is a jerk, and in this world are many jerks. No name listed, did this person think his claim would be accepted. I think not, so they hid behind the anonmyus handle. You do write with a purity and this haiku I will consider Western style, the count is tradition reqire for correct count, and it is measured and flows your wonderful intention. Foe indeed we all await the manna, and heaven is the ultimate goal, Manna could apply to just heavenly food, but it also can mean the goodness of heart, and two hands together in prayer, shows the belief. It's a calming poem, and easily conveys what so many artists capture in their paintins of the trul believe in the creator, and peace and tranquily can be reached in supplation of that belief, your poem more then captures that for me. It's a poem to be remembered for the purity of thoughts, yours. You never fail to capture a reader, and you are indeed a haiku poet, congratulation on another wonderful entry. Best regard, and descrimination may reign in some people, but never, never in mine. I think your participation here has been nothing but a plus, so you keep writing and creating sensation, you are a Master at it. Jo Morgan2003-08-26 14:25:23
Soul MateMell W. MorrisHi Friend/Girl, Gee the first stanza is something I can identify with, being with, yet the feeling of being alone, no more warmth, spontaniously wrapped around you. Wow, I'm breathless with how this stanza screams of a pain that not many can truly identify with. Surely hope the second stanza doesn't apply to me, if it does I apoligize, this message is very strong and clear. In all it's a painful reminder of how all this feels, and sometimes I think about becoming a recluse, but thank goodness I see the inane thought process, and know the only one it truly hurts is me, besides you're the poetry such as this, and many other acts the surrgate to what is missing. So with this reader, your descriptive dialogue rings true. Now I,m just relating how your words affected me, so don't feel it's a slap, I'm responding because of the poems beautify clarity in projecting the human element, it's strong intention comes through loud and clear. Then I'm never disappointed when I read you're art, many times it re-grounds me, and that's good, so effective you are, plus you make me use my knowledge of vocabulary that sadly, at times I find boring, the people, their complaints, and feeling sorry for themselves. Once again I enjoyed this encounter, and love the fact I can respond one on one. Marvelous presentation, of what constitues human emotions. They are so accurately descriped in your wonderful diction, and use of meaningful words. Wonderful....Love always, Jo2003-08-24 01:05:26
An Immodest RequestRick BarnesGee Rick this is a HOT poem, enjoyable to share in, the emotional level of the itent is supreme. Your format is great, it reads like a gem, and flows wonderfully from line to line, the quatraine format you use is excellent. It is the smoothness of the read, and the wonderful rhyming you achieve with your projection. I love it, yet there is a certain heartfelt yearning, whe of mysetery of wishes. What a grand sensation you create with your choice of projection, and linguist skill. Lovely, simply lovely, and to me it read all the reuirement of poetry, and your use of quatrains, with brevity of meaning contained in your dialogue is wonderful. Congratulation on a wonderful write, it surely has to be enjoyed by everyone who reads it. My Best wishes always, there's a certain positive effect in your words, that's beyond my limited capabi;ities. Boy did I enjoy this reads. Always Jo Morgan2003-08-14 20:54:25
Wingsmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn this is great, a different style of topic, and a lovely poem (almost a prayer), the wings symbolic of the courage and strenth it takes to cope, but you know what, this prayer beseeching Gods help is very significate of the role he plays, for he is always with us, and he does help, oh I know this personally, but the poem more that beautifully speaks your soul, and it's really universal for it abitity to keep ones interest, but also to recongiz3e there are always challenges in life, and befief, true belif always sustaines. I really love the langue you presented here, it's truly poetry, with a very human message, the format is great, and the title is wonderful. Congratulations on your Grandchild, your legecy you know for without you to have children there wouldn't be any Grandchild. It's a wonful poem, throughly enjoyable, it has a clean, crisp sensation catured in the dialogue. Great job, a wonderful submission once again. Love, Jo Morgan2003-08-14 11:47:47
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