Thomas H. Smihula's E-Mail Address: tsmihula@sbcglobal.net
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Have four great children, three special grandchild one born 5/24/96, another 7/11/03, and the last 9/10/04. Moved to a new home in December 2002 and getting back to poetry. Time isn't on my side, for there never is enough of it.

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Displaying Critiques 314 to 362 out of 362 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Thomas H. SmihulaCritique Date
Life at "Bottoms Up Lounge"Terrye GodownBottom's Up excellent title invites the reader into the lounge. Your first stanza is outstanding for you give the establishment so well defined. I see the smoke and the environment one walks into in the second bringing the reader deeper into the poem. In the third further description takes place letting me see the lack of windows, and artificial occupants roam looking to satisfy ones appitite (This to me was the best stanza). In your fourth you do not let the patron wander but extend more opportunities to participate. So far this is a well structured and flowing poem. Now we reach the thought that is expressed in the fifth stanza where home has so much more to offer instead of drowning oneself in lust and sorrow. In the six and following stanza's you break the concentration for this reader because we now go back into the den of inequity and their is no way out. Just a thought. I thought this was an excellent poem, my only suggestion would to be to end your poem with the thought in the fifth stanza. Thanks so much for sharing a well written poem. Tom2003-09-27 12:58:55
japanese verse 26 (Camel)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoYou make it sound so easy yet it is profound the words used yet they are simple to mind. You have given me the desert void of all except the land, you have given me the steady journey of the traveler who keeps proceeding forward, and you have given me the description of the camel. I like your Haiku format with your poetry and the way you bring the picture to the readers mind. Thank you again for sharing your talents with us. Tom2003-09-26 01:19:43
AllegianceAndrea M. TaylorReally nice Andrea enjoy these Haiku forms. Your first line if I understand correctly is giving me the tower reaching the sky, if that is the case would it be better to say eagles. We must all remember that take and give our allegiance for this was the sadest day in American History. Which president was it that said we only have to worry from within our shores (was it Jefferson). You have kept the structure and the thought is expressed. Thanks for sharing. Tom2003-09-25 14:20:03
Traffic LightC ArrownutI see the angels as the controllers guiding those below. Giving them direction by letting them know they can move forward on the path they have selected. They also have the ability to stop one proceeding on a path that can be destructive allowing one to hold on a minute before continuing the journey. The biggest journey is being true to ourselves and not hurting others. We must search for the answers but remember that we do have those that guide us. Well there you go my interpretation that is probably in center field now. As you know I do like free form yet the structure is still important. Sometimes I felt lost not continuing the flow maybe that was intended? The stanza that stopped me even though I sensed green was: to the various-sized Christmas tins, all closed for the red lights. Then without warning: green light. Just some thoughts. Thanks for making me look into this piece, but I usually do anyway that is what I enjoy; trying to see meaning within a poem. Thanks for sharing. Tom2003-09-25 09:56:01
BlazeDawn ParkerDawn you make this reader dig, that is good, for I revisit the poem several times to see what stone remains intact throughout this combustion you have depicted. I see love written within this poem and the passion between two explode and rise above the flame. This is my type of poetry, enjoy the structure, the verbage, the rhyme, the thoughts presented that is both the physical and emotional. Well done. Excellent poetry wouldn't change a thing. Tom2003-09-25 09:43:21
A Theory of CompositionC ArrownutWhat do I see. Does it relate to psychology. Our we looking upon the walls of the room that has become home? Is it the acceptance of the position we are placed in? Above us plain below our muddied thoughts. Our thoughts are 'Oh Hum' yet we have no understanding as to the reason why? Very interesting to force me into thinking on this you have captured my attention trying to read it in all directions, search for the science, and contemplate upon the outcome. Now how far off was I, I had to be in left field somewhere! Enjoyed reading this trying to find the answer you accomplished your task with this reader. Thanks for sharing. Tom 2003-09-23 10:01:42
Blowin' da "Blues" otta da Horn!Andrea M. TaylorAndrea this is enjoyable to read. Very difficult format to keep in place but you have done it and with ryhme. Auntie Mame I remember the movie she was a character in. To be carefree is the sense I get from this poem and if that was your intent you have succeeded with this reader. Again difficult format, excellent presentation. Job well done. Tom2003-09-22 17:23:19
Between the Wind and the Song of Calling GeeseJoanne M UppendahlI receive a sense of peace within this poem. You have shown me the greatfulness you have for the creator and the time spent within life. What a great beginning between the wind, the sensation is felt without knowing its presense. In your second stanza I feel the light from the moon reaching your face, this is a well written stanza and my favorite. I see aging in the next stanza and the thankfulness to have had these moments in time. I like free form structure and you have chosen your format well. Excellent poem the meaning takes it hold on this reader. Tom2003-09-22 17:18:02
japanese verse 24 (Old Age)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoYou state it so clearly I do like this very much. Your middle line has the power and shows aging taking place and your last the strength of the poem showing wisdom replaces youth. My only observation and maybe it is just me is related to 'beauty is lost' that tells me everyone must be beautiful before aging which is not a bad concept (beauty is in the eye of the beholder) but it is not reality to me. You could still maintain the concept if you used the word charm a form of beauty yet not as specific. Just a thought. Enjoy your work. Tom 2003-09-10 08:50:17
Crucible Of The TowersPaul R LindenmeyerI am glad that there are a couple of poets who write memorials to that eventful and disasterous day. That is something we should all remember for it touched us all one way or another. As for the poem you have given me the sense of climbing the stairways with the format. You have given me a sense of the rescuers who became the victims. I enjoyed your memorial. In the last stanza I think you meant stairways. Excellent post to bring it back to our minds. Thanks. Tom2003-09-09 13:24:42
Echoes From The SeaMell W. MorrisTo be at the depths of the sea and view this feeling you have given me. You know, how I am with the sea and how it gives me solace. To express the spirit of those gone within the seals is really astonishing to me for I can hear them make their noises to let me know they haven't left. Will we follow this procession; I think so for our spirits will always be alive. I also love myth and lore my favorite subject as a child. Excellent Mell although I haven't read many yet this is right on top. Love the format and length as well. You have made the structure appealing for this reader. Thanks for sharing. Tom 2003-09-09 10:21:30
Departed SpiritsC ArrownutPoet you have done an excellent job in bringing back the memories of the departed within this readers mind. There spirit is always alive and you turn around sometimes expecting them to still be there. You have watched every aspect through the years of the whims and fancies, the tenderness and abruptness, their support and protection. My Grandmother was the closest to me for she was my protector. I can still see her sitting across the table at times as we play pinochle or canasta, with her being my partner. I still remember her walking me to school when a youngster, and especially remember her chasing the bullies away. She was a mountain of strength and gave everything she had for family and friends. I still think she is there sometimes looking over me, and that is after twenty years since we put her to rest. See that is what your poem did for me made me think of her and all the moments we spent together. I still remember helping her with the Christmas cookies, Norwegian Crowns, Sugar, etc…then placing the sprinkles on them. Over there was the Sugar Plum House on top of the China Cabinet, in those days it was only the lower section that was used not a glass display you find as the hutch. Do they ever go, the answer is no, for their spirit is there sometimes at night when you need them, when pressure seems so high and you need their presence. I still have the last card she sent my family on our dresser asking as to come and visit as if she knew that soon she would be gone soon. Now for the structure love the format and the way you present your thoughts. Great way of showing us the various moments in his life and how it effected you. This is poetry at its finest from the heart. Memories that we can write down and whenever in need to be able to pickup and remember the moments. This type of poetry never ends for each stanza makes one remember a little something else about the person. Love this piece of yours. Gayle, didn’t realize you were just around the corner, I live in West Riverside County. Maybe someday you can get out to Riverside and join a poetry group at Mugsby’s off of Arlington across from Sears. Rachel attends this one regularly, I have not for awhile but will be doing so again soon. Excellent poem. Tom 2003-09-09 09:55:56
GracedAndrea M. TaylorAndrea so glad your back. We are all graced and give thanks. Thank you for this Haiku it makes the reader be grateful. Again you keep the format intact and the flow constant. Those that speak with song and appreciation are always thankful for being allowed to sing. (Wish I could still, use to love being in a choir; but those days can never return. I must always remember just being a part of it at one time). I know singers do not necessarily represent song, always; but I see both the physical presentation in your piece along with the thought you present the reader. Well done. Tom 2003-09-09 09:47:46
Love is a TrapezeDenise A McCroskeyReally a well written poem on the power of love. You give me a visual and the depth that love takes two becoming one yet separated at times. My only thought is on freedom I didn't realize in love, this was allowed, at least in this readers mind. I always get hooked and never want to release (this is not a critism on your poem only a thought I had). The only recommendation and this is only my opinion relates to punctuation of commas and periods at the end of lines. It seems to slow me up because I get a double pause. In your last two lines you do give me the free but bonded that I do like a lot. Well done. Tom2003-09-08 20:58:11
Tempest FugueRachel F. SpinozaWhat an enormous composition it is. Great title. The warning of the first stanza builds me up. Then you show me how you modify the form to the desired need and structure preferred. Finally you give us the adventure and will stay and follow it through till the end. Enjoyed this Rachel. How I know you love your cat...lol Thanks. Tom2003-09-08 18:27:00
A Cardinal ViewRobert L TremblayOh yes I remember this poem. The first stanza is so well defined it lets us see the fire and I can almost feel the heat as does the second stanza. I really like how you bring the 11th into the picture so that it is never fogotten. Your structure is so well defined Robert and it is pleasant to the eye to read. There is a Devine plan and you have reminded us about it. Thanks so muct for reposting this poem. Wish I had written it...lol . Wouldn't change it in any way and love the Title. Tom 2003-09-08 17:25:14
Each Morning I Begin AgainJoanne M UppendahlI know I have already read this one and felt that I have already made comments. While here it goes again. Nice to see what brought the thought on by showing us something from Longfellow it helps lead into the poem. Your whole poem gives me the feeling of awaking and getting ready for the day. The brew, steaming shower, are all wakeup words to this reader. Spirited and clean give me the sense of a fresh start. I like the length and the thought you present. Well done. Tom This is my last poem for the month did all that were available to me; now it is time for my wakeup call for next month...lol(lots of laughing). 2003-09-05 15:58:49
An Immodest RequestRick BarnesSmooth, well structured, excellent length, words chosen wisely, and thought communicated well. Can not find anything I would change for I even ignored the punctuation usage because of the Layout. Excellent and well done. Tom 2003-09-05 14:49:47
japanese verse 22 (Water Lilies)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoI see the water lilies giving me a picture of the calm and the surrounding within the pond. Then you follow it up with bull frogs looking for the right lily pad and I like the use of suitors meaning more than one maybe eyeing it. Once they obtain the resting place they will burst out letting the universe know what they have found. You have created a beautiful picture with this piece. Excellent, well done and keeping it in the structure designed. Thanks, Tom 2003-09-05 09:57:32
Waiting in the Cradle (revised)Rachel F. SpinozaRachel, like this revision and glad you indicated what Cleopatra's nose was related to it clarified it for me. Just having one reflection to the past makes this a more straight forward poem. Thanks for helping me with the understanding. Tom2003-09-05 09:50:11
Soul MateMell W. MorrisPowerful in the way you presented the feeling of being alone yet with poetry you have the ability to reach fullness and joy. In your second stanza there is so much truth in the unnecessary idle talk and not becoming one of the hypocrites by indulging in such trivial tasks. My type of poetry say it like it is. The words cannot change when written only when they are spoken for truth prevails in the first where in the second it becomes slanted by the speaker voice and emphasis. Kudos, Well done, Excellent. Thank you Mell On a side note there are poets or writers who do not speak from their heart but try to impress the reader with words showing their knowledge and capabilities in writing not to give as the raw truth. The raw post is a true post for there are no restraints. See you got me going on this one…lol (lots of laughing) Tom 2003-09-05 09:29:47
Petunia's First FlightMell W. MorrisLove the uplifting feel of this first stanza you have me flying a kite next to you. What could my kite have instead of having ribbons as the tail...all I can think of is baseball cards...lol. Now for the depth of the poem that you have given this reader, the need to release the pressures of life, to change the pace and reflect on that which is important, to recall what we learned as children. Funny how we always come back no matter what age. Another excellent poem Mell. How can I make any suggestions to a poem that brings me back into the importance of getting away. Great presentation with thought within this one and structure I wouldn't change 4 stanzas equal in length followed by the purpose. Thanks again for sharing. Tom2003-09-05 09:25:39
Home Townmarilyn terwillegerHome Town catches my eye. Piggly-Wiggley I remember that game. Love this first stanza for it brings me into the town, not away looking in. You bring the sense of community into the second stanza giving me the feeling of security. You then change the picture bringing me an individual who ventures out into the world not controlled by the town. Love this ending of his soul going home or should it be back to the Home Town. Marilyn I really have seen a change from your original poetry that I saw two years ago. You used a lot of punctuation then; but now you have let the flow of the poem make those choices for you. There seems to be a much better structure and I only say this because this shows me you have not only paid attention, but you now express without being restricted to the thought by guidelines. Excellent work no suggestions for changes except I would have liked to have seen Home Town at the end or a reflection back to the 5 and 10 cent store. Thanks for sharing this one. Tom 2003-09-05 09:11:04
SymphonyDebbie L FischerBeautiful you have placed me in the setting I am riding with you. I am not in a hurry and very content on watching the surroundings, carefree but satisfied. As night approaches the smell and other visions capture the senses. My favorite stanza is in regards to the Soul dancing you have introduced. Well done with a very nice structure I like two line stanza’s when done correctly, good ending, more than a symphony to me. Thanks for sharing, Tom2003-09-04 18:21:34
Waiting in the CradleRachel F. SpinozaRachel what inspired you to write this poem? I see the start of a new life and how this one individual will effect all that they come in contact with that is magnified in the universe. In other words effecting all. I also see beauty in this presentation by your last two lines. That is my take on it. Love short exchanges of poetry that have an emphasis on life. Hope to be by Mugsby's within a couple of weeks. See you then. Tom2003-09-04 15:11:39
ChameleonErzahl Leo M. EspinoEzrahl it is nice to see this style from you it is very well written. I like how you give the reader the sense of the chameleon fitting into the color spectrum. Then your next stanza tell me that everyone will try and blend into the picture of everyday life. You then give me an individual that is just trying to hang in there with life. Finally you give me yourself that doesn't raise a fuss but is electrifying. Well done if this was your intent. I like poetry that speaks to the reader to dig and believe me this does in so few words. I enjoy your posts. Thanks for sharing. Tom2003-09-04 14:59:47
Untitled Haiku RevisedBarbara AscoleseLove the first line ‘Soft whispering winds’, gives me The sensation without being blown away. I see the life Within the leaves in you second line and finally the Knowledge of what has taken place before giving me an Inference on life after the storm. Makes the reader think. Well done. Tom 2003-09-04 10:04:55
Bridge of TearsMichael BirdMichael glad to see posts like this it depicts life and the path we take. The things that go through the mind at such moments knowing that this way feels right but a tougher path (more difficult) and possibly rewarding is just in the other direction one you have mended that which has taken part of you with them. Excellent for you had me rivited me from one stanza to the next and finally gave me the future goal of walking a new path. Anyone who says they haven't had moments in their life like this are either lying or have never lived. I like the three stanza approach the incident, the realization, and the future. I like the lack of punctuation another poet that realizes pauses are expected at the end of each line. Well done. Tom2003-09-04 09:44:09
FreewayRachel F. SpinozaRachel you take a moment in time and give not only a story but give me the visual along with it. I see three scenes in the first section a man looking for rags and while doing so trying to get them before they reach the cracks in the sidewalk. In the second section I do see the pillars of graffiti but I also see walls of art through my mind of graffiti that I have seen in the past that I would have liked to see as art but unfortunately it is still graffiti. Finally life is not what is expected and a young child seeing in amazement the brightest object in the sky beside the moon brings you back to reality. This is what I saw. My only suggestion would be to break this into three stanzas but that is really just my viewpoint. I like the verbiage you use in this one. Well done. Tom 2003-09-04 09:33:40
Let Us Protect YouC ArrownutI feel liked I critiqued this earlier but it must have got lost in the shuffle or I didn't follow all the steps which is more than likely. I really like how you show this reader the effort of cleaning the surfaces and allowing the dust to settle (almost like life itself). As the day progresses you show me that the surface is clean and spirits up. Now this is where I find difficulty is searching for vacummn cleaner I would have liked to see more procrastination and less hard language that deteres this readers thoughts. I like how you come back with hurry me must finish cleaning before it gets to late, hide all the secrets, mop up all the thoughts left dangling. Yet in the end it goes for naught since it explodes right back out when confronted. I know the main idea if not the only was to make this a fun poem and I can see that side of it, but I also brought into it some of my own thoughts about life because that is what poetry should do make the reader think. Overall a very good poem, like the free form delivery and the breaks of thoughts going from one moment to the next. Thanks for sharing. Tom 2003-09-04 08:47:56
I Forgot Where I Put ItNancy L. DymondGreat beginning brings the reader into the poem. second stanza lets one know the urgency of finding it and the importance to the individual. The third stanza feels a little abrupt ‘end of story’. Maybe if it was nearer the end. This reader wanted to stop here. Your fourth stanza is great again and puts me in the mood for this fun poem. I like how you follow it up with recalling the steps you took. The ending makes the poem. Well done. Tom 2003-09-02 14:34:56
Day TimeRachel F. SpinozaRachel I like this poem see it written with a specific person in mind. Your first stanza captures my thought and tells me that the person you are writing about is carefree. In the second you introduce the person to us Janie who enjoys life itself. In the third you tell the person is a care giver and pictures are in frames. Finally I think this is written about someone here at TPL Jane Day. Fine job if that was your intent. By the way I do plan on getting over to Mugsby's again just haven't had the time but will soon. You mentioned that it is getting bigger (the group) how much bigger? Hope to see you soon Tom2003-09-02 14:33:10
Autumn (haiku)marilyn terwillegerExcellent haiku describes the season and Specific timing. Correct format, paints a Picture, tells a story throughout the ages of A feeling within. Well done. Thanks for sharing. Tom 2003-08-29 14:30:41
Living Room Karmastephen g skipperI see one waiting on fate within the living room. Living the tales that are seen on the screen. Not knowing what to expect, the luck of the draw. I like how you then break it up with the howl of the moon giving this reader time to think about life and how we want to let it out; that which is within us. Your stanza on forked tongue is great for it tells me you are speaking the truth of the feelings stored inside. Good use of words. Love does take it lead and we all want to follow it. Well done poem. Enjoyed the read. Thanks, Tom 2003-08-29 10:09:40
japanese verse 23 (Tide)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoErzahl I like your Haiku. The beginning of this one throws me a little. To this reader a cresent does not represent a calming sea for I have been out for days on end, when in the service. A crescent usually indicates turbulent waters ahead, sometimes it will even contains foam showing its peak. My experience saw the sea calmed only due to weather conditions. Just a thought. I like your second line very soothing to the mind. I was just now thinking that maybe Sun or Moon calms the sea. In your third stanza you give me the distance it covers this is very well done. Thanks for sharing. The Crescent is only this readers opinion and maybe no one else felt that way. Thanks again. Tom2003-08-29 09:09:09
THE DEVIL'S DUEMark D. KilburnThe beginning rings of unhappiness with little hope of pulling one out of its clutches. You follow it up with depression of the soul and how it festers and it moves like the plague itself. You again state so well the effect of total depression as you bring this reader into death itself. With the depth you have shown to this point and the words used I have difficulty with the last two lines in the first stanza that are in parenthesis; these seem to not have the strength you have conveyed earlier at least to this reader. Your second stanza again brings me the power of your words, reaching, grasping the breath from the person itself, giving me little doubt about what is in store for the recipient of the depression. Excellent use of adjectives within this stanza my favorite is when you discuss the icy skeletal hand. The third stanza give me the picture of despair with all the verbs, adverbs, and especially adjectives culminating a well written stanza showing the power and the influence despair has on one. Suicide so well explained in this poem. Bravo this is poetry that has to be recon with. My only suggestion was in the first stanza where the ending seemed a little weak for this should never give one that feeling for the power you have in the words should never be diminished. Thank you, this was just great. Tom 2003-08-28 21:04:10
My Hero and StarSusan J. CertoWhat I like best about this piece is you have given Me raw poetry. What I mean is thoughts that are Hidden within. My favorite portions include the Following stanza’s: ‘Please stay with me’ this brings the reader into the theme. ‘Reserving your heart’ this tells of your need. The ending is great because you show the depth Of your love. Now for the areas this reader has difficulty with. The flow maybe stanza’s would assist at least this Reader. These are the lines that actual caused me To much pause: ‘How the years have flown’ ‘How can I ever thank you enough’ Still a poem well done for this reader. Thanks for sharing. Tom 2003-08-28 10:08:09
Sunday in Central Parkcarole j mennieTo catch the moment and relay the message is very well done in this poem. You place embarrassment where none should be placed but because of our experiences and learning from others we do. The three year old looked at life as just that part of life with no knowledge as to why things take place. As we gain knowledge we place the restrictions upon ourselves. You broke this apart in three sections very nicely, the first being the incident, the second the embarrassment, and finally the reality. Well done. Thanks for sharing a moment in the past. I also like the structure chosen the first and last stanza's of three lines, and to have the heart of the poem in the middle. Thanks, Tom2003-08-28 10:07:03
Dying, A Biblical AllegoryC ArrownutActually only the title for I was throughly entrenched in the words and the flight I took when reading this. The spirits of those gone and those to follow comes through loud and clear to this reader at least that is what I see. This freeform style is very creative and that is what I like about poetry there are no set rules if we convey a thought. I see the structure you took by having two stanza's of seven lines followed by a break within and then the final two with seven lines. Not only did you keep the structure by doing this but also the story. The first part being one that has already left the world we know, the pause, and then the addition soul joining the debris. Excellent piece not much on the title for this reader. Well done. Tom2003-08-28 09:50:08
PEACE AND SO MUCH MOREGeorge L WhiteGeorge I really am impressed in how you bring this one together. You give me a taste in each stanza of the avenues of life, and then complete it with the last stanza combining all that you have shown me in the first four stanza's. You maintained a firm structure throughout this piece as you display by your questions in the first lines of your four stanza's followed by the fifth 'this is what I mean'. Excellent. This makes me pause and reflect upon my own life and find content. Well done. Thanks for sharing. Tom2003-08-28 09:28:26
Doppler EffectJoan M WhitemanJoan I see depth within this poem yet I want more. You have given me a great beginning telling me about the love in a distant place. The memories of how it was and the fruits that were tasted are very apparent yet in the second stanza you bring me too quickly to the outcome and not the love that was shared. In the third stanza you bring me back to reality and awake me from the thoughts. The ending is great for now I see he will never be back. This has great potential, I just want to see the picture more. That is this readers opinion. Format is fine, structure throws me in the third trying to figure out why you used 5 lines vs 8 except maybe you did have 8 and broke out the last three lines? Very well done and the words were wisely chosen. Thanks, Tom. 2003-08-28 08:23:07
HOBO JUSTICEMark D. KilburnMy type of poetry making the reader think. You state it well in the first stanza what did they know? Much more than people gave them credit for. What have they seen in life? Much more than many of us. This is what I get in the beginning. In the second stanza you have substantiated the first with giving us detail as to what they have endured. I like how not only you have brought their life into the picture but the elements they encounter on their trip. Yes the hobo's life was hard but in away they were still running away from the encounter in life that put them here. We still have hobos but they now live in a different society so the style of the old hobo is only in our thoughts. I like this part especially because it does show the past. I almost feel as if you have created two poems with this the first being the life of a Hobo and the second the dance of the Hobo carefree, no wories anymore. Just a thought. Like your structuring since you kept it consistant. Like the story wish that you had brought this also into the present with the difference today between the homeless and that of the Hobo but that is only this readers opinion. You did give me the concept that the only judgement that should be given is that of the Hobo upon himself. Thanks for sharing. Enjoyed your walk through time. Tom2003-08-27 09:32:02
Charge of DiscriminationDebbie SpicerWhat we produce and create with our words is well presented in this first stanza. Not only the words we use but the actions that show disdain are also present or at least to this reader. I like how you follow it up with where is the compensation of such actions. This gives the reader the direction you will follow within this poem. I feel as if I am wandering in the next section in all directions trying to bring down someone else. Good use of words here showing How one feels on the other end. I like how you drift into the ending by showing the spirit, soul falling down. This is what I saw. Really enjoyed this read. Thanks Tom 2003-08-26 21:31:14
The Law of MercyDarlene A MooreExcellent portrayal of the path chosen and the redemption found. I like how you used the first three stanza's in showing the depth one reaches. In the second grouping you have not only have given hope but the deliverance from destitute. Very well written with structure and thought. Enjoyed reading this one. Thanks Tom 2003-08-26 21:10:36
After The RainNancy Ann HemsworthNancy, I not only like this poem for its vision it creates but also the presentation with the format chosen. This reader loves this type of poetry because you achieve several things by developing it. First the form is adhered too, second it has rhyme, and third it shifts between physical and metaphysical for this reader. The only thing that seemed a little off was the part I liked the best. In criptic puddles, illusions play An unhidgedned mind, drowns in dismay (it is here the flow changes from the first line) Have no idea of what to suggest for you want to show the drowns maybe add a word in the first line (illusions will play). Just a thought. Wonderful. One of my favorites this month. Excellent taking so many things into account Thank you for the depth. Tom2003-08-15 09:10:39
Untitled HaikuBarbara AscoleseLove how you took a storm and brought us a whisper. Truely a reward for this reader. You kept the 5,7,5 format in place well done. I am assuming winter by the reference to the violent storm. Well done Haiku Barbara Thanks for sharing. Tom2003-08-13 17:07:46
Drivin Me Crazy (No "G" intended)George L WhiteLove the way you played me on this. I really got a chuckle. That would be drivin crazy her without a license. Reminds me of the Little Old Lady from Pasedena who believe me I saw several times! I like how you broke this in two line stanza's and generated the flow right to the end. Your words were easily understood and told the story. Well done. Thanks for making my day. Tom2003-08-13 16:30:06
Wingsmarilyn terwillegerWhat I like about this poem is the rhythm and the musical tones It creates. The refrain fits nicely in this poem. In the first stanza I like how you describe life as unclear and then To go beyond your stumbles. In the second stanza I feel as if a fire has diminished to gray over the years. Letdowns by the craziness in oneself that have been shown in the past is overlooked. In the third stanza you want to be above any regrets and deal with fate. Excellent short poem, and the presentation fits well. Thanks for sharing, Tom 2003-08-13 14:31:48
MAN'S BEST FRIENDMark D. KilburnCompanionship well displayed in this poem. I really like the way you express all the details. Flow is the only thing I would consider working on and remember as always it is only this readers opinion. Come sit, beside me fine friend, of mine you’ve never complained you never, have whined you’re wagging your tail making me smile best friend I’ve had in what seems, like awhile (only a thought) Those eyes understand what it means, to feel joy so smart, so loyal you’re a wonderful boy you keep me from lonely watching out day and night your eyes shine such friendship if I’m happy, they’re bright I sometimes get lost in a poem with to many and's, the's, so's, etc... so I prefer paring it down so it rolls evenly. Remember this is only this readers viewpoint and I really like this poem for I have a dog Duke is his name, never forgets me, I sure just the same, for you... Thanks for sharing I really enjoyed this. Tom 2003-08-13 09:42:12
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