Karen Ann Jacobs's E-Mail Address: eyra@sbcglobal.net
Karen's Personal Web Page or Favorite Web Page: http://www.geocities.com/fifityfive


Karen Ann Jacobs's Profile:
Hi, my name is Karen Ann Jacobs. I hate my name, but it’s mine. I like Kay-Ren. Anyway, I’m thirty-six years old. I’ve been telling fanciful stories since I the age of six. I've been writing them down since the age of thirteen. I’m of the Robert Heinlein school of thought that is summed up in one sentence. “Obscurity is the refuge of incompetence.” This quote is from the book written by Robert Heinlein, “Stranger in a Strange Land”. http://www.quotableheinlein.com/html/home.html

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Displaying Critiques 33 to 82 out of 82 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Karen Ann JacobsCritique Date
ImperfectionRobert WymaYour poem spoke to me of taking responsibility and making things happen no matter what. I’ve read it three times, but I can’t think of anything I’d suggest changing. I think it is a lovely, inspirational poem. Thank you for sharing it. Kay P.S. I liked the lay out, too. 2004-10-01 20:53:28
SchismRegis L ChapmanAs I read this poem, I felt a bit freaked out and scared. The world felt skewed from normal, my eye twitched and it wasn’t until I read the note that I felt relief as, with that short note, you put the world back into normal perspective. Perhaps that note should be part of the poem. It wouldn’t be nice to leave us tweaked in the head like that. Thank you for the drug free trip. Kay 2004-09-28 18:21:36
OrphanDeniMari Z.I am behind on my reading. As I tried to catch all the poems to pick which to vote for, I read yours and had to stop to say a couple of things. I empathize with the plight revealed in this poem, but I admire the sentiment of faith in heritage. I chose the other route. I have kids of my heart, but not of my blood. I look forward to the day that I am an orphan too. This is a beautifully written poem that really called to me. Thank you for sharing it. Kay-Ren 2004-09-06 20:55:32
1 (Emerald)Jana Buck HanksDear Jana, This is a fun Haiku. It is almost a tongue twister, too. I liked the rising use of the letter S as the words progressed. It reminded me of a riptide pulling me into the sea. Thank you for the smile. Kay-Ren 2004-09-01 18:54:44
Trip to the CityEdwin John KrizekI loved this poem! It reminded me of when I used to live in a small town as a little kid. We’d moved to this tiny town of 2,000 people before I really started remembering life, but we visited the cities a few times a year. When my parents told me that we were moving to the city it was like a dream come true. Finally, I’d have more chances at making friends. There would be more to do. Ever since we moved to the big cities, I’ve wanted to go back to that little town life. Someday, I’ll find the Oz I left. I liked the repetitively used words in this poem. I think they helped take me back to my childhood. I still think Dorothy’s Oz exists somewhere, too. Thank you for making me feel something good. Kay-Ren 2004-09-01 17:29:53
Virgin Snowcheryl a kelleyDear Cheryl A. Kelley, I really liked how you’ve taken a woman’s right of passage and shown it from a child’s perspective. I think I’ll always see this metaphor now when I look back on that event that changed my life more then I could’ve ever guessed. I was a kid playing on broken glass. I have a couple of suggestions that I feel may make this poem tighter. This line, “We gather together and examine her shallow flesh wound. We look out…”, might flow better if it read, “We gather together to examine her shallow flesh wound. Then looking out at the field…” This phrase, “capillary like action”, I think could work as just, “capillary action”. There are so many great images in this poem. This one was my favorite. “sending shards momentarily dancing summersaults into the air.” It makes me remember what it felt to be young and free of caring about the consequences of my actions. Thank you for sharing this wonderfully contemplative poem. I’ll never look at loosing my virginity the same again. Keep Writing, Kay-Ren2004-08-12 11:24:01
UNTITLEDJACK M HRINIAKDear Jack, Thank you for showing your Dad’s uniqueness to this stranger. Your note at the end of this poem added a lot to the poem. Have you thought about making your note a part of the poem? Your poem was full of wonderful imagery. This phrase really inspired a powerful image in my mind: I take his heart in my hand and burn into dust, riding on a midnight wind. These lines gave me a vision of being kept awake by memories of his love and not really wanting to sleep. I like the feeling this inspires. I feel privileged to have been allowed to read this poem. Losing someone sucks, but your Dad has left you some wonderful things, including his wisdom. Thank you for sharing it here. It has made an impression on me. Kay-Ren 2004-08-08 00:54:19
American GothicEdwin John KrizekThis poem reminded me of a scene from the movie “Armageddon”. A.J. and Grace are lying in the grass, under a tree, giggling and being mushy. Soon A.J. will be rocketing off into space to save the world and Grace asks him, “Baby, do you think its possible that there's someone doing this very same thing at this very same time?” A.J. replies, “I hope so, otherwise, what the hell are we trying to save?” Your poem is in the same category of emotion, but you’ve captured this feeling from the other end of the spectrum. There should always be the cute old couple strolling together. You’ve captured the hope that we won’t grow old alone in a soft new way. Instead of dreading my ‘golden years’, right now, after reading your poem, I’m looking forward to being old with my spouse and walking in the park with him. I’ve been looking forward to being the crazy, scary lady down the street, but you’ve reminded me of something else I have to look forward to. Thank you. Kay-Ren 2004-08-06 12:16:03
Lickin' RiverJana Buck HanksDear Jana, Even before I read your notes I could see the ‘memory’ quality of this poem clearly. Until, I read your notes, I feared that this place is now gone. I felt a huge sense of relief when I read that this place is still there and better then ever. My family lived in a tiny town for five years when I was a kid. We moved back to the city when I was 10. I was about 27 years old when I went back to that tiny town. I wish I hadn’t. It had changed so much that my memory of what it was is tainted by what it has become. After reading this poem, I don’t think I’d be wrong to think that this place is also held in your heart and when you need a sanctuary, you still visit this place in your mind. I’m so glad that this wonderful place exists in both places and now in my mind as well. Thank you for sharing your special place with me. I feel inspired to write about my special place. Have a great weekend, Kay-Ren 2004-08-06 10:56:42
Winona, from the High CliffThomas Edward WrightThe dualities of this poem gave me some trouble. At first, I believed that she committed suicide to avoid an arranged marriage. Than I thought she just left home, chose to not marry the one her father picked for her, and lived out in the world she made her own. Finally, I realized that both is true. Even though, she lives she feels she is dead to them. This story poem is beautifully and lovingly written. Is it a Native American Legend? I tried doing a search with yahoo, but I didn’t come up with anything. Thank you for sharing this poem. Kay-Ren2004-07-27 01:48:53
Saying Good-Bye at the Seaside CafeJoanne M UppendahlJoanne, What a wonderful contemplative piece of poetry you’ve created here. If you remember, I felt another of your poems was a good ending to sum up your trip. I have to change my mind. This was is much better. I would love the chance to look at them all together in a book. This part: -------------------------- “Do people drown?” “All the time. Riptide!” “Oh.” “Do you want more coffee?” This great grave mother sea is a mistake to underestimate. ------------------------ Seemed totally different and separate from the rest of your poem. It alluded to me that you gained more respect for the ocean during this time. _______ Tillamook Lighthouse, farewell! (Tillamook gave me a thrill because I was there on a family vacation when I was about 8 years old. My parents bought me a red beret that I loved) ‘Till next time, then, deep blue. You, heavy as slate, fearsome as Fate, holding up a wandering sky. (This passage makes me feel the lighthouse. I almost feel that if it weren’t stationed there, then there wouldn’t be anything else.) So long, hot sand on tender feet, wayward wooden steps, flights to small stuffy shops with sticky treats. (I get the feeling from this part that you didn’t really enjoy shopping. That’s okay. I really don’t like to shop, either.) Where periphery of land meets edge of sea-- why does the verge of things pull so incessantly? Soaring gulls, be well. Happy brave dog of the waves, (I LOVED this phrase, ‘brave dog of the waves.) come home with me. I miss the ocean so much. I used to be a surfer and I can feel your longing to keep the ocean in your life. Have you ever seen a storm at sea? My dad took us, one summer, to see a summer storm. It was incredible. This poem made me feel the majesty and the pull of the ocean again. I miss it with you, because of this poem. Thank you. Kay-Ren 2004-07-27 00:55:58
Least of All MeMolly JohnsonI haven’t seen the movie Fahrenheit 911, but I had a feeling that this poem was connected with it. I did a search for Sgt. Michael Pederson and found his memorial page. Even though, I haven’t seen the movie, your poem made me feel for this young man, instead of just thing about what I’d heard of a woman being video taped as she mourned for her son. Thank you for putting his existence into another perspective. This was an incredibly descriptive part without having to be gory. This passage twists my insides without grossing me out. “or something, not knowing how red freedom is, how crude and sticky it becomes.” The last lines, “I am her son even though grief will outlast the flicker of my face.” Made me sad and I wanted to argue, but you’re right. We miss those we love long after it is hard to remember what they look like. Memory should last longer then pain. Thank you for changing my view of this soldier life. Kay-Ren 2004-07-19 01:14:26
japanese verse 36 (Ku Klux Klan)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoMorning Erzahl, I'm alone and I finally can read another of your poems. The title of this one jumped out at me. I have such anger for the KKK. I found this Haiku artful not angry. The use of the all the K words and the sad image of kaleidoscope being killed made me wish again that blind hate wasn't in our range of emotions. On the other hand just seeing the name Ku Klux Klan inspires a lot of powerful emotions in me. I wish hate would be outlawed, but I have to remind myself that hate comes with its own toll. It is just too bad the price is spread around. I admire the guts it took to write this Haiku and not blast them. There are so many emotions that could have been captured on this subject. I find it noble that you chose sadness. I don’t hate them, but I wish they would stop. That they exist makes me sad, too. Thank you for the thought inspiring Haiku. Have a great day. Kay-Ren P.S. I'm glad I'm finally getting a use out of my mind reading curse/gift. I'm learning so much from picking your brain. Thank you for letting me. I hope you will watch “The Butterfly Effect” again. It is not really about the kids, they are external to the real story. It’s a great reflection inspiring piece of art. My spouse couldn’t shut me up about it for about an hour after we finished watching it. I’m glad your older brother is doing well now. Thanks for explaining that line in “No Excuses”. I get it now. I expect every line you write to be profound. See how much you’ve spoiled me. Heheh. I love James Bond too! He’s a great character. I watched Friends for a while, but I own all the seasons of Highlander the series and most of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. LOL. 2004-07-12 11:48:12
Symphonious SecretJana Buck HanksJana, This poem was beyond beautiful. It warmed my heart and made me smile. My heart, though, wants to think that this is a mystical friend, even though, the last stanza explains that it was fantasy that is overlapping reality. I want to believe that this is a cleaver rouse to hide the fact that you are writing about a real fairy. I like they way the first and the last stanza are similar and bring a circular conclusion to this tale. The phrase, “Ambian haze” made me feel a foggy mist filled with the smell of flowers, even though I’d never read the word Ambian before. I guessed that it was a form of the word ambiance from the way you used it and I was happy to see, when I looked it up, that I perceived it correctly. Thank you for the new word. I love the feel of it. I just thought of something, off topic, that is neat. By introducing this word into my vocabulary, I will forever see it as you presented it to me. The feeling you were able to imbue into this word will always stick with me. When I come across this word again or when I use it, I will feel that foggy mist and smell those flower. Thank you for the word and an understanding of why it is good to present less common words to our readers. “Loving, pickle green eyes” was a striking image. This adds to the otherworldly quality of your lover. The more times that I read this poem, the more evidence I find of its basis is in reality and I’m happy that reality is so magical for you. Even though you now live in an apartment, nature sings in your blood. I’m left with feeling that I should be looking more for the magic in my every day life. It is there. I just need to see it. Thank you for all you’ve shown me and taught me with this poem. Kay-Ren 2004-07-11 14:26:55
Den of the Wolf - Lair of the Fox 1967Jana Buck HanksThis is a hard one, for me at least, to review. I will do my best, because now that I’ve read it, I can’t pass it up without letting you know that I think you’ve done a great job. I’m impressed with your handling of this painfully emotional subject. I like the idea of using a third person perspective. Putting the year, 1967, in the title added a lot to this piece. Society was more constrictive and more prone to blame her. What help was there for her back then? I could go off on a rant, but I’m trying to stay objective. Perhaps I can’t be objective on this poem. I think my only suggestion, is that maybe the title should have a warning about this poem’s subject. I appreciated the form this poem took. The first two stanza’s rhymes made me feel light, exuberant, and young. I found the progressive deterioration of the structure that was established in the first two stanzas to be an artful demonstration of what this horrible act does to a person. I loved the religious connotations of this phrase, “un-carnally gained”. It reiterated the fact that this should have been, but wasn’t, a spiritual act. While at the same time this phrase reminded me of how some religions condemn the woman and say she was ‘asking for it’ by not being modest enough. The phrase, “incredible wolf in stylish sheep’s clothes”, gave me a powerful image. I could almost see him getting ready to fool everyone by dressing up. I keep erasing my closing paragraph. I want to rant and I want to scream. No matter how many years pass the memories never leave. The feelings we had then still hurt us now, while the villain is probably out there feeling nothing. I’ve seen Karma at work and I just have to hope that it keeps working. See there I go ranting again. I’m not sure how to end this, so I’ll just say I’m impressed. I couldn’t write about this and do a good job as you have done. 2004-07-11 03:23:04
JOURNEY OF THE CRYSTAL CAVEJana Buck HanksDear Jana, The form you’ve chosen, with the last word or thought of one stanza being carried over to the next, gave me a feeling of walking. Not the normal kind of walking, but more like a bride’s maid walk as she leads the way down the isle. I feel that your chosen form set a great rhythm and tone for the subject of this poem. I appreciated the way you demonstrated that it only took a thought, “I wondered why…” to accomplish what the seeker wanted. This is a great description of what lucid dreaming is like. I loved the way this poem went from mundane to mystical. I was reminded of all the things that surround me and connect me to the ‘normal’ world. This line, especially, made the connection a warm and gentle message, “vegetable suspended in the liquid labor of Grandma’s love”. This is a wonderful image and it invoked my happy memories of helping my grandmother and mother can. In the sixth stanza I felt the slight conflict between the mundane and the mystical when normal words like stereo, a word that invokes a technical machine, with natural words like crystal and birth mixed together. This was an artful transition and prepared me for all that came next. Your poem gave me enough foreshadowing so that I was not completely surprised by the drastic mystical twist of shooting energy, but I still felt awe and wonder at the occurrence. The final stanzas of the poem felt like I was falling into a soft bed and saying, “Ah, we made it.” If you haven’t submitted this poem to anyone yet then I hope you don’t mind my recommending a magazine that I think would love to read and maybe publish this poem. http://www.pangaia.com/contributor.htm The editors are great people. They are strict, but honest and fair. They rejected my poems kindly. I think your style fits them better then mine. Thank you for sharing this poem. I thoroughly enjoyed reading and digesting it. Bright Blessings and my your words continue to flow smoothly, Kay-Ren 2004-07-09 14:12:51
No ExcusesErzahl Leo M. EspinoErzhal, Thanks for helping me find this. I sure wish we could get links to work in this box. If I take this poem's verses by themselves I get very strong impressions. We can go forward We can stop...give up I like the plainness of this of this passage. It puts the choice at our feet and doesn’t make a big deal of the choice. This is an issue I’ve been knocking around in my head lately. I’m concerned about one my son’s future. Plus, I just saw the movie, "The Butterfly Effect". I’m not sure I would recommend this movie to the general pubic. I know I’m not going to let my kids watch it. If you’d seen it I’d love to hear your view on it. If you haven't seen it then I would recommend it to you. Life can be tragic Life can be lessons Whatever others see it I can say with a sinister smile “Life is what we make” The "sinister smile" in this passage made me think of a designer of mischief. Have you ever read "Illusions" by Richard Bach? We can laugh, we can cry Eyes can have teary eyes Tears with blood Or joy in flood "Eyes can have teary eyes" is a confusing line to me. I understand what it means, but I'm not sure it lives up to your level of profoundness. It is kind of redundant and sticks out. Maybe I'm just thrown off by the different rhythm of that line. You'll probably explain it to me and I'll smack myself in the forhead and say, "Duh." The whole poem has a totally different feel then just the first passage alone. I like them both and felt inspired by both. The whole poem has a third person Omniscience feel to it, while the first verse alone had more a contemplative feel to it. I'm so glad you helped me find this poem. Gods, I love reading your work. You make me think and feel. Your work inspires me. Have a great day, Kay-Ren2004-07-09 12:35:51
japanese verse 43 (Destiny)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoMorning Erzahl, I'll warn you now; I am allowing myself to read one of these a morning. I love these so much, but I want to have the thoughts they inspire for a while. When I read your additional notes I went back to your list and looked for the poem, "No Excuses". Did I just not see it? I would love to read it. Please. This passage is incredible. I’m a big movie buff. This passage is better then a movie quote that I liked so much that I had it put on a coffee mug. “The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.” This quote from Terminator has stuck with me since I first saw the movie in the 80’s. I like "Destiny" Haiku better. We are what we are Prodigy of our shadows Path of our footprints I can’t decide which line I like best, though. You have such a gift with putting words together. We choose our future by the choices we made in the past. I could see this as a wisdom spoken in a movie. I want to step aside from my life and look for my footsteps. I want to see where they are heading. LoL. My footprints are scattered all over the beach. Thank you for today’s contemplation. Kay-Ren2004-07-06 10:47:34
japanese verse 41 (Rainbow)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoA person blind from birth would understand what a rainbow is by hearing this poem. This is the feeling of a rainbow. This is a nice poem to have running through my head as I go to sleep. Night and happy dreams. 2004-07-06 00:57:55
japanese verse 48 (Worms)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoThis one made me smile and reminded me of my young days of fishing. I liked worms better then fish eggs. Thanks for letting me know the order of your posting of these. You should make a daily calendar and sell it. Thank you for all the information you gave me in your reply to my review. I'm learning that everyone has a different view.2004-07-06 00:53:53
Sleepless in ColomboMark Andrew HislopI’ve never really had trouble sleeping, but after reading this poem I can sympathize better. This poem really places the feelings on the page. So much so, that I can almost feel the inability to sleep myself. My spouse sometimes has trouble getting to sleep. I feel bad and try to wish him to sleep. Gods, I can feel the frustration of laying there, looking around when you’d rather be sleeping. Working on the phrases to describe what you see and feel instead of being allowed to rest. This was my absolutely favorite verse. It just stood made my eyes feel heavy but sore with fatigue. My eyes’ canopies flicker Like old men threatening to die Awake, asleep, awake, they’re mindless Or should be. The ending was perfect. It was an eloquent turn of phrase that encapsulated the longing to sleep. Thank your for sharing this. I hope you get some sleep soon. Kay-Ren 2004-07-05 18:32:44
Crystalline Life CollageRobert WymaWow, I needed to take a deep breath after this poem. This totally made me think of a person in an argument, who finally gets to have a say so is saying everything at once and in one breath. It did slow down. I was able to gulp a breath between, “in mighty waves of suffering” (and) “ripping pieces sharp”. The absence of any capitalization helps emphasis the “spewing” feeling of this poem. I’m sorry I can’t think of any better word to describe the feeling. It’s a good spewing, though. If we hold things in too long we spew. The flow seemed to slow from that point, like the words were being wrung from an almost dry sponge. Perhaps this poem should be titled, “Bottled Life Collage.” I understand your choice of the word crystalline, it’s classier then Bottled. The more I think about it the more I like Crystalline better then Bottled. So never mind that suggestion. I had to go back over the poem and mentally break it up to gather the separate meanings. I could feel them, but it was hard to consciously examine them. Upon closer examination of the separated words and prhases I am left with that disturbed feeling one has after a nightmare. Thank you for sharing this tightly packed and powerful poem. Kay-Ren 2004-07-05 15:11:12
In Anticipation of the PinesJoanne M UppendahlI know that the title of this poem says Anticipation, but it fits as a last poem of the trip as well. It mentions the beginning, but it could be summing up the trip, and planning the next. This poem is so versatile. This has been a great series of poems. Joanne you are a truly gifted writer. I can’t wait to start in on your July poems. I can see you reading this poem at the end of your poetry reading. This poem has a slow, tired, but happy rhythm to it. These words emphasize this feeling: “beach at dark” “drowsy shore” “curve to an end”. You and the other great poets here have made me totally addicted to TPL. Thank you and more please. Kay-Ren 2004-07-04 22:22:28
Mother Sea's Recipe (Serves Two)Joanne M UppendahlI love this form. It’s complex but easy to understand. The metaphor is built in instead of saying, “Hey, this is like this.” You show it. The only thing that doesn’t seem to fit to me is, “Serves two” in the title. I guess it would fit if Mom didn’t take anyone else but her child. Which would be cool, too. It was just a part that made me pause. This is a poem that if I saw it in a magazine, I’d cut it out and put it on the fridge. The ending really got me. It gave that feeling you get when a puppy does something cute, you know, like breathing. Thank you, Kay-Ren 2004-07-04 11:46:27
Tending TendingMolly JohnsonI really liked this poem. I loved the imagery and the erotic feel of it. I felt that at any moment passion would overrun the both of you and my computer screen would fog up. I agree that the title doesn’t do it justice. The title is too structured and doesn’t hint at the tornado waiting to be unleashed. I felt a breathless basking, savoring anticipation, and pleasant torture. These feelings coupled with the organic images made this poem about and for savoring. For a title, how about: Natural Tendencies It Is Natural Natural Savor Nature’s Couple I hope these help. Thank you for sharing this poem. Kay-Ren 2004-07-03 12:35:02
I Am Fred Chapter 111marilyn terwillegerI went back and found the other two parts of Fred’s story. This is an adorable story. It’s too bad that the subject is so adult, because I think Fred could star in a children’s book. I can completely see him and the house. You’ve developed a wonderful character here, and I hope you continue to see where he will take you. The only suggestion I would make, would be to adhere a little more to standard grammar. I don’t think a few more commas or periods would hurt the flow. I look forward to reading what Fred does next. Thank you for sharing these poems. Kay-Ren 2004-07-03 11:49:49
japanese verse 50 (Swallows)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoSo far I’ve read “Belt”, “Zephyr”, and now “Swallow”. I really liked “Belt” and “Zephyr”. I saw “Swallow” on my list and I smiled. I couldn’t wait to see what this little gem would be like. I am tempted to skip ahead and read all your Japanese verse, but I like looking forward to them. I’m not sure how to critique or review each one, as I am not versed on the form. I can tell you how each one made me feel. “Belt” made me giggle and think of the Movie “Karate Kid”. “Belt” was the first one I read and I wanted to say that I liked it, but I didn’t want to leave such a short comment. “Zephyr” I thought was brilliant. It captured the awe I feel every time I see a little ‘dirt devil’ racing across the road, kicking up dirt and debris with it’s little funnel. “Swallow,” It’s just magnificent. I am jealous of bird’s ability to play in the clouds. Have you seen the movie the “Birds”? It was scary, but it added another element, perhaps even a greater respect for them then I had before I saw that movie. I love these poems. They are treats. They’re like chocolate to me. A little piece is precious, but it leaves me craving more because it was so good. I don’t want to gorge myself, though, because that would remove the treat aspect. If you have a moment, some time when you aren't busy, could you drop me an email (eyra@sbcglobal.net) about how to do Japanese verse, please? Thank you and I can’t wait to read more of your work, but I’m going to make myself wait. Kay-Ren 2004-07-03 11:28:50
I Know You Love MeEdwin John KrizekI enjoyed and related with this poem. I really liked this part: “I wonder when it happened that thoughts of you replaced the demons.” It made me want to get up and yell, “Yeah, that is so cool!” This part confused me a little: “Our touching and rubbing remind me of sunbathing nude on a summer day.” I don’t see how laying nude in the sun, which is a still and solitary thing to do, can relate to “touching and rubbing”. I’ve sunbathed nude and I’ve felt daring and naughty. Perhaps you mean it that way and I’m getting hung up on stillness verses movement. I read the poem again, trying to see it from just the feelings of the acts, but it still tripped me. This is a wonderful poem, perhaps after reading the other reviews, I'll see that passage in a different light. I really liked this poem. Thank you for sharing it, Kay-Ren 2004-07-03 10:13:06
DaybreakJana Buck HanksHi Jana, I totally get this poem and I’m jealous. I miss being able to walk outside and experience such natural beauty. I walk outside and I see a very crowded street. My neighbor sneezes, I say, “Bless you”, and he replies, “Thank you,” before we realized what we’ve done. This poem did not just flow it glided. The climax of this poem was perfect. I really enjoyed it. Can I come to your house? Thank you. I’m really glad I read this poem. Where do you live again? Kay-Ren 2004-07-03 00:51:52
LifeStephanie Corrine MuellerDespair and confusion war with a desire to find hope in this poem. This poem flowed gracefully from one feeling to the next. There is always hope. Search for the positive course and cling. Thanks for sharing this poem. I hope you’ll share more. Kay-Ren 2004-07-03 00:39:40
The Cancer of TropicsMark Andrew HislopThis reminded me of Dennis Leary. I was glad to get to the end so I could take a breath. When you rant, you rant with style. All those images and all that anger, I feel like you rode me hard and instead of putting me away you just shrugged, turned and walked away. I was left sitting here, with my eyebrows raised, wondering, what did I do? I’m glad you added the little thing at the bottom, were you said, “I guess I just had a bad day.” Remind me never to get you mad at me. All the topics were great, but I had my favorites. My favorites were, “a sauna of struggling ambition,” and “a moustache as a lonely emblem of manhood.” Thanks for placing this Poem were I was able to read it. Kay-Ren 2004-07-01 17:17:56
Electron SelfCarolyn Gale McGovern-BowenI felt that most of this poem was very free flowing as was the intent. This phrase really tripped me up, “Living lottery lives”. It’s probably just me, but it seemed too clever. It stood out from the rest of the phrases, and I had the thought that it might be a better title or an ending. I hope this makes since. If not please drop me an email and I’ll try state my meaning more clearly. Have you thought about a different word instead of living? Perhaps “animating lottery lives”? I really liked the message of this poem. The last line felt light, and I am left with a floating feeling. Thank you for placing this poem where I would have a chance to experience it. Kay-Ren 2004-07-01 12:30:13
EternalThomas H. SmihulaI really liked the flow of this poem. I feel the rhythm is perfect. The meter and your choice of words take a dire subject and give it hope. You’ve shown the positive and purposeful side of death. Death isn’t something we want to have in our lives, but what kind of lives would we have without it? Getting back to your poem, sorry about starting to head off on a tangent, I like the feel that the placement of the lines gave the poem. The lines that jutted out make a statement, to me, that they were the rulers of this poem, so I read just those lines. Now I see this poem as two that were merged. Two have to merge to make the birth of one. In this case the birth of this poem. Thank you for placing this poem where I was able to have the chance to read it. Kay-Ren 2004-07-01 01:42:31
Old AgeEdwin John KrizekI’m the opposite. I love winter and dread the summer heat. It gets up around 110 here. My roses and I burn. I really like your writing style. It’s easy to identify with the outer layer, but after thinking about it, other deeper meanings are exposed. Maybe it is just me, but I feel the claustrophobia of the darkness in this poem is about more then just the weather. Sometimes our lives are full of a darkness that engulfs us. We struggle through those times of our lives, hoping to just see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. As long as we keep moving we will see the light again, and we’ll reach it. Sometimes the light isn’t where or what we expected it to be. It is always there. Sorry if I’m sounding preachy. I’m speaking as much for myself as for you. Thanks for posting this poem where I would get to read it. Hang in there. Kay-Ren 2004-07-01 01:22:00
Shadows of YouthEdwin John KrizekI’d love to say that I don’t get this poem, but I do. Although when I read over things I wrote when I younger, I laugh. I was kind of expecting a nature related metaphor at the end of the poem instead of a more spiritual one. Upon examining the choice closer I see that the poem takes us through your growth by eloquently and subtly demonstrating it with strong visual images that we all can recognize. So that we are left feeling that you are more spiritual as an adult then when you were younger and more rooted in solid things. The brackets were the only things that really threw me off. To me they detracted from the poem's power. Just my opinion though. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem. Kay-Ren P.S. We can still go to jazz clubs. 2004-07-01 00:40:04
Alabaster Angel WingsWayne R. LeachI read this poem before bed last night and it affected me right away. I tried to write about how it made me feel, but my review was scattered. I went to bed and dreamed about this poem. This is a very powerful poem. You portrayed the frustration, pain and confusion not just with the word’s meanings, but with the word’s sounds. I think my biggest trouble with reviewing this poem is that it reminds me how I felt after my ‘fall from grace’ and right before I decided to live for myself instead of a religion. It was a nasty transition. Phew. Now that I’ve gotten that out I can look at other things in this poem. You used two phrases that give me shivers, “Gray Screams” and “Brain Grave”. I have to say that I don’t think you are not crazy. Keep moving forward and things will clear. Good luck, Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren 2004-06-30 10:48:44
BEFORE WE….Wayne R. LeachPhew. That was an intense and heart wrenching poem. I love the phrases you created for this poem. The rhyme scheme, especially in the first stanza, was like getting hit with a one – two punch. I was left with a visual image of someone pounding out his or her frustration, calming for a moment, then pounding again. The first two lines of this poem stick with me the most. The last stanza just knocks me out. Once a chance is past, it’s gone. I used to think I’d never have any regrets, but that is not how it worked out. We just have to remember that we are made from our mistakes and our successes. Thank you for sharing this poem. Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren 2004-06-29 17:20:17
The Christmas AngelMichael N. FallisThis was definitely a ‘warm and fuzzy’ poem. The sentiment through out the entire poem felt like Christmas should always be. The ending was just beautiful and touching. The ending made me feel like you'd given me a gift with your wish. In the third and forth stanza you might have used the word Christmas too much. Have you thought about maybe calling the tree, in the forth stanza, Douglas Tree, instead of Christmas Tree? It’s just an idea. As I read this poem over again, my mind added the word “And” to the very start of the last stanza. This poem was really good. I was reminded of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”. I hope you’ll pass this poem down with the angel. It’s really good. Thank you for sharing this poem. Only six months till Christmas. Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren 2004-06-29 16:53:54
♥ Moon Dance ♥Carolyn Gale McGovern-BowenI can almost see myself lying out on the grass, gazing up at the moon, and feeling all these feelings about her and thinking all these thoughts. The only place where I really tripped was the two lines that rhymed. “Ageless embrace, Mute illumined grace,” You hadn’t done any rhyming in the rest of the poem, so having these two words rhyme felt funny. They changed the flow of the poem for me. I really enjoyed the images and feelings your poem conveyed about the moon. This poem reminds me that it has been too long since I went outside, lay in the grass and just looked at the moon for a while. I miss doing that. Maybe I'll have to sneak outside some night, soon. Thank you for sharing this poem, Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren 2004-06-29 15:21:08
INSIDE MY HEADMichael N. FallisThis is now forever a favorite of mine. I loved it!!! It had me nodding in agreement and then it made me laugh out loud. I loved the lighthearted rhyme scheme that I could almost tap my foot to. This is a poem that I can easily see circulating the world in emails. Is it okay if I print it out and read it to my spouse, my mother-in-law and my eldest son, please? I’m sorry I can’t find any thing wrong with your poem. I don’t have any suggestions for improvements. I think it’s perfect just the way it is. Thank you for writing and sharing this awesome poem! I’m still smiling. Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren 2004-06-29 15:04:32
The Perseids Are ComingJoanne M UppendahlI loved this poem. As I was reading it, a picture popped into my head and stayed there. I saw an anchorman sitting behind his anchor desk trying hard not to be excited about the news he was giving. The audience can tell, though, that he can’t wait to get out there and see this sight for himself. His excitement transferred to me. Although, I felt a little sorry for him because he’ll probably have to work reporting this sight instead of seeing it. I’ve never really gotten such a clear image of a narrator before without the narrator being described. I think it was the artful way your poem shifts between dry commentaries in one phrase to energetic imagery in the next line. The voice speaking this poem has a personality and my brain couldn’t help but add a picture to it. Great poem and thank you for letting us read it. Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren 2004-06-29 14:13:37
The Black WaltzLynda G SmithThis poem had an old-world feel to it. I’d loved the ending, when all that the poem alluded to was stated plainly. As I read, the cadence of the poem pulled me along. Even though I had many guess as to the message of this poem, the poem twirled me about and onward. When I reach the end, the music and the words had stopped; I stood faced with knowing that I would die and knowing that most creatures don’t know their fate. I have to agree that they are probably better off for not knowing. Thank you for sharing this wonderful waltz. Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren P.S. This poem was perfectly named, in my opinion. 2004-06-29 13:39:17
THE CLOUD THAT FOLLOWS MEMichael N. FallisI really liked the rhyme scheme in this poem. The rhyme felt happy as it pulled me along. To me it felt like the content was in conflict with the rhyme. If this was your purpose then you did it perfectly. I identified with the message. Thank you for sharing this poem. Kay-Ren2004-06-21 23:49:19
SpiritosoJana Buck HanksThere is so much meaning packed into each phrase of this poem. I feel that I'm just getting the gist of its meaning and if I knew what Spiritoso was I would understand this poem. Gods, I'm going to be trying to figure this out. I have that feeling that, in a flash, I will understand and I'll feel silly for not connecting sooner. Thank you for the puzzle. Kay-Ren2004-06-21 21:02:09
Return to ReeowRegis L ChapmanI finished this poem feeling confused. I read it again and this time I read your notes. Yep, confusion and pain mixed with a little anger. There are some things we just never get over. We live with them, but they are a part of us. I don't believe in forgetting as long as the memories don't keep us from living. I understand the emotions of this poem and I'm glad they are in your past. Kay-ren 2004-06-21 20:43:19
Morning CoffeeEdwin John KrizekYou make me sad that I didn't fall in love with a poet. I would love to receive a poem like this one. I could almost smell the coffee and the cool morning air as I read the great imagery you've painted with just a few words. I'm learning a lot by reading your poems. My favorite part, that made me giggle, was "A gaggle of wheeled vehicles". In that simple phrase you made me feel that the cars passing by were silly gooses and didn't belong. Okay, I'll stop gushing on you. Thank you for letting us read this. Kay-ren2004-06-21 19:52:43
JadenJana Buck HanksThis is a beautiful poem for a beautifully named baby. I felt a bit jolted that the first two verses rhymed and the second two didn't. This poem still conveys a feeling of soft awe. 2004-06-21 19:43:32
RegretEdwin John KrizekThis poem hits close to home. It flowed wonderfully and I loved the feel of it. I can't find anything wrong or anything I'd change. Thank you for sharing this poem. I wish we didn't have to age. I have to go cheer myself up now, though. :)2004-06-21 19:35:07
Dancing For The GodsRick BarnesI was really enjoying this poem until I ran into the word thrum. I'm not sure what the word thrum means but my gut wanted to say thrummed instead of thrum. I've looked up thrum. Yahoo dictionary said, "To play (a stringed instrument) idly or monotonously: thrummed a guitar." That explains why the word was familiar to me but I wasn't sure about it. My estranged Mom was a classical guitarist. I think thrummed would have kept the flow better. I loved your use of the word sashay. There is something about that word that just makes me smile. I had to think about the ending before I got it. I think I get it now. You were saying, "hindsight is 20/20". I really like the way you phrase those last two lines. Thanks for a very enjoyable read and for the smile. 2004-06-21 19:28:57
Hacking ChestnutsG. Donald CribbsI feel I am defective, because I didn't understand this poem at all. Maybe I don't get it, because I am a girl and I played "Pencils" in school, too. Something that might help a silly girl to understand a boy's viewpoint is if you used "The Loser's shattered" instead of "The Losers shatter". Then we would see that you were talking about your nuts. I really liked the flow of the first paragraph. I could envision your world as a boy by just the few words you used. I hope this helps, Kay2004-06-17 21:55:11
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