Mary J Coffman's E-Mail Address: cmadmoon@aol.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Mary J Coffman	Critique Date
My Father's Funeral	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, This is heartwrenching, and packed full of raw emotion. One can actually "sense" the sadness and confusion the "child" is feeling in this poignant write. I especially liked the term "broken child" as it depicts not only the child's sadness, but also the psyche, and the turmoil both must be in. Also, the constant retreat into memories makes this even more effective, and thus leads into the "double identity" feelings you speak of. But, the last line, I belive, has the most devastating impact. With all the raw emotion, confusion, and bouncing back and forth btween the "then and now" of the situation....still the "child" has a hard grasping the concept of this kind of loss. Beautifully, and powerfully penned. Nancy! Brava!! Regards, Mary	2007-01-12 08:36:12
Lost Is To Found	DeniMari Z.	DeniMari, How painfully beautiful this is, my friend. Filled with such stark truths, and honest raw emotions. Leaving is, indeed, just another fresh start. Whether it be leaving a relationship, or leaving this life behind. Love the depth of thought this short but succinct and poignant poem evokes. Since the accident, I have "reevaluated" so much in my life. This one really hit home for me, DeniMari. So very well stated, and very well done. No unneeded jargon, just the honest truth. Brava! Warmest, Mary	2007-01-12 08:18:11
Ah, Such Memories	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl... For suc a short poem, this is astounding in both it's veriage and imagery. Written with such depth, as well. I love poems that evoke deep thought, and this did just that. I can't even pick a favorite passage, as it's grand in it's entirity! But, I simply adore the last line. It seems to "grin" at you as I read. What a wonderful wrap to this beautiful write. Your right! Your back with a vengence!! Bravo! Warmest, Mary	2007-01-11 08:53:58
Tigers & Camels & Zebra's-oh my!	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, Wow! I felt like I was in Oz with you, my friend. Such a mixture of animal life...sights never to be seen in 'real life' together at all. What an excellent tale of whimsy and amusement! A delightful and pleasing break from the sometimes-starkness of everyday life! I especailly love the last lines, as I could actually relate to that having a horse and living here in Colorado. Thanks for the respit, my friend. I so enjoyed this offering! What an imagination you must have!! *smile* Warmest regards, Mary	2007-01-11 08:49:31
The Girl On the Bridge	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, This heartwrenching write is wrought with both sadness and despair, yet so expertly expressed. It goes right to the readers heart, making us 'feel' every raw emotion you enclose within these painful lines. You write so we can 'see' the whole scene unfolding before our own eyes...as if we were actually there. My heart ached for them as I read, and tears welled in my own eyes. Alcohol destroys lives. I have lost loved ones to it's ill effects in the past, and I can honestly say, from first-hand experience, those scars never heal. They simply fade to resurface every now and then reminding us of what we've lost and why. The "added fiction" at the end is very approprite, and well devised. Thanks for sharing this, and reminding me once again why I no longer drink. Brava! Sincerely, Mary	2007-01-10 10:53:35
Grandness	James C. Horak	Wow, James, This is packed with such stark truths. Poignant, and honest, this write stabs at the very heart and psyche of the reader. Love the beginning lines...seems so much of whats offered on TV or movies these days is both trivial, and boring. Insults to our intelligence. I adore the powerful ending, though! So very well said...."like blown newspaper to a bench in a storm..." Brilliant! Thanks so much for sharing. Goes on my list, to be sure. Warmest regards, Mary	2007-01-10 10:45:03
Shades Of Tiffany	Dellena Rovito	Dellena... This is absolutely stunning in all it's colorful imagery. Who would have thought such a beautiful rendering could come from such a simple every object as a lamp?! (Should there be a comma after "replendent?") Such a trivial thing that takes nothing away from the granduer of the scene you present to us! I especially love how you ended this..."fresh perception and moments that require revelation...." stated so very eloquently! The lines breaks, perfect leads into the ensuing stanzas. Masterfully penned, indeed. Brava, Claire!! Warmly, Mary	2007-01-10 10:38:36
Young Man on the Ropes	James C. Horak	James, Despite the fact that I usually don't feel qualified to comment on your wonderful and very accomplished work, I found this delightfully witty! Ahhhhh, through the eyes of the child... And, the constant "whys?" You have captured so much in this little, but well presented poem. I love how you break your lines, as well. This adds to the over-all effect with perfection. Bravo, James! I love it! Sincerely, Mary	2007-01-10 10:11:20
Colors	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This is simply amazing! The simple title (perfect by-the-way) doesn't prepare you in the least for the juicy meat of this poem. Your vocabulary in this is wonderful. I love how you open with the word "kaleidoscope," as it floods the mind with wondrous images of the entire spectrum of colors. What a fantastic follow-through on the title! LOVE the "shards of glass ingnite my brain" metaphor you use here, as well. But, your second stanza, and last two lines, are my absolute favs! "Brand patterns" is excellent! And, I love the word "besiege" here...perfectly stated. Also, love the word "laggard" as it puts one in a relaxed state only to be "reawakened" (startled) by the last line. I adore it, my friend! So much vivid imagery in so few well chosen words! Kudos to you! Goes on my list, for sure! Warmest regards, Mary	2006-12-16 08:43:17
Heavens Christmas	DeniMari Z.	DeniMari, You begin this with such colorful imagery that invades the mind with great exhuberance! One can almost 'feel' the excitement and anticipation with the following few lines. An almost 'childlike' apprehension....waiting for the next line... This warm and touching poem really tugs the heart, and reflects such a reverance for the season. I very much enjoyed reading this one, my friend. Thanks so much for sharing the wonder! My best to you always, Mary	2006-12-16 08:32:24
Walking In Your Holy Land	Claire H. Currier	Claire, This is beautifully done. I adore your first and last stanza. By starting with those words, you made us feel as though we were there in that sacred place, experiencing what is to follow ourselves. So full of wonderful imagery and emotion, and such a feeling of well-being ensues after reading this. Then; you repeat that wonderful first stanza, and bring us back full circle. Brava, Claire! Thank you for the wondrous Chritsmas gift of these precious words. Always, Mary	2006-12-16 08:27:54
Jewel	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy....so much imagery in these few well chosen words. I adore this! I especially love the third line "....sparkling jewel of life...." If seen from the heavens, this is what I would envisualize while looking at our Mother Earth. Beautifully stated. Then..."a sapphire set in velvet sky...." so much color and texture in these words. I'm a big fan of short forms, as they force the use of both imagery, and well chosen words....both of which you have achieved nicely in this piece. Well done! I so enjoyed reading this. Thanks for posting, my friend. Warmly, Mary	2006-12-16 08:23:46
A Christmas Tale	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, this is absolutely heartwrenching. The first stanza offers so much beautiful imagery, and fondness of memory. I think we all were reminiscing right from the beginning. And, whose father never played "Santa?" What warm touching moments you have captured here, and in the wonderful stanza to follow. Reindeer tracks in the snow....how creative! Then comes the twist... Love the use of the word "mirth" here, and the imagery of the empty rafters...the echoing sound of an empty room invades the mind. What a sad, yet beautiful ending, my friend. However, you have left us (and yourself I'm sure) with some of the most wondrous memories to dwell on. My heart goes out to you, dear friend. This is such a touching, heartwrenching write. But, the beautiful images you painted in our mind yet linger. Brava, Marilyn! Beautifully done! Warmest regards Mary	2006-12-16 08:18:58
Comfort	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, this is wonderfully written. Left me feeling so calm and serene. I love how you structured this so that we could ponder each beautiful expression. It's such a positive and hopeful piece. Stunning in its simplicity, and imagery. I adore the ending, too. You leave the reader anxiously awaiting the chance to, once again, "stand and sing" of its wonder. I found it both creative and refreshing to read. Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece, Nancy. I so enjoyed this one from you. *big smiles* Brava! Warmly, Mary	2006-08-06 10:53:51
This Old Table Has Roots	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, this is wonderful! So often I have found myself echoing my mother, and her echoing her mother, and on and on. I often tell my daughter "watch, one day you'll besaying the same things to your daughter" and then I laugh. So funny how we are "repeated" through life, eh? You have captured this so very well here. I couldn't help but chuckle over the irony here. I'll probably go on giggling about this all day. My goodness, see what you've started?! *big smiles here* I adore this, Ellen! This one made my day, my friend! Well done. Brava, and thanks for sharing the grins. Warmest, Mary	2006-08-06 10:38:02
To Those That Pick on Dweebs	James C. Horak	Yikes! James, you sure know how to poke eyes out with your pen! LOL! (gently rubs eyes after reading this one) *grin* Lots of powerful jabs in this, along with a lot of stark truths, too. I LOVE the questions you present here. So often we 'look' without 'seeing' or 'hear' without 'listening.' I have known people like this, as I'm sure we all have. This makes this poignant poem so easy to relate to. I adore the ending, it reaches out and slaps you right in the face, "....and I'll bet your proud of it...." Powerful! It's as if you "spit" those words out at us. One question, (maybe I'm lost here) should there be a "than" inserted between "other" and "to be in the way of?" No matter...I still think this is absolutely wonderful. Really makes one think. Thanks for sharing, James. This is so very well penned, but then all your offerings are well penned! I so enjoyed this one. Thanks for sharing. KUDOS! Many blessings, Mary	2006-08-06 10:31:53
Moonstones	James C. Horak	James, Seems when I tried to 'send' my first critique, the server 'burped' and I'm not sure if it got through to you. Forgive me if you get this twice. I'll try to say everything I said the first time about this wonderfully romantic piece. First, the title drew me right in being a 'moon child' myself. It's the perfect title for your poem! Then, the first line...It makes one feel as though they are right there beside the author beginning a wondrous journey..."...let us go to the mountains..." Please! Let's go! My favorite line has to be the next one - "....Up where the air is kissed by nothing but the sun...." This is just beautiful, and depicts the purity and splendor of the scene that you lay in front of us. Nice! "....a pail of tears long promised me for diamonds...." Perfectly penned, beautifully stated, and a very creative and original use of metaphor. I LOVE it! Very very nice. The ending line sums it all up so nicely, "...and when we leave I will have them in your hair...." This line definitely left me sighing. Who knew you could be such a romantic...LOL! *grin* This is just beautiful, James. One I shall return to often. Definitely on my list this month! Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I so enjoyed reading, and re-reading this little treat! Bravo. Warmest regards, Mary	2006-08-06 10:18:20
Pocket Change	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, This little, yet powerful, poem evokes such deep thought and introspection. Love the "pocket change" metaphor you use here. It's fantastic, creative, and original. To think of wasted days as wasted change is such a good correlation. So easily we "spend" our lives without memory of where or when we lost all that time. Love your structure here, as well. It allows the reader to 'ponder' each separate thought provoking line. Don't we all wish we could start over, while retaining the knowlege we have today? I can't count the times I have had these exact thoughts! I think all of us can easily relate to this wonderful write. Short, succinct, and well penned. I liked this one a lot, Dellena. Just enough said to get the point across without unneeded jargon, yet still evoking deep thought. I love this in a poem! Thanks for sharing this with us. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Brava! Warmest regards, Mary	2006-08-06 10:06:27
Skipping Stones	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, this is so sad and beautiful at the same time. So much rich imagery in these lines. One could almost 'feel' the breeze as we stand on the banks with you. "...between white river stones..." Love this line in all its simplicity. Having stood on a river's bank many times myself, this simple little line brought back a flood of memories of trying to find 'just the right stone' to throw and skip across the water! "....the hurried sky..." LOVE this! Gives the feeling of a fast setting sun, and darkness' rapid approach. Perfect! Like how you separated "Remembering" as well. It leaves the reader lingering in the moment, much as the author must have been lingering at the water's edge... Very well penned, Marilyn. I so enjoyed reading this wonderful offering. Thanks for sharing. Brava! Warmest regards, Mary	2006-08-06 09:15:51
The Silkiness Of Her	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, this is indeed a treat to be savored. You appeal to all the senses with this beautiful write. One can 'hear' the breeze rushing through the trees, 'smell' the scent of the wildflowers in the air, 'see' the grasses and flowers dancing in the breeze, and you even got 'taste' in there in the last line. This one has to be my favorite, too. "...taste as I, the honeyed smooth flavor..." Perfection! So rich and vivid in i all its imagery. You paint such glorious pictures in the mind with this write. I so enjoyed this wonderful piece, in all its glory. Thanks for shring this treat with all of us. Well penned, indeed. Kudos! Warmly, Mary	2006-08-06 09:09:13
Reflection	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, I adore the structure you gave this. Separating each thought (i.e. "I sit," "I watch," "I see," "I gasp," "I sink"). One could almost make a complete poem out of those lines alone. It gives the entire poem such a definite power, and impact. Short succinct lines whose delivery is perfection. I especially love the line "...I see a soul in shadows floating shallow, distorted...." Wow! So very descriptive, and almost foreboding. One can almost feel themselves slipping into the darkness here. Well done! I love it! Thanks for sharing this little gem with us. Brava! Many blessings, Mary	2006-08-06 09:03:36
In This City	Ellen K Lewis	Wow! Ellen, this is so powerful, and poignant. Love how you start each stanza by introducing the reader to each new "place." So very descriptive. One can actually picture all the sadness and atrosities you depict here. Ones that are all to real in this world today. Love your word choices, and all the vivid imagery you provide in this write. Each stanza yanks the reader in a new direction...just as each day of life does. Lots of emotion in this, as well. Well penned, my friend. One more for my list! Thanks for sharing this power-packed piece with all of us. Brava! Warmly, Mary	2006-08-06 08:29:23
The Family of Crows	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, This is precious, indeed. Definitely a winner for children. I especially love the "suprise" you include. It gives a gentle 'tug' in yet another direction, one the children will undoubtedly enjoy. Like how you differentiate between the two crows with the spelling of "Caw" vs. "Kaw." One question about last line in forth stanza...should "pruned" be "preened?" Although it reads wonderfully as is. Like the subtle rhymimg in this, as well. This is a wonderful childrens' piece, Ellen. So very creative in its simplicity. Well done! Thanks for sharing this delightful piece with us. I enjoyed every 'morsel.' *smile* Warm regards, Mary	2006-08-06 08:22:19
Mourner’s Cloth	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, this conjures such rich and vivid pictures in the mind of the reader. Wonderfully worded, it provides lots of imagery to digest. The tilted gravestones, the cemetary itself, and even the blanket of wildly growing weeds (Pearly Everlasting). It has such a melancholy 'feel' to it, as well. Love all the subtle rhyming included in this, too. (worn, scorned, adorned, etc...) All through this, you have that 'assonance' thing going on. Very nice. It provokes some deep thought, as well, about things/people lost and forgotten in time. The flow is so smooth. I enjoyed reading this picturesque piece very much! Brava, Nancy! Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece with us. Warmest regards, Mary	2006-08-06 08:06:12
Oohga Whah Whah	James C. Horak	OMG! James, this is too much! LOL! The ending left me laughing untill there were tears in my eyes. What fun this is to read. I've re-read it several times, too, each time laughing and grinning excessively. What a treat! Such an imagination you must have, my friend. I adore the idea of the Masai houseboy, as well. The "language" you give him is simply wonderful and so very creative. And, Fluffy...poor thing. Too funny! Thanks so much for sharing the giggles with us, James. This goes on my list immediately! (still chuckling....) I love it! My best to you, Mary	2006-08-06 07:56:48
Electric Activity....Brain Diversity	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, This emotional and very poignant write brought tears to my eyes. One could almost 'feel' the waves of emotion you must have experienced here...the fear, anxiety, shame, and yes even the defiance. It's all here in these heart-wrenching words. This must have been a very difficult one for you to write, my friend. I applaud your courage and fortitude, Ellen! Despitie the doleful content, I liked this piece very much. It gives us a rare glimpse inside the author's heart. Brava! Goes on my list to be sure. Thanks for sharing this 'personl' piece with all of us here. I shall light a candle for you tonight. Wamrly, Mary	2006-08-06 07:49:36
Fantasy	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This is stunning! I adore your word choices, and the subject, as well. The title is perfect! It grabbed my attention, and drew m right in...hook, line, and sinker! "I placed my emotions in A brown paper wrapper And threw it to the winds" .....I LOVE this first stanza! WOW! what an opening! So many times I have wished I could do just this, cast all my worries to the winds and be done with it. Love the "brown paper wrapper" used here. How absoltely perfect! "I was in earshot of the Sea when the ribboned air Rolled over wave after wave" ......."...ribboned air..." Excellent use of metaphor/similie here, Marilyn. Such a pleasing, and vivid description. Produces such wonderful images in the mind. Plus, I could almost "feel" it gently gliding over my skin, and see it flowing over the waves. Mmmmmmm..... "How airy and un-earthed I felt, like a ripple That could eclipse time" ......Can almost deel orselves "riding" like a feather atop that breeze here... wave over wave... how very soothing this stanza is. Bursting with imagery, and tranquility. "Fearless and guileless As a seraph on wing I watched my worries Wag as if on water. The Virtue of all this is my Pursuit of colossal tranquility" .......Such a "purity" and "calmness" in these last lines. Left me sighing, and so relaxed. *big smiles* Like how you introduced "seraph" into ths, giving it an almost ethereal feel. Also like the use of the words "vrtue" (adds to the sense of purity in these lines), and "colossal," this word giving it that feeling of being overwhelmed by something so beauful, and soothing. So very well penned, my friend. In all it's simplicity, the wonderful descriptions create such beautiful imagery in my mind as I read through this! So amny layers here... Yet, another treat for the mind from you! Thanks for sharing this, Marilyn. I enjoyed this very much. Goes on my list!! Brava! Warmly, Mary	2006-07-14 13:31:40
Dawning	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This is wonderfully penned! Full of fabulous figerative language, and imagery. LOVE the title, it's the perfect lead-in to the body of this wonderful work. "I have misgivings when I feel the eye of heaven Bearing down on me." ......This brings to mind that "self-conciousness" we so often feel, or possibly a feeling of inadequacy. Love the "eye of heaven bearing down on me...." Gives it such an ominous feel "As if my blatant faults Are as easy to see as An open sore." .....WOW! What a picture THIS leaves in the mind. Very effective, and also reinforces that feeling of inadequacy you hint at in stanza one. I especially love the metaphor of the "open sore" ~ even though it's graphic imagery, it depicts the aprehension one feels with perfection. "Should I sink every Impulse like a bolt? That is an unanswerable Question, of course." ........."sink every impulse like a bolt..." Outstanding! It drives the point home, and gives it the "weight" it needs to deliver the impact it carries. And, there it is...the eternal unanswered question...how could we not relate to that! Well stated!! Excellent metaphor, again. "The rain is rainier For being blown across Shadows and a fussy sky." ......"..the rain is ranier..." Love it, even though it's grammatically incorrect, it's perfectly used here. Poetic license, eh? Yes! Well done! I also adore how you used "fussy sky..." Love the reference, and the assonance here. "There is nothing stupendous Here, nothing unseen Just an old truth dawning" .....reminds of that saying..."same day, same ol sh*t" *grins* We all have to face that "truth" day after day, or at least we should be. Love how you approach it, though. Excellent ending statement. It actually "sighs" with such utter indifferency. I adore the last line, too. "Just an old truth dawning." Isn't that the truth! Love the use of the word "dawning" here, as well. It's perfect! Fantastic job, Marilyn. I so enjoyed this fine offering! Definitely one for my list! Short, and succinct. A very powerful, and honest write. Thanks so much for sharing this gem with us. Brava! Much love and laughter, Mary	2006-07-12 16:16:37
Shelter	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy... Such a beautifully honest write, my friend! The imagery is wonderful, vivid, and so complete. Many times I have felt those same self-imposed limits so as not to be "infected" with the harshness of the "outside" world. How well you have portrayed that here, and so simply and beautifully. I especially love the line: " what lay beyond this framework of my choice" This line, to me anyway, says it all. It drives home the point that it IS, after all, our choice to remain blind to all else. It also makes one contemplate all the reasons why we do it. Is it just for a respit from reality? Or, to keep from getting hurt? Maybe to avoid having to "deal" with life's little surprises? This peice, in all it's glorious simplicity, evokes deep thought and introspection. I so enjoyed that about it. The last line is perfection, as well. For, it is a "shelter" from all our woes... Brava, Nancy! Very well penned, indeed. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Going on my list, to be sure! Warmest, Mary	2006-07-12 14:01:18
Memoriter	Brandon Gene Petit	Brandon, This is simply amazing, my friend. I read, and re-read this over an over. Love how you began each line of the first 5 stanzas with "When I/Will I," and did so without ever becoming redundant! That in itself deserves Kudos!! Well done! You ask such poignant questions, with astounding depth. I had a very difficult time picking out any that really "touched" me, as it is exceptional. But, the following did reach a little deeper into my soul: "When I’m forced to gaze into the eyes of my maker Will I miss the sincerity of my reflection?" WOW! When we look into the mirror, what do we "really" see? Can we actually "accept" the reality of who we really are? How long have we been "kidding" ourselves? These lines pose so many of those questions, forcing the reader to look deep inside. "When letters are chiseling into my tomb Will I know life again in a new infant’s cry?" Is there reincarnation? Will I be reborn to try again to learn the mysteries of life and maybe get it "right" this time? There are those that believe that we are continually reborn over and over, until we reach that :"enlightened" state that allows us to pass onto the next realm. These lines hint at that to me. Well said! "The talent to bleed, perceive and perspire Can only be bred in a heart-heavy chest" One can only truly understand if one has actually experienced. So very true. These lines deliver an eye-opening punch. As poets, often we can only successfully convey what we have actually experienced. Again, so very well stated. I adore poetry that evokes deep thought, and you have more than satified that hunger in this readers eyes! This is one for my list! Thanks for sharing this wonderful write with us, my friend. I so enjoyed reading this....every time I did! LOL! Bravo, Brandon. Beautifully penned, indeed! Regards, Mary	2006-07-12 11:26:12
The Poets' Tree	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, This is absolutely wonderful! The imagery in this is so beautiful. I could feel the coolness of the grass beneath me, and see the tangled branches against a bright blue sky, as i looked up. I could smell the set air, and sense the beauty there in your words. You have touched many senses with this display of word art, my friend. I especially loved the phrase "...chorused off the verses of a silly child..." What a sweet picture this leaves lingering in the mind. A wonderful way to depict this grand tree...as a "poet's tree." Funny how the little simple pleasures of childhood can spark such a lifelong magic in our souls... Beautifully penned, indeed. Thanks for sharing this with us. I enjoyed it immensely. Warmest, Mary	2006-07-12 11:04:29
Tending Mr. Dark	James C. Horak	James... This is a truly powerful write, my friend! I so enjoyed this one. First, I LOVE the title! It's perfect, and draws the reader right in, setting an almost macrabe mood. Smiles do not hide that you would drink my blood, Given slightest assent by the powerful. .....I LOVE these first lines, excellent! Well stated. Losing those dearest to me lifetimes in, lifetimes out, Guile and craft comes to possess Until I am wearied of all things owned. .....yes, after a time, it all seems to bring pain. We wake too late to know Knowledge is its own reward. While craft is an art of subterfuge that Guile is more than a cloak of lies. This whole stanza speaks such truth. "subterfuge" - great choice and, "guile" being a "cloak of lies" - Love it! ..."Telling moments fall like cooling drops of tallow From a candle braving darkness. " GREAT line. So very descriptive, and refreshingly original. "And the old mistakes come to own us Like the cloak of Mr. Dark commands the Night." Yes, we are what we do, and in the end the darkness rules the night. Though, I much prefer the way you put it. So poetically rich and powerful. Kinda gives ya the willies! Like a final slap in the face, or wake up call. I adore poetry that evokes such deep thought, and you have certainly quenched that thirst well with this one, my friend. Wish I felt competent enough of a writer to further critique your work, but I believe it perfect as is! Thanks for sharing this word art with us, James. It's truly excellent! Always, Mary	2006-06-28 18:10:12
A Spot On The Prairie	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, I have been gone for a bit. Been going through a very rough time. What a treat it was to come back and read this wonderful display of word art. The imagery in this is simply magnificent. Your well chosen words seem to actually transport the reader to the prarie right along with you! It was the bluest noon in June ...LOVE the ooooh sound here. Wonderful smooth start. Without the slightest hint of breeze I stepped upon the tawny plain Circled by mountains high and steep, ...what a gorgeous scene you set for us. Could feel the warm breeze and feel the warmth of that "tawny plain beneath my toes In silence I trod with calm and ease. .......Soooooo soothing A slumbering cabin came into view The sides and roof splintered with age I stepped inside the lazy door .......again, the vivid imagery paints a wondrous picture in the mind And felt the hair creep upon my head. Gossamer ghosts hovered above the floor ....nice alliteration (and image) with "gossimer ghosts" LOVE it! Like every fairy wheel and thread, long Fingers of light shone through the cove. No robust phantom lingered there ...."robust phantom" - WOW! Great word choices here! Only sunbeams that danced on silver dust, ...love this entire line - perfection! One of my many favs here. My hard breathing ceased, my joy increased As I drank of the stillness and peace ....assonace AND alliteration in both lines! VERY NICE. I have always found the "S" can create such silky smoothness to the flow. LOL! No pun intended! *grins* The ending is perfection, as well. It leaves the reader basking in "the stillness and peace" of you words, and the exceptional visions they create in our minds as we read. It flows so very well throughout. Sorry to have been gone for so long, my friend. So good to come back to something as rich and vivid as this. Thanks for sharing your "spot" on that prarie with us. Beautifully penned, indeed! Goes on my list immediately! :) Always, Mary	2006-06-26 16:26:09
Rhythm of Romance	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen...what a wonderful romantic sensual tale you weave for us here. And, yes...I can very well imagine this to music. The elegant, yet simplistic verbiage (any more would be too much and detract from the immense meaning of this) are perfection, and the flow is smooth despite the "uneven" meter. Subtle rhymeing is superb. I have tingles for ya, my friend. Love the title, as well. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt read, my friend. I so enjoyed it. :) Always, Mary	2006-06-25 18:41:56
In Passing...	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, This is marvelous! The Iambic Pentameter is perfect, giving it an even smooth flow all the way through. "The season of our parting, comes too soon" Yes, a refreshing way to elaborate the coming of death. Love the use of the word 'parting.' Perfect! "...As deaths dark cloak, drapes heavy overall..." Love the alliteration, and you chose to go with the 'd' sounds which give a very dramatic impact to each of the words. Like an impending slowing heartbeat. Well said..."death's dark cloak..." I like that combination of words. "...With reason, nor with empathy's cocoon Shall leave it's bearer, perished from the fall..." Yep, no one gets out alive! It comes without mercy, and sometimes without warning. It's inevitability is well spoken here. "...empathy's cocoon..." Outstanding! Love it! Great word choices all thru this. I am amazed at how much you packed into these four lines! Imagery, feeling, emotion... it's all there. Seems we both wrote about 'Death' this month. as well, and both in Iambic Pentameter!! Eerie coincidence, eh? Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, In fact I have read it numerous times, before I critiqued! You use good figurative language, and the technique throughout is sound. Timing and meter perfect! But, it's execution is what I enjoyed the most. Nothing overstated, yet everything is there. Short and succinct. Brava, Nancy! Thanks so much for sharing! Warm Regards, Mary	2006-04-02 12:19:16
Tranquility	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This is absolutely stunning. The imagery in this is so vivid and clear. Your descriptions rich, and complete. But, let me backtrack...I'm getting ahead of myself a bit. First, the title is a perfect lure into this wonderful peice. "Tranquility." Not only does it instill a feeling of peace right away, it's something we all seek in our lives, so we are automatically drawn in by this single, powerful word. "The silence of The snow laden Mountains ..." Being originally from Michigan, I can relate to this 'silence' in the snow. One can almost hear the blood rushing in their ears, it's so quiet. This creates not only a beautiful image in the mind, but touches on our sense of hearing as well. I could almost hear that rush... Wonderful beginning, as it sets the perfect mood right away, opening our minds and senses to what's yet to come. "Cloak me in their Quiet aisles Of prayer..." Again that wonderful peaceful feeling. "Quiet aisles of prayer..." Beautifully stated! Love the metaphor! "...as Welcoming pine Trees cradle I have often walked in the woods, and felt as though they were wrapping their arms around me. This line brings that warm safe feeling, and some wonderful memories, rushing back. Very visual, and again you address the sense of touch (ie: cradle). "...Here am I Safe from the Daggers that Pierce my soul..." I LOVE these lines. You have found sanctuary from the everyday trials of life. A place that envelops you in gentleness and peace. A realm of safety, a repreive if you will, from stark reality. Great word choices here, as well...love "daggers/peirce" One can "feel" the sharpness of these words. Yet again, the sense of touch. "...Renewal of body And spirit Begins with The crimson Dawn..." Superb ending, too. The first word, 'renewal', leaves us sighing in releif. Revitalized. Recharged. Ready for the new day..."the crimson dawn." A wonderful way to end this, in a flash of brilliant color! What a treat this write is. So much imagery, and emotion. I so enjoyed reading this. Simple and succinct, it touches the soul. Thanks for sharing, Marilyn. Brava!! Always, Mary	2006-04-02 11:06:17
Hinging	James C. Horak	James, This is stunning. Perfect title, too. So much going on in this. Lots of wonderful figurative language: "She wondered if so light a thing, Treated seemingly so solemnly..." ...love the combination of assonance/alliteration here - seemingly/solemnly. And, at least to me. the 's' sounds always add such a smoothness to the flow. It just rolls off the tongue effortlessly. This first tercet leaves one sighing in wonder. So much feeling... "Dressing her with hands, replacing What it took off, lovingly replacing." Wonderful. Even in the 'afterglow.' there is still love. The choice to remain and savor the time spent with a special one in our lives. So very soft and romantic feeling here. "Concern to doorsill, level, clasping hinges, The set of everything seemed to matter. Somehow, to matter." To me this verse illustrates the desire to commit every aspect of 'a perfect encounter' to memory. Never to lose one detail of the surroundings, and feelings experienced. Taking a mental photograph, if you will. Throughout this write, as subtle as it is, you never seem to lose track of the sensuality or romance. Without actually speaking of it directly, you convey the entire scene with perfection. And, it's not 'mushy' either! LOL! I applaud you for this. So many times these kind of poems can seem trite, or forced. This is the exception to that! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! It has a wonderfully smooth flow, and is a very pleasant read. It goes on my winners list immediately! Thank you so very much for sharing this wonderful 'moment' with us. I look forward to more of your work. Be well, James. Warmest Regards, Mary	2006-04-01 09:16:47
COFFEE CUPS	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, The title drew me in immediately! It made me wonder right away if you were really going to write about a couple of cups! LOL! Silly me... I especially like how you use the metaphors in this: Such long hours spent over coffee in sips of conversation some sweet, others bitter. ..."sips of conversation", all thoses little gossip tidbits... Perfect! Emotions, thoughts, feelings whirling, swirling from the bottom thick and rich and real like the cream that laid heavy in our cups. ...I LOVE how you say this! My favorite part! It is a bitter drink to think of where we were then and where I sit today alone and staring in this empty cup void of coffee; void of you ...up to here, Stanza 2 has a melancholy feel, or sadness to it, then... but oh! still the thought of you I find so... thirst quenching. ...what a hard yank back to a plesant memory - In the fist lines, the use of the word "sips" well illustrates the short "did you hear..." water cooler talk you so often hear. The juicy little tidbits of gossip that sometimes fill the idle gaps in our days. I adore this metaphor. It's absolutely perfect! In this stanza you give us such vivid imagery, as well. I could actually picture the crowd around the water cooler, and the steam rising from that cup of coffee I just stirred cream into. But, my favorite in this poem have to be the next few lines. Awesome. The comparison of the 'whirlpool' (a very overused metaphor) of feelings and emotions, expressed in a very unique and refreshing way. One which is surely familiar to many of us. I can certainly relate! :-) Kudos! The second stanza gives us 'feeling.' Lots of it! The word 'bitter' starts us on that spiral down into the sad undertones...that melancholy feel. The emptiness one feels, the lonliness... A 'void' left after losing someone special in our lives. And, just when we're sighing in contemplation - Wham! You yank us back into a plesant, and even a little sensual, memory. You left us basking in "that" moment, instead! Yes!! Well Done, my friend. I read this one several times! Thanks for sharing, I look forward to more from you :) Brava! Always, Mary	2006-04-01 08:38:36
Time	Thomas H. Smihula	Thomas, Well, Hello again! :) Seems I really like, and appreciate, your work! You seem to put so much of 'yourself' onto it. Your innermost thoughts, feelings... This is no exception. It's wonderful. The metaphor of a 'wrapped gift' is perfect. So simply stated, yet, delivers such a powerful message. Outstanding title, you never have to mention the word again through the entire poem! Definitely a profound, thought provoking write! One that needs to be contemplated thoroughly. Time, so often we take it for granted, sometimes confusing "it's" eternity with our own mortality. Then, in what seems to be an instant, it passes. No more time to make changes. So few well chosen words, so much to think about... Short, succinct, and flows so very nicely. Your pen speaks well here, my friend. I so enjoyed reading this one. Thanks for sharing. Be well, Thomas. :) Warm regards, Mary	2006-04-01 08:15:24
Hurricane Season	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark, I have to say, when I first read the title I was almost completely UNFAIR to you. I read a lot on another poetry site, and when Katrina hit EVERYBODY was writing about hurricanes... My first thought was: "Oh no, not another one!" OMG! How unfair of me! I almost passed this jewel up because of that! Oh silly me!! *blush* I clicked on yours anyway, and am so very glad I did! What a refreshing, and delightful surprise yours turned out to be. That will teach me...LOL! The title is GREAT used as a metaphor. Fantastic! There is so very much going on in your poem, along with some good sound technique. Hmmmm...where to start... An old friend blew in last week like an aimless hurricane .....as I said, LOVE the metaphor! his eyes were calm but cloudy ...our 1st indication something is amiss with your friend - well done you could drown getting too close nicely said, and the hard c sounds are great - nice alliteration to the waves of insanity surrounding him ....won't comment on ALL these wonderful metaphors till later... :) Youthful exuberance matured now manifested in forceful denial and delay, of the inevitable choice, ...WOW! Just, Wow! These lines just 'hit' you 'tween the eyes! life or death ....such stark truth/reality here...very well said while the storm ebbs and flows fueled by fear of change ...more alliteration - YES! This time the 'f' sounds, so soft... and easy doctors as my friend exists in the typhoon’s desperate perpetuity ..."desperate perpetuity" - it's perfect! I love the wording! He couldn’t stay long chasing or being chased by drugs, drink and yesterday’s high confusing excess with happiness ....love this! all the assonance ('s' sounds) very smooth, also so true! still reaching for the past and gone hurricane eyes are always calm. ...the perfect ending. Gives this such a melancholy feel. It sits softly sad in our minds, and hearts. To lose someone this way.... Mark. I only touched on a few of the wonderful things about this poem. I love when a poem evokes deep thought, and you satisfied that 'thirst' with this one. As I said earlier, your technique is sound. There are an abundance of wonderful metaphors/similies in this. The figurative language is excellent. Nice alliteration, assonance, and word usage all through this! You provided quite a bit of both imagery and feeling in this without overusing either. Your descriptions were rich, and complete. Despite the sadness of losing a friend this way, to drugs and drinking, this is beautifully written and executed. I can find no flaws, it's wonderful as is. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt rendering, Mark. I DID enjoy reading it very much. Putting it on my winner's list immediately! Be well, poet! Always, Mary	2006-03-31 12:03:59
Me	Thomas H. Smihula	Thomas, I have to say that I found this to be very 'moving' the first time I read through it. Then I read your notes at the end, and re-read it. WOW! It was heartwrenching to begin with, but the notes gave it a whole different perspective for me. It was 'then' that I could actually 'feel' your words. The misery, sadness, remorse, and yes...even the guilt of having to do something that goes completely against who we really are. I can't disect this one, as I believe my feeble attempt at it would diminish everything it is. For, it is the power of the emotion contained in this that speaks to me. Every lines literally drips with it! It grabs your very soul, and hangs on 'for dear life.' It is the landscape of who you are, if that makes sense... I get lost in La-La Land every now and then, and tend to ramble LOL! *smile* I enjoyed reading this, Thomas. It had a good flow, great figurative language (clean, simple, and succinct), and I beleive it to be a rare glimpse inside the poet himself. Subtle rhyme scheme works very nicely. The short lines seemed to add to the power of this peice, as well. It gave it the perfect pace. Bravo, Thomas. Well done! I look forward to more of your work :) Always, Mary	2006-03-31 11:33:09
Touch Me	Michael Bird	Michael, This is beautiful! It wraps you in a warm blanket of sensuous feelings, and strong raw emotions! Love the descriptiveness of it. I'm a big fan of imagery, and you more than satisfied that craving here! Your imagery is absolutely stunning. Such wondrous pictures you create in our minds with this well written peice of word art. I especially like how you differed each refrain, just the tiniest bit, so as not to be redundant. It works perfectly. The refrains also maintain the sensuality, as well. One is not released from that effect until long after we have read this. *grin* The constant "presence" of a loved one is felt throughout this, as well. We keep them near always, if only in our dreams... Wonderfully done. It has such a smooth flow, as well. The words seemingly carressing us as we delve into it's depths. And, the last line... Almost pleading... What a great wrap! I so enjoyed this, Michael. I have read, and re-read several times. A wonderful start to my day. I look forward to more of your work! Thanks for sharing this wonderful peice with us, my friend. Bravo! Always, Mary	2006-03-30 08:59:56
The Intercession	Brandon Gene Petit	Brandon, This is esquisite, my friend! Love the title, it grabs you right in, immediately. I'm just learning about meter, and I love how you played with it here. The transitions are so very smooth, I didn't even catch it till the second time I went through it (okay, so I enjoyed it.. :) ). "Let the night air singe my lungs ....(Trochaic tetrameter) And greet me from the eastern fields… ...(Iambic tetrameter) Through which her steps will shortly cross To meet me in this formal hour" You repeat this meter change in a few of your stanzas: stanza one, two, four and five. Almost unnoticable, they're so smooth. This stanza drips with anticipation. I could almost feel myself breathing deeper, in eagerness, along with it. Wonderful way to describe the hot night air, as well. "...singe my lungs..." Excellent! The imagery in this is astounding, and wonderfully descriptive. The picures you create in our minds are vivid clear, and complete. "...her features damp in silhouette..." I LOVE that line! What an image... Perfect. As one reads through this, you can acrually sense the gathering of the followers to hear her words, on a hot dry summer's eve, covertly in the darkness. I could picture the thin yellowed pages of a book in her hands, as the breeze tries to turn the pages. Your word usage is absolute excellence. Each one carefully chosen to deliver the scene/story with perfection. The meter is wonderful, and gives it a smooth flow throughout. Loved the use of metephor and similie, as well. What a true gift you have. Thanks so much for posting, and sharing, my friend. I so enjoyed reading this! It goes on my winner's list immediately :) Bravo! Always, Mary	2006-03-30 08:34:46
Soul Searching	Thomas H. Smihula	Thomas, This is an excellent write, my friend! There are so many layers here, so much going on. Where to start... Hmmmmm.... "Ever find yourself within a dark closet Nether a sound to interfere with thought Allowing the mind, to catch up in time" I think we have ALL been here at one time or another in our lives. So, you've captured us right at the very beginning! We can ALL relate to this in some way. This first stanza actually 'puts you there', once again. I could actually feel myself drifting in that peaceful silence.... Love the use of the word "Nether." Excellent choice here. Give it a kind of 'fairy-tale feel.' "Continually finding yourself standing in one spot holding a visionary compass knowing each direction all have the same beginning, yet each point a different ending" Oh yes...where to go, which way do I turn? Decisions, decisions... This stanza drips with confusion, and even a little frustration, as we try to decide which of life's paths we shouldtake. "Visionary compass," fantastic! Well done. "Although the directions may parallel one another each path has a different value associated with it the search for meaning is relentless till the end" I think this stanza illustrates the constant desire to define ourselves and/or our lives. And, this quest doen't end, it an ongoing search through to our journey's end. Profoundly stated. And as we read on... does it really end, or is it the beginning of a new road to travel? "As one approach’s an end to the journey realization is found no turning back time only moves forward" Wow! I say that because we both kind of touched on the same subject this month! Kinda creepy, huh... LOL! I love this stanza. The stark realization that at the end of our journey, our judgement awaits. Too late to change things now, there's no going back... The last line carries such power, as well. "Fulfillment an unknown to reap plenty still the goal for wants are necessities Sensitivity at its strongest yearning at it greatest moment until the wind subsides Dawn begins its steady climb showing light for the mind yet I find myself in a desert of dreams Dusk a final chapter, for this body blending into the sand in a desert of souls…" Smooth transistion from the quatrains to the tercets. Very interesting. I love it! In rereading it, the transition is so smooth the difference is unnoticible. Wonderfully done!! Like how you address the different aspects of the human spirit in each tercet; ie: 'fulfillment, sensitivity, dawn (the beginning of life/learning), and dusk (our final journey)'. The desert metaphor is great! The last tercet is my fav..."blending into the sand, in a desert of souls..." Perfectly worded and executed. Like the elipse, too. I don't use them very often, but here they fit well, and give just the right effect to the ending of this poem...leaving it open to the beginning of the next journey... Oh my, look at all those elipses I just used...LOL! :) Forgive me if I've rambled a bit here. I really enjoyed this offering! Thanks for sharing, Thomas. What a nice start to my morning *smile* Always, Mary	2006-03-30 08:07:09
November Sighs	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, Thanks for introducing me to yet another wonderful form! This is simply stunning! The imagery in this is vivid, and creates such wonderful picture in the mind as we read. I can see where word choice would be extremely importan here, as lines are short, and only 19 of them. I can fully appreciate the work you must have put into this to make it as beautiful as it is. The title is awesome! What a beautiful lead in to the body of this exceptional offering! It almost acts as the first line of the poem....well done!! wind whirls wild The alliteration here is wonderful, with all the 'w' sounds! round Autumns closing sky Love the use of '..closing sky.." depicting season's end with perfection whispers sighs Love all the 's' sounds all thru this...lends to already smooth flow. that leaves the trees and we to wonder why the time Again, fine alliteration, 'w' sounds add such softness to the delivery is nigh so sudden we must bid more 's' sounds to enhance that wonderful flow goodbye at winters glance I can see what you mean by the cadence of this form, although your word choices certainly add nicely to this effect. The words seem to 'dance' in the eyes of the reader. Your figurative language is wonderful. Descriptions are vivid, and complete. So much beauty in these words. I adore it!! Thank you for sharing this with all of us. I so enjoyed reading it! Goes on my winner's list immediately! Always, Mary	2005-11-16 10:52:24
And So It Went	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, This is so very powerful, and poignant. So guarded, yet so revealing. A rare, in-depth glimpse into a tortured soul. Your word choices are perfection, and maintain the level of power and impact this peice has, right to the very end. The piece of paper crumpled in my fist, again I held my mouth tightly silent. Too many times I've been forced to be still. Weren't my thoughts of any importance So much frustration, and self doubt in this excellent oopening quatrain. It sets both mood, and ambiance so well, allowing the reader to begin 'experiencing' this write from the beginning. So many of us can relate, I'm sure, to the punch of the last line..., "weren't my thoughts of any importance", and yet we tremble in anticipation of the answer. Not being exceptional in any way, my lagging confidence held strong barricading the inroads to dreams of fulfillment. It was the storefront of my existence. "...;agging confidence..." an integral part of our own self-doubt, again, reinforcing the frustration, and feelings of inadequacy in the first verse. Nice carry through! But, my favorite line here ie the third one... "barricading the inroads to dreams of fulfillment..." WOW! So very well conveyed! So often, we block ourselves from success (of any kind) with our own fear failure. "Unworthy" whispered the voice in my mind. Someone's smarter than you in every way. Every thought you think has been thought. Every word you utter has been uttered." Again, the reinforcement. It says so much, in its simplicity. Dripping with emotion. The dual meaning here is excellent, as well. Feelings of 'unworthiness' as a writer perhaps? (Although, we all 'know' that's not the case, don't we *smile*) Unworthy of any form of aknowlegement? Or, perhaps just plain 'unworthy'...period. So many layers to explore here. "There is not much new under the sun! What makes you equal to another one?" My heart smiled pure, my desire strong and I plugged along searching for answers. Despite all. there shines that glimmer of hope. That desire to excel. The constant search for answers, that is so much a part of our personal growth. Love the turn around! The miles passed long, the years passed fast. Never being quick enough, bit-by-bit I overcome. Understanding better the perils of existence, I've learned at last, what I'm responsible for and what I'm not…making all the difference. And, at long last... understanding. Something some may never acheive. Life itself, being a long, arduous journey with many hard lessons. Love the first line... very profound, and to the point. Yet, through all you endure, to rise above it. That spells success in my book! Truly a wonderful write, Dellena. I so enjoyed this peice, my friend. Thanks for sharing such a personal poem with all of us. Always, Mary	2005-11-14 14:23:14
It Is Not Their Place	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Medard, This is profoundly beautiful. Such depth of meaning, and powerful stark truths. The title is apt, and the perfect draw into the body of this talented display of word art. The angels are watching The demons devour The squandered existence Of spiritless men Love how you address each different 'sense' in each different stanza, This one dealing with 'sight.' "Squandered existence..." "spiritless men..." The 's' sounds here are so very effective. The angels are listening To the demons howl As they consume the vitality Of those who turned away The 'sense' of hearing is addressed here. The 'howl' of the demons so very evident in your descriptions here. And, the 's' sounds continue, lending to a smooth flow. The angels are smelling The demons foul stench As they ravage the essence Of the eternally lost The stench of demons, fetid and offensive as described here. It actually made me wince and crinkle my nose up! "ravaging the essence..." LOVE this! Nicely done. The angels are feeling The demons disembowel The souls of His children Who are damned forever Now comes the 'punch' ... the 'feel' of the finality of this situation. "Disembowel...great word choice here. It adds to the power of the delivery of these lines with perfection. Very well done, my friend. I so enjoyed reading this one! Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem with all of us. As Always, Mary	2005-10-22 10:02:57
Things Have A Season	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This is absolutely wonderful! Such rich descriptions, and stunning imagery in this masterfully crafted poem. The title is perfection! What a great lead-in to the body of this poem. I don't fear the coming of winter I know it's His plan that all things have a season. So I don't mind Too much Love the 'hesitation' that is achieved by seperating "too much" from the main stanza and using it as a refrain line. It's perfectly executed. "I don't mind" ... but really I do! Love the contridiction here. And, the repetition of this refrain line throughout the poem reinforces this aspect nicely. I spy decaying leaves and look on high to see black wings on blue aflutter. When wind whips the boughs of heaven and sea or my heart sings for spring and I long for wily winds to wheeze in my ear. I don't mind Wonderful verbiage all through this beautiful poem. Love the use of the word 'spy' instead of see. It gives it a secretive quality, as if hidden behind a hunter's blind watching the scene unfold. All the 'w' sounds in this are so pleaseing. Great alliteration... "wind whips, wily winds wheeze..." Nice!! Gives it such a smooth flow, like the breezes themselves. When a soulful zephyr slinks over empty untilled fields and ploughs rest on lumps of mud, sapless foliage withers and dies. But I don't mind All the softness of the 's' sounds here are excellent. Again, wonderful alliteration here. The use of figurative language in this is great. Even Blue Birds have no time to waste under the brown brume of a winter dawn. The sense of urgency in this is overwhelming, and well portrayed. Your alliteration here has turned to the 'b' sounds. I especially like "brown brume of winter dawn," such a picturesque line to be sure! I think it's my favorite line in this *smile* Love your word choice there. I yearn to see trees quicken and shiver with new birth but I am lost in ecstasy of anticipation and desire so I don't mind What a perfect 'wrap-up' to this peice! We can't wait, and yet we can. Oh, the contridiction here! Love it!! The visions created in the mind, by this excellent work, are stunning and complete. Thanks for sharing this beauty with us. I so enjoyed this poem. It goes on my 'list' immediately! *grin* As always, Mary	2005-10-22 09:02:01
Morning Coffee in Mid-June	Jillian K Sorenson	Jillian, This is so full of strong raw emotion, and vivid imagery, to feed hungry minds. My two faves are as follows... The cough of a small child invigorates me, fills me with secret pleasure. Not only can I 'see' the little tyke struggling for breath, it gives a clear sense of where the mindset of the person portrayed in this resides. It gives it such a "dark" atmosphere from the very beginning! I'm a big fan of dark-writes, too. *grin* My own writing started that way, as a kind of therapy...to "vent" the feelings bottled up inside. I "see" that in this poem. You have incorporated such strong emotion in this from line one. Powerful start to a great peice. I drink in his soul with my morning coffee. I feel it dripping warmly into my stomach, but some goes wrongly, choking me, filling my lungs with liquid. Now I know his anguish. It is too late. LOVE the shift in emotions here! This starts with such great feelings of satifaction "...drink in his soul...," "...dripping warmly into..." - all soothing words to "soften" the darkness. Thenm BAM! It sharply shifts to anxiety and fear. "...choking..," "...anguish...," and, finally: "...it is too late..." The shift comes at a very quick pace, as well, adding to its effectiveness nicely. The end is wonderful, and pulls the reader right back out of the chaos, leaving one pondering when their time will come. Well done. Thanks for sharing this. I so enjoyed reading it. As always, Mary	2005-10-22 08:11:24
in honorarium...	charles r pitts	WOW! Love your use of figurative language in this beautifully writted poem. Each quatrain has a perfect line count, and each line has a perfect syllable count. Well done. The story you tell is powerful and full of stark truth, with some good imagery woven in. The first stanza is my fav: In guilt-ridden pity, self-loathing I wallowed. Left gutted and empty though bitterness swallowed. Dispelled and forsaken with no star to follow pits blood against blood. Hearts grow cold and hollow. Love the assonance, and use of well chosen words here. It sets the mood for the body of the poem with perfection. ..."bitterness swallowed..." great! Love this! Such a sadly true, and honest write. I enjoyed reading this one very much. A fine peice of word art. Thanks for sharing.	2005-09-25 12:24:12
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