Turner Lee Williams's E-Mail Address: mister_t25@hotmail.com


Turner Lee Williams's Profile:
In my spare time, I like to write poetry. Everything in the environment provides an inspiration for me to express my feelings in poems. I write about humorous as well as serious things; light verse and dark poetry; patriotic and political themes; children and nature; insight and love. I am retired military, USAF, 22 year veteran. I enjoy: spending time with my three dogs in the desert, walking in the mountains and TPL.

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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Turner Lee Williams has given on The Poetic Link.
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Displaying Critiques 462 to 511 out of 511 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Turner Lee WilliamsCritique Date
Rural ShindigJordan Brendez BandojoJordan--This one has a lot going on! Just superb descriptors throughout: I have lots and lots of favorites, i.e., "like a lady in full sheen(nice simile), party reeked with lavish revel (assonance of "ee" and "e"),"sly spongers" (alliteration), prickly-chinned hangers-on/ wily gate-crashers, dim-witted scare crows(great metaphors), news ran like electric shock (good simile). I liked the refreshing word combinations, i.e., mauve cravats, frolic wham reverberated, Chinese porcelain brocaded, wenches in pristine chic, and crones in straggly hair. The vocabulary conjured up some pretty funny images. One heck of a party, but it sure doesn't seem rural. Wished I had been there-smile. Really fun read. Thanks for sharing this with us. TLW 2003-12-07 12:35:29
japanese verse 33 (Snow Capes)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoErzahl--I see you are at it again! Another great haiku depicting a beautiful natural image and theme. As always the techs are without flaw (5, 7, 5 syllables contained in three lines). I can see in my mind's eye the fluffy like snow flakes slowly falling from the "marshmallow pillows" and after their journey, resting softly onto the ground as to form "Snow Capes" (around the shoulders of the earth). The imagery created by these three lines are indeed a simple yet magnificent peaceful and serene scene. Thanks, for providing such a "picture" for us at TPL to share. P.S. Thanks for the Japanese Verse lesson (see remarks from my critique on Verse #32)2003-12-03 16:56:54
japanese verse 32 (Chess)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoErzahl--I am no chess player. However,I do know that the objective of chess is to protect the king at the expense of other pieces (including the queen). All techs met (5-7-5 syllables/3 lines), no irrelevant verbiage presented: brevity and simplicity used to convey the message. Check and mate! We here at TPL know who the KING of Haiku is--Long Write Erzahl! Looking forward to your next ditty of a gem. TLW 2003-11-29 13:33:47
Missingmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn--Apt title with bittersweet descriptors. Without the help of additional notes or a profile, this poem is a straight forward open textbook of a longing for a departed loved one. The stating by the plain language, simple tasks, and everyday activities are succinctly put (realism). Most of the end rhymes for your alternating lines are rather interesting and quite conviencent(pie/cry, larger/ardor, whisper/supper, pancakes/heartaches); and still hold true to the theme of their preceeding verbiage (great recognition that "true or end" rhymes are really not based on spellings, but sounds-kudos). A melancholy piece written from the heart; timely presented for this part of the year and a very nice read. Thanks for sharing such a personal account with TPLers. TLW2003-11-27 11:24:55
The FileC ArrownutC Arrownut--A semi-fun 'serious' piece. Very apt title (big brother is alive and watching). Your poem is alive also. Super descriptive metaphors (beady-eyed/burned the brains/dug deep into their diaphragms right to their slimy spines/grindning and growling) paints a graphic picture of some errant and devious minds. The combination internal rhyme nose/those and (assonance)repitition "e" sounds of the phrase; "...the nose of those beady-eyed people..." places a well meaning emphasis on stanza #2. The alliterations of; dug deep into their diaphragms & slimy spines produces a continuation of the rhythm and purpose from stanza #3. The "gr's" sounds of "...grinding and growling..." add a real gruff/rough edge/image; as well as a "Great" quirk to; "...over your metaphors." The repeating of stanza #1 as #7 only served to emphasize stanza #6 and your overall "Theme" of the entire piece: Who's Who, only a dream witout that file. Superb WORK! Thanks for sharing such a well-thought-out effort with TPL. TLW 2003-11-24 13:55:21
japanese verse 31 (Twilight)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoErzahl--Once again you've gone to your "well" of Haiku and pulled out a gem. Of course, full techs met (5-7-5 syllables three lines). But beyond that, this poem incorporates the assonance of "a" sound for internal rhymes Banished/scandalous/Flame in the seven syllable line, producing a short rising rhythm. Conversely, in the 3rd line, the alliteration/consonants of "sun shies" caused a lowing of rhythm (nice turn/twist between these two lines-great effect). The descriptors; great torch, scandalous flame, and sun shies away made me melancholy: It reminded of th dropping of the Atom bomb in 1945 (January is the anniversary). I am sorry if I overstated your effort. Thanks for sharing such a sharp contrasting image with us at TPL. TLW2003-11-23 10:42:30
Tsa-ga-gla-talJoanne M UppendahlJoanne--The title of this poem is a mouth full (but well worth the trouble-smile). The line breaks makes this such a beautiful read: mostly because you've kept words together that belong together; the alignment of the lines allows certain emphasis to be placed on different bits and pieces, i.e., "...lighting a path into the woods.";"Her head inclines as if to gloat, "I'm wise to you!"; "She'll watch from dreams then." The piece contain great combinations of internal, slant, & end rhymes/assonance/alliterations: The assonance produced by the OO & O sound in Moon/woods (slant rhyme)/floats/low/cobalt/close/ in stanza #1 starts the rhythmic tone; followed up with more melody from slant rhyme (raccoon/food) and alliterations (her head/sturdy shape/soon she'll sleep) in the 2nd, 3rd, & 5th stanza. This piece also has excellent descriptors (in cobalt sky/cheeks puffed with food/she dances toward me/on nimble feet/wrapped in thick winter coat) presenting super strong visual images. Perhaps a parental kinship shown ("...safe in her den/...from dreams then") with end rhymes, den & then. I enjoyed reading, visualizing, vocalizing and listening to this poem. Pretty scrumptious piece-THANKS! TLW 2003-11-22 00:10:36
Winter Night (revised)Debbie L FischerDebbie--Actually, Jennifer spotted the small flaw in the "other"-wise perfect (original) nonet. Now, it is without flaw and/or peer! Keep writing and we'll do the easy part or reading and enjoying. TLW2003-11-21 01:17:59
Winter NightDebbie L FischerDebbie--Point, game, set, match! Super job! Are you sure this is your first Nonet? All technicalities met (9 syllables first line, eight syllables 2nd lines and sequential descending syllables/lines until a one sylable finish--yes). Apt title for the piece as depicted by your 1st line descriptors (I almost made a hot cup of something-smile). There is nothing line a fireplace for setting a 'particular' mood: add music,(juice from the grapes) scented candles and some cuddling--it is on! The assonance produced by the O sound in numerous words throughout the piece makes for a nice overall rhythmic tone. I am so sorry if I understated your poem. Thanks for sharing your great effort with us and another thanks to Jennifer for the inspiration (we at TPL win). TLW2003-11-20 11:08:44
Day At The Beachmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn--Lots of good 'stuff' happening with this one. Hopefully, I won't mess up my explanation. The presence/use of slant/internal rhymes (aslo doubling as descriptors) in the first three stanzas are delightful and entertaining, i.e., splash and spill, sprinkle/sparkling; knobby knees, stop to stare, imploring, unblinking eyes mooching, cranes/ocean's (ocean's lid/ocean's cover). These asssonance producing combinations create a melodious ring--which your sparse punctuation marks have allowed to nicely flow(unchecked for the most part) Then, there's stanza #4! Although you are having this wonderfull lounge at the beach--enjoying the "fruits" of freedom via nature's scenic view, your mind wonders elsewhere--"...across this gigantic water expanse my..." The tone is completely reversed (uneasiness/tension) as depicted through your use of now different descriptors...heart/heavy, beyond/horizon, world/hordes, humanity/cannot-- (experience)--calm/tranquil. Title for your five stanza piece (last line repeat) can also be taken directly as opposition to stanza #4: the "...hordes of humanity who..." are not having a 'Day At The Beach' (great turn/twist for this superb ending). Thanks for sharing your great "story" with us on the link-smile. TLW2003-11-19 11:11:04
The Other SideMell W. MorrisMell--This poem could have easily been about Clint Eastwood's "The Bridges of Madison County." This movie was and still is one of my favorites. Through reading your piece my mind flashed back to many scenes of Eastwood's character feelings, visits, photographs and driving over these old landmarks. Your piece is saturated with Internal & slant rhymes, i.e., pleases/eases; Evolved/resolve; cross/abyss; ravine/sheen; runs under. There is no doubt about your fondness for these same type of old wooden bridges as expressed by your descriptors continuing through the 2nd stanza: your use of combinations run-on/internal rhyme, vines/twine, as/pass, in the mist of consonance (spavine spans) are easy flowing (no accident here). The enjambment of the line between the 2nd and 3rd stanza allows an uninterrupted continuation of the already established melodious tones. Once again the use of Internal & slant rhymes are ever present--locate/assimilate ; streams/dreams and rills/fill. All stanzas share the same tones of a nice rhythmic and melodic read.The overall descriptors of the piece offer; an historic account; a soothing remedy; and a redeeming experience. "people will never look at old bridges the same again." SMILE! Thanks for sharing this unique piece with US. TLW 2003-11-18 23:51:15
Be SilentDebbie SpicerDebbie--I liked your poem from the beginning: because I like rhymes, especially when they flow with the message and rhythm (this felt genuine not contrived). You used an assortment of rhymes to get your point across, i.e., full/end rhymes...hear & ...dear, ...ahead & ...instead; exact soundings rhymes, ...pasts... & ...passed (excellent twist); approximate sounding rhymes,...soul/control (good emphasis), speak/seek (good emphasis), ease/breeze (very soothing). I truely believed that by being 'quiet' I would "...hear wisdom of heaven and earth held dear." (great metaphors). Nice melody/rhythm created by the internal/slant rhyme/consonance of; si-lent/in-si-de/de-si-red (1st & 2nd lines, 2nd stanza). Superb finish assonance of; desp-ai-r/p-ai-n (2nd line, 3rd stanza). A wonderful job done taking the reader(s) through a metaphoric sequence for acquiring peace of mind. The overall soothing tones of the piece made it an enjoyable read. Then again, I may have understated your work-forgive me if I have. Thanks for sharing your efforts with TPL.TLW 2003-11-18 14:44:34
acrostic 1 (Wishful Thinking)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoErzahl--Super job! If I gave you some type of impetus for exploring a different way of expressing yourself-right on! Great metaphors for defining what "wishful thinking" is. You show quite a talent for this form on your first attempt (hope it's not your last-smile). Your explanation of the form and its requirements were also great. The way you spaced your words from the letters are unique and eye catching (different effect). I enjoyed the read and the compliment. Thanks for sharing your effort with us TPLers. Keep writing! TLW2003-11-13 01:49:23
The Last ConflictRobert L TremblayRobert--Very apt title for this morbid piece. The rhyme scheme for your couplets seemed to fit without being too contrived. I too believe that the next big one will be "The Last Conflict." Great metaphors for "Death" activities, i.e., "...rode the hillside on his mighty steed...,""...search the ruins for remaining life...," "...through the countryside forlorn,..." "...could hear a muffled cry..." "...looked upon the bleeding infant small...," "...uperturbed, briskly dismounted horse,..."and etc... Your descriptors metaphorically depicts a too realistic account of a nuclear aftermath! Poet, you've painted a horror scene that was visited upon Nagasaki, Japan in 1945: the U.S. target for an atomic bomb! As horrific as you've written it--it is such a possibility. Thanks for reaching back in your archive to retrieve this piece for sharing with us at TPL. TLW2003-11-12 10:57:20
The BoarderAnnette L CowlingAnnette--I find you still at the top of my critique list (no complaints from me). This poem reads like the Clint Eastwood movie, "Bridges of Madison County," which I still regard as one of my favorites. This well-traveled male stranger had a profound affect on one lonely female: she's totally put her ho-hum life on hold while "...the boarder" is present: The book closed long ago was marked at a new page, because of...the boarder. It has all the earmarks for a quick and intense, but doomed affair: worldly person and indigent! This scenario has the bittersweet descriptors befitting a "...better to have loved and lost than to never to have loved at all" script. No one said love and romance always endures or even ends on positive terms. Thanks for sharing another one of your excellent pieces with your fellow TPLers. TLW2003-11-11 16:44:12
Soul UnattendedAnnette L CowlingAnnette--Once again a great and apt title. This one gave me mixed feelings: one part mystery and another part melancholy. This incident starts out innocent enough, "I am neither being pushed back nor pulled forward." Then, a need is felt to relay experiences with us reader(s) which are indeed varied, i.e., "...walked after dark on uneven sidewalks...," "...flower asleep in the courtyard...," and "...moonbeam gleaming in the mist..." In spite of all, this entity is being ignored completely. A good read and well thought out. This could very easily be a soul residing in purgatory. "That I am stone's throw away from the border of this world and the next..." Sorry if I've understated your poem. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW 2003-11-11 16:13:32
Mirrors Have MemoriesAnnette L CowlingAnnette--Or should I just say "POET"! What a great piece! After reading it through a few times and checking the syllable count of your title (eight) I toyed with the idea of suggesting a Rondeau or do a real hack job and make it a Rondelet. As you might have already guessed, I changed my mind: This is no longer a critigue;Your poem does not need anything and least of all an "insane" suggestion from me! The descriptors and metaphors used throughout are past wonderful; they are chilling! What a superb simile(like moss over ancient stones-whew!). The couplets and rhyme schemes are just perfect. Do not, I repeat- do not touch/change a thing. This poem is truely one of the best I have read bar none(but who am I). One of our fellow TPler's put's it,"...in my humble opinion." Thanks for sharing your "creation" with us here at TPL. TLW2003-11-11 14:53:33
WatermarksMell W. MorrisMell--Great title! Very heady change-of-pace piece-smile. I found it quite entertaining and a fun read after visiting my Funk and Wagnal (thanks for the new vocabulary). This reeks of money and the good life: a heir eccentric who lives as he pleases and enjoying every second. Your background descriptors introducing the man and his world are serious details. You've shown a flair for dry wit in this unique poem (hope I didn't miss the boat). Heck of a response to your challenge, we at TPL win big time. TLW 2003-11-10 11:11:02
A Better Manstephen g skipperStephen--There's nothing complicated about this poem. The loss of a loved one (break-up, divorce or death) is truely hurtful and without parallel. The anguish is apparent throughout the piece: some obvious lashing out and all to no avail. A turning to friends was of little comfort, i.e., "...cried a thousand tears...caught by angels, without wings..." and prayer didn't (I shout at God!...he's not listening.") give you what you 'wanted.' This is real anger!! You took a plain language (added a few metaphors-smile) and straight forward tact to express a longing for a return to a happier past. This thing is all consuming and at some point must be let go. Maybe this is that catharsis which will allow "A glorious new dawn..." Then again, I may have missed your entire intent--for that I apologize. Thanks for sharing this with TPL. TLW2003-11-10 10:19:30
Cats In Cardboard BoxesAnnette L CowlingAnnette--The title is what initially got my attention--I mean I had to check out this curious "Cats in cardboard boxes." What a beautiful written ebb and flow love poem. You've used such an array of peaceful, delightful, and mouthwatering descriptors and metaphors (...you are the sandbar that connects...;...you emerge from a reclusive cocoon of creativity; ...your words fudge together...;...your potent words of delicious ripeness,and bathe my lips with the juice that saturates them (WHEW!). These superb phrases you've tied together with just great similes: "Like a restess spirit... and ...Like melting candle wax..." Please forgive me if I've understated your piece and thanks for sharing such a well thoughtout tribute to a significant other. TLW2003-11-08 12:12:44
japanese verse 30 (Vulture)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoErzahl--Well, the Haiku master is at it again. This time also in very short order you've managed to be technically sound (although not about nature); saturate with alliterations and consonants while telling a tale about a dastardly deed by a sorry character (theft of a dead body and or grave robbing). Once again super job and entertaining (although morbid-smile)! TLW2003-11-02 03:51:37
japanese verse 29 (Breeze)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoErzahl--Once again it's a pleasure to be exposed to your "forte". Your haiku makes my day. First the verses are always technically sound, i.e., 5,7,5 syllables 3 lines format and nature driven. This piece is no different in that regards. However, this one is full of metaphors (in fact one per line-smile). What a visual description; imagine the wind finding the woods funny spot and the leaves enjoying the scene ever so much? Thanks for sharing such a beautiful thought. TLW 2003-10-27 02:07:39
Mother and ChildJordan Brendez BandojoJordan--A true haiku in every sense of the word: brevity, 5, 7, 5 syllables, 3 lines format, and also the nature slant (heaven). I remember my mother rocking my younger siblings (I guess they were angles-then-smile)in her arms and singing them sweet songs to put them to sleep. Thanks again for showing us your "forte". Keep writing!! TLW2003-10-25 23:32:09
Sweet, Sweet Music (II)Mell W. MorrisMell--Actually, I myself don't mind a little 'scat' by Ella and friends. This is a fun piece and a sure fire indication that you like a variety of music styles/types:"...hip-hop, bebop and blues" and "...Bach, rock and rap." . Your mixture of "inner rhymes", i.e., "Fusion jazz, razz-ma-tazz" and Ella sang, as does Lang...", is cute. The alliteration used gives an oxymoron affect/"...calming conflicts...". The collection of musicians/music that you've put together here (some known to me some not)I don't doubt is representative of "euphony"; there also is good deal of cacophony on the rise these days also-smile. Thanks for allowing us at TPL a peek at your musical tastes. Keep it coming! TLW 2003-10-25 23:19:08
From Night to Morningmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn--"Just a thought", but what a great one! This short poem packs a large amount of factual and visual pleasing information. Metaphors are good; the rotations and orbits of the heavenly bodies creates your title (which is super). The rhymes between lines #5 and #8 are an extra added bounus. This flow and ebb is almost text book perfect! Thanks for a short, sweet and colorful quasi-astronomy lesson. TLW2003-10-23 20:27:17
Colors of Aah!Donna L. DeanDonna--This piece starts off right away with great similes, i.e., lines 1 and 2("...drop like a pink pearl..."),7 ("...orange like the jack-o'-lanterns."),13 and 14 ("I fall like the leaves..."). The contrast of colors use through out; pink, orange, gold, and brown are very descriptive, allowing the reader(s) to visualize an array of picturesque scenes. Nice play on words (or is it?) at the end;"...dreaming of your dark-brown irises." Excellent ebb and flow with good metaphors. Thanks for sharing this with TPL. TLW2003-10-23 19:35:10
Night DreamsMary E. GustasMary--What a seductive scene you set. Brilliant, erotic descriptors depicting romantic highlights that we've all---is it hot in here or what? Great lead-ons, however, the dreaded Coitus Interruptus (darn alarm clock). Maybe a sequel where this dream will be revisited and the act will be consummated. Thanks for sharing and making our day (keep writing!!) TLW2003-10-22 14:40:05
Talking To The TreesMell W. MorrisMell--First time commenting on your work. Job well done--beautiful analogy between the stories told by leaves (...leaves tell tales: those grand raconteurs..." also, "Ah, the glory of their stories")and the reading of poetry ("Leaves are like pages of poetry that assuage lonelines"). What a great ring this entire piece has to it: poetry in motion, i.e., "...attend with an inner ear."; "...lore of teardrop traces."; "...please myriad beings."; "...tallies of tree-bole rings." Nothing else needs to be said. Thanks for sharing. TLW 2003-10-21 01:06:25
DewdropDonna L. DeanDonna--What a novel idea and a different slant for directing the ebb and flow (too cool to be an accident). Nice format for following the trail of the dew drop as to its fate if it could not maintain its place on the leaf. Could easily be an analogy for some life experience with similar consequences. Unique style but getting the job done. Thanks for sharing with us here on TPL. TLW 2003-10-21 00:09:22
A Thousand Vacant BodiesEddie S. IrisEddie--This is my first time seeing your work. It certainly got my attention. This could easily be call "Dark Poetry", but it's good. It definitely has a certain shock value which is labeled through the use of some troubling topics. Again good, because although morbid, these issues are daily occurrences. However, in this mist of it all your line, "why can't you just look into the face of your child and ask if he's okay", Whew!! Powerful reality. Throughout the piece only a single punctuation--at the very end. This allows the reader to go at his or her pace, pausing and or stopping (or not), making their own tempo. The varying lenghts of the lines also added a choppy staccato (excellent effect combination). The totality of the piece moved me. Thanks for sharing on TPL. TLW2003-10-19 18:49:01
KiteJordan Brendez BandojoJordan--A great Haiku. Beautiful alliterations/consonants (blows barely) of the first five syllable line and "Doughty dreamer dares..." in the seven syllable line (a super sound--Dou,dre, & dar). One other thing with your pieces, I usually add to my vocabulary. Thanks for sharing. TLW2003-10-18 23:40:15
Two DiamantesJoanne M UppendahlJoanne--I think you've just scored a coup--As a first time venture you tackle not one, but "two" diamantes. That's true grit. The line requirements are right on the money. You've selected excellent descriptive and action parts of speech for your comparison distinction. Great imaginative use of the last, especially in the B--lines 2,4 & 6. Super job in unchartered waters--Thanks for being inspired enough to share and thanks for inspiring her Dan. TLW2003-10-16 23:48:52
japanese verse 27 (Will)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoErzahl--You've done it again--Taken a difficult form, haiku, made a profound statement and stayed true to the form. I can't imagine anywhere that there would be a human being, of even a very modest IQ, who would disagree with your 'Universal drive' theory: "To live free and to survive". Finishing touch: "Knows no boundaries". Well stated and an absolute truth. Thanks for sharing, for putting it this way and for chosing these words. TLW 2003-10-16 18:30:30
a curious merrimentRachel F. SpinozaRachel--great vocabulary of descripted words. The person your wrote about seems to enjoy life and all situations, however,I can understand why she might not be welcomed at somber events. Protocol is a must at church gatherings, furnerals and other serious affairs. By this lady disguising herself, "...as a clown", and attending anyway may indicate some other issues. Your telling of this story through the poem gave me some pretty striking visuals which I enjoyed at this distance. I may have reacted differently had I been present to witness her shenanigans. Thanks for sharing with TPL and making me chuckle. TLW2003-10-16 18:10:48
japanese verse 28 (Rose)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoErzahl--This a beautiful haiku poem with perfect five, seven, five syllables in three line format. Great simile (Crimson as a wine). This could be any season, most likely fall (crimson, red or rust colored leaves). Brilliant words/metaphors used for visual description. Thanks for sharing. TLW 2003-10-16 16:17:07
Forever DaddyJordan Brendez BandojoJordan-------------Give me a minute because I am choked up--I am having trouble seeing the screen--my eyes are tearing as I write---------Now, I am smiling--No, laughing! This is not a critique! If I can find the words, I'll tell you what this is. I really don't know what to say--literally. Ok, so it's one of the best poems I have ever read--bar none, professionally or otherwise. Your use of vocabulary is spot on! your metaphors are super and there are plenty! coloful adjectives abound with pure action words. I think I even spotted some rhymes (fly/sky), (kite/delight/sight). POET, this is not a critique! Thank you, Thank you for posting this for us to run the gamut of emotions. TLW2003-10-16 15:56:12
Eight Dollar Dumb DadPaul R LindenmeyerPaul--great rendition of a age old situation--ferrying the kid(s) to school at O' dark 30, when you still have to get ready for your gig. The conversation is very familiar as well. We parents have all been there, done that and even bought the tee shirt. Being taken advantage of by our youngsters is part of our parental jobs and much of our kids rights--I think. Thanks for keeping it real. TLW2003-10-16 04:01:54
Patched to TapestryDarren J LedbetterDarren--What a gem! The very first unique thing I noticed about your piece: the punctuation (poets prerogative) or lack there of, except the one solitary period at the very end. This to me allows all readers to pause where they want, or to read un-checked. Awesome! There also seem to be quite a few problems being sorted out with some difficulty. Metaphors abound in this piece and there appear to still be some unsolved issues; Thanks for sharing such a personal poem with TPL. TLW The little tapestry I have was still to much to carry for my unbarring race against all that memory fails to do2003-10-16 03:45:53
For Paulastephen g skipperStephen-- A haunting poem, and an excellent one. Poet, you seem to be taking us through a love at first sight (...of love first seen) right through lovers getting to know each other better(love becoming trust)and even a first fight(holding on beyond that initial pain). Then things get very metaphorically deep (...present, past, and futures entwined;...colours beyond the spectrum;...Carved deep onto my bones;...where hey seared, into my brain;...For ages long gone to times yet unseen). This plays like fantasy combined with a traditional relationship between a man and woman (the best of both worlds). Then again I could be so far off base--forgive me if I've understated your beautiful poem. TLW2003-10-16 03:07:32
Point of ReferenceThomas H. SmihulaThomas--great title--I mean I knew I wanted to check this piece out 'Point of Reference'. The rhymes are excellent also. You seemed to have set the 'maze' up by starting from the easiest and moving to the most difficult. This could even apply to a life cycle (Metaphor). Thanks for the puzzle. TLW 2003-10-16 01:51:28
Haiku: WarningsDarlene A MooreDarlene--great idea and a difficult one--fitting this factual information in the five, seven, five syllables--three line format. Your animal descriptions were right on--I 've actually seen your dog, snake and cat in action. Nice research for good action type verbs, plus excellent adjectives for your nouns. Great job. TLW2003-10-16 01:31:02
Droughtmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn--Loved the lines placement and different font (quite eye catching). Are there any annuals you didn't list--smile. The importance of water and sunlight can never be over stated. a hot sun over an extended period, burning down on any surface without the cooling, nourishing life giving force of water--will not endure. Conversely, an over abundance of this same 'Water' can cause havoc. I guess what I am trying to say--is when working in concert--the two most important elements would not lay waste to "... the green where gardens smiled". This is a very grim picture you've drawn for us, poet, but realistic. Your description is great about this small 'waste land' garden. However, hope spring from "...awaits winter's cape of snow". Thanks for reminding us, everything is not pretty all the time. TLW 2003-10-15 13:12:08
For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To ThisRick BarnesRick--This is beautiful--tell me did you come up with the title first or last or somewhere in between (heck it doesn't matter)? Beleive me I am not jealous that you put together this wonderful thing, but I envy your ability to start from a simple premise and go through a building of more diffcult metaphors (violins guiding, aroma of myths, fill our lungs in passionate breaths) to such an ending--Whew! Did I mention this was all done with rhymes of course! Very difficult, but you puilled it off with ease. Thanks for sharing this!! TLW2003-10-15 12:43:18
Cycles (Diamante)Dan D LavigneDan--pretty good 'diamond'--smile. I don't think you left out many pertinent descriptors for the activities of these two particular 'spheres'. You've included several things they have in common as well as things they do not (waxing or growing and waning or shrinking can only be said of the moon). 'Burning' is solely a sun job. Great first effort--I may have to try one myself. Thanks for sharing. TLW 2003-10-15 11:50:03
After the StormJoanne M UppendahlJoanne--I see a subtle changes to your revision, which improved it (if that is possible), the format lends itself to a great ebb and rhythm. however, I still contend that analogies can be drawn between this bad weather and life experiences. Some of the damages done will require human assistance to rebuild, while other can be done by mother nature (the spider re-webbing). Good rewrite! Best regards! TLW2003-10-14 22:09:42
I Ought to AutumnDonna L. DeanDonna--Wow! I hope like crazy this is non-fiction. Sounds like someone hasn't dated in quite awhile--for whatever reason. However, it appears they are about to take another plunge. Go for it girl! This poem is so subtle and filled with analogies--but right on! It made me want to date--smile. Beautiful, just beautiful. TLW2003-10-14 05:39:21
R&RJeff GreenJeff you must be a military man or in a position to observe some pretty horrific things. Your words are simple but very descriptive of a beautiful and peaceful area--some distance away from the 'terrible stuff'. Enjoy your Rest and Recuperation/Relaxing--above all, stay safe and keep writing--TLW2003-10-14 05:25:54
Pastmarilyn terwillegerThe death of family members, and friends are hard to take--but especially the passsing of a spouse. Thought you wrote this poem from your heart and mind. Detected a subtle and poignant tone through out. It reads like it served as a type of catharsis for you. That's what it's really all about--this writing to express feelings--yes, even sad ones. 2003-10-14 04:48:42
Role ModelJoanne M UppendahlAlthough I had to read it twice (because the first two verses vexed me).The last two verses brought me out of the darkness--when actually the title is a dead give-away.This whole thing (poem) makes a lot of sense--in spite of all trails and tribulations (the storm)--persevere. Great perception! Keep it up! A new fan!2003-10-13 15:54:55
PigtailsJordan Brendez BandojoThe basis of a good poem, however, difficult following it or understanding it due to the complexity of the vocabulary. If more common words had been used through out the work, I would not have used the dictionary as much and therefore enjoyed the poem for itself. 2003-10-13 15:26:07
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