Duane J Jackson's E-Mail Address: nightbreed2006@yahoo.com


Duane J Jackson's Profile:
It's about time I updated this. It's been 7 years since I first posted here. Thankfuly I still dont feel I have grown any older in age. My poetry has advanced thanks to many of the poets who were and are still here. The process of giving and recieiving open and honest feedback is vital nourishment for any form of creativity. TPL has it in abundance. In my spare time, I'm either lost in thought or writing. I manage to squeeze in time to listen to music (roots rock) or watch television.

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Displaying Critiques 51 to 100 out of 440 Total Critiques.
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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Duane J JacksonCritique Date
My January Vote, first in the 3 month-long contestJames C. HorakHi James, A wonderful month and your votes underline this fact ! Thanks for considering 'throat of sky'. Duane.2010-02-08 22:19:35
The Madness of AgendaJames C. HorakHi James, This sums up very well, the infestation of arrogance, deceit and self centerdness (if there is such a word) of those who occupy positions of power. You highlight their manipulative ways and one can very easily realte. It happenes all over the world (in India too...corruption is a plague). This makes your poem one of the more socially relevant ones we have among the posts this month. I also went through your additional notes, Very grim. Thankfuly, we as a community of poets are empowered to make a difference through example. I guess it would take an alien invasion to unify us...so that some sort of earth mentality sinks in... Take care, Duane.2010-02-06 21:40:56
Take or Give OutDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, This is a poem with a very powerful message and the image of an empty basket versus an over-flowing one is well thought out. In my opinion, you could choose to make this more concise. The real power of this piece is in verses 5,6, 7 and 8. I dont think its necessary to keep verse 4 in terms of the value it adds. All the best with your revision ! Duane. 2010-02-06 21:00:54
WordsDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, Meaningful words...which speak of the human kind's inherent lack of the ability to forgive and most who do, are in the clear minority. I can relate and recall instances when grudges against me have caged me into confusion. Technique-wise I would look at flow a little more closely before considering imagery. I felt the flow and tempo sort of changed. Ironing out the meter would be a good first step to build on a further revision. Duane.2010-02-06 02:20:47
the Eye That SeesEllen K LewisHi Ellen, This is very very uplifting and I'm glad I found this on my list. We've all been through this....there is much to relate to here and that rising hope is a taste of heaven...all is not lost...it never is... Duane.2010-02-05 23:10:21
One In A Long Line or Ready For BattleKenneth R. PattonHi Kenneth, Good to see another post from you. Interesting thought behind this and the last verse was the key. I did feel that the preceeding verses could have been a lot less direct with more metaphor and stronger imagery. Take care, Duane. 2010-02-05 23:03:41
Sand Castlescheyenne smythhi Cheyenne, I especailly enjoyed the musical quality to this piece which is very much consistent with the theme of the piece. I would, on second revision perhaps, look closely at these lines and maybe come up with some fresher lines - but morning brings the songs they’ve sung, where waters ebb and flow in bliss,the shadow’s gray when dawn awakes,while beauty breathes for lover’s sake .... A nice poem, nonethless. Hope this helps ! Duane. 2010-02-05 22:58:42
WhirligigDellena RovitoHi Dellena, One of your best. Very nice. I like how you have established the innocence of the relationship 'man' shares with his environment. In this case, the tree. Some nice imagery and noticeable attention to form. You created a very vivid setting. Duane.2010-02-03 21:30:17
Sun Shines Through CracksDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, Im glad you reposted this. It is one of my favorite poems of yours. Im not surprised that it has placed well in the voting. Duane. 2010-02-02 21:10:45
Morning SongDan D LavigneHi Dan, You were blessed to have lived by the ocean and I thank you for sharing that experience with us. I liked how your poem flowed, the innovative presentation and the climax with the outburst of the 'morning song'. I would like to see stronger images, more color and hear some sound - you have the best musuicans in the house - the ocean itself, the gulls.... Hope this helps... Duane.2010-01-24 22:06:29
See At First SightDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, I feel this is stronger than the the first version and I know you aren;t going to rewrite this anymore but I did feel that the sentences grew longer and were more extended than, perhaps, the first three verses of the piece which had a more quick-stepped beat. Neverthless, this piece is replete with imagery - color, color, color. This is a strong tribute to nature. I also like how you bring in the angels and remind all of us that all the good natural things around us are gifts from above. Enjoyed the read. Would recommend a closer look at the flow. Duane.2010-01-24 01:08:28
My Loves LullybyDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, It's great to critique a poem of yours. It has been a while. There is a strong sense of affection that emanates from this. However, the verses with potential are 1,4 and the last one. I would recommend re-writing the others or removing them. The piece would still stand in the course of a revise without them. You have the sincerity of thought and emotion and with a little fine tuning (particularly in the area of fresher imagery) this piece will sing. Good to see you active this month !! Duane.2010-01-18 21:59:31
ReflectionsDellena RovitoHi Dellena, What a way to start 2010 ! This poem is rich from beginning to end with a depth that is matched only by its richness in words. I like how you have thought through this, carefuly choosing your words and steering it all to a finish that nails it. I liked this a lot. Duane.2010-01-17 21:36:33
My December Vote (rather than November's)James C. HorakHi James, I'm responding to this to have it off my poem list so that the others might come up to the 4 point mark :-) Thanks for your positive response to meteors and for all your efforts in rejuvenating tpl. January is bound to set some records. Duane.2010-01-17 21:32:29
Lingering Memorycheyenne smythHI Cheyenne, You capture the effect of a lingering memory by alluding to the comfort of 'frilly lace' and 'velvet sheen' and 'silky nap'. Tucked away in a bed of love, can be a good thing until, of course, decay rears it's head. That's the sense that I get from this piece. There is an ominous warning of decay over our comfort zones of 'cozy love'. It was nice to come across a ryming poem today. It is my favorite poetic form though I would also attempt 'slant' rhyme which is a huge blessing in giving the poem a more subtle and natural flow. All the best for the competition. Duane.2010-01-10 20:20:07
Out The Shop DoorKenneth R. PattonHi Ken, Good to see you posting again !! The primary success of this poem is in its inteeligent closing. I like the way you capture the attribute of frost, temporary against the warmth of breath. This sort of balances the more simple opening. Too put a final polish to this I would recommend a fresher way, perhaps, of referring to the 'bleak' sun and 'frigid' snow. 'Unsypathetic' was a little more powerful than these other adjectives. Good luck with this !! Duane.2010-01-04 22:30:53
WhitewashedMary J CoffmanHi Mary, I am thrilled to find a post from you. I find this piece innovative with a lot of potential for sharpening. The diamond is there...perhaps a little polishing :-) Your title is mischeviously misleading yet very apt. Its a keep. The spashes of all the varied colors in the piece burst at the reader as his expectations of whiteness die a sudden death. I like how you attach a color to almost everything in the piece. I'd look for more freshness in these lines - charred blackened ashes of truth splash through eyes chilling songs of sacrifice rush prowling flames of silence, and I liked 'quicksilver winds'. Hope to read more - Duane. 2010-01-04 22:25:19
The ClubDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, I appreciate the light heartedness of the piece. Something to raise the spirits especially at this time of the year. I also like the message (the commercial tone that this season has taken on). It read much like prose but as you mentioned, it was just for fun and must not be looked at with a microscope. Take care and keep in touch. Duane.2009-12-20 01:54:06
My December VoteJames C. HorakHi James, Thank you so much for your consideration of 'Trees'. Overall, a subdued month on TPL even as I was expecting our volumes to pick up given that nost people are at home during the winter. But I guess the hustle of the holidays takes away a lot of time. My volumes dipped too. Nevertheless, your suggestion on how we can pick this up is a glimmer of hope amidst all this snow. TPL has so much potential. Now all we need to do is to rally around it and remain committed. TPL to be very honest is sometimes a stop-over. That must change. Let me know how you plan on taking it forward and I will be there to support and cotribute. Duane.2009-12-17 22:21:55
Left Behindcheyenne smythHi Cheyenne, This is quite dramatic with a good mix of sounds and visuals. I can sense a tension in this piece, between the king and queen and your poem effectively conveys it. I stumbled on 'sounds of his room were dulled by quickened heartbeats' and am not sure if it works. I'm wondering what the sounds of his room are and would probably have had an easier time harbring a guess if it were , 'sounds from his room'. But then, I might be missing something. Verse 3 was poetically the strongest. I would spruce up verse 4 or pull it if possible as it 'tells' rather than 'shows'. Nevertheless, it's a strong write which could be poetically stronger in the event of a revision. Duane.2009-12-17 21:59:54
Please Read:James C. HorakHi James, This is a very noble thought and an action that, in my opinion, might add that electrifying lease of life that TPL has been denied. I dont see why you should not be part of the contest though. Anyhow, let me know when you would like me to start reaching out to some of our older members and I will begin as soon as I hear from you. I guess, the key is hearing back from Chris. You can email me at : nightbreed2006@yahoo.com Duane.2009-12-17 21:30:42
Laugh a Little LighterEllen K LewisHi Ellen, Yes, a good laugh to warm up the chill of winter. I liked how this rhymed and illustrated the contrasts of old age versus young. Nice to see you back !! Duane.2009-12-14 11:39:14
Our Dear Dellena is Not WellJames C. HorakHi James, This is very saddening. I have written to Dellena via email. However, of you do speak to her, please convey my wishes for a speedy recovery. She will be in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for letting us all know. Duane.2009-11-30 01:21:11
My HomeworkDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, A stark piece that does well in expressing the sense of anger and frustration you felt over this loss of yours. The last verse ins the strongest, it hammers, literally both literarily and emotionally. I would contrast this with verse one. You might want to re-write it. Beginning with 'no moon, nor sun ' to me is use of the 'over used' and to be honest it made me feel that what was to follow might also be in that vein. In short, I would recommend a stronger start :-) Duane.2009-11-22 21:20:41
A Sea Talecheyenne smythHi Cheyenne. I love the 'water' element. Perhaps this bias is based on my sun sign - Aquarius. I loved the freshness of this piece - in tune with that of the sea breeze - and the ending is dark and the best part of the poem. I can envision the abandoned sand castle and can hear the pebbled tides. A strong, emotionally charged piece. Duane.2009-11-22 21:08:19
The Coming of RainNancy Ann HemsworthHi Nancy, Nice poem - on two levels as I read it - one, in the voice of the earth and the other, in the voice of a human being. I like to go with the former. It makes for richer reading :-) This piece is almost perfect for this time fo year. I found that the last two verses were stronger than the first - licking salt from wet skin, hitting warm flesh could be re-done to give it more freshness. Otherwise, a poem that is passionate in its expression. Duane.2009-11-22 21:05:42
If They Could Only SeeDeniMari Z.Deni, Wow !! One of your best if not the best that I have read from your artistic pen. I like how you use the changing colors - like a painter's changing painting - a sa metaphor for moods and love the way you take the reader through all those changes swiftly yet, rhythmically. The colors relate well to the moods and I can tell that you have paid particular attention to economy of words and emphasis on image which for me, makes this piece particularly strong. Duane.2009-11-08 22:30:49
Willing LimberJames C. HorakHi James, Marvellous piece and one that so effectively captures the sesnuous gait in a woman's movement - I especially like 'you would clothe the breeze in song'. Duane.2009-11-07 20:58:19
The Knight of LoveDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, A poem with a lot of feeling. Love is perhaps the most written-about emotion and thats not surprising considering the feelings it invokes. Love has two sides...often in their extremeties - the good and the bad (almost hellish). Yours is a mixture..and I can relate. Coming to technicalities - I would recommend some tightening for this particularly in terms of imagery and the flow can follow later. Some of the rhyme seemed forced - try subtle rhyme - it can do wonders when writing on a theme as common as this (causing a sense of surprise to the reader). I hope this helps :-) Duane.2009-10-18 22:21:58
East of Eden*James C. HorakHi James, This is a complex look at 'woman' especially in the 21st century having come a long way since the 'innocence' of Eden with the road of corruption building up steadily from its gates to where we are. I contemplate on the significance of 'East' in relation to this piece though it is a fine title to attach to a poem. Your poem captures the very unique and often undistingushable mix of both 'her' weaknesses and strengths - so easily exploited, yet fiesty in standing up for her rights. A thought provking poem that has engaged me this Monday morning. Duane.2009-10-18 22:11:32
Pain In The Beginning & EndDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, One can sense the feeling of pain expressed here. The wording used is strong - it burns with feeling - and some of the imagery os very good too. You have found a doorway through poetry. 'no spirit to unearth'/ 'left the knife slicing'/ 'what death has done to me has branded...' > great lines. I would re-work - 'isolated room where i screamed with pain...'/ 'police spoke so slowly the words'/ I was touched by this piece. Duane.2009-10-16 10:39:34
at the circusDellena RovitoHi Dellena, Though all this takes place 'at the circus', its sometimes where the harsher truths of life are realised - yes, even through innocence - as does the elephant you speak of. I can see this having a deeper meaning - exploitation, oppressive gvernment, etc. Very good theme and imaginatively captured (if that is what you intended) While there were portions of the poem - he was a wild animal, once free, he walked miles a day; he endures the applause....which might seem telly but surely contribute to the theme, I like the overall impact of this creation and it is one of your tighter gems !! Duane.2009-10-16 00:35:20
September VotesDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, Looks like you went 'A Calming Spell' rather than 'Desertion' which seemed to be much stronger in others' opinions. I'm glad you did give 'a calming spell' some mention because I enjoyed writing it a lot more than I did, 'desertion'. Good vote with some fine choices. Duane.2009-10-11 21:54:06
My September VoteJames C. HorakHi James, Thanks for your appreciation of 'Desertion'. Here's looking forward to October ! Duane.2009-10-11 21:50:24
Pleasure ChaseDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, An engaging poem that is full with color and taste - you create a sensual and comforting setting to lighten the burdens of stress. I especially liked these lines - 'Chocolate heaven,a divine place to eat enhance the trance to a glorious retreat.' 'of sordid monkeys in life chasing wrenching tears away from doe's saddest eyes' ----- stark imagery here; very nice I would change this line - 'Propping pillows shades of markets best'. Shades of markets best is vague and what might be a cool shade to you might not be to another. Tell us what the shade is. I also recommend leaving the market out. Let this be a setting between you and your paradise. Enjoyed the read, otherwise ! Duane. 2009-10-11 21:28:19
And Now.....James C. HorakHi James, I thought I'd be reading a poem of yours :-) Nevertheless, this was interesting - I'm not sure if I should be responding through this or by email though -I will be checking out this link. Duane.2009-10-11 00:05:09
My Vote for SeptemberDellena RovitoHi Dellena, Thanks for voting for Desertion...I'm glad you liked it. Hope to read more of your work in October :-) Duane.2009-10-07 23:29:54
BloodJames C. HorakHi James, Beautiful. This flows like life giving blood, unadulterated and pure. You capture the essence of the nature of the poet and his art, remarkably well. Duane.2009-10-04 22:37:50
DestroyersDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, For me, this poem highlights inidividulaity and the response it gets from the 'stupid' majority who take it upon themselves to steretype and of course, ostracize....Through your imagery, particularly of the mangy dog and cat (in their shelters of isolation), you bring this dark side of humannature to the fore. I liked the flow of this and the lines captured your theme well. Duane.2009-10-04 22:28:52
MaterMark Andrew HislopHi Mark, Another great write. I love the way you liken the earth to the womb of a seed which gives rise to a tree (which dreams among the skies). The whole piece ( primarily due to the first two lines of each stanza) has a very ceremonious feel to it....a cyclic celebration of life and what sustains it. Great job !! Duane.2009-10-04 02:57:18
StepsRegis L ChapmanHi Regis, I thoroughly enjoyed this walk...and while it is quite a long one (in number of words!), I did not feel the length detract from or steal from the power of the piece. Some nice imagery and there were portions that sped up in terms of tempo and I'm guessing that has to do with the quickening of your steps - it made the whole feel very natural. Once again, enjoyed the raw expression. Duane.2009-10-03 22:07:21
100 - 70 Equals ThirtyDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, Though this poem's theme is morose (the process of ageing), you coat with a light hearted manner that would ease anyone who fears it - and believe me I do...I hope never to leave the twenties (if not through numbers; then definitely through good health and spirit - high hopes because from the looks of it, i'll be eighty before i'm thirty). While I miss the charged imagery of some of your other works, I appreciate this take on 'ageing' and for mellowing its darker side. Duane.2009-10-03 21:24:42
To Withstand the StormDellena RovitoHi Dellena, Deep and thought provoking. A solid write on an aspect of human nature and the 'human' environment that surrounds it. Some very nice and apt lines - 'how i act is who i am', 'if i scream in silence my message is agreement'. Nicely done. Duane.2009-10-03 15:20:31
MY STRENGTHDebbie SpicerHi Debbie, Very heart-warming and sincere. The poem does well in impressing upon your reader, the influence this person had on your life. Thank you for sharing this creation of appreciation with us. Duane. 2009-10-03 15:13:57
Court - Summons & ComplaintsDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, I guess this has to do with ageing. Once more, you have demonstrated how hard you have worked with imagery. The expression in this piece is powerful. Very nice. Duane.2009-10-02 23:09:11
It ComesJames C. HorakHi James, The 'end time' heat is hotter than it ever was and this piece is a stark and vivid reflection of the onset of those times. i especially like the image of the crow perched on an over-burdened fruit tree branch. Excellent. Duane.2009-09-26 22:37:33
Twisted Rules of LifeDeniMari Z.Hi Deni, This poem is powerful in its reflection of the corruption in high places, manipulation, hypocrisy that all blend together to twist the rules of life. A tight poem. With strong, stark imagery that is transported through the reader's mind on a very free, smooth flow. Clearly, one of your best pieces in terms of overall power and development. I liked the way you used the lighthouse and tree of life to make your point. Duane.2009-09-19 23:05:10
Tearing PersuasionJames C. HorakHi James, This talks to me about 'choices' and external (internal too) influences that change the way we approach 'corners' and that often makes the difference on where life leads us.. A very apt poem and enjoyed. Take care, Duane.2009-09-17 23:08:33
Love StandsKenneth R. PattonHi Kenneth, There is no equal. I agree completely. Through the verses of your piece you have shown and reminded us that love will always have an over-arching influence of on poets... 'Love stands alone' - nice to see a post from you after quite some time. Duane.2009-09-16 23:22:05
The Night SkyMark Andrew HislopHi Mark, Beautiful work. The image works well with the power of love. My favorite of yours from the others you have posted this month...so far. Also want to take the opp to express my agreement with the idea of not publishing votes on the mai site. I can see where you are coming from. The trouble is, I'm unable to log into the forum and have tried intimating Chris about this...to no avail. Duane.2009-09-16 23:07:33
Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Duane J JacksonCritique Date

Displaying Critiques 51 to 100 out of 440 Total Critiques.
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