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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Critique Date
I Wish I Could Write A Sonnet	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Ha…ha…ha…this is so funny and super clever! You wish to write a sonnet yet it is so obvious that your lyrical talent radiates within this piece! I think if you are a good poet, whatever structure you wrote, you will excel! For me, you surpass excellence! This is perfect! It is like water, whatever the container is, it is still liquid, its just that its in different forms. Keep on flowing Marilyn! You are born to be a poet of inspiration, of song, of praises and of life. For a first time, for a try…this is a beauty! I find the rhyming, the beating, the choice of words…outstanding! I can feel the blend of harmony. Everything in it, I enjoyed! From “aria” to “Alas”, to “Moonlight romps”, to “nectared wine”, to “Lolling aside”, to “whiffs of cowslips”, to “quill”, to “kindles”, to “violet”, these are all lovely and colorful! How do you choose your words? There is always magic! Again, the title “I Wish I Could Write A Sonnet” adds beauty and humor to this rare piece! Thanks for the wonderful treat! Don’t you ever get tired showering us with your gems! For I’ll keep on catching it! What a beautiful day! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-06-07 22:18:10
Blending of the Heart	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, Wow, I really loved this! Your works had rarely make it on the top spot but I for me you are one of TPL’s fine poets. Why? Because you write with your heart and with your experience. There is always truth in your words. Readers can feel the connection and the relations. “compassion sits holding hands with care.” --- I can visualize family members visiting sick relatives in hospitals. The metaphor is superb! “Love is giving and honest devotion saying yes at times while balancing it with no.” --- I really loved these lines! Yes, that is reality and you have “balanced” it well! Fittingly right! “Cyclic exact as nature in motion similar to the ocean’s ebb and flow.” --- Great follow-up…I liked the poetic touch of these lines. “Love is peace in a stirring creation occasionally with storms of needless woe.” --- Wow, another words of “thunder”! Blowing away this reader with your lyrical prowess! Just great! “The warmth of sincere and genuine elation to the coldness of the deepest snow.” --- You continuous association with nature is entertaining! Effective! It brings spices to your wonderful entry. “Love is the flower fragrant and sweet yet the passing of its innocent beauty too.” --- Ah…this is “sweet”! I could not add for more! You just know how to delight your readers! “It is commitment without opposing deceit but also encompasses assessing and review.” --- I like your formula of romantic words and profound message. You combine these with ease! “Love is inspiration, intuition, and illumination it can bring heartache and painful grief.” --- I enjoyed the rhyming of “tion” and the alliteration of “i". Though rhyming and alliterating, it didn’t sound trying hard and still holds true to the topic. Perfect! “Love is a trembling euphoric excitation or shaking the sorrow of a once known belief.” --- Profound! Just exquisite to end and summarized the whole thought! Clever! “Love is............” --- Great way to support your additional notes “Part I”. Nice fashion to end the poem. I find this lyrically done and skillfully accomplished! Your choice of words is excellent! The structure is well posited! Everything is in their proper places. You have successfully relayed your message with so much art in it. Great effort! Thanks for this wonderful read! Definitely in one of my top list! I’m just saddened that I have no enough points for voting. Anyway, God bless…I know this will hit high! Kudos! As always, Erzahl :) Special Notes: --- I hope you don’t mind me telling you that my “japanese verse 47 (Ava Jean) is also dedicated to you. I hope you don’t mind checking it out (if you haven’t read on it). Comments / reply is not required. Thank you. --- How is Ms. JoMo? Any news? I hope she is doing well. My prayers are always with her.	2004-06-04 01:10:55
A Fragment	Sandra J Kelley	Hi Sandra, Yes, I very much remember this…and this is supposed to be something of a series. From the title itself “A Fragment” – the mystery and puzzle of the piece is already obvious. As always, you write with such powerful and interesting messages which somehow reflects your diverse personality as an author. I can feel the strong personal connection of this poem. Something a “taboo” but needed to be revealed. “Sitting around the dinning room table I ask for a memory of my father like asking for the salt to be passed "There isn't one." I'm told.” --- These are powerful lines and the imageries and words are very effective! It keeps the riddle continuous. Clever metaphor! “He is afraid it will be good. At the end of the day he presses delete.” --- This is a perfect follow-up. “I wrestle with silence, contend with my family for the stories they refuse to tell” --- There are a lot of surprises in your story, in your poetry…that makes this piece unique and inviting. The truths are delicate…the words are careful. “The stories, faster than I can write them are being erased. After the words have filled the air, how will we breathe.” --- Great ending…lyrically done! Your words are constantly moving… Thank you Sandra for the journey... As always, Erzahl :)	2004-06-04 01:09:22
A Tribute	Sherri L Smith	Hi Sherri, This is a wonderful tribute! I liked how you grouped and described the brave heroes and soldiers of each and every war events. From World War 1 to World War 2, Korean War, Vietnam War to the current Middle East War. Your rich history reflects within this piece. Specially, I am moved by your words “You are volunteers who have largely left homes, families and jobs to be in the midst of a “Storm.” I know how personal is this for you, for you have children of your own that is currently in the Middle East to serve the country. You words, “You are doing the right thing, despite what the media say. Serve with honor and dignity, as did the ones that went before you.” is a perfect encouragement. Of course this is true for the words came from a loving mother. Thank you for this dedication Sherri. You ending piece “Thank you to all veterans and our current and women who are serving with pride, all over the world”, just summarize it perfect. Bringing back the gratitude with a “thank you” words is such a tender feeling. You have reached your message clearly to us all. As always, Erzahl :)	2004-06-04 01:05:10
Australia, My Home	Alexander Inman	Hi Alex, Welcome to the site Alex! For a ten year old, this is superb! What I liked about your poem is your honesty and proud declaration of your beautiful country Australia. You stand proud to its beauty. One can easily be attracted by your words. The adjectives and the images are clear. I hope I could visit the land you called “home” and see those “cute and cuddly” animals you have. I enjoyed the continuous “k” sound of “kangaroo”, “koala” and “kookaburra” and how you grouped them in one line. Clever! Thanks for welcoming and introducing us to your land. Keep it up kid! Keep those inspiring and wonderful poems come to The Poetic Link. We’ll keep on reading it. As always, Erzahl :) Special Comment: Oh, congratulations to your candidate Ms. Australia for winning Ms. Universe 2004. Another “proud beauty” of your country.	2004-06-04 01:01:32
My Mom's Motherhood	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, Short but compact and complete! I loved the images, takes me back with my childhood years too! Remembering those childhood to adolescent images, it came into my senses just how super dependent we are with our parents especially to our mothers. How their influence is present in our surroundings and memories and in what we are now. Loved the wittiness of the first line "For all the skinned knees and Band Aids"...the rest are just continously moving and a bit humurous. Nice flow! This is a wonderful Mother's Day offering! Gratifying! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-05-29 01:44:28
I Took You With Me	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, How could I miss a poem like this! Again, my favorite “romantic” writer wrote such heart-quenching lyrics. In simple words, in honest language…again you have poured the “real” you. Always the passionate writer, full of ballad, serenading readers like me… “I Took You With Me” --- As always, from the title itself, you already let your readers “taste” a sample of your delicacy. You are one of those poets (one is Joanne Uppendahl) that I observed that is very good in establishing titles. I can feel that you even spend an amount of time for this. And for me, it had paid off for you. Readers like me are attracted to it and very much inspired to try! “You have never known That you alone have been beside me Through so many travails.” --- I really like the word “travails”. This is new to me! You could use the word “trials” (which is so overused) but I’m glad you decided on “travails”. I appreciate the effort of deciding the right words. Great flow! “Image among images” --- Great! I find this super poetic! “You glow beyond the pale Incandescent spill.” --- I like how you combine “nature” with “feelings”! It’s so panoramic! “You cast dark contrasting pools With sharp shadow lines That define the juncture Between where you are And where you are not.” --- Unforgettable language! Your write these beauties effortlessly! “Let there be no confusion, This is not mere illusion Nor a remodeled memory Of what could have been.” --- Magnificent! Mild…comforting…lyrical! These are like lover’s psalms! “I have no patience for the past And the last time I saw the my future It was on a spending spree Squandering what little was left of me.” --- Though the “the” on the second line is a bit off, it didn’t affect the continuous outstanding lyrics. You excel in every line, in every sentence. I like how you explain the relevance of “time”. Yes, “time” and “love” goes hand in hand. Love is perfect timing! “No, this is nothing more And nothing less Than all that I have left After I’ve discarded the debris. This is you in me.” --- Wow, perfect ending! You have handled the whole poem delicately. I like the words “discarded the debris”. Aside from great alliteration, this is also new to me but works very well! Again, I’m amazed by the totality of your poem. Again, another masterpiece! Simple and short but inescapable! You hit our hearts again. Only a true “lover” can write these words. My only regret is that I should have commented this earlier…to let you and others know from the beginning…how beautiful this is. I’m glad that it lately climbed up for it deserves on the top spots. Don’t you ever get tired submitting your splendid entries…you have a fan here! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-05-05 22:39:04
Demon	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, This is one interesting piece! I can’t help not to comment! I was attracted by your subjects “stars” and how you viewed them as something “evil”, “influential”, “tempting”, “doomed” and “whirling”. This reminds me of the once beautiful “Lucifer”. Thus, I find title “Demon” appropriately effective! “Like a trance, I whirl my dervish” -- I like the lyrical power of this line! “Sense my senseless soul and save me” --- Another splendid poetry! “From the callous power of my frailty.” --- Skillfully done! Creative words! Overall, I find this piece full of passion and feelings. What I like in this poem is how you reveal your frailty, humility and honesty in such class, natural and poetic approach. These ingredients are very hard to find in TPL. I was blessed by your honest plea to God…I find it inspiring and full of wholehearted surrender for His divine power and love. This piece is so encouraging…soul reaching! Thanks for reaching my attention! I enjoyed and savored every moment of it! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-05-05 22:36:12
organ-i	Regis L Chapman	Hi Regis, I don’t know why but after reading your poem I find the need to comment. I just want to drop by and say how splendid this is. First, the title…”organ-i", for me this is something new. You always write with such unique and contemporary subjects…one of TPLs versatile writers. “can I schedule some time on your calendar” --- I just like the honesty of this line. “can I come to you organically as a breeze blowing through hair as the water washes clean fault and carries away tears salt as the green grass reaches for the feet” --- I find this very creative! The metaphors with nature are enjoyable! “like Achilles the hero in zero gravity can I lift you up in my gravitas” --- Playful but deep! I like the associations “Archilles”, “hero” and “zero gravity”! “and send your mind away to those places found by saints and sages if all I have is these words and these pages?” --- So poetically done! can I speak to me for me? hello --- Lines in question forms usually add profundity in poetry. I like the honest questions at the end of poetry. Your additional notes surely help the readers like me. Yes, you are right, this is supposed to be for your wife but as the writing goes on, it turned out to be a universal message applicable to all of us. It’s like the poem has its own mind and personality. And that is what I see in your work here…it has personality! Thank you for posting this last entry for the month of April! It was worth reading and commenting! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-05-05 22:35:07
Blue Dragonfly - Revisited	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I'm glad this one rose to the top because this is my favorite among your April entries! :) And for the changes, I liked it! You ommitted those unnecessary words, and yes, short, simple and straight to the point is more beautiful than verbous/wordy read. And fixing the "life form" to "life-form" is just perfect! It is now technically correct! I hope you don't reposting again my response to your original "Blue Dragonfly". :) "Blue Dragonfly", I think for the many colors of dragonfly, "blue" is my favorite! Aside from it is rare to see amongst dragonflies, usually it is the flamey red and orange (here in the Philippines, I don't know there in your place, what is dominant). Again, you have captured the sweet, innocent and fragile personalities of this beautiful creatures. "It's hard to see you next to green," --- I like your intro here...it immediately emphasized "colors", which it automatically strikes the importance of the title "Blue Dragonfly". The contrasting or the comparison between these two colors are just huge for my vision. The use of "flickeringings" and "marauder" are so you Joanne! Thanks for adding these lyrics! "Were you placed on this branch, a sparkling adornment left by an aesthetic angel?" --- This is just wonderful! You have been writing "dragonflies" before but this is a new fresh perception and I really liked it a lot! You are truly inspiring! It always radiates within your words...within your works. "When you fly close, dipping low as if to graze my skin," --- I like the use of "dipping low" and "graze my skin"! You just know how to combine common words and come up with a rare, unique and original thought! You are never "lacking" of words and imagination...superb! "I wonder if you divine another life form watching you, in motionlessness hope you’ll stay a moment longer." --- Oh, I am caught motionless by your words...this is just excellent! You are very observant Joanne! Your "blue dragonfly" sure influenced me a lot...yes, it touched me by its "divine" power. "How you gratify my splendor hunger!" --- Same here Joanne! You have fulfilled my thirst for your poetry and genius! Again, I have said it all! This is again, in line with your winning pieces! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-05-04 23:34:30
Blue Dragonfly	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, How could I not comment on this! Again, I have found a treasure of words and images for the month of April! "Blue Dragonfly", I think for the many colors of dragonfly, "blue" is my favorite! Aside from it is rare to see amongst dragonflies, usually it is the flamey red and orange (here in the Philippines, I don't know there in your place, what is dominant). Again, you have captured the sweet, innocent and fragile personalities of this beautiful creatures. "It's hard to see you next to green," --- I like your intro here...it immediately emphasized "colors", which it automatically strikes the importance of the title "Blue Dragonfly". The contrasting or the comparison between these two colors are just huge for my vision. The use of "flickeringings" and "marauder" are so you Joanne! Thanks for adding these lyrics! "Were you placed on this branch, a sparkling adornment left by an aesthetic angel?" --- This is just wonderful! You have been writing "dragonflies" before but this is a new fresh perception and I really liked it a lot! You are truly inspiring! It always radiates within your words...within your works. "When you fly close, dipping low as if to graze my skin," --- I like the use of "dipping low" and "graze my skin"! You just know how to combine common words and come up with a rare, unique and original thought! You are never "lacking" of words and imagination...superb! "I wonder if you divine another life form watching you, in motionlessness hope you’ll stay a moment longer." --- Oh, I am caught motionless by your words...this is just excellent! You are very observant Joanne! Your "blue dragonfly" sure influenced me a lot...yes, it touched me by its "divine" power. "How you gratify my splendor hunger!" --- Same here Joanne! You have fulfilled my thirst for your poetry and genius! Again, I have said it all! This is again, in line with your winning pieces! Always a fan, Erzahl :)	2004-04-28 22:16:25
Majourney Well	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, I don’t know why but I find this a wonderful read! Though a bit confusing, I just find this piece very poetic, mysterious and most of all entertaining. I hope I was able to hit the interpretations right! Here goes… I find the “Majourney Well” as an old ship with a wonderful and majestic journey. The use of the feminine pronoun “she” and “her” symbolizes that yes there is a big object worth calling as a very personal possession. This can also be a famous author, reaching those readers through the journey of her poetries. This can also be a well anchored to the deep. “The careful chord, the unicorn, The child’s self-portrait, a kiss.” --- I find this lines poetic, charming and enchanting… “Delicate, web-wove, womb-ish, One delights in her songs sung And hung above the cradle’s bow, She the wind, she the rudder.” --- These are distant words yet ever-reaching! It tells a thousand revelations and images yet riddle-like. “As her sails ‘neath horizon slide I see from opposing shore Her anticipated arrival: Fair thee well mama-door.” --- These are great and striking lines! I can visualize the “arrival” of such splendid ship like the Titanic! “Fair thee well.” --- Such elegant ending using old English. Suits perfectly with the subjects! Again, another inspiring words from your pen. Keep on writing! Continue to entertain us by your excellent mind, inspirations and experiences. Always a believer, Erzahl :)	2004-04-28 21:53:27
The Sixty Seven Percent Solution to the Problem	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, Another fascinating story to tell! “The Sixty Seven Percent Solution To The Problem” – The title itself is already a storyteller! This ear-catching title sure brings headlines to us who are looking for poems to critique. I can’t help not to be attracted by the title. This is very interesting and clever! Makes one to ponder, “what’s the story behind?” Your poem here summarized your experience with war, with business, with “syrup” making, with the word “hardwork” which you perfectly define as “a labor of love”, with extraordinary family, and many more of life to reflect in… You have introduced us with such extraordinary family…”Don”, “Uncle Archie”, “Mary” but the most famous “Aunt Jemima” is whose I’m familiar with…:) “if the plate runs with sweet maple syrup something is right in the world today for a moment it all seems to be okay for a moment you forget hunger and war for a moment you forget hate, violence, even manners - and clean your plate with your tongue” --- Putting a “…” before this stanza is a clever move. It pauses us to focus on the real message of this piece. And such striking words and lines that leave this reader in awe. Yes, we are always living in the “moment”…and to live that “moment” with the syrup is what a moment you captured. How could I expand for you already completed that “moment”. To associate that “sweet maple syrup” as that perfect moment is so clever! This delirious experience of forgetting “hunger and war”, “hate, violence and even manners” is truly an intelligent writing. Ending it with this line “and clean your plate with your tongue” is just perfect! Playful but deep! In summary, it says how we should cherish every moment that is a blessing. Savor that “moment” for it might not happened again and count it as a "blessing". As what you always said, “Cherish it ee. It don't last forever.” Thanks for another splendid performance! As always, Erzahl :) P.S. Just curious, why “The Sixty Seven Percent Solution To The Problem”? Is the remaining 33% the “vinyl 33 on the spindle” from your other poem “Talking About It with My Dad”? :)	2004-04-28 21:51:22
At The Full Of The Moon	Marcia McCaslin	Hi Marcia, I would say, this is one of your finest works that I have ever read! Not always the moon is “full” so when it does, it is really a wonder to view it in the vastness of the night sky. Not often I see a poem that would really capture that exotic and mysterious beauty of the full moon, and when I see or read one…my heart leaps like tidal waves in excitement. And yes, I have found one from your entry here. Reading your work from beginning to end, I was really drawn and mesmerized by your choice of words…intelligently done! “At The Full Of The Moon” – Great title, so lyrical! - Pardon me but this reminds me of my first early haiku entry “japanese verse 4 (Full Moon)”: “Majestic marble Quietly bares its beauty Tempting the still night” That is why I am very excited because it reminds me of my early work and one of my favorite haiku. Yes, “Full Moon” are one of those great subjects and very interesting one and your rendition here is one of my favorites. You have perfectly captured its essence. “Light slides from the day like blue satin being pulled by fingers beneath the horizon.” --- Your choice of words is perfect…the images are clear! --- Wow, wow, wow…this is haiku-like! “Stars splash into place.” --- Great formation! An unstable moon rocks back and forth up the ridge like a rock cart wheel. --- Hypnotizing! It is full of itself and laughing at the earth. --- I really liked this! It is so cartoonish! Especially those nights that the moon is full not only in “phase” but also by size, where yellow aura surrounding it adds its spell-binding beauty. The mood catches on. --- Great next line to support the last stanza. Yes, “mood” and “moon” goes along with each other. “The young feel old enough; The old feel young enough. Hormones dance around with urgency—“ --- And as they say…the normal become fools for a moment…this is fun! “It could be now or never.” --- Great ending! This is like a party! A festival of being yourself…of total freedom. I have been reading different poetries about moon and yours is a fresh perspective! It has its own style and beauty! Overall, I find your work skillfully done, lyrically impressive! Kudos! Thank you for sharing this one for our enjoyment! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-25 23:35:00
Come Walk With Me	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, You are becoming better and better as the months go by! I wouldn’t be surprised if this one will be in the top spot again. “Come Walk With Me” is an incantation between nature and the deep longing of the soul with peace. Hypnotizing and alluring this reader to relax and submit fully to the summoned of nature. I find the repeating line “Come walk with me” very effective! Gradually and successfully outreaching! “Lets mingle in the wild and shaggy forest see the majesty of rolling trees as --- Bonding with nature is a wonderful experience…you are very good in this! I don’t know how you do it, but you are one of my inspirations when it comes to nature. Your love and respect to it shows in your words and the beauties just radiates effortlessly. --- “mingle” – this word won’t go away from my mind…the use of this word is very effective! --- “wild and shaggy forest” – yes, these are majestic “rolling trees”! “they rub against an azure sky, with leaves that softly scrub angel wings” --- Elevating! You have uplifted my sensation in the highest degree! I don’t know how, but this is just awesome! It takes a truly good poet and passion with nature to come up with these ideas and words. Unforgettable! Only you can do this! These two lines alone can win your poem! “Beside the giddy brooks with borders of lichen ophite, see mystic splendors of cunning corridors and rhythmic spasmodic shadows” --- Just wonderful! As always, there is music in your words…there are colors painting in your words. Meaning, you are very good in you choice of words. Nothing I can add more! “When the flush of morning folds it's light among shrouded thickets hear the vibrating silence that echoes our fain footsteps” --- There is mystery (and beauty at the same time) in your words here that captures the unknown splendor of dusk. “echoes our fain footsteps” - this is just stunning in simplicity, plus the alliteration “F” is playful. Overall, great flow! “Feel a rhapsody of wind weaving its way through steep timber tops whispering a syncopated serenade Lets frolic in His festival of awe” --- Nice ending! This is truly a “festival of awe”! The alliteration of “W” for “wind weaving” is nice to the tongue! This is a clever write! The journey of your words here take this reader back to the basic. That when “nature” inspires a person, especially a great poet like Marilyn, unpredictable beauties and depth exudes. Thank you Marilyn for sharing your talent for free…for us to enjoy immensely! How could we repay you back? I hope my comment can match the hard work, effort and inspiration you poured to this entry! (though I know your work is incomparable) :) As always, Erzahl	2004-04-25 23:33:58
Instructions for My Burial	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, This is something new from you Joanne! New but not new…you have written so many versatile subjects that absolutely captures the essence of life. With your additional notes, the humbleness of surrendering oneself back to his/her Creator, offering himself/herself in simplicity by surrounding yourself with memories and something precious and dear to your heart is a straightforward declaration of your gratefulness with life! You are appreciative to God and to the people around you especially the family and friends. For me, “Instructions for My Burial” is a love covenant! “my mother’s pearls,” --- This is sweet and touching. “grandmother’s “Blue Monday Poems"” --- I remembered your great National Artist grandmother…I’m interested to hear what’s that “Blue Monday Poems” about? A sample to peek its content would be great! :) --- I like how you include this one…it shows how close you are with granny, the source and inspiration of your talent! “Pour sea water, enough to cover.” --- I find this ceremonial! And it also shows your strong bonding with nature! “Read Psalm 131, “Silver Pennies”, Mary Oliver’s “What Do We Know”” --- Great choices! Profound pieces that reflects who you are Joanne! a black and white photograph of the moon --- This is mysterious yet I like it very much, it speaks much of you Joanne! my father’s painting of a goldfish --- This is delightful! I could not comment for more! close-up snapshot of the dog’s nose. --- It represents the “fun” side of you, which I can see and feel…”a lot”! To choose from the three, I like the black and white moon the most! It just says a lot about you as a poet and your love with anything astronomical! And the touch of “black and white” just summarized what a unique and great poet you are! A bit mysterious, deep and soulful! “Musicians, if available: red-headed woodpeckers, Pacific tree frogs, rain.” --- Just magnificent! Two thumbs up! I observed that you are into rhythm, music and melody with nature lately. You and nature sure is a wonderful paired duet! You both harmonize in quality, passion and depth. From the three musicians, I like the ever flowing, synchronous “rain”! There is something in it that is “soul-reaching”…just like your poems, just like this! Excellent! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-25 23:26:09
Canticle	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, This is just a wonderful hymn! I can’t imagine what tunes accompanied this piece. The orchestra of nature is silently whispering in my ears when I tried to reread and reread this. Chanting me… cradling me…relaxing me in a worry-free world. I like how you set the choruses: “As flickering spring songs are sung o’er din of birds’ announce the day’s begun - the day’s begun!” and alternately: “As flickering spring songs are sung o’er din of birds’ announce the day is done - the day is done!” --- This really sounds like a chorus! Declaring the beauty of “spring” in joyous ensemble. The coming of “spring” is truly a contagious and influential inspiration to all. Poets or even none poets can create instant masterpiece of music, poetry, paintings because of the undeniable attractiveness of this season. But the best of all, I like how these sweet little birds can say “thank yous” through their sweet innocent chirping! Spring always give “life” to everyone! Is this a continuation of your so-equaled beauty “Spring Quartet”? I think so, the inspiration still continuous! Sorry, I was not able to comment on your poems last month. But I rooted for your “Spring Quartet” and “Daughter Of The Sea” but still glad that “By The Pond” wins. Congrats Joanne! If I could not give equal justice to my comment to your poems, I would rather pass it. I was busy last month with work and was not able to comment a lot instead of some short poems like haikus. (Now, I’m making it up to you…ha…ha…ha…) :) “How blissfully tulips are glistening each tilted face an upturned cup of purple red or yellow gold, each blossom’s ears bare to sun, listening” --- Birds and tulips…what a delightful subjects for spring! They are ever compatible! Your animation, metaphors and presentations for tulips and its characteristics are truly awesome! I could not add for more! Now, I could not have this as my haiku subject, I’ve run out of ideas…you perfectly got it all! Just lovely Joanne, lovely! :) “At noon they breathe out deeply praising, sighing, and then sleepily nodding as evening prayers arise from petals closing over tulip eyes” “sleepily nodding as evening prayers arise” --- this is really elevating! Again, I am super amaze by your lyrical prowess! Thus, practice makes perfect? You are my idol, when it comes to title naming (“Canticle” – again, simple but striking) and inspiring and deep lyrical writing. I always think of you when I attempt this! Your works are my inspirations! Thank you for sharing your talent freely! I like how I felt after reading this piece! It instantly told me how I acquaint with nature. This is how all your poetry always works with your audience Joanne. A lasting bonding with nature is constantly experienced…a grateful appreciation with our Creator. You are a “genius” in touching one’s soul! Again, you have touched my “moment”. I’m currently listening to a Christian music by Jaci Velasquez, “I’m Alive”: “I’m alive I’m alive I feel Your arms around me Your eyes of love surround me I’m alive To shine in pure perfection And wake up every morning In Your light I’m so glad I’m alive” Hearing this music while reading your beautiful work is just perfect! Kudos and thank you! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-25 23:24:00
Nightfall	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, I am also inspired by that site (www.poetry.com). I started and learned my Haiku talent from their daily contest "Picture Haiku". A lot of my entries here in TPL were also came from my submission to poetry.com. I'm glad to see that I am not the only one. Those images they post are truly inspiring! "A silk sheet of cloud Falls to keep night's countless eyes Away from earth's breasts" --- This is really exotic and rich of images. A thousand images are playing on my mind now. Your choice of words are truly effective! "A silk sheet of cloud" --- I can see a layered vastness of clouds painting the sky. And it is more mysterious and exquisite because of the time "Nightfall". Twilights and sunsets are truly wonderful to gaze at! "Falls to keep night's countless eyes" --- Wow, hypnotizing! I see the "countless eyes" as the stars - great metaphor and illustrations! "Away from earth's breasts" --- Wow, you just end it perfect! "earth's breasts" - I see the majestic mountains that looks upon the sky to see and match the beauty of the firmaments! Just great expressions...you have completed the thought and imageries with great and lyrical words. This is an excellent entry! Only an inspired nature-lover can do it! You have done it great! Bravo! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-19 23:35:54
Rising to the Occasion	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, This is a wonderful and amazing honor and dedication! Seamus Heaney will surely be proud of this. This is rich of everything...from the ingredients of poetic lyrics, wealth of images and natured-inspired sensations, yes, you have completed this reader’s satisfaction. As always, your approach in presenting your piece is gradual. Slowly but surely entertaining! Full of surprises! And you never disappoint to amuse your readers. “When amber rays lave the grasses And a mass of clouds allays The spectral flavor of light waves, A unifying spirit in nature Seems to sing aloud.” --- I am enticed by this first stanza. Really! It attracted me to continuously finish reading the whole poem...and I never regret it! I found a wealth of inspirations especially to the life-giver nature. I especially enjoyed the words “lave”, “amber”, “allays” and a lot more. These are new words worth knowing! You have used this rareness into something magnificent! Plus, the magical sound of this words/lines is truly playful and inspirational. Almost summoning! “At the river, passion silts down Course and nearby, leafspeech Begins from budding gorse. Shadows Lush with omen dip and sway before The wind bustles them away.” --- The “journey” of your words is everlasting! It reaches the farthest soul in a very mysterious way. I like the compound word “leafspeech”, this is new at the same time effective! “A seraph-haunted scene as reed Music serenades along river. A Coign of vantage delivers a span Of nature surprised into fragrant Fluorescence with the essence of man” --- Wow, the alliteration is pleasurable especially the clever words between “fluorescence” and “essence”. I specifically enjoyed the line “Music serenades along river”. It courts my lonely heart! “Stirring then soaring In radiant effulgence.” --- Ahhh..perfect ending! 100% award wiining! I like how you isolate these last two lines to climax the piece with great impact. This is an honest and lovely poem, full of beautiful words and imagination! Carefree with its voice! Again, you never disappoint your audience! This one deserves an applause! This is rich in inspiration and appreciation of life! You have taught us to be contented and appreciative! Another standout! Thank you for posting this for our enjoyment! Keep them pouring! As always, Erzahl	2004-04-19 23:26:34
Haiku:Glory	Valene L Johnson	Hi Valene, Welcome to TPL! It’s always nice to see new names popping on the site. I hope you’re enjoying and learning a lot as I am also with these guys. This is a wonderful haiku and a wonderful dedication to God in declaring your faith! I find the haiku praise-like and at the same time worshipful. It captures the “silent message” of the movie “Passion” yet it speaks loud in abundance victory. You have poured out your whole “heart” in these lines. I also like the contrasting words between “whisper” and “trumpets” – cleverly done! This is an amazing and reflective piece! Your proud and honest sentiments radiate in clear words. Thanks for posting this for our meditation. Thanks for the reminder and for the inspiration. Very effective! As always, Erzahl :) Note: I’m glad you fixed the misspelled “stike” to “strike”. Now, this is perfect!	2004-04-18 22:52:47
Haiku:Glory	Valene L Johnson	Hi Valene, Welcome to TPL! It’s always nice to see new names popping on the site. I hope you’re enjoying and learning a lot as I am also with these guys. This is a wonderful haiku and a wonderful dedication to God in declaring your faith! I find the haiku praise-like and at the same time worshipful. It captures the “silent message” of the movie “Passion” yet it speaks loud in abundance victory. You have poured out your whole “heart” in these lines. I also like the contrasting words between “whisper” and “trumpets” – cleverly done! This is an amazing and reflective piece! Your proud and honest sentiments radiate in clear words. Thanks for posting this for our meditation. Thanks for the reminder and for the inspiration. Very effective! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-18 22:51:55
Summer	Sherri L Smith	Hi Sherri, Nice to see a new haiku from you! :) And with the "summer" coming (well summer is the time here in the Philippines, from March to June), I can feel the family gathering in beaches, in parks, in special occassions in the house with "barbecue" and "steak" scents. This you captured very well! The stocatto of these "sizzling" sound is truly ear-pleasing. But best is the enjoyment of the "summertime" between kins and friends. Thank you for this pleasent haiku. Again, very family-oriented! Technically, I just find the first line a "syllable" short for the traditional count. Though, I enjoyed the alliteration of the sound "S" which suits the title "Summer". Enjoy the heat and warm days while it lasts! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-18 05:15:08
Haiku (She Digs It)	Marcia McCaslin	Hi Marcia, What a lovely read! Playful and lighthearted! Reading this, put a smile on my face! You have captured a “real” scenario that is worth sharing! I like the family-orientation theme of this piece. The picture of your words is so clear and vivid to this reader. Effective! Thank you for submitting this entertaining piece! I find it peaceful and comforting to see old people enjoying the “modern” things around. It only shows how they value and appreciate the last few years of their life by embracing what is today, what the present offers. Inspiring! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-14 01:25:32
Run Mommy Run	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, A very honest piece…vividly described the struggles and hurdles of an office life. I find it more stressful and hectic because of the “Mom” thing role. Aside from job-related problems, there’ll be also family issues – balancing her precious time. From the title “Run Mommy Run” alone, I can almost feel the “fast” phase lifestyle of this super woman. Plus, pressures from “corporate supervisors’ nose”, “faceless peers” and “speeders” – I find these clever. So true, so real! From the traffic, to the elevators, to those time logs, to that kitchen coffee…you hit it all right! The rhyming of the poem adds a little playfulness in this “fed-up” ambiance of the theme. It somehow mellows that aggravating disappointment. Learning to laugh out that heavy burden. “Run Mommy run” - as if there is an escape. Great read! Great topic! So much with our daily busy life! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-14 01:24:02
Passion's Pardon	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, Capturing that moment of the “Cross” is what I see here. Very clear and imaginative! The message “outstretched” beyond that moment and goes beyond to our faith and mission on the call. “outstretched arms of love” --- I can see the suffering of Christ outstretched from his left to right hands that symbolizes His unconditional love. gave beyond humanity --- The scope of love is incomparable! Beyond “beyond”, beyond any given time! Saving sorrowed souls --- At first, I enjoyed the alliteration “S”. But the depth of this line is touching…touching the very heart of every Christian who experienced that joy from the Lord. And hope to touch those “sorrowed souls”. Amen! Thanks for this wonderful message! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-10 05:19:34
Afterthought	Michael J. Cluff	Hi Michael, As always…playful and “Confucian”? :) I enjoyed the rhyming, and some sardonic tidbits. Some “political” implications are also obvious! If it is a haiku, a senryu, or not, I find the form as part of the playfulness… As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-10 05:18:52
Spring is Born	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, For me, this is a winner! Again, your expertise in writing nature-inspired pieces is manifested in your work here. Now, that the “Spring” is born, I am not surprised to read a very inspiring thoughts. Again, the lyrics are singing, the softness is whispering, the sunshine is enlightening, the beauty is contagious. Look at my words, I’m being “poetic” which should not be because I’m just commenting! :) “Twilight of winter warbles an ode to spring as the sun fawns above earth and shines it's ardent brilliance o'er sober valleys and singing grasses” --- The alliteration of the “W” in the first line is enjoyable. --- Wow, “singing grasses” and “sober valleys”, these says a lot of you Marilyn. You are good in these, you know that! “Naked trees bask in healing rays of spring's dawn. Shivering earth inhales the virgin air and breaths life into buds of guile” --- Another unforgettable words and imageries. “virgin air” and “healing rays” - just splendid! You let your reader accelerate in excitement! “Gone are the belching spasms of wind and the yammering of winter birds, born are dainty bonnie butterflies and red robins rejoicing in splendor” --- “belching spasms of wind”, “yammering of winter birds” and “bonnie butterflies” – where did you get this words / ideas! You are truly inspiring and a genius! You write these things in ease! “The wind jarred forest yields to tranquility as warmth dissolves the carpets of white the pita-pat of rain bedews the boisterous leaves and festive petals” --- “jarred forest”, “pita-pat of rain” and “festive petals” – so original and just perfect! I envy you when you write these things Marilyn. I learned and inspired a lot from you. You are truly a family with talents and gifts and you never tired on sharing this to us here in TPL. Thanks for choosing TPL as your venue of your precious and “free” talent. I have learned a lot from you! As I said, this one deserves at the top! This is very very good! I can see a lot of time, careful words and inspiration invested in this piece. I really appreciate the effort! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-07 08:40:23
Compassion	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, You are very welcome Debbie! Yes, your life is no secret to members of TPL. I’m glad that poetry had been a tool for your therapy. I’m also glad that our responses had also been a big help to your healing. That’s what is good in life…”a give and take” relationship. We give and we take, you give and you take…and “compassion” is one great thing to share about. It’s contagiously beautiful! “Kindness rare yet treasured now” --- This line captured my heart too! “You embraced me as a treasured gift.” --- Unforgettable! Lyrically powerful! “I will stand in splendor and journey on.” --- Great ending! --- Continue to seize and discover the beauty and mystery of life! Thank you also Debbie for the lessons and experience of life. Your courage and strength have touched my life too (that is true!). I have a friend who asked for a haiku /senryu to described her. I have made one, and I want to dedicate this to you also. I hope you like it for it suits you too! “Your tears are your strength Filling the cup of your faith Let life springs from well” - I can see the new life and hope in your smiles! One day, I will post this in TPL and will put dedication to you in the “additional notes”. I hope you won’t mind. See you around TPL Debbie just keep in touch every now and then! I hope your health is fine. Praying for your safety and health. As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-07 08:35:44
At The Mammae of Modernity	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, Actually, this is the poem that really hit me big time! Swallowing your ego and pride, I can feel the 100% honesty in your words here. I am impressed by your openness, it doesn’t sound effeminate (because of the “pregnant” subject) but instead playful and manly. Manly in ways that it somehow respects and appreciates the beauty of being a mother, the beauty of conceiving and giving birth. That really impressed me! Great mind, great topic, ends up very inspiring and unique! “At The Mammae of Modernity” --- Just one comment, I didn’t find the title appealing and attractive. I feel there are more for improvement. I want to bear a child. --- Immediately, you addressed the subjects that end up as an effective attraction. For me, I was lured by this “child-like” but deep wish. “This wish, I know, may never be fulfilled. It is like wishing for a new world. A good friend. A B-B gun for Christmas. All things we should have but won’t.” --- Unforgettable statements, great examples! Your introspective lyric is again exercised! Not a Nixon-ized premature delivery from the womb, nor A Clinton-esque affair to derail the current train of thought. --- To expand “full-term” with these lines are clever side-comments. “Loud, in the shower, from a tower, In a crowded house, even with a mouse.” --- The rhyming are entertaining, the subjects puts a smile on my face…you are so creative Thomas! I would buy pink Blueberries, and Blue Cherries and, Spumante ice cream and wear the banners of every Pink and blue team in the newspaper. --- The colors symbolized the common dilemma of parents of knowing what sex is the baby would be. I also love the “craving” images. She would be my Angel. He would be my Star. I would follow both, either, ever, afar. --- Wow, my mouth opened in awe by your poetic pen. Excellent! “My desire to bear this burden has no bounds. My ability to accomplish this is my current burden.” --- Another impressive lines… “Suddenly, miraculously, I am pregnant with this vision! The prodrome of labor is upon us! The pangs of pain are real.” --- I can feel your deep desire! Your passion for this vision is overwhelming! “The child is born. A cry forlorn is heard. The baby poops. A diaper changed. In hunger screams. Loud lightning hits: Mommy is a man who forgot to wish for ...” --- Great ending! Generally, you summarized it all! I wish I could write just like you Thomas! Pieces of your heart and thoughts are scattered in this poem. Shining with influence and inspiration from each and every lines. Always entertaining but with depths and wisdom. I’m sorry but for me this is my number one! You have expressed more than what a “mother” could express. It only shows how a “parent” you are! Thanks for letting us know the “parent” side of you. This is a keepsake! I think J.U, B.J and all poetic mothers out there would be jealous on a guy like you, on how your words surpassed the true feelings of mothers. As always, Erzahl :) P.S. I also like the fonts.	2004-04-07 08:34:52
Swimming With Mary	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, In TPL, there are poems that are short and there are those that are long. I usually start on reading and critiquing short entries like haikus. Aside from I’m comfortable and quick with it, it is also not hard to comprehend and interpret. For long poems, I’m usually get bored and impatient. But when it comes to your “long poems”, I don’t know why but I am always entertained and excited. I never stopped or paused from reading it. You really have the knack of hypnotizing your audience. I think it is because your poems are interesting stories of real life and super inspiring. In short, it has a “heart”. Again, Dr. Thomas you have humbly shared your noble profession. And again, I have learned a lot from it. “Swimming With Mary” --- Title alone is already a winner! Unique and ear-catching! “Like a lost contact lens – I found Death helped me see.” --- Intro - another stunning read! Only you can do this playfulness and depth. “Her ribcage threadbare, Heaving, sucking the oxygen From the air like a vacuum cleaner In a mad and manic search for dust” --- The metaphors are incredibly unforgettable. It really sets the “bad” condition of little Mary. “Thin as a rake handle.” --- Sarcastically effective! “She looks worse – which is better. I cannot see the point in her suffering another day Another minute.” --- Ironically truthful. I can feel the weight of your sadden emotion. “We all hold hands and pray that she’ll learn how to swim.” --- I can feel the acceptance of family and friends to release her to the ocean of eternal freedom. “To swim? No. That she already knew. She’d taught all of us. Not only to swim - But how to drown.” --- Excellent ending! It’s like hitting two birds in one stone! Effectively, you allow your audience to participate and contemplate with your experience. It sure deserves my time to read and comment your work. In fact, I am honored! Advance congratulations to your winning piece! I agreed on the majority of giving this the tribute in highest form! Well-deserved! As always, Erzahl :) Note: I would like to thank you in advance for voting my “Destiny” as your top “ten”. Vote coming from the expert / topnotch poet like you is big time! For me, that is enough reward! I feel like a winner already!	2004-04-07 08:33:12
The Splendor of Fire	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, Wow, when it comes to romantic / metaphoric theme, you are top-notch! Again, you keep my jaw dropdown in amazement! Here in “The Splendor of Fire”, as if you have placed a continuous chimney on my heart and mind that will never stop the smoke because it was flamed by your unforgettable words. On the first two stanzas, the vision of “wintertimes” is so clear. And that the power and control of fire just made it appropriate and timely. I also like the “built” of windows and doors, on how it represents your constant presence and comfort of your company. And lastly, I find the finale of planting lilacs as one sweet climax and dedication. You have finished it in excellence! I like the use of the word “enkindling”, I find it everlasting! Thanks again Jordan for another “quality” work! Yes, truly splendid! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-06 01:57:39
No title	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, “ripen rope reefer rationalized relaxing ravenous rewards” “Just having fun...” The alliteration “R” shows the playfulness of this piece. Sorry Andrea but my mind can’t squeeze the meaning of the haiku/senryu. It would be interesting to know what was the inspiration behind this entry. Thank you, Erzahl :) P.S. I later realize that the subject you are referring to "High-ku" are the stars. Wow, that is really beautiful. It is worth "topnotch"! Definitely, on my top list too! Congrats in advance Andrea! :)	2004-04-06 01:51:10
High-ku	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, “spectacular spots splashing infinity’s veil one wish at a time” I see awesome colors and impressive manifestation of sky’s grandeur shining and gliding down to the ground. One by one, little holes of light piercing through “infinity’s veil” like an invocation for daydreamers to “wish one at a time”. Thank you Andrea for this unforgettable panorama, I hope I got it right! :) The ”high” in the title somehow represents the feeling of “high” when reading your piece here. I find it contagious! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-04-06 01:39:39
Political Senryu 4	Michael J. Cluff	Hi Michael, Another display of your versatility in subjects and ideas, form and style. This controversial entry is direct and honest in its message. It delivers your candid observation and remark. Truly, Mel’s movie brings interesting insights to audience. The movie will be coming next week in our place, the more I can’t wait to see and to know what is my own assessment. This is a clear and lucid reality. A bit serious and mysterious…thanks for posting. As always, Erzahl :)	2004-03-29 05:11:56
Senryu 154	Michael J. Cluff	Hi Michael, We don’t have crows here in Philippines but when I saw them in Singapore, I know what you meant of “squawks” and “anger loud”. These are fittingly appropriate adjectives. The first two lines really caught this reader’s attention. I can imagine the usual scenario of these creatures in your window. To add “ecru” for ledge and “doughnut” as the food is very true to the traditional style and form of haiku/senryu, where capturing that actual moment from the author’s eyes. I’m just a little confused and lost on the word “lush”. What does this symbolizes? Would really like to get a hint. This is a bit mysterious yet playful. Thanks for posting for our contemplation. As always, Erzahl :)	2004-03-29 05:10:47
Haiku	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, In such words you have captured that Spring “moment”. A true haiku in traditional structure and form. The rhyming “blooms”, “boo” and “adieu” just add beauty to already perfect entry. The haiku is colorful, fresh and inspiring. It got all the ingredients of simplicity and elegance at the same time. The descriptive “blooms”, “peek-a-boo” and “woes adieu” are playful and enjoyable. I find it inter-related and synchronously ideal. I find this poetically and intelligently done! Nothing to add! Just excellent! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-03-29 05:07:31
Ego Trip	Sergio M chavez	Hi Sergio, It’s been a ride reading your poems Sergio. God bless you on discovering this life. Just like you, I am not perfect too – which makes this life challenging and more beautiful. Life is beautiful if we will allow it to happen. Yes you are right, “I am only human”…yes, we are all (not only you)! I have been reading this book “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. I recommend you to read this. Reading this does not necessarily mean you need help. For me, I bought this because of curiosity. You are an intelligent person Sergio, this book will see you through your abundant questions in life. The book is not for the righteous, nor for the religious, it is for ordinary people like us. It is very easy to understand and straight to the point. Just like you, sometimes I feel dirty, unloved, worthless, messed-up, afraid, insecure, etc. I can’t promise magic, miracle, or instant answers from this book, but what I can promise is a “smile”. I believe we all deserve even just a smile in this world. This is the only gift I can offer to you…(and your gift to yourself). I pray you would give this book a chance…it won’t harm you anyway. It’s nice knowing you Sergio. Keep in touch. As always, Erzahl :)	2004-03-15 03:58:49
I Have Memories	Sandra J Kelley	Hi Sandra, I would just like to drop by and say how much I enjoyed this one! This is different from your usual entries, this one is crystal clear, super poetic and inspiring! Enjoyed reading this! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-03-07 19:29:35
Closer to Far Away (edit)	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I just drop by to say how enlightening this is! Another beauty and light-bearing poem in the sea of February Poems. I can see / feel that this month has been a wonderful beginning for you, abundant with inspiring poems…so hard to choose, all are winnable (though I like “Then I’ll Dance With Dragonflies” most). “Now photographed: a spot ( . ) in limitless sea in a room missing ceiling or walls moving in endless expanse, flowing in bankless streams.” --- These are unforgettable images and descriptions! “Bankless”, this is awesome! You never seize to surprise me with fresh and new ideas! I am always entertained by your words! Always a great fan of your lyrical talent! Keep it coming! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-03-07 19:12:46
I am a lighthouse	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Your daughter Sherri is right, this is something worth reading! Of course I wouldn’t end the February month without commenting this one. This is so enlightening as your subject “lighthouse”. You have defined perfectly each and every good quality of a lighthouse. I like how you said “I’ll be your haven”, “I will me your moon”, “I will illumine your path”, “I will polish the sea like a myriad of stars” and the last and most beautiful of all promises, “Rest your weary prow on God’s shore”. These are poetically and lyrically done! These are great metaphors, superb! This allows me to remember my japanese verse 12 “Star”: “Faraway lighthouse In the mammoth of shadows Searching lost angels” I fell in-love with your words here Marilyn! Only you can do this with great ease and confidence. As always, your work is nature-inspired, refreshing, inspiring and with such great quality and excellence! I will never get tired reading and commenting your work! Keep it up! Say my hello also to Tanner! I missed his poems and critiques. I hope he is doing fine with his further studies and hope that he enjoys and having fun with it. I envy his courage on continuing his knowledge and time management. I am super glad this one is on top 1! I hope it stays there! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-03-07 19:11:19
untitled	Mick Fraser	Hi Mick, I have also nothing else to say in your entry here except that this is rich with words, adjectives, images, sounds and colors. What really strikes me best is the last line: “and we are what we are, unless we choose to be better” --- This reminds me of my May 2003 entry “No Excuses”. This just summarized it up. The “words, adjectives, images, sounds and colors” that you early mentioned were choices that we can select from. It’s how we choose that makes who we are. Simple as that yet with great impact! And for the title, hmmmm….I would suggest “Essence of the Senseless Sense”. :) As always, Erzahl :)	2004-03-07 19:10:24
Senryu 135	Michael J. Cluff	Hi Michael, “Senryu 135” --- Is this a sequence of events? Why jump from 132 to 135? A piece of a puzzle in Senryu format? Quite interesting… “Wearing a beige tie Chris suffocated Robin with a tan dress belt” --- It’s that “tie” again but now with a different color. Then, with a “tan” dress belt, I can feel that there is a lot of importance in the emphasis of the colors. Here, I can interpret a mysterious murder occurred within the lines. Revealing the names “Chris” and “Robin”, I can feel that these are “known” persons or somebody close to you or somebody you knew. This is a deep dark Senryu. Would be interesting to know what’s behind the contents. :) As always, Erzahl :)	2004-03-07 18:55:32
Senyru 132	Michael J. Cluff	Hi Michael, This is an interesting senryu. Why “Senryu 132” if I may ask? “black ants on blue tie businessman's corpse in desert vale of his making” --- The words you used here are effectively visualizing though I don’t know if there are double meaning or behind meaning from this entry. My interpretation is an ongoing funeral walk going to the cemetery. I just hope I got it right! “vale of his making” - I like the poetic incline of this line. Thanks for posting your experience in haiku writing. Keep it up! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-28 04:02:05
Truth	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, I believe this is a reaction from Mel Gibson’s movie “The Passion of the Christ”. Aside from the rich subjects and issues circling around your poem here, I am also amazed by the strict discipline you follow in this A-B-A-B CC sonnet. You did it with ease and I find each careful word fitting and not “out-of-place”, even for the “shark” and “ark” part. “Still boat-less, we are stranded in the flood” - I like this line. Yes, there are attempts of retelling the greatest story of Jesus, on how He died, on His mysterious life yet we didn’t know what’s the real “truth”? Only our discernment and prayers and frequent study of the Bible and guidance from above can help us know the “truth”. Haven’t watched the movie yet, (not yet open here in Philippines) but yes, it is quite interesting to view plus I liked the actor who played the role of Jesus. I liked Jim Caviezel’s performance in the movie “The Count of Monte Cristo”. This guy is a good person and humble by nature, he even choose his roles and find kissing with other actresses and going sexy scene a bit uncomfortable because he is already a married man. One of his colleague Sean Penn said to him before (his co-actor in the movie “In Red Thin Line”, “You are so good, you won’t make it long here in Hollywood”…now whose more famous? Though he had some “acceptable” sexy scene with Jennifer Lopez in the movie “Angel’s Eyes”, I was able to check his profile and so far he is a man who practice his Christianity even in the world of “Hollywood” - quite an act hard to follow. Now, I can sensed that you already noticed that I am a fan of Jim and that would be the reason of checking this controversial movie “The Passion of the Christ”. Well, kinda “yes” (ha..ha..ha..). If you ask me, I’m a Mel Gibson fan, well, yes too, I like his work in “Braveheart”. But seriously speaking, in regards with the theme of the movie, I would like how people like Mel perceived and feel Christ. The movie could be an entertainment but I want to be blessed by it. Whatever the outcome, I believe in my faith and the Bible and would not be influenced by Hollywood. Reading the Forum right now, I can see a lot of reaction from Mel's work. Thank you Rachel for your honest observation and putting it in poetry. I have high respect and admiration on your work. You are one of the few who can say what you “really” want to say, without pretending or gimmicks - in poetry writing or in critiquing. Keep it up! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-28 04:00:18
One Just Bell	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, Oh, the depth of this piece is almost unconceivable. You have circled the topic within the family of sounds. From “chimes”, “peal”, “song”, “clarion”, “gong”, “knell”, “bell” to “rings” - this is clever! Technically, I found this in A-B-A-B rhyming format. Great effort! This is different from your previous works yet the same in profundity and depth. This is not your usual romantic and inspiring work that you used to do instead for a “love month”, this is a bit philosophical and theoretical. I like how you mellow those joyous sounds into the simplicity and innocence of “bell”. “one just bell that rings for everyone.” - wow, this made me humbled, it made the earlier ones sound righteous. I don’t know what’s in your mind during that writing, I just know that I am entertained and moved my your words here. Another great display of your talent! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-28 03:55:37
A Growing Appetite for Spring	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, This is another treat of beauty! I’ll never get tired reading your masterpieces and be inspired. This is the true value / nature of your work…to inspire, to arouse and to appreciate nature in fullest. You definitely met that goal. As a constant reader of your work, I can attest with these. I can attest my satisfaction. I noticed that this poem expands the subjects and focuses to their unique individual beauty. From “caterpillar” to “warblers”, to “squirrels” to “voles” and to “porcupines” - these are befitting yet all enjoyable! I am entertained by reading each stanza and blessed by its rich “nature” “The coldest tundra savors new life; like us, thriving under winter wraps.” --- No doubt, this wraps the poem perfectly. Suiting source of your yet another wonderful / brilliant title. You have perfected it already for us to enjoy. Super thanks! Again, another display of your creativeness and perfection. You never disappoint! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-28 03:54:47
Then I'll Dance With Dragonflies	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Of course I wouldn’t end this month without commenting this stunning entry. Again, this is pure beauty beyond words to describe. As always, your “natured-inspired” poetry are fresh, full of adventure, exploring and inviting. You are consistent in giving breathtaking poems that are unforgettable. I like the unique sidelights of “caribou”, “salmon”, “voles”, “warblers”, “voles”, “mosquitoes”, “swallowtail” - nice use. “poke within a willow”, “dip my thoughts beneath the snow”, “set my seasons”, “exodus of warblers” - these are great poetic effort, lyrically accelerating and visually delicious. Only you can use these with reader’s ear satisfaction. But most of all, the best phrase is “Then I'll dance with dragonflies, if I dare.” “I dare” marks the unconstraint style of how you deliver your poetry. It truly reflects you Joanne, your daring disposition in life, in the good side. This is like an innocent child exploring his/her surrounding with optimism and curiosity. You have delivered it very well. Every word is perfectly in placed. This is the best, loved it! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-28 03:52:21
Insects and Other Tiny Nations	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Always a consistent writer of beauty, of loveliness of nature… You always make it sure that you write in perfection, with quality, truly a winnable entry. Even with the title itself, I know you have spent a lot of time establishing and choosing the right words to bring impact, the best out of the poem. If there is a contest for a title and title alone, your work would also be an undisputed winner. As always, you bring out the beauty of nature. The world (I love how you defined it as “Nations”) of nature out there could be mysterious to others but for you, it is total familiarity. As if you are the lady Tarzan in friends and family with nature. “Once when the light of day melted from blue to silver, a little girl floated away from Earth. She observed tiny beings busy with work, playing in the wind, caring for relations.” --- “day melted from blue to silver” – you have immediately sets the phase / tone of your nature-inspired poem. I love visualizing this! --- “little girl floated away” – I loved the innocent description you created here. “Earthworms wiggled, black crickets chirped, orange caterpillars crawled, green beetles ticked on dancing leaves, while yellow Monarchs and red dragonflies flew in dazzling displays.” --- To add “earth” for the worms, “black” for the crickets, “orange” for caterpillars, “green” for beetles, “dancing” for leaves, “yellow” for Monarchs”, “red” to dragonflies and “dazzling” for displays - it just add beauty to what might be just a common / simple imagery. In short, I find some “specifics” a great add-on, a great color / shade for the images. I appreciate this a lot! This is very clever! You have completely filled our hunger and thirst for imageries. And you are very good with this. “And when they all arose to where she waited, they told her tales of all that lived in air, in dirt, in hives - of hopes and tiny homes sometimes poisoned - of bodies pulled apart.” --- I like how an innocent child, with her trusting observation submits to the “fantasy” stories of these magnificent creatures. I like the use of “air, in dirt, in hives” with “of hopes and tiny homes”, it symbolizes its natural habitat with such delicate touch. “Though they understood that they were often food for frogs, birds and other tiny nations, they didn’t know why they were being stomped, swatted and pulled apart. As the child watched, a globe appeared; like a magnet it drew them into a living sphere of insect races.” --- This is a scene in the “Lion King”, where when Simba’s friend open a laid down bark tree, a world of insects surprised them. “they understood that they were often food” - again, from the quote of Lion King “circle of life”, it applies here. For the “they didn’t know why they were being being stomped, swatted and pulled apart.” – I feel sorry for them and a bit guilty for myself. :) --- the use of “magnet” then “sphere”, then “races”, I can feel that too much “science” words are properly interrelated. “Then Grandmother Moon molded them into a glittering star, a gleaming phosphorous light. Now moths and bees and crickets lit the night and gleamed the sky with prayers and graces.” --- This is magic! I like the use of “Grandmother Moon”, so original, so very you Joanne! Only you can pull this off beautifully and not to sound “trying hard”. To add “phosphorous” with glittering and gleaming just made it perfect. “Gleamed the sky with prayers and graces”, ahhh…just wonderful ending! I’m speechless! You have done it again Joanne! Always entertaining, always with quality, always with a heart! That is what I “always” see in your poems. Always a “more”, never a “less”! Thank you for this! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-25 03:55:22
Living a Loss	Robin Ann Crandell	Hi Robin, Wow, what a sincere and honest poetry is this! No restrictions, pure feelings, pure intentions. “Living a Loss” --- Great title! It has this oxymoronic appeal. “It gets so crazy at times” --- Great introductory line! It immediately sets the phase / tone of your poem. Clever! “why I still think about you in my most memorable ways it just never, ever pays” --- I can feel the ironic scenario. “I am still here with the grief of losing you you have no idea what i have gone through” --- I can feel your genuine emotions truly radiates in this lines. The spirit is low. Thanks for sharing the “real” you, the “real” emotions you encountered at this moment. I am amazed by your courage of sharing this to us all. May poetry be a therapeutic means of healing those fresh wounds. --- Technically, I just observed that the pronoun “I” is not consistent in the entire poem. Sometimes it is in capital letter, sometimes not. “I am chasing ghosts of me and you” --- I like the poetic incline of this phrase. Haunting my amusement! “I just think of what Garth Brooks once said, "Thank God for unanswered prayers." For it is he that knows the best for you and for me.” --- For me, this is my favorite part! Inspite of loss, there is hope in your words here. I am also a Christian and I can feel the strong Christian side of you in this stanza and some part of your poem here. This is more amazing to me, not that you shared your “loss” but that you shared a “Christ” in your life. For me, that is far overwhelming! I am humbled by your positive and optimistic response. “Thank God for unanswered prayers.” - what a powerful line, only true Christian can discerned this truth. Others will just laugh and ridicule this out. And your response “For it is (H)e that knows the best for you and for me” is unbelievable especially that you just lost the most love of your heart. It only shows that above all, God is the first in your heart and trust Him wholeheartedly. --- Yes, I believe in your words “For it is He that knows the best for you and for me”, it happened to me many many times (may it be by the matters of the heart, decisions or protection) and I am amazed by His wisdom. Our pastor told us a story of lady who survived from the bomb set in the US Embassy in Africa. She has a meeting / presentation in that morning and she was already late on that appointment. She has been praying for the traffic jam to be cooperative but the traffic just get worst. Her prayers went “unanswered”. She later learned that if she got early on her appointment that day, she would have been dead when the bomb exploded. I can see a miracle in your life right now and not a “loss”. Thanks for your encouraging words. Thanks for reminding us to hold on to the true Savior and Comforter of our lives. I can feel the “best” of things coming in your life. This is just the start. Yes, this is a simple poem that the impact it brings to me is big-time! Your testimony is worth reading! Thanks for the inspiration, lessons and the truth! Excellent! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-25 03:54:29
Every Poem An Autograph	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, There are a lot of beauty in your work here Mell! From the title alone, I am already spelled by its depth. Patterns of our youthful experiences, the 'then' episodes, are imprinted on our souls and 'now' events summon the paradigms of prior times. --- I fell in-love by the profundity of your language here. The contrasting “’then’ episodes” and “‘now’ events” comes dramatically. Very true in every sense! To continue it with: “We never ripen fully nor age to a degree that relieves our reliving the ago” supports your first second stanza. This is timely, appropriate and fitting. Life is full of mystery, we always (somehow) learn from it…either good or bad. As they said, “it’s a continuous learning process!” “When we take pen to compose, an old haunting will taunt until restored in metaphors, residing in our lines.” --- You wrote this phrase / line with so much authority. As a poet, I can perfectly relate to your ideas / views here. “Our poetry arises from our past even when we think it ignored.” --- This line / phrase justified our hidden message within our lines / phrases. And sometimes, we are not aware of its meaning / intensity because the writing flows naturally. “Every strophe I read is a trophy of someone's life, now indelible, apprising then surprising me with a treble of sursum-corda sighs. “ --- I second demotion with you Mell! “Every strophe I read is a trophy of someone's life” is my favorite line. I love the wisdom it brings to me. Yes, what we write somehow reflects who we are. It reminds me of your last month winning entry “A Life Sentence”, on how boldly and bravely you share this piece. Your strength is an inspiration! Your words / pen is a teacher, especially for a learning amateur poet like me. Thanks for your generosity! Not to mention the likeable “rhyming” pairs that I truly enjoyed: “relieves our reliving”, “haunting will taut”, “strophe I read is a trophy” and “apprising then surprising”, --- These are cleverly done! Thank you for another display of your masterpiece! For me this is a winner…top-notch! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Keep them pouring! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-02-25 03:53:11
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