Jennifer j Hill's E-Mail Address: jjhpoet@hotmail.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Jennifer j Hill	Critique Date
Daylily	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, When I saw the title my heart gave a little leap and after one reading, this one did not disappoint. After many readings I am enamored. The energy of "bursting" in the first stanza propels the reader along through the vivid colorful descriptions that put the reader in awe. Then you put us smack dab in the garden as the daylily to experience all that it does. This piece is a celebration of a day in the life of a lily, of the world and of life itself. Great writing, and BRAVA! Thanks for sharing this one. My Best, Jennifer	2005-12-02 08:44:51
New Bedlam	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, Your poem starts out in a tiny cell and ends up all over the world. You'd better watch out, I think I see some very stringy drippings over there in the corner and definately hear sirens, signaling that very soon the word police will be cordoning off this area. Sorry , but I guess you can tell that I kinda get into this one. Maybe Frank would be happier if he finds the word switch that will change his name to Jake or Drew. I hear those are way more popular words that might be even bigger switch flippers. But that's just a suggestion OK, I'm sorry again because I can't seem to give you a serious comment. But I did enjoy this way of saying the whole world is crazy and words are what it's all about. BTW, tissuey? ewwww Every one seems to be clamoring about wanting more critiques, so I thought I would teach them a lesson. One of those better be careful what you ask for kind of things. lololol Thanks for posting I enjoed this one! My Best, Jennifer	2005-12-01 14:45:23
A Dream Realized	Turner Lee Williams	Hi Turner, I logged on to see the results of the contest and got the most lovely surprise! Your title couldn't be more true. We traded a small dream for a more important dream. Now that is a fair trade. LOL, landlocked indeed! People have always said "Where do you sail?" because we live in the midwest, but we never let that slight little problem bother us with all the lakes around. But now we are truly landlocked. I love this form, although I can't remember what it is. It's short, sweet and to the point. I like how you start with a question and end in exclaimation. And yes 'sail on' through life is exactly what we'll do. And it does just fly by, doesn't it? Glad to hear all is fine. And your muse is still intact of course! Thanks for this one, Turner. It's a keeper.	2005-11-08 08:59:04
Solitude	laura j dean	Hi Laura, I don't remember if I've read any of your work before, but when I ran across this piece, I had to reply right away to let you know how much I enjoy it. I feel the stress of the day melt away as I read along. The flow is like taking long deep breaths of fresh air. Lord knows I have heard reponsibilitie's loud banterig many times and am able to relate to this piece immediately, as I think most readers would agree. Quiet is something I covet and get so little of. Great personification! I really love that last line! Please don't change a thing. This one is a GO. Kudos for a well written enjoyable poem. My Best, Jennifer	2005-11-02 09:35:37
MATRIARCH	Mark D. Kilburn	Dear Mark, She sounds like a keeper. This tribute to your mother is awesome. I'm sure your mother was beaming when you should this to her. Theres's much to like about this piece, Mark. For instance this reader enjoys the intersting repitition of table/tie/right/write and intertwining these words into the lessons she taught you. I feel like you have a great(possibly unique) relationship with your mother but also, in this piece are the lessons moms teach and I have a feeling even though it is unique to this beloved relationship between her and you, it is still a poem other may relate to. I especially like your ending. and all the stuff inbetween. Thanks for sharing a very personal part of what makes you who you are. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-10-31 12:04:30
Afterglow (an Etheree)	Mary J Coffman	Hi Mary, This is a delicious Etheree! Thank you for introducing me to this form. I've never seen an Etheree before and upon seeing yours , I fell in love with the form and especially with "Afterglow", first because of the "wafting" flow of it. Next because of the beautiful images and scent of it. Your use of language is spectacular. I especially love "blue moonlit breezes" and the alliteration of "S" in sigh/soft/subtle. The assonance of "terpsichore's/nocturnal" and others is breathtaking. And I absolutely adore all the "P" sounds! After a little research I find this offering has exactly 55 syllables and is completely true to the form. I really couldn't possibly make any suggestions for revisions, as it is perfect to me. BRAVA for a really spectacular offering!!! Blessings, Jennifer	2005-10-28 08:11:49
The Wall	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Well, I certainly couldn't find this one on my list, but that won't stop me this time. I find this read quite enjoyable and especially Mellodious! ;-) Imagine that comming from you. Doesn't surprise me one bit! The title did not let on just how palpable the descriptions are. "Her friends know how to mend her heart in ruins, know how to save it. Advice often arrives like a brown paper-wrapped package filled with sawdust." I don't know one person who won't be able to relate to this! Our friends always seem to offer advice that makes you think yeah, hindsight is 20/20. That is a given, but the sounds you start off with draw me into the rhythm within----friends/mend and know/how(repetition adds to the rhythm). I can't think of a more appropriate analogy for what this kind of advise feels like. None that would be printable or more apt to make you go "wow", anyway. "She's not a languish-in anguish type but the scent  of him made her pure verb. Squared the circle." Nice rhyme and very fresh verbiage. When somone has this kind of effect on you. It's especially hard to let it go. You make the reader understand perfectly where this person is coming from. He made her giddy and changed her life basicly. I like the way YOU put it. "Music her surcease, her sole release. Lines define her ramparts falling, the wall kept in place friable, fracting in shards and traces." by now there is no doubt in the readers mind, This is a signature Mell Morris poem. The unique way you use rhyme, assonance and just language in general is like wielding magic. You put a spell on us. This stanza is beautiful, brilliant like trees in the fall. The imagry of this stanza is vivid and stunning and full of action. The music is superb. "Go on, she will. The daze of healing. Her scar will turn to proud flesh, a reminder of love spurned and her well-earned badge of courage." An apt desciption of what we all do when the rug gets pulled out from under us. Very wonderfully melodic ending. I really enjoyed this one , Mell. Thanks for sharing it with us. BLessings, Jennifer	2005-10-27 14:07:36
Ah, The Blame Game	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Ken, Do you hear the clapping? Well, at least from this reader you should! Love the name of this poem and the idea behind it. It seems everyone is always quick to blame. In this recent tragedy, seems like people could be trying to help instead of pointing fingers. But of course, there they are pointing. You say plenty inside these six short tercets. For me there's much to like. First, the title, then the end rhymes---inclined/mind, in/sin, do/ you they add a rhythm to the piece that works well. Kind of almost chant-like. The content is plain spoken and to the point. I don't even have to do much reflecting to get your point, though it causes much thought. The end is best. It's like a one two punch. I don't see anything to change or have any suggestion other then to send this on to everyone you know, but I had to comment anyway and give you my support. Kudos to Ken! Blessings, Jennifer	2005-09-09 07:40:06
The Dirt Farmer	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, This is a wonderful tribute to your father. I wish I had more time to tell you all the things I like about this. I'm sure it's no surprise that this is my favorite stanza (being a nature nut myself): "In the farmhouse he never long for music-------long[s] Yet bluebirds glide in liquid notes Serving melody in the paddies, The trees dance gaily Witnessing him from a distance Through the mountain in its mantle of green." I'm so glad to see you back at TPL writing and sharing. Your preswence here is to the good of TPL. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-09-07 20:40:07
Of Frogs, Crickets and Vespers	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Dear Paul. Thanks . I love the symphony. Wish I had the time to do this justice. But sufice to say this is one I'll want to read again and again. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-09-07 20:16:14
West of the Sun	Thomas Edward Wright	Tom, This is grand! I love it. Love the music of it Your sense of rhyme, poetics and humor shine brighter then the sun in this one. jj	2005-07-27 13:03:35
Souls Running Free	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, There's much to like about this piece. Your words evoke unbridled sensation with a dreamlike effect. I like the repetition of the tile and last line. The first stanza gives the reader a sense of more than just freedom. It gives a feeling of unity and oneness of all life reaching toward our Creator, (embracing the light) not just the sun, but the Creator of the sun. The poetics of stanza one are pleasingly euphonic: embracing/taking, light/flight, fancy-free The 2nd stanza brings this floating free feeling into focus and for this reader is a delight. I love looking at the stars and to be able to fly around the universe, unfettered would be especially exciting and fantastical. Again your poetics shine on: "super stellar" --nice alliteration, and rhyme stars/mars, I love the image "wrapped in a black starry blanket" gives. Your whispery "W"s in the last stanza continue the dream-like euphoria and the ending pulls all creation together. I like the way you connect the movement of all creation together...water, wind.... There is one small change I would possibly make. I know river[s] flow, but water down river flow[s]. That is the only place that caught me up in an otherwise flawless flight. Thanks for a really nice read. My Best, Jennifer	2005-06-20 07:48:36
For You I Waited	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Wow, the first impression at reading this is the gorgeous descriptions that put fine imagry in the forefront of the readers mind. I could laze away the day reading just this piece and savoring these images. The first three stanzas present images that linger and hypnotize. I want to be there waiting too. For me this piece is a symbol of the love you have for a certain someone who left this world too early as the really good always seem to do. But also I see in this poem the love of the Creator of all these beautiful scenes in nature. And ohhhhh, you describe them in such a way, that I can hardly contain my glee!!!! So while your sentiments might be of a longing and forfeiture, I can see that that there is much much more there then meets the eye. The image of "moonlight ooze in a marbled sky of bice and bone" makes my heart soar among the clouds! And the euphony of spied/moonlight/sky/bice sends me higher! And then "chilled mist that kissed indifferent water". How magical this image feels! And your internal rhyme is wonderful with mist/kissed. But it seems you're saying more here, like, "I got the message, the world goes on even though you're not here." The bigger picture, that in the grand scheme of things you are a speck, comes to mind. And that makes me think of the Creator again with His hand on all of us, leading us on. But then you blow me away with: "I waited along the shoreline, and watched the sun sear the sea in hues of heliotrope and carnelian." Ohh how you paint the love of my life! Your linguistics are heavenly! Sometimes the wait can seem so long, can't it? an eternity... I feel your pain here: "I waited in the stillness and the din. I waited in the yesterday and all tomorrows." "In wind I hear your voice, in fog I feel your breath." Beautiful and profound! The ending tells the reader you don't care how long it takes, it feels like eternity but still you are waiting. Thank you for sharing your soul on this one. Nice writing! Blessings, Jennifer	2005-06-17 08:07:41
Wind At My Back	Mell W. Morris	Ahh Mell, You are definately after my heart with this one. The wind is at your back because He is right behind you whispering in your ear and coaxing, sometimes pushing you to the top of the hill, it is His very breath that softly carresses you as you are led every step of the way. It's funny how many people see only the judgemental side of our Creater and not the faithful, loving, peaceful, Joyful, patient, gentle, leading, kind, full of goodness Being that He is. But here you show us the truth of it. The way I see it we can either surrender or be led kicking and screaming. But, we will make it to the top of that hill one way or another. "A soft wind soothing my skin, perhaps formed before memory, likely a new vocabulary we may never know." This speaks to me in volumes. The imagination runs wild with the possibilities. Some will see this as a sad poem. And in part you do express a melancholy feeling, but to me this piece says so much more than that. And then "This wind resembles a zephyr, a breeze that pauses and inhales then rises to a wail like the one which blew us from the prairies to the seas." He can be as gentle or powerful as need be. I love your use of "susperious". There will always be a sadness that we did not get to acomplish everything we set out to do, even regret as you so precisely point out. But if not for the darkness, we would not be able to see the illuminatins.The stars shine brightly to teach us this very thing. I love the last line the best because it does show us where you are. In the palm of His hand. Where better to weather the weather? I very much enjoy knowing . May God bless and keep you, Jennifer	2005-06-16 22:24:24
verse 70 (Candle)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Ezrahl! Now I feel as if I am really on TPL. Now that I have read one of your Haiku I know I'm in the right place! This is a lovely tribute to the candle, which has been giving us light for centuries. Nice choice of words. "Shadowmaker" gives this a spiritual, old world kind of flavor. Then the use of "mortal fire" adds to this flavor, as does "dark moment". It reminds me of the scripture that says "Shine your light. You do not put your light under a bowl but shjine it for everyone to see or something like that. lol I can't remember the exact wording, but you get the idea. Thanks for making me feel at home. Blessings,' jennifer	2005-06-07 12:58:04
Hybrid Haiku	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Well, I did it again. Ran out of time to do much critiquing. But I have to at least comment on this one before it goes away from my list. This one is a nice surprise. I very much love Robert Frost's "Nothing Gold Can Stay". And what you do with it is create a grand image in the readers mind. This little gem is shinning brilliantly in my mind and will live on every dawn and dusk. Brava! Nice one! Blessings, Jennifer	2005-06-06 19:43:21
Blood Run's Cold	Claire H. Currier	Wow, Claire, I can't tell you how glad I am that your muse and your imaginatin are flowing bigtime these days. What a grand trick you played on us Claire! I was getting into this and enjoying where you were going with it when all the sudden you do a 180. Well done my friend! Well done! This one has my vote for sure and thanks for posting this little surprize package. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-06-06 19:13:58
Contentment	Audrey R Donegan	Hi Audrey, I know the contest is almost over , but I wanted to at least let you know how much I have enjoyed reading and rereading "Contentment". It's a nice title about a subject I myself hold dear. What more could anyone want then to watch as the sun exits and the stars and moon come out over the ocean. In all the world there is nothing which can charm me more. Thanks for posting this one and good luck in the contest. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-06-06 19:04:35
Soul Axis	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Ken! I really enjoy this one! The title arouses the reader's curiosity and then the questions are great! And the verbiage is wonderfully fresh and actually very appropriate. I've known some "asteroids" and I wonder if they realize they are just flying through space headed to destruction. What an ingenous word usage! Love it! Only question I have is should you really have "After" on line 14 capped? That was the only confusion for me. You give us a glimpse of your quick wit and a good chuckle as well. Your "Big Bang" is a creative way to say your beginning or birth and I love "coalesced" here, meaning "growing together" as one. Great job! Bravo! Thanks for sharing this one.	2005-06-06 16:03:08
Between Duties and Demons	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, I feel the helplessness is these words. Sounds like you're left holding down the fort (sorry probably poor choice of words) My heart goes out to military families. It has to be hard to raise children by yourself(esentually). And it's not like the military gives a choice of where you can go. The title makes us want to read it and doesn't give away the whole point. The flow works well and we easily feel your pain, worry and frustration. The emphasis of the capitalization of MOMMY also shows that the children are frustrated too, without their Daddy. The last stanza is the most powerful. Thank you for sharing this. I don't know anyone who is in this position and I guess I never thought about how much this situation can effect a family. I've always prayed for the soldiers, but because of this poem, will start praying for their families as well. Thanks and God Bless, Jennifer	2005-06-06 11:06:14
Gentle Touch	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, This is so nice. Gentle Touch is right! He holds our lives in the palm of His hand. And He knows what He is raising us up for and oh how He uses our experiences for good, just as He did here. I am awestruck by His ways! His compassion is sooooo touching. I love the phrase you coin here, "A breeze touching your cheek Is a kiss from God". Nicely done poet! Thanks for sharing His wonderful ways and how He has worked in your life. I am soooo glad you are back to sharing your work with us. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-05-31 21:06:19
Treasury of Bitter Herbs	Jana Buck Hanks	Hi Jana, Good to see you back and WOW, that was an experience! Makes me very glad you are. To start with "A Treasury of Bitter Herbs" gives the reader an idea that this isn't going to be a total picnic. (And great title by the way. Very fitting for the filling.) So when you start out putting the reader in touch with such girlish silliness as giggling it feels good, maybe even great, but still, I know something is comming. The enjambments pull the reader along in a flow that more than works well. The "L" sounds of your Lead line are so (peals, girlishly, merrily, childishly) cheerfully feminine and musical. I could be wrong, but I think there is a typo at the end of line 4 with "trough" instead of "through". No big deal though. "Ghostly sun-dust weeping trough window lights brighten paths set in lacy web wisp shadows thrown into remote corners of long ago." That Sentence is quite a mouthful, but truely the wording is fresh with "sun-dust" and "lacey web wisp shadows" ( nice allit too!) "Remote corners" implies that this is the stuff we have swept out of the forefront of our minds and buried for a lifetime, more or less (hopefully, unless something sparks the memory) like the stuff we throw in boxes in the basement because we have no idea what to do with it. But we can not get rid of it. It haunts us like the memories of the unspeakable. Which bring us to "Hump backed trunks" and it's unique assonance and the image of all the stuff we save in the basement or attic. Things that may hold meaning but decay with time. your wording is sooooo fantastic. "Dirt-daubers drone" (nice use of underpinnned also) Wow! A triple allit that blows me away and evokes sound in such a way that between that and the "croakers and Katydids" (God I love Katydids, they could lull anyone into submission) there is an explosion of sound that heralds the comming of not twilight, no. Something much much worse than darkness. How about bringing to light the dreaded memory that has to take the place of what any woman wants to be able to remember(a normal girlish childhood memory of sweet innocence). But then that line about "Fabrics of Time interwoven with man-kind’s sticky crystalline threads inspire kindred mirror images in the past." that one is absolutely unreal. Enough to make me stop dead in my tracks and know that we have gotton to the crux of it. The bitter bitter end of it. I find myself wanting to spit. Now that is POWERFULL! From there the power builds with "Ice water freezes veins of the soul trying to recall smiling summer days and nights of clear and precious light before closeted fears reappear raging like weeds in a patch of lovely lilting Lady Slippers." and I just can not believe it, Jana, The writting here is utterly amazing! full of power and euphony and like a huge head-on collision of innocence meets twistedness. Please don't take that the wrong way, but you certainly do know how to turn a phrase. The last part as a question has to be the most powerful. But of course your wording is stunning. You know, I don't know what your beliefs are and I don't want to tread on your feelings, but I must say if there ever was an instance where God takes something horrible and uses it for something good, it is in the here and now. Thank you for bearing your soul and sharing this experience with us that you might be able to pull this from the basement and put it on the curb. Actually for your sake, I wish it were that easy. Please stay. BLessings, Jennifer	2005-05-31 19:56:54
Stars Alive!	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hi Nancy, I've seen the Tanka before and love the form, which is a flowing and sometimes rhyming soemtimes not form, with it's 31 sylables. Reading this particular Tanka is quite nostalgic, haven't we all captured lightening bugs and put them in a jar? It's a timeless hallmark of childhood. Just reading this reminds of the warm summer nights, running around at dusk with bare feet in the front yard, arms out at my sides, pretending to "be" the lightening bug. And Dad poking holes in the jar for me so the magical creatures would have air. Then letting them go all at once and watching them fly away lighting up the sky. I have to thank you for putting me in touch with such a fond memory. That being said the poetic devices used are really quite spectacular. This is a delectable little morsel that flows beautifully and I enjoy the rhymes of fantasies/trees flit/glitter, prize/skies, stars/jars. The alliteration of fantasies/flit, childrens/captured, summer/skies, sparkling/stars nearly knocked my socks off! Also the assonance of lanterns snatched is a real treat with an image that sticks in the mind. But that last line just blows me away...."Sparkling stars in mason jars" I feel full and ready for my nap, thank you. :) Seriously, I enjoyed this poem very much. Thank you for sharing! I will be looking for your work after this. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-05-31 18:12:56
The Crow Haiku	Duane J Jackson	Wow Duane, I'm, not Joanne, Nancy or Marilyn, but I sure can appreciate this first attempt at Haiku. This is one of my favorite forms to read and I'm quite sure you not only did it correctly, but with flair. Not only do you use good imagry, you also give the credit of this magnificent creature where it should go. To the creator Himself. I very much like this Haiku and would not change anything, except maybe to get rid of the spaces, but even that is unnecesary change. Thank you for a rewarding read. I hope you're not going to let it go at one, because I think you may have some skill at this art form. Can't wait to see what else you can come up with! Bravo and My Best, Jennifer	2005-05-30 18:01:41
Night	Helen C DOWNEY	Hi Helen, Greetings and welcome to TPL. At least it seems like you are a new face. I must admit I haven't been around much in the last month or two, so I could have missed plenty in that time. To get a feel for your writtings, I spent some time with "Fog Removal", "Moon Dancing" and "Fornlorn" and I hope you have book of poetry published with these and more, because I feel they are interconnected and welldone with freshness and flowing emotion. I've begun with "Night", only because it is at the top of my list, although I lost myself in this one. I find "Night" uncomplicated and yet deep enough to reveal plenty of the author and give the reader a venue to explore self a bit at the same time. The sheer simpleness of the title sets the reader up for the most pleasant of surprises. What's inside is anything but simplistic. When I first started reading I thought, well, hmmm, this is pleasant enough with your beginning of "My favorite time is night...". Your use of the adjectives "attentive" and "understanding" were a bit unexpected(which always scores high with me). I enjoy the personification, letting the reader know that Night comes to the rescue of the damsel in distress. He attends to us and understands our loss. "even in its coldest moments." The double-meaning did not escape this reader. I think I almost love night better in the winter(maybe...merely speculation) because it's so cozy to curl up under the comforter and snooze. Sometimes I feel like it's the only time I'm truely warm and comfortable. But the "coldest moments" also can be when we're feeling so alone in the world because of a loss or hurt. The sights and sounds of night can be a companion of solace when we're alone. " There's nothing quite as relaxing as it's gentle murmur..." Now this line reminds me of how I might actually like summer nights better, because the lull of the treefrogs is possibly the most rhythmic and hypnotic sound I know. But any night's sounds can be like a mother murmuring sweetly 'hush, go to sleep lil' baby.' " Of the rain in the midnight blackness," I know it's wierd and I'm probably fairly alone in this but I love rain. Now just the sound of the pitter patter that lulls. Rain at night helps me sleep and but rain also reminds me of newness and freshness. Mother nature giving the outside world a good cleansing. Here I think midnight blackness means not just night, but the dark depressive feelings of loss. " Or the rustling of the dry leaves And the crackling of the bare branches" Nice "B" alliteration I love to hear the poplar leaves rustling in the tree outside my bedroom window. Yet, hearing the breeze blow through the leaves and trees gives a feeling of vulnerbility and smallness and makes this reader know that I depend on the passing of the seasons and the firm hold of our Creator. Dry leaves and crackling branches gives a suggestion again of aloneness. The "Stars twinking above", sends this reader back to the suggestion that someone is watching over us at all times. Whether we are good, bad, indifferent, there is a higher power right there when we are in need. I like this ending. It shows that you are moving through the darkness toward the light at the end of the tunnel, even though it may not feel that way sometimes. I enjoyed this poem. The structure and line breaks lend to the flow quite nicely, although I suggest you lose the ellipsis. It is distracting and unneeded. Thanks for sharing this piece of your heart. I feel I know something of you just from the read. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-04-23 08:31:37
A Different Prayer	Lennard J. McIntosh	Dear Lennard, The contest is almost over and I realize I didn't get a chance to comment on this melancholy, stirring poem. Never enough time...(funny, that seems to be the message here as well--no amount would be enough!) I just don't want to let this one go without saying how effective this writing is. There is imagry and longing not just conveyed but injected into the reader. You make us live it with you. I really hold this one dear. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-03-05 09:28:05
Pondering Spring	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, I know I already compared this poem to the revision, but I can't help commenting specificly on this one because I saw and read it first, before you submitted the revision, and I enjoyed it so much! First because the title is one of my favorite pastimes, "Pondering Spring". But also because of the look of the structure. To me the structure of the stanzas represents the volume of the spring creatures as they sing in harmony, starting low and quiet(shorter lines) with the first sounds of frogs and early birds and then getting gradually louder (longer lines)until they reach full fledged spring! Like a symphony led by the Creator himself! This particular part gives me goose bumps because it exudes the feeling that all creation is connected through it's Creator and all is in harmony with one another. This feeling is especially emphasized in the spring, when all awakens and is reborn (as you point out thru out the entire piece) : "Roots and river stones slip from softened earth’s wet fingers, as if they know wake-robins will still turn shades of violet as they shed petals--" Well, I guess I have to say it again. I love pondering spring and thank you for allowing me another way to prolong my ponderings. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-02-19 11:35:10
Why We Sing......	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Dear Paul, This is a well written, harmonic tribute, which from your add. notes is well-deserved. Your title (and knowing who wrote it)gave me a hint immediately that this could be about lifting our voices in praise, which to me is just as important as lowering our head in prayer! And then you delivered better then I even expected. I love the singing/praise part of our church service. To me this is a big part of why we were created in the first place, as this is one of the ways we shine God's Glory. I am not in the choir (something I've been thinking of changing)because I don't have a great voice, but when it comes time to honor our Maker, I feel a certain invigoration in singing. But to get to your poem, your start us out with a triple alliteration of: "resolute resonance resounding" And that is not only wonderful read aloud, but also brings to mind a subject that is spoken of in the bible: Unity, which reminds me of Romans 15: 5, "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Jesus Christ so that with one heart and one mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." "One glance, one subtle nod, quietly slicing--love the "I" assonance the venial veil of silence."--silence to go with quietly slicing, then those"V"s You describe his qualities, which are the mark of a great music director and do so with euphonic whispering words and more alliteration. "The Choirmaster, 40 years of hearing, listening, leading, imparting lectored legacies."---Love the "L"s And more of his talents. "This ending is my favorite part: Motivating with memorized Credo; "God hears us when we pray, but always loves us when we sing." This is so true. You have to admire a man that thinks like this, for he will always be thought of as a godly man. Thanks for sharing this tribute. It speaks volumes of where your own heart is as well. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-02-19 11:08:07
Becoming Spring	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I love a good challenge and comparing your two poems is just that, with the emphasis on good. These are both pleasing to the eye. I really like the way “Pondering Spring” is laid out. It has an alluring look to it and flows nicely. But at the same time, “Becoming Spring” flows well also. I think the former title is more fitting for the poem, because you are literally pondering spring as you walk. “Rutted mud” has a kind of guttural sound that fits well here. Is the “trees’ soft caves” a reference to the waterlogged hollows of the trees, or another reference to the mud? It comes across as the former to me and gives a rustic image in my head. I like the way you cleanly end the sentence at the end of line two. The crisp clean line breaks give the reader time to take in the images of the scene. “Untried tracks” is a unique way to describe off the beaten path. I very much like “unfamiliar footpaths” too because of the fricatives, but I lean more toward the unique “untried tracks”. Gosh Joanne, this is almost too hard, because both poems have such euphony and wonderful wording. You’ve replaced “find twosomes of mallard ducks chatting in spotted sunlight” with “find mallard duck twosomes pressed heart-to-heart in dappled sunlight” and I have to say here that I adore all the “T”S in your original line. “Chatting in spotted sunlight” is just over the top for this reader. But then now I see why you changed it, because “They chat in quick quacks, perhaps” is breathtaking assonance nice alliteration as well. “Perhaps planning ventures past the pond” leaves me pondering this spectacular scene. Nice enjambment from S-2 to S-3 and the addition of “Now I veer off the path” lends itself well to the sliding. “River stones rise from softened earth’s wet fingers, --I like the change to “rise” as if to try and see the flowers as if to see wake-robins turning shades of violet,---and then you say as if---*smile* love it their shedding petals fallen from sultry seeds.” -----nice combination of soft “E” assonance, “F” and “S” alliterations. The wording in those lines is more tailored and I like the crispness here again. “Soon, hungry fledgling birds will flutter ---addition of soon works to show spring really is comming and wait-a-while weather once more slip away.—“wait-a-while weather!!!!!! That is awesome! Green sprouts will germinate again this year;------the addition of these last two lines makes this ending so as life renews, I’ll chant my joyful vision of it.”---much more complete! This new version is a winner. I love every word of it and feel like I was on that walk with you. Hope it’s spring soon, Blessings, Jennifer	2005-02-16 22:06:30
The Problem With Angles	Mell W. Morris	Dear Mell, You haven't lost your touch. It's been a while since I critiqued enough to get one of your poems to top out on my list. But, Hooray, today is the day. You, the master of titles, have done it again with, "The Problem With Angles". When first I spyed this poem on my list and clicked on it, for one short second I thought you had a typo in your title, since I saw "angels" within the text. But soon enough I was pulled into this meaningful piece and realized the angles referred to are like uncut diamonds the Creator starts with, before the edges are smoothed and shaped to perfection. All of our faults/sins are sharp enough to cut glass. But He has a way of giving us what we need to shape us perfectly and humble us along the way. We all have blessings and trials that polish our sharp edges while we journey through life. Your life "starting part", and I do love that phrase, was (like most babies) a bit self- absorbed yet charming. *smile*. That about sums up most of the "new starters" I know. And didn't all us baby girls have lamps with angels on them in our nursuries? This is a unique wording, which I find charming. Hope I didn't miss the mark. Your reference to "many found on common ground, fens or pocosins, near grasslands, high and low lands" represents to me the fact that no matter our station in life, in Gods eyes, we have the same chances of being shaped to perfection. He loves us all the same and creates us for the sole purpose of shining His Glory. The euphony in these lines is created to show the harmony of all of God's creations, I believe, and does so quite well. The breathy, fricative reference to feeling free for the first time since birth is cause for celebration, since we find freedom from the bondage of sharp edges in Him. I love the reference to "her halo fitting squarely" or firmly, because of the new shaping. And the last line sums it all up beautifully:"Now no one seems to stare at me since I lost my sharp edges." Very nice(and clever) writing. A truly enjoyable read! Brava! and blessings, Jennifer	2005-02-13 17:03:22
Following the Tributary Home	Molly Johnson	Dear Molly, Great title, good simile, nice writing, complete with alliteration and assonance. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that comparing migration of salmon and human attraction could be so stirring and provocative(is that the right word?). But with the gift of your pen you proved it. The flow is superb. I can't find a thing to nitpick. I'd like to tell you my favorite part, but actually it starts with "following" and ends with "shore". :D I'm positive whoever you wrote it for loves this piece. And so timely since monday is Valentines Day. I look forward to reading more of your work. My best, Jennifer	2005-02-13 14:58:06
I Can hear Humming Bird Wings	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Nice title that draws the reader in! And the poem doesn't disappoint. I espcially enjoy the first stanza where you allow the reader to share your rose colored glasses for just a moment while you ply us with enchanting ideas/images like tree sprouts and dancing stars. I counted eleven whispering "S" sounds in stanza two as your words come alive to prove your point. The description of the thunder as "avid" and "speaking in tongues" tells me even the thunder is a witness to the Glory. The entire poem is indeed witness to the fact that God's works are ever-present in our surroundings, even in the most simplist of things. You tell us there is wonder and joy in it all. The way you state this truth is unequivical, psalm-like and a blessing to all who read it. Thanks for the devotional. I hung on every word. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-02-12 16:24:12
A Letter from Mother	Claire H. Currier	Dear Claire, Well Poet, I know how much you miss you Mama and this is a lovely tribute to her and your relationship with her. This make it easier to happy holiday with her from afar, doesn't it? To know she's safe and sound and looking down on your family is a comforting thought. I know because I heard my Mama singing as well. Bless you for writing this! Hope all is going well with you my friend. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-02-07 23:17:09
Cloudy Outbursts	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I apologize for the lateness, but want to at least comment. No need for a score anyway. For fun is right! This is such a playful poem. I love where you take it. It bounces like raindrops on the pavement. Your title is euphonous with the assonance of "Cloudy Outbursts". Nice! The visual of sugar-donut clouds swirling in the sky is delicious, but you turn up the charm a notch more in the next stanza with the hives of rain-bees swarming. The "ST's of steam/stream/sting/streets are a nice touch, adding to the harmonious sounds like listening to the rain pitter patter on the pane. Slicked-back thief clouds! I can see them trying to scare the beach walkers. This is such a unique personification! I'm so glad you wrote this just for fun, this time of year when the freezing rain is spattering at this very moment, it's nice to read some playful muse from one of my favs and have an imagry picnic. I'm going to make a concentrated effort to critique all month instead of waiting till the last minute and running out of time. We'll see if it works. :) I wish I had more time this contest, but oh well. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-02-07 23:06:22
On the Grief of Parents	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, Your poem could not be more timely considering all the grieving parents of the Tsunami. I think of what these people are dealing with, and I can not even fathom the emotional misery of not being able to find your own child, not being able to hold and comfort them or even to find them and bid them a final farewell. My heart breaks for them. My thoughts of late are filled with pictures of parents sifting through a sea of bodies and the horror of not being able to tell if they're yours or not because of the decay. My prayers are for the survivors to have the strength to go on and that they will be able to survive the disease that will no doubt spread unavoidably. Your poem touches me in so many ways. I use to try to tell myself that because I had an abortion, I had no right to grieve my baby's death. I punished myself in so many ways. It took me years to get beyond that denial. My baby has no coffin, no grave, no headstone, holds no memories of joyful birth, parties or tucking in and for years did not even have a name. But I do remember her and mourn the loss of her. Her name is Melinda meaning gentle one. The realization of what I lost led me on a path to repentance and acceptance. Your careful wording in this poem is evidence of your knowledge of loss. I can only thank you for writing these words as it feels as if you are writing them for every parent who ever lost a child and yet for me and me alone. (the result of the special gift you have with words). I would like to tell you more of what I gleaned from your wording. But at this moment to do more then appreciate your gentle, loving words reaching out to me and others would be unnecessary. So thank you and maybe later I can say more. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-01-09 17:35:09
verse 35 (Manger) - revisited	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, Thank you for this reposting of such a lovely Christmas Japanese verse. It means so much to me to be able to read this short message of hope and know that the gift is for everyone including me. The most prescious of all gifts. I love how you used borrowed, gift and wrapping to tie this wonderous explanation of the first ever Christmas gift all together in such a neat little package. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-01-06 22:30:31
Black On White	Mark D. Kilburn	Dear Mark, The images you present are starkly vivid. The harshness of winter doesn't deter the raven. This seems a day ingrained on memory and a bit melancholy to me. Impressively well written. Thanks for posting. Peace, Jennifer	2005-01-06 22:12:56
Norsemen of Antiquity	Thomas H. Smihula	Hi Tom, So good to see your work here again. This has been a crazy busy month for me and I feel bad because I had such good intentions for critiquing this month and just didn't get it done and now I'm running out of time. So this will have to be short but meaningful. I have read and reread this poem because I enjoy it so much. Each time I try to critique it I end up having to wait because I want to say more then I have time to write. So I guess I'll just tell you what I like about it. Everything...well, for instance the title is very magnetic. Drew me right in. Not to mention the first part of "Finding oneself adrift upon the open seas No anchor to hold steadfast no sail to maintain a course" I love this because it reminds me so much of life. You can plot a course, but in the end you'll be adrift without sail. An adventure for sure! Where will it lead. Only the current and maybe the wind can tell you. But one things for sure whether you stay adrift or land somewhere and stay awhile there will be lessons to learn and take with you and it all adds up to life. You can either roll with the waves and enjoy it or fight it every step of the way and come up with nothing at the end. I think in essense that is what you're saying here in a most enjoyable way. Thanks for blessing TPL with this gift at such an appropriate time of year. Best, Jennifer	2005-01-06 21:49:30
Out The Window I Go	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Dear Paul, Thank you for sharing this story and for giving us such a good laugh. You helped me remember some of the crazy things I did as a child. How fun, you might have inspired many a poem with this offering. The title draws the reader in immediately. And the stroy is such a good one. With a great lesson learned! This is my favorite part: "The thrill of the free fall's not all that they say, then the uncushioned landing jumped into the fray. Out the window I flew, screen frame zooming away, with a landing not done in the usual way." I laughed to tears with that one. You're right! The season brings out sharing and laughter and jest. That's one of the things I love about Christmas. Hope yours was wonderful. And a happy New YEar as well. Blessings, Jennifer	2005-01-04 09:27:20
Abiding Winter	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, What a love this is.It's absolutely enchanting! I don't know how you do it, but you have this knack for writing poems that make this reader feel as though you wrote them just for me. This is one of those poems. Frog sends thin love notes Upward through icy night air; My heart returns them. I can see these notes floating on the chilled air to where you wait for springtime. Your heart warming the notes and returning them. The sounds here are lovely with euphony of sends/thin/notes and also icy/night. This tweaks my heartstrings. As he’s now at work Warming an inhalation; I hear his stillness. Your "W"s whisper of him and you hear his lack of motion and noise. Only a true frog lover could possibly write this. Anyone other wouldn't even notice the lack of noise. But the true frog lover notices the day the music dies. Cooling earth does not Lessen his amphibian dreams Nor slow my heartbeat. Do you sometimes wish you could hybernate right on through the winter and wake up to the sounds of spring? This last bit is proof positive that you and frog belong together! *smile* I love this love song to the frogs. It's pure delight. Nicely done! I was needing a Jo Up fix, as you have been too busy this month to feed the hungry on TPL. Hows your editing going? Bless you for writing this! My Best, Jennifer	2004-12-19 21:53:34
Christmas with Joe	Mick Fraser	Dear Mick, Sweet! You really did it! I'm impressed. It is so good to have you back at the link! You say quickly written poem but this doesn't seem thrown together in any way. If you can do this on a moments notice, then why do we have to wait months to hear from you? Sound like your mother? Just trying to make the place seem homey. *Smile* Are you uncle Joe? Something that rings so true in your poem: "Lost in my space but only a note away" Isn't it sad how even though we are just a note away from our loved ones instead of sending them a note we send those dumb pass this on to twenty people before midnight and your get your christmas wish. blah bah blah. Actually I delete those emails when I get them, but I don't communicate with my daughter near as much I wish I would through email. She lives in Mississippi and I miss her. So you're remorseful about not writing to your family? Or about not going home often? This is a very sentimental poem that touches on those family feelings and I think it exudes love and understanding that only a family member can express. Thank you for humoring me with this poem. You're the best! Now I must go visit with my brother who is here from Alanta. And please don't cry by the tree, you'll cause a short in the lights! Hope you have a fantastic time with your family! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-12-18 20:31:04
Arioso	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, It's past time for critiques , but I am not willing to let this one go without a comment. Please don't fret a bit about scoring this because all I want to do is let you know how awesome this is. Of course I voted for it. How could I not. Such words of love and longing can not be ignored. I wonder if you felt completely naked after you wrote this? Normally that would be a strange thing to ask someone, but not after that. Wow. Thanks. Bye Jennifer	2004-12-07 22:45:59
Lunar Longing	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, I am running out of time to finish my list and had to chose the best of what's left. Here it is, my favorite for the month of November. I thought it was going to be "Candlelight", but the absolute playfulness of this piece got me by the toe and wouldn't let go! See! you really are a shining star! Just to come up with the idea of this is pure genius,to actually pull it off, priceless as they say! I love this from the illiterating title right down to the last line rhyme. The personification of the universe, maybe has been done before, but in this readers mind never so enjoyably as this. You put a smile on my face with the antics of the stars. In real life I turn this gossip off. But reading your poem I am hanging on every piece of information you divulge as if I am one of those scoop hungry vultures myself. The paporazzi Satellite takes some very candid pics here: Cassini’s beams rebound off Saturn's major moon,----nice alliteration! tickling her with flyby peeks. Camera’s eye clicks glimpses--- the playfulness of these line tickles me also! of her round cupped basins, and strange lines streaking----love the rhyming of peeks and streaking past a curious catlike face--some say persuasive proof--a bonus of two allits in this line! of Titan's former molten lakes. Luna looks away, aloof,----wonderful sounds here! astonished at the gall! She’s been circling facing Earth--- I can see her indignant look from your wording constantly, watching, waiting for the call: “Will you star in our next venture, please?”------and some wait forever, what great personification this is! Instead, it’s Saturn’s satellite who gets the biggest caption for maybe having water once---I love the way you weave actual facts into this story! upon a time. Yet Luna’s never second-best; she’s undaunted---Luna will be the bigger person not stooping to for astronauts will soon return to use her as a launching place-----star jealousy!! to send off man to outer space. Her gravity’s far less than Earth’s---more wonderful facts and the cost of rocket fuel is high. But all Luna’s ever really wanted is to make star-crossed lovers sigh.----I am sighing right along with Luna being the hopeless romantic! This has been the most fun I've had in a while. Being sick (again!) and not being able to stay home from work because I need the Christmas present money. I even volunteered to work overtime this week. But how refreshing to read this lovely tale. Thanks, because they say laughter is the medicine and this has given me many chuckles as I read it over and over. Now I have to change my vote! Thanks so much for writing and sharing. Blessings, Jennifer	2004-12-07 09:03:26
The Things I Leave Undone	marilyn terwilleger	Wow Marilyn, I think you have outdone yourself! This is a fabulous effort! I love the idea of what you are saying and the way you so artfully rue the things you haven't gotton to. The rhymes are fresh, but then that is one of your many talents. That's quite a list of dones I would say. My favorite on the list of dones is: "I have felt flaming darts of sin With but a shield of faith therein" It's what's behind that shield of faith that makes it strong enough to withstand those darts and thanks for reminding me of that! I think this one will do well in the contest and I know I am putting it on my list! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-12-05 21:25:27
The Clock	Patricia Gibson-Williams	Hi Patti, This biological "Clock" is chock full of alliteration and assonance. I especially love "Pelvic paradise with promise". That's quite a phase you coined there. And there are others like "other obscure obstacles obstruct"--Amazing! This is a heartbreaking subject, but you appoach it in such a way that it pulls the reader in and holds my attention through out. I understand it is extemely hard to live life day in day out with your dreams of being a mother aways out of reach. Thanks for sharing this very well done poem to enlighten many who do not realize that they take for granted having children when there are others who can not. Keep writing and I'll keep reading! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-12-05 21:08:24
Autumn Tambourines	DeniMari Z.	Dear DeniMari, This is so refreshing I feel like I could run a marathon after reading it! "Autumn Tambourines" is a lovely name and I can hear the percussion of the instrument as I read this one. I enjoy the way you have the lines in short bursts like the playing of a tambourine, keeping time to the music. And you did a wonderful job tying this all into a book with flipping pages, again short bursts like the music suggests. It is even reminescent of the way this time of year the sun comes through the tree branches creating a strobe effect as we drive down a tree lined country road. My favorite part is where you tye it all to the Creator with: "An enchanting view the hymns of Angels Serenade around this sight" I wouldn't change a thing about this. It's lovely! Kudos, Jennifer	2004-12-05 12:06:05
Solitude	Thomas H. Smihula	Hi Tom, Glad to see you posting again. You've been missed! Solitude is good for the soul, isn't it? Good imagry in these lines as I can see and feel the fog, wind, cold, warmth and rain all taking their turn to effect the mind and body and soul with their equally healing effects. There is euphony in this piece that radiates outward with sounds like: Entering into sense of distraction time/mind reaping/reward thoughts/shocks moment/frozen suns/stimulate/soul feeling appeased effects upon the flesh thoughts/not without sound just to name a few that I really enjoy. Thanks for blessing us with one of your poems, Tom. I'm so glad to have the opportunity to read this one and have enjoyed reading it over and over. Hope your Holiday season is everything you wish it to be. My best, Jennifer	2004-12-04 20:08:29
verse 64 (Doubts)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear Erzahl, What a wonderful encouragement for Brenda. You are a dear man to dedicate this to her and for thinking of her at a time when she is going through so much. Bless you for that! This is brilliant done! And what imagry! The idea of doubts being spiders that stitch their webs in our minds and trap our chance is absolutely amazing. You really hit it right on. I will forever think of spiders whenever I have doubts, just because of you. Again the poetics you employ here are great. The assonance of your "I"s with spider/mind/quietly then soft "E" with web/nets and finally soft "A" with trapping/chances is music to me ears. Thank you for being you Erzahl. You bless this Link with your presence. Best, Jennifer	2004-12-04 11:30:29
verse 65 (Black Forest)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, This verse makes me hungry! I see it was written for Thanksgiving and is appropriate for this reader since I I associate the day with eating, eating and eating, oh yeah and being thankful too. *Smile* Well if theres three combination of sweets that can tempt my taste buds, these three are definately in the running: Chocolate, cherry and marshmallow. YUM! This verse evokes the olfactory senses to remember those wonderful flavors! It may look like a desert with stones and pebbles, but it is a delicious dessert. Your use of poetics is dessert to our ears as well, beginning with double "D"s, then double "Ch"s and assonance of "O". Wonderful! Thanks for a tasty morsel! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-12-04 10:29:33
Electrifying Remembrance of "Don't do that!"	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Hi Paul, I bet 'don't' became a word that got your attention from there on out. *smile* This is truly a wonderful reality poem. Your use of fricative "F" is absolutely fantastic and I love "Crystal clear clarity". If the title wasn't enough to completely draw the reader in, then the first stanza goes an extra mile. The description of what being four involves is quite acurrate, speaking from experience of having once been one and also having run a licensed day care in my home for ten years. Your ending is perfect with your "P"s. This one gave me a good belly laugh. Your imagry is right on also. Very enjoyable read! Blessings, Jennifer	2004-11-28 18:56:40
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