arnie s WACHMAN's E-Mail Address: whiffinpoets@shaw.ca


arnie s WACHMAN's Profile:
68 years old [young] Registered Psychiatric Nurse now retired. I started my work life as a graduate Engineer, and then had an epiphany when I was 50 years old, and went back to school to become a nurse. I have been writing poetry for about 25 years now. To me, poetry is a visual art form which, in essence, brings a painting of words to life. It takes guts and courage for a poet to expose themselves for all to see. I have one other passion for a hobby and that is acting. as well I always wanted to be a clown, so in August of 2001,I took a clown course from Mooseburger's Clown Camp situated near Minneapolis. There, are clowns from the old Ringling Bros. show. Ringling used to train their own clowns and since closed that school down. At Mooseburger's we had the Master Clown of Ringling plus about 6 others to show us the ins and outs of clowning from make-up to acting, juggling, etc. Great, great fun. I am married,on 24 May 2003. I have 5 kids from age 28 to 38 spread out from Canada to the deep south in Florida. I have 7 grand kids that I know of. I love music of all kinds [except Rap], and frequent movies as often as I can. I would literally give my left arm to be in the cast of Les Miserables which I think is the greatest stage play ever. I write mostly about things that I connect with, and am in personal contact with. I try not to write about the less sublime things/events in my life. I also (basically) write in free verse format which I feel more comfortable with. My philosophy in life is, "Let it Be." Nothing else is worth a heart attack or cancer, and Love - Love one another. Why is that so hard?

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Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by arnie s WACHMANCritique Date
Country MusicMarcia McCaslinAh yes, but "save the last dance for me..." will ya? Good ol' two steppin' music. Do you line dance? I don't. I lived in cowboy country for 30 years and never learned how. I love your "the lyrics pluck me dry" line. Great stuff there. Very original. Novel and new poem. Thanks for posting.2004-04-10 19:48:02
Can I Be Jewish Too?Paul R LindenmeyerPaul...I'm afraid your mixing things up here. Like ... the Lord. Now is that God? or is that a man called Jesus? To deny thrice again...yes. The Messiah was supposed to come to save the world. Jesus didn't do that. In all, your poem is well constructed but the arguement is falacious. No, you can't be Jewish and accept Jesus. Sorry. (but then there will be others that say you can be). 2004-04-09 21:14:12
Swimming With MaryThomas Edward WrightThis is so well done. I cannot say more. Althought gruesome, the following phrase really bit into me..."the room is a morgue with a waiting list." Brilliant. Wish I could write like that. Yes, I've had many patients with that malady but thank goodness people are living now into their fifties with it. I also loved the way you spaced this poem...it's like in synch with Mary's breathing.2004-04-03 18:50:19
Undone's MindCathy Hill CookUndone...Mad...Gush...Fried...HUH? Something must have gone through your mind before you had this wild dream or did some drug. Reminds me of something I would have written when I was a dippy Hippie and popping little blue ones, and pink ones...etc. Okay. This is beyond my intellect or reasoning. I hope others have figured it out. Just call me stupid and give me a 2. PS: Commotion (has two m's)! That's about all I can contribute that's worth anything!2004-03-22 19:56:17
Ego TripSergio M chavezOMG...I'm not sure why you are leaving. If I have offended you please forgive me. I sure hope that you don't feel shit on or consider yourself to be a bitch, whore, etc. Do you want to talk about it?2004-03-11 15:22:14
ScreenplayDonna L. DeanAuthenticity is fake Fake authenticity The above is logical, i.e.: if authenticity is fake, therefore fake is authentic. Fake it until you make it (work?). Parellel Crime.....why capitalize the "C?" Crime parellel.....sp. parallel Boomerang blowup Writing is Too Hard..................? capitalizing hard Gentle hardship Cassandra's Crisis...................? the c Cassandra's Cracked head.............? and again the c Secrets buried in dirt Too close to the finish to stop now. All minor flaws but should be corrected. This sounds like a case for CSI Quaint poem basically short and to the point. Thanks for posting 2004-03-11 15:18:13
TruthRachel F. SpinozaYou should send this to him.2004-02-23 20:39:12
10:26 RevisitedSandra J KelleyThe visual in this is brilliant. "Blue black sheen of sky..." is sooooo romantic. There is a typo...Pierced. That must have been a romantic moment when time stopped, and to feel the hand on your back forever. Thanks for posting...the title is interesting...I assume it was p.m.? 2004-02-23 20:34:53
RainRegis L ChapmanOh Reeg...I think you must have consumed more wine than you thought. To be honest, and you do want me to be honest don't you? I find this rambling and out of synch with everything else you wrote here. In the first stanza I hope you weren't standing in that shower fully clothed. Okay, flog me with wet noodles will ya! Million bullet drop...welts will not stop...oy vay! I honestly don't see it! I'm trying in all honesty to find some merit in this but I cannot. Maybe I should stop critiquing here as this is the first poem I've looked at this month. Okay Reeg...give it to me...I know, I know,...2004-02-18 19:47:29
untitledRachel F. SpinozaThis is a visual piece. I take it's a haiku. You really "should" put a title to it. Thanks for posting.2004-02-06 15:58:27
PrimeRegis L ChapmanOkay...I like the colour schema...you did spell colour as in Brit. style, then changed to US style - color. Needs to be changed one way or t'other. and tomorrow I am free...I would say, "and tomorrow I will be free." thus keeping it in the proper context. Contextually this is pleasing to the eye. Thanks REEG. 2004-01-31 16:53:42
martinsThomas Edward WrightI'm not quite sure why you pulled the poem out of respect for MLK day. In Canada we do not honour that day at all (nor the rest of the world so I don't see what the significance of pulling it means or matters). Anyway, my crit the first time still stands. It though, takes me back to the first eye I disected...it was a sheep's eye btw. Neat-0. Yes, I still can't get used to the smell of formalin or ether. Thank goodness that the latter has been discontinued. Cheers.2004-01-29 20:52:45
DaydreamStormy D MorrisWell, not a bad attempt at all. Good title and subject matter.I am familiar with your husband's work and you have a great teacher there. I admire REEG's work. mingling with stardust our bodies they glow...flow I have trouble with the above line, and think that it would read better thusly: ...mingling with stardust our bodies flow" This is a lovely poem of endearment. Keep it up. Thanks for posting.2004-01-29 17:30:49
Farther FatherRegis L ChapmanOMG...I was deeply moved by this.Why? Because I have a son who's 40, who will not acknowledge me since I divorced his mother some 32 years ago. The last stanza almost brought me to tears. "You knew I could fly..." tears me apart. I had a father who never acknowledged what I did. Unfortunately he died at 54 and I'm beyond that in years now. Oh gosh I don't want to gush... and you are not my therapist! Your title is so appropriate for me for it speaks to me of not only distance, but mind set. Peace, and thanks.2004-01-26 20:36:00
New YearMick FraserYes, and the same to you Gung Hay Fat Choy. I learned that expression many years ago along with a few others and was always welcomed by my Chinese patients when I greeted them. This is well done. The poem rhymes well and has a certain lilt to it. The "tawny twilight" is an excellent phrase. Simple poem but well done. Thanks.2004-01-24 19:03:36
Black and WhiteRegis L ChapmanBut I am sure you gained immensely from this experience. I would suggest to look at it in a positive light for everything has value. Is this an expression of too much meditation? And therefore you were humbled right down there with the pigs. I guess that was a lesson in itself so that only one could rise above it. I almost went to an Ashram in the 60's, and am glad I didn't...although I did have the chance to meet and be blessed by the Dalai Lama. It truly is black and white.Thanks for presenting this.2004-01-24 18:58:44
pushpullRegis L ChapmanI really don't know what to make of this piece except everything we do has a push pull effect... a yin yang thing. I sit by the ocean here and wonder at the rise and fall of the tides and wonder about that. Is there less water in low tide? Where does it all go? Anyway, thanks for making me ponder. Good title though.2004-01-17 14:40:28
DelayRegis L ChapmanShouldn't the last line read:so there will be no delay? I don't know. Man...this is almost a Haiku. Modern life in the fast lane huh?2004-01-17 14:36:21
Dreams Will ComeMichael BirdYes...but what about the night mares? How do you explain those? Pizza before bed? Ah, I'm getting off course here. I like the repetition here. It sounds lyrical and melodical to me.It's a pretty poem, and reads very well. I like the title. Is this your daughter? Thanks so much. It's one poem from you I haven't read in a long time.2004-01-16 17:43:04
Shadow's last sighmarilyn terwillegerFrom morning to dark this is a lovely poem full of colour and action and descriptive passages. It, the poem is well laid out and flows freely. It brought me right into the scene from beginning to end...and then I sighed because it was over. Lovely stuff. Thanks for posting.2004-01-14 18:10:29
I Sit HereRobin Ann CrandellThe destiny of your life is changeable. Poet, I find this a tad long. I think you can tighten it up somewhat, but I won't give you a suggestion...it is your poem. I understand what you have gone through to write this. I cannot argue with your findings or feelings. I trust your thoughts are quiet now. Thanks for sharing.2004-01-14 18:07:08
SamRegis L ChapmanFive years ago I was endowed with a cat. Never having owned any animal but a dog before, I knew not what to expect. So, I understand fully what you write about...under the covers (he did that for the first time last night), on his back, or just plain ignoring. We now have him trained to walk on a leash! That took some doing. Now, about your poetry. The format could be tightened up considerably. In some places you rhyme, others don't. Because of this, to me, it doesn't read well. The subject matter is simple enough and goes along with the title. Thanks for sharing.2004-01-10 18:06:35
Minipo’ms (inspired by Bienvenido N. Santos)April Rose Ochinang ClaessensI'm not familiar with Mr. Santos and will have to look into his stuff. I do like the humour it brings forth of holding the p.j.'s and dragging itself back to bed! In the second stanza should not the word "dreamed" be "dreamt"? I'm not quite sure of the significance of the stars and stripes, etc. and snowballs. It does sound off the wall but then most dreams are! Thank you for this piece.2004-01-09 18:10:27
Belongingsiddharth GopalakrishnaAh, you bear a wonderful surname (and Siddhartha one of my favourite books). You bring your philosophy to the fore. Yes, it may be all in the mind, but one has to live and overcome such fears and ideologies... to rise above in a humane way. To say and do as we believe and not be empowered by someone else to do their bidding (if you get my drift). I like the simplicity of this piece, and its honesty. Your title is apt. thanks so much for bringing this to us.2004-01-09 18:04:04
japanese verse 34 (Stargazer)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoWell, I only see nine unless you include the title. The first line is kind of a tongue twister. Quite frankly, not as grammatically correct as the others you've written. Thanks for posting.2004-01-06 19:21:44
POPRobert L TremblayWell Bob, this is way beyond me. Normally I would skip over something like this, but I just thought you would like to know this from a simpleton like myself!2004-01-05 12:53:25
MAN-HATERApril Rose Ochinang ClaessensAs one who has dealt with abused women as a counsellor I can fully understand and appreciate what you have written. The abuse (sexually) a child is reprehensible not to say the same of any woman of any age. Your descriptive passage of the child holding the rag doll briyght forth tears and anger. My one wish for men like that is that they should be publicly flogged at the town square. Unfortunately we are supposed to be more civilized than that. But which is worse? The rape or the flogging? I am at a loss. Thanks for putting forth this poem which stirred my emotions. I can well understand your title. The rest of the poem with its references to Artemis, etc. was skillfully crafted. Thank you.2003-12-31 17:12:53
Mastering My IllusionsMichele Rae MannThis poem has an elegant beat to it. Are you in the "dark" when writing? I liked the one word structure to this...like I said...it gives it a beat and a flavour. I must rush. Thanks for posting this. I am sure a lot of us writers go through this same scenario, but you put it into words. HNY.2003-12-31 16:52:46
Country PumpkinClaire H. CurrierOh there is plenty of squirrels here in Sooke, and it drives my cat nuts every time he sees one scampering across the lawn. I can just envision that squirrel of yours out witting the hunter. Quite a farce where the hunter had to lay down and rest, and even then did not get his prey until he was exhausted. Very colourful poem, and funny to boot. P.S.: Don't you mean Bumpkin? Thanks for posting this delightful piece. Your structure and format worked well (but I do think your title needs to be changed to the proper word).2003-12-28 15:55:43
ANGELhousam majid jarrarLike I used to tell my patients = sometimes the only answer is that there is no answer. Such is the perplexity of the universe and to those that are seekers. In the last stanza you wrote the pronoun uncapitalized in several lines, yet within the same stanza you capitalized it. Why? I think your last line sums it all up. Truly what are we here to do? And for whom? To wage war? To kill? To triumph over the opressed? What? Tell me what! No...don't answer that 'cause you can't! Oh sure, send me off on a tangent of philosophical thinking! I've never read your poetry before but this one is good, and a keeper although I'm not sure about the title. I think you could have chosen something a little more esoteric and not one that is embodied in the poem itself. Dig? Thanks so much for posting. 2003-12-26 18:46:07
Boxes - revisitedMichele Rae MannReminds me of an old folk song...Little boxes on a hillside, little boxes made of ticky tack, and they all look just the same!" So what boxes are you referring to? You asked a question. The answer is = whatever you want them to be as long as you don't become a prisoner of your own doing. Follow? We all have unanswered questions of much magnitude...sometimes the questions like that are best left alone. Thanks for posting this little philosophical tale.2003-12-26 18:35:46
japanese verse 35 (Manger)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoThat is a perfect Haiku. Never have I seen one better. Erzahl...you continue to amaze me. The title is perfect, and the story does not cause me to wonder..."huh?" Thanks, and have a happy season forthcoming.2003-12-26 15:37:27
GobletC ArrownutThat's quite a comparison between a soul and a goblet for nobody has ever seen the former. Why is it only the light in the stem that blinks? I would think the whole goblet would. I don't think that the second stanza is necessary. IN the third stanza you say "the magnitude of it...". What is "it"?...the emptiness of your soul? Again, "out of nothing "it" erupts..." I'm left hanging here. I like the play on words in the last stanza, "obsessive maul." I think this could have some possibilities if you re-work some stanzas and tighten up the subject. Thanks for posting. Have a merry season.2003-12-20 14:00:54
I and MeMichele Rae MannA cry for help? It's all about you? Sure it is! One has to be comfortable in their own skin. So what's stopping you? You could have titled this, Me, Myself, and I which would have covered all the bases. I tell it like it is and I AM a professional! Have a good Holiday, and thanks for posting.2003-12-17 21:38:44
The Blizzard (A Story Poem)Drenda D. CooperGuess the hunter shouldn't have gone out unprepared. You could have put in how the carcass of the deer was being eaten by carion or wolves. A little more gruesome but more factual. You have a good story line here, easy to read. Very descriptive indeed. The Indians, when faced with a situation like that, used to gut the animal and climb inside for warmth until the storm passed. Not a Christmas story but very interesting. I really wonder if you need that line about being a story poem...that's quite obvious.thanks for posting.2003-12-17 18:10:04
Carolingmarilyn terwillegerA very neat poem reflecting the time of year. Caroling is so beautiful, and even I (not of the Christian faith) can appreciate. That hot chocolate and ginger snaps must have been the perfect ending. Simple title which led to a nice read. Thanks for sharing.2003-12-16 20:36:01
Looks on Life- The Story from Our Side.Jennifer A CoxA nice tribute to your Mother and conversly to your Father."So always love your Mother til the end of time." A nice parable but it doesn't fit for me (unfortunately). I can't say that I am crazy about your format here. I kind of lost my train of thought here trying to figure out how to read it (there is two ways, one with the vertical cursor and the other with the {bottom} parallel cursor if you get what I mean). I wonder if you might consider changing the title to: A Look On Life - from my perspective thanks for sharing this very personal story.2003-12-16 20:32:19
japanese verse 32 (Chess)Erzahl Leo M. EspinoCheck mate! Good one. I've always wanted to know how to critique a Haiku. I still don't know after all these years! As a chess player myself, I appreciate this piece for what it is. Was this the finale? Did you have the Queen til the end?2003-12-06 21:13:56
Crafted in the Hands of ShakespeareApril Rose Ochinang ClaessensNot quite Shakespeare, but good enough read. I liked the sense of humour about the luggage. I thought that quite comical. Do you know why Shakespeare injected comedic pieces into his writings? Kinda reminds me more of Gibran. I think I would have titled this:A Sonnet... Good try, and thanks for posting. I know this is late and I'm rushing to get more crits in before the cut off.2003-12-06 01:42:09
This Last ChristmasPaul R LindenmeyerThis is a sad gut wrenching theme. I "assume" that a divorce or death has taken place. You might have mentioned photographs that held those sweet memories for all time. and attended to by a courtroom documents I would take out "a". Thanks so much for posting. Good Title along with well formed stanzas.2003-11-30 13:58:11
Root of EvilDonna Carter SolesYikes! What a cold sad poem. Gives me the shivers. I'd like to know what was behind this.My one comment is about the structure of using capitals on every line except line 6. You really should start the sentences that are carried over to the next line without capitalization. Anyway, that's my take on it. This poem gives me the shivers and reminds me of the time when I was (guess I still am) a Psychiatric Nurse. I'd like to know more about the line third from the bottom. Thanks for posting.2003-11-25 17:26:58
Ignorant Attempt To...Sergio M chavezYikes, you are one angry person. Are you this way all the time, or do you have better days? Your second stanza is a bit weak inasmuch that you don't say whom you are raling about. Is it government, foreigners, your mother? Maybe the Church? Just who? I don't know anyone who would look forward to a life of pain as you described (and why did you capitalize pain?). I’d rather stay in this sheltered hole and pity you Than to step outside and become myself I'd rather go outside and become myself. Whom are you pitying? Man, you need to let off some steam...go to the gym??! Thanks for posting.2003-11-19 18:59:30
Old FriendMark D. KilburnOh I had a dog like that once, and also called him Mutt. I can empathize with you on this one. Your syntax is a little off in some places. Second stanza..."she fed him eye droppers..." must have hurt. What you mean is that she fed him with an eye dropper or from an eye dropper. An example of syntax would be the second to last line thusly... and through the very end and through to the very end he was our best friend... he was - our very best friend! Take care, and thanks for sharing (coulda been a tear jerker).2003-11-16 16:35:54
GracedAndrea M. TaylorGee Andrea...I take it you think I'm a god or something. I do not preach...but I do feel honoured that you wrote about me in a sereptitious way. You are one sly person! Should I post what I just wrote on the Link?2003-09-09 19:56:44
Sudden MomentumC ArrownutOh my goodness...I hope that doesn't happen to me. Your use of descriptive words is interesting...groping, slurping, sucks, revving...it's almost sinful! Thanks for posting this light and entertaining poem.2003-09-07 22:47:16
THE DEVIL'S DUEMark D. KilburnAs a Registered Psychiatric Nurse I can understand this poem to its fullest. Depression can look like a black hole to those in it, and they (the depressed) need a lot of helpf which included both counselling and medications. 85% of depression can be overcome with the help of drugs and counselling and electro-convulsive therapy (ECT) which can open up the neuro-transmitters when chemicals won't. A lot of depression is caused by lack of endorphins or brain chemicals which medication can alleviate. My hope is that depression does not lead to suicide as you so mention. This is a dark poem. I would have liked to see some hope attached to it. Thanks for posting.2003-09-07 15:17:54
In The Arms Of Morpheusstephen g skipperA wonderfully laid out poem with excellent descriptive phraseology..."it swells in time with your breasts" which is a good example. The title is very apt. My only concern is the last line...the "door" for me does not fit, but "walls" would. Thanks for posting this piece.2003-09-06 12:48:07
PEACE AND SO MUCH MOREGeorge L WhiteNicely worded, but rough around the edges. What do you mean you are so lonely and alone? Do you not see the busload of people in your head?........lovely, lovely, sounds like something a psychotic thinks! The girl that sits in front, her paten leather shoes,.....sp. patent Stomping now and then, in case you didn’t notice, Her crossed and rigid arms, below her frowned down face....take out the comma in this sentence What do you mean you can’t stop talking in your head? Do you not hear the sound of flowing river bends?........good line here The music bubbles make, while clinging to the stones,....I think you should not start a new sentence here...and that goes for a lot of your carry on sentences. I hope you know what I mean. Bobbing up and down, rocking as they go, Popping now and then, in syncopated time. What do you mean I’m far from peace and joy? How do you count your days, the way you’ve always done, Remembering the passed, as if it were in stone,............sp. past Creating now from then, a girl without a choice, Back against the wall? Your cell is all your own. And this is what I mean. If silent long enough, You’ll hear the angles sing, The kinds of things they bring, A friend who’s always there, The song a river sings, The waking of the grass, the waves along the shore, The fading of the passed, then peace, and so much more. Buddha's way is to be still, and silent. You have certainly captured the essence of of being still in a busy world...something which the hordes do not know. I like this piece, but as I said ... the structure and the English need to be revised and you'd have a wonderful piece of your philosophy here. Thanks so much for posting. 2003-08-26 15:25:57
Dying, A Biblical AllegoryC ArrownutWrong! But an interesting premise. But who are we to know until we get there. I'm not sure about the spacing you have done here, like in the second to last stanza and the last one, like why did you break it there? And so, did this woman jump? I'd like to think that I'd be more than just a ball of electrified ice floating through the universe when I die. Is that what it's all about? Or is there simply nothing? What a pity if it were, but then, as I said, who are we to know? Thanks for this interesting allegory.2003-08-26 14:53:51
Charge of DiscriminationDebbie SpicerDebbie, I"m not quite sure about that last sentence in your notes. I just think some people are ignorant boors who don't give a whit (?) about others (skin heads, etc)., or the higher ups who think they know better because they are called managers (small "m"). Put those ass holes on the front lines and let's see them react to the bullshit they profuse. Keep up the battles...I fight the same ones. Good one Debbie...there is no restitution! It's a tough fight Debbie... keep the faith.2003-08-25 19:11:08
Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by arnie s WACHMANCritique Date

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