Sandra J Kelley's E-Mail Address: sjkly@yahoo.com
Sandra's Favorite Song: Blond over Blue

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Sandra J Kelley	Critique Date
untitled	Erin E Roland	Erin, I like this very much. Your last two lines are original and compelling and I like how you interpret life and dna as a language. The details of blushing and artists hands keep this poem acsessable.Good luck with you writing I can't wait to see more. Sandra	2004-02-22 20:46:27
Missing	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, this poem is very beautifully written. The details of your life and the moments when you most miss your husband are very touching. I like how you touch sound as well as sight in your poem and appeal to multiple senses. When I eat pie is my favorite line just because it seems like such an innocent thing to do but you have made it poigent and loaded with memory. Nice job with this one. Sandra	2003-12-07 19:18:16
This Last Christmas	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul, this poem speaks of so much loss, all of this, christmas,the woman you are speaking to the baby, have all been consigned to memory as if they are gone the last stanza points to divorce rather than death but the poem has left us feeling the loss just as keenly as if they are dead. This is truly a great poem. Sandra	2003-12-05 17:44:15
Finding Hope	Rick Barnes	Rick, your wonderful discriptions paint a picture that is very complex. First grey ash and bare trees start to create a feeling of dispair then you say this is what hope looks like and that makes you think of potential and the fact that there is hope in all things. I love this poem. Sandra	2003-12-04 17:34:42
The File	C Arrownut	Poet, Beady eyed people in black wing tips is very good the discription tells us alot more about these people then simply what you said. I also like the almost hipster beat of this poem it reminds me of some of the beat poets.Of cource the politics of this poem also reminds me of the beat poets. Overall I think you have done a nice job with this one. Sandra	2003-12-03 15:41:07
japanese verse 32 (Chess)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, I have never seen a more concise definition of a game of chess. I like how many of your haiku have philosophical meaning that lingers even after the reading is over. Sandra	2003-12-02 18:53:17
japanese verse 31 (Twilight)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, I love the last line but have a little difficulty with this poem as I think of the sun in the first line when you mention the great torch and then have trouble following the rest of the poem. That may just be me. I do love the last line it is great. Sandra	2003-12-02 18:31:20
Her Healing Hands	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark, I enjoyed your poem very much. The shade from your trees is now cooling me down my eyes see your flowers growing loved from the ground your touch lights my being your light warms my soul as long as you’re near me I’m complete and I’m whole. (you are talking to someone you obviously hve great affection and respect for it is evident in your language. Your rhyme scheme works for this poem even though it is one hard to pull off-in this case it adds to the casual affectionate tone) Your eyes and your smile are as pretty as stars (nice metaphor) you’re gifted at healing old aches, pains and scars your motherly nursing only for those in need I drink from your well as you water your seed. (here you acknowledge your own need while also showing she is capable of meeting that need) Little birds in your garden flit and flutter about (nice image here) your yards full of kindness it erases their doubt trees are their shelter bugs and flowers their food ( you make the bugs as beuatiful as the flowers very nice) it’s a place that can alter the nastiest mood. Your ground covers cover my many mistakes your blooms make me smile come and take a short break you work without reward satisfactions your own hummingbirds with these flowers make your garden their home. Your lips taste of berries (nicely put) my mouth tastes the same we’re watching red roses in this place free from blame so when your heart’s broken and your feelings are hurt please let me heal with you work your life giving dirt. When winter is raging and your garden’s asleep your soil is frozen and the gray makes you weep warm your heart in my arms dear warm your spirit there too I will love you forever and will always be true. The thing I really love about the poem is that it works equally well if you are talking about earth herself or about a special woman in youf life. Overall, You have done a very good job with this one. Sandra	2003-11-23 19:12:23
Tsa-ga-gla-tal	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, How wonderfull. I love your discriptions and your subtle personification of both moon and racoon. Your title is perfect (but I think the translation might be more effective in parenthesis under the title). I will look for this on the winners list and can see nothing that needs to change. I love it. Sandra	2003-11-21 22:17:55
Deja Vu	Sergio M chavez	Sergio, this poem does a good job of eliciting emotion, not just the rage that the narrator is feeling but also regret and a sadness that this is allowed to happen. The last section where you break away from stanza patterns and set line lengths is especially effective it allows emotion to flow more freely. Sandra	2003-11-20 18:02:20
Winter Night	Debbie L Fischer	Debbie, this is wonderfully done. It is imagistic and pays great attention to language I love wind, windows, howling and then hearthside scent symphony softly the echoes of both assonance and consonance are incredible. Also not one line seems strangly cut or warped to fit the form but all flow naturally. Again, I love this one. Sandra	2003-11-20 17:57:34
acrostic 1 (Wishful Thinking)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, most acrostics stick to listing characteristics and are therefore not all that worthwhile. Yours has a philosophical not intended to make the reader think which I truly enjoy. Sandra	2003-11-19 17:04:11
Mirrors Have Memories	Annette L Cowling	Annette what a poigent idea. I wonder if you could include some specifics. such as "Perhaps newly widdowed a woman adjusts the veil on her black hat.... or what ever sad memmories those mirrors may have seen. Sandra	2003-11-19 16:46:24
Cats In Cardboard Boxes	Annette L Cowling	I realize, fading into slumber, you are the sandbar that connects.... Annette, your poem has a lot of good stuff in it but in some places you need to be more concise. I posted a challenge on the forum a while back asking poets to revise a poem by cutting half of the words I think you might want to try rewriting this one with that in mind. Keep the concrete words the things we can see hear feel taste etc... This is a very sensual poem. The ideas behind the poem are all about intimicy make that come through a little clearer by using the senses more the last line is perfect. Sandra	2003-11-19 16:18:13
Haiku	Drenda D. Cooper	I once stood in the hall of mirrors in the palace of versille -that isn't spelled right but - the mirrors are arranged so that if you look into one you see yourself reflected in the mirror behind you and the reflection of the mirror in front of you reflected... Endless reflections of your front and your back. It is like seeing your past and your future Your poem reminded me of that experience. Following modern american rules for haiku this poem works well. Sandra	2003-11-18 16:26:25
Gerald O'Reilly	Leo Wilder	Leo, the repeated lines of your poem really help to convey the urgency and the despair. I also like the contrast between how these two men ended up. Sometimes we as a society get it all wrong. Your poem is powerful and elegant. Sandra	2003-11-14 20:38:15
Soul Unattended	Annette L Cowling	Too many pine cones weigh down the trees is the real start of your poem it is the first line with imagery and something tangible. You might want to concider using it as your first line. Change nothing else in the poem the remander of your poem is well written in beautiful language. I will look for this on the winners list later this month. Sandra	2003-11-12 16:52:52
Old Friend	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark, thank you for sharing the memories you have of your dog.The details like the deformed legs and playing tug of war let the reader see this dog the way that you saw him which makes this a terrific poem. When I carried him outside to pee is a terriffic line, it shows a moment of such tenderness and really allows us to see the relationship you two shared.Thank you, Sandra	2003-11-12 16:23:20
From Night to Morning	marilyn terwilleger	Your touch is very delicate here spining this poem as if it too is a web you are weaving. Your choice of words is obviously aimed to make this poem beautiful when read and to romancethe ear. I enjoyed this one. Sandra	2003-11-05 10:29:15
japanese verse 30 (Vulture)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, You certainly created some interesting imagery in this one. I know you know that traditionally there would not be so much alliteration in japanese verse but this works on a visual and an auditory sense. That vacant cadaver plays with my head in so many ways. Sandra	2003-11-05 09:50:22
After the Storm	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, this title is better. I am being picky again and I cant remember if this was in the first version and it just didn't bother me as much or if this is new but here goes wisely begins to weave anew. I love begins to weave anew it is the wisely that bothers me for one thing if you characterize the action it limits how I can characterize it it also is not quite preachy but... I would not even mention this to a lesser poet but I know you stretch for perfection and you come so close. Sandra	2003-11-04 18:53:24
Past	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, I love the last line of this poem. until that line I thought the memorys were something tragic and horrible as i am sure his death was but in the last line of the poem you capture that even in the saddest situations there are these wonderful memories that are worth holding on to.Please do not change this lovely poem. Sandra	2003-11-04 18:18:32
japanese verse 28 (Rose)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, I like the word play and the multiple things going on in this poem. The play between drunk by its beauty and crimson as wine is intriguing, filled in the glass of season I get the contrast of seeing wine in a glass and at the same time I am seeing the fall leaves and other seasonal images. This was nicely done. Sandra	2003-11-04 18:05:57
Colors of Aah!	Donna L. Dean	The pink pearl in a bottle of olive oil is perfect. I can see the irredecence of it. The use of colour is great. People often forget to appeal to the sences in poetry. Dark brown Irises is perfect, it implies a persons eyes which changes the focus of the poem and adds this wonderful backwards looking sensuality and it also speaks of the flower which deepens the nature focus of the poem. That last line if perfect. and the poem is wonderful. Good job with this one. Sandra	2003-11-04 12:18:47
Dewdrop	Donna L. Dean	Donna, what a profound thought as if in sliding down it would lose itself.Of cource that is just what does happen to water drops they merge with others or end up absorbed by the ground... I like the shape of this poem it mimics the shape of the the leaf and the blade of grass the dew drips down. Over all you have done a great job with this one. Sandra	2003-11-04 11:31:21
Eight Dollar Dumb Dad	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Paul, You should be very proud of your kid. I like the poem very much the direct clear language and the short lines help to keep the reader moving through the story. keep on writing and I look forward to seeing your name on my list again. Sandra	2003-11-04 11:27:58
Role Model	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, squalling her sideways tears is really wonderfull. To be picking and leaning might come off better as the leaning it would be parrell structure and a little stronger. Joanne I love this poem the spider in the final stanza is a good touch. I like how the spider looks at the result of all that wind and rain and just starts over. How wonderful. Sandra	2003-10-31 10:34:08
Hymn to Autumn	Rachel F. Spinoza	Rachel your poem is so senual I can feel myself wrapped in a warm quilt drinking cider on an autumn day. I also like the repition and rythm in the final stanza. I don't have any suggestions because this one is already better than anything I write but I wanted to let you know I enjoyed it. Sandra	2003-10-31 10:22:28
The Road to Knowledge	C Arrownut	Well, I am not sure I figured out the capatilized words but I really like the response to the email. That final stanza is really charged with action and with emotion. The detail of the first stanza, budgeting even for weed is also very good. Sandra	2003-10-31 10:19:24
japanese verse 29 (Breeze)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzal, over all this one works quite well more american that japanese but quite well done and with good imagery. I don't like the use of articles (a,an, the) in these poems as it is not traditionally done but that is a personal preference these days. For example I would change the woods to branches thus maintaining the syllable count and at the same time being more specific and getting rid of the article but that is up to you. Sandra	2003-10-27 11:58:13
Rivers	marilyn terwilleger	between cut out banks the endless flow of rivers alpha omega time never motionless is awkward in a haiku because traditionally time is not something that would be metioned directly. Instead a nature image would be used to show that time is never motionless. You used the river which is the perfect image to show how time moves but then went from showing to telling. Stick to showing or using imagery rather than telling and your haikus and other poetry will be perfect because, you already have the deeper philosophical messages the poetic thoughts etc... Hope this is helpful, Sandra	2003-10-19 15:23:17
a curious merriment	Rachel F. Spinoza	Rachel, I love the specific images and scenes you create in this poem. Choosing not to use capitalization and punctuation is the right choice for this poem. I would suggest just for the sake of parrallelism changing and the mourners to make the mourners in the first stanza. Other than that I would change nothing this is really great. Sandra	2003-10-19 14:21:24
Cycles (Diamante)	Dan D Lavigne	Okay, I don't usually like these form poems but you did some good things with this one so I wanted to let you know what works. 1.The alliteration or repitition of consonant sounds that you use through out the poem adds power and aural interest. 2. You use a lot of really strong verbs burning,blinding, glowing, etc. These strong verbs give the poem a powerful dynamic quality. 3. Going from sun to moon is a great journey and that journer is made on the back of those verbs. Great job.	2003-10-15 16:43:28
Patched to Tapestry	Darren J Ledbetter	I've burned all bridges in memory For the wrath I wait to suffer (this contrast between memory and what hasn't happened yet is awesome,this sets us up for the whole poem we knowo we are going to be dealing with time as a flexible substance) My past keeps chasing ahead to (this line slips into explaining instead of stating but the next line rescues it) where all my dreams have slept (this is another great line) When sleep offers a peak I forget every wish I heard from and grasp the nearest shreds my nightmares left behind (this is also very good) Now remembered less in vision all my patches to parades become less in visioned The little tapestry I have was still to much to carry for my unbarring race against all that memory fails to do. I trully enjoyed this poem. The only thing I might suggest changing is patches might come off better as threads as patches leads one to think of quilting and you refer later to a tapestry. Other than that change nothing.	2003-10-11 17:54:40
japanese verse 26 (Camel)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Erzahl, Perfect. This is fantastic.I did not have a lot of time for critiques this month but wanted to read what other's identified as the cream of the crop. I can see this camel treking throught the desert when reading this poem. Sandra	2003-10-01 16:38:22
Echoes From The Sea	Mell W. Morris	Mell, I did not do a lot of critiques this month but wanted to read what other's had identified as being the cream of the crop. This poem is definetly that.Very nice imagery,good specific detail and beautiful form and language. I truly enjoyed this. Sandra	2003-10-01 16:35:37
Eagles (Tanka)	carole j mennie	Poet, this is a great use of this form. I love the imagery and the naturalistic tone of this poem. The format you chose really compliments your subject matter. I have no suggestions this one is perfect.	2003-09-23 16:43:11
Untitled	Andrea M. Taylor	Andrea,this one is terrific. I really love the imagery. I can see that caterpillar moving. Disjointed ripples onward is absolutely perfect. I would change nothing with this one. Sandra	2003-09-16 16:38:13
Allegiance	Andrea M. Taylor	Andrea, these keep getting better and better. I really enjoy the imagery in this poem as well as the symbolism of the eagle taking flight to embrace freedom. Keep writing and keep posting. This is a very moving tribute. Sandra	2003-09-12 10:38:24
An Immodest Request	Rick Barnes	Rick, what a wonderful poem. I like the invitation to intimacy. The spiritual and emotional impact of sharing with another person. You also have chosen words that bring to mind intimacy with nature and the universe(terrain). So this poem evokes the feeling of oneness that extends beyond the bounderies of one person. Great job. Sandra	2003-09-03 20:18:00
japanese verse 22 (Water Lilies)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hmm... I like this. It would be more traditional to use watter lilies as your first line and not have a title but this works fine as an american style haiku. I like the visual and auditory imagery. Sandra	2003-09-03 16:02:28
My Alter World	Traci L DeGraffenreid	Traci, Your title really makes this poem. I spent the whole time I was reading your poem experiencing all of the things you claimed not to be experienceing. Sanity is not a thing i rehearse was my favorite line. Your strucure really adds to the message here. The rythmic rhyming stanzas are just right to evoke the surreal eyriness of this poem.	2003-09-02 15:25:11
Each Morning I Begin Again	Joanne M Uppendahl	Joanne, my challange did not work as well for you as it has for some of the others.Perhaps because when you write you choose your words so carefully there are not that many extras. This poem needs to be filled back out a little so the flow and meaning are a little clearer-like in the original. Sandra	2003-09-02 15:17:25
Sunday in Central Park	carole j mennie	At four she would have asked what they were doing.LOL. I like that it was sunday a holy day and it was not profaned by the mating of two of God's creatures in a public park. The innocence of children is similar to the innocence of Adam and Eve before the apple. Thank you for sharing this snap shot of your daughter's life with all of us.	2003-09-01 20:58:51
Untitled Haiku Revised	Barbara Ascolese	Yep, it has the moment of twist or epiphany that a Haiku should have and is nature based. I like this one a lot. Sandra	2003-09-01 15:58:54
MAN'S BEST FRIEND	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark, I have a canine best friend as well a yellow lab named tucker who has kidney disease and I agree with you that heaven would not be very heavenly without dogs. I like the specific moments that you include in your poem that let us really see you with your dog. Sandra	2003-09-01 15:50:12
The Hipster’s Poem	Jeff Green	Your last stanza is the best started wearing black sweaters getting laid...great stuff. It is too bad that we keep teaching old poetry to children and young adults instead of teaching them first the stuff being written by people their age in their time and letting them fall in love with poetry before tackling the masters. I will look for this on the winners list.	2003-08-30 19:55:05
THE DEVIL'S DUE	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark, The last four lines of your poem are fantastic. They are concrete, specific and show rather than tell. In the second line is born would make this a complete sentence rather than a fragment and make it easier to read. Black inky spread is another good line. I work in a mental health field and have heard many people discribe their depression but none so poetically. I like how you discribe this in almost mythical terms as if a fight of good versus evil the all encompasing struggle for hope. Good luck and keep writting.	2003-08-29 10:39:29
japanese verse 23 (Tide)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Wow, this is very well written. I love the alliteration of the c sound and the assonance of repeated o sounds. I also like the imagery I get the picture of the moonlight reflecting over the tops of the waves on a quite night when the sea is gentle and calm. Nice job with this one. Sandra	2003-08-29 10:11:25
Waiting in the Cradle (revised)	Rachel F. Spinoza	Oh Rachel, this is wonderfull. tender in her skin is such a wonderful line I see a small child with skin still soft extending a leg and you looking at her fondly supposing that adorable dimple to be so meaningful. Every word adds something. This poem is full of wonder. There is something else too, that word tender in the first line sets the emotional tone of the poem. It causes me to feel tenderness toward both the observer supposing and Amanda and her dimpled knee. This is one of your best. Sandra	2003-08-28 22:13:38
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Sandra J Kelley	Critique Date

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