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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Lora Silvey	Critique Date
Day 4 (revised)	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, Nicely done, well structured and your voice clearly heard. I imagine that you find each time as you revise this that your feelings, self worth will have changed with time, like a continual work in progress. I have a painting that I work on from time to time, revising and re-visiting it, some things are added others are subtracted, perhaps it is a form of therapy... in the end after each work I take a picture so I can view the changes.. What a progress one makes and often unaware. Many blessings and safe journeys. Lora	2005-06-25 09:35:03
I Wish	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, Excellant form, the stanzas flow well into each other and the rhyming added that extra touch. Your thoughts are clear and you have communicated them well. Pleasant thoughts Lora	2005-06-25 09:30:03
Yoked	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, I found this well structure, the stanza's flow one into the other orderly. Your verbage is excellant and very discriptive. Deperation and dispare so often walk hand in hand....only till we release those emotions and can understand that all things are as they must be for that is the way we learn, that appears to be the way of the universe/cosmos...all things are as they are suppose to be even when we don't understand them... your work shows incredible strength of character, one that will prevail in spite of. Now take a deep breath and let it out slowly....well done. Lora	2005-06-24 16:26:08
Torrid Affair	Mandie J Overocker	Bravo Mandie, I don't know how often I've felt what you have so eloquently stated. I like the way you formatted this, I like that you through caution to the wind and went for it.... Every word shows how impassioned you are about writing and all of it's quirks and turns. Who makes the rules and isn't it alright to bend, blend and occaisionaly break them. Sometimes I become way to critical of such things as grammar, punctuation and formation forgetting that often style can bring a work to life or put it on a shelf. You have stated all the pros amd cons, the yeng and yang of all existance...and in the end we all have to live with what makes each of us comfortable. Your words had me all over the place but yet in agreement with you....now that my mind is once again "mush"...LOL...I must admit I enjoyed this work and I like the break you've made from conventionality....You Go Girl! Lora	2005-06-24 16:14:37
I Cried for You Today	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, This is by far one of your best. It plays like a song in my mind, perfect timing. Your message fills me with awe, you are truly coming to that healing, trials by fire we seem to be put through. I walked with you, cried with you and felt your compassion and passion, your aching, you made me want to hold you and rock you until the pain eased, till you could breath again. This is almost overwhelming but well worth the read. To say thank you for trusting in us to share only trivializes this work so I will just say, safe journeys. Lora	2005-06-23 18:08:05
Feed Me	Mandie J Overocker	Oh Mandie, LOL......how I can relate. Until I read your note I was going to say you either have hypoglycemia or very young children......haha. This is well structured, reads well and even if it didn't, I would have chuckled all the way through it......Now "SOMEBODY" please take her and feed her. Thanks for the delightful break in a busy afternoon. Lora	2005-06-23 15:49:58
Pickin	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, What a delightful tongue twisting mind electrifying piece. Reminds me a bit of the "tree falling in the forest and sound" theory. I'm a believer, the tree and all around hear you and know what you are saying, one never really knows who does the picking, I like to think that is done by forces beyond earthly dominion, we just need to be open so we can truly see and hear the wonders about us. Your offering is well structured and the rhyming is great, thank you for a break in an otherwise hectic afternoon. Lora	2005-06-22 16:35:09
The Healing	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, What an unusual piece and a comfortable read, well structure, great imagery. Your explanation was nice to know for whom and why you penned this however, your story was great. Oh so many mysteries in heaven and on earth, how closed we can be, and great that you protected yourself before embarking on such a precarious journey. Safe travels. Lora	2005-06-22 16:29:35
Poison Rising	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, It just me, re-reading this again. I am not sure of your intent, your words lead one on a journey, one for me that I kept trying not to take, your words ever so discritive. This is well structure and flows well, I apologize for not being able to give you more. The feelings I walked away with will take a bit for me to wash from my heart for I wanted to scream and reil at the injustices of the powers that be, but then I do not make the rules and can only hope that a higher power of authority will adjust all in accordance with that which is sewn. Bless you. Lora	2005-06-22 16:25:04
For You I Waited	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This was a very enjoyable read, mysterious, vibrant with color, illusive almost as if I could reach out and touch the "watcher" but then with a touch the being would evaporate. This touched me in the way a "dream walk" does... it is all right there just for the reaching out, are there no takers- hmmm, just a thought. That which you are still waiting for is right there, just a few more deep breaths.....hold on. Lora	2005-06-22 16:17:18
The Bones of the Dead	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Medard, Whoa, this knocks my socks off, each verse neatly leading the reader into the next wanting more, wanting to fush ahead to see where you are taking them but not wanting to miss a line. Very powerful, excellant rhythmn and easy to read. This is definately a different although very real look at the turns and cycles of ones life, would any of us be at a point that we would contimplate our own existance honestly and truthfully. You have laid bare that which is you, a deep hopefully healing journey. Thank you for the honor of allowing us to read this. Lora	2005-06-22 16:07:14
Wind At My Back	Mell W. Morris	Mell, Wonderful journey even with the highs, lows, and the not knowing...that little something you just can't put your finger on. Your words danced on my tongue and wondered around in my mind, a gentle cohesiveness much to my liking, very deep and in the end the most important objective, where you reside, "in his hand". Thank you so much for this offering and journey. It is structured well, each line flows into the next keeping the reader venturing forward. Lora	2005-06-22 10:02:32
Falling From You	Rick Barnes	Rick, Wow, you encompassed a whole gamit of emotions for me, that child like quality of innocense we all want to hold onto: It was you Who first said, “falling”. And reaching out To catch you In a loving embrace to the trickery or fickle emotions people today seem to have: I held on Believing that we Were falling at the same pace. You let go, leaving me To fall alone From that embrace onto where we all inevitably conclude: Falling for, not Falling from, you. I thouroughly enjoyed this poem, it offered a glimpse of what I think many young people are dealing with today. Well structured and a good read. Lora	2005-06-21 16:59:18
Abyss	Jesus Manuel Lopez	Jesus, Well structured, flowing each thought into the next, while a very heavy work; an easy one to read. Introspection offers so much and at the same time often not enough offering up more questions. It is a difficult task to look so directly into one's self and to lay your soul bare even if it is only to yourself.. yes often for just the briefest of moments we glimpse the answers and they are gone and then we tend to even question the answers. You really set the mind to working with this offering, thank you and bless you for sharing such a work with us. Lora	2005-06-21 16:53:08
Souls Running Free	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, Nice structure and flow. Your poem is like taking a magic carpet ride.... those wee moments in the night when the world lies asleep, when ugliness is cloaked by darkness, even if one is sitting in the middle of it one still can escape; not just to the secret safe haven but to the cosmos. Even as tears flow and our own will pushed aside, stil our spirits, our very souls can run free and escape those things we can not bare to see or even just as a brief interlude to life's daily servings. Your imagery is aptly discriptive, your thoughts lead your reader from one moment to the next.... thank you. Lora	2005-06-21 16:27:19
Memorial of Innocence	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, Drawn in, looking for conclusions, your piece is compelling. Please know that there many of us who understand and share in your pain, anguish, self doubt and guilt. Also, please believe that somethings are beyond our control, even with different choices things can and often turn out with the same result, things are as they are suppose to be and sometimes that is just flat out lousy. Thank you for sharing this most inner part of your being with us, you have honored us with sharing. Lora	2005-06-20 11:25:58
Persephone	Mandie J Overocker	Mandie, Your imagery is superb, nice flow to your stanza's, yes poor Persephone, her lot definately wasn't easy. Perhaps there are lessons to be learned from her plight, but who will learn them. Thank you for your vivid and unique way of telling Persephone's story. Lora	2005-06-20 11:20:52
Depending on What Is Is	Mell W. Morris	Mell, This was a good read for me. Hmmmmmmmmm, it could only be about Clinton, but then don't alot of politicians fall into the same categroy just never caught or viewed. I think you have really put a finger on the charater and attitude of this man, probably more so than most right down to his reasons for doing as he did. It almost felt as if you knew the man personally, what great insight. Your words are perfect with discription leaving the reader no question as to the character or motives of this individual. Well written with a good flow. Thanks for sharing such insite with us. Lora	2005-06-14 16:53:14
Contentment	Debbie Spicer	Debbie, So well put, often that which we find as a God-send is not and how do we ever truly know which end is up. This reminded me of such things as Vioxx or Serevent.......did wonders, but then the question came- were they responsible for causing other more servere health problems. One never knows, it is a personal choice, with all medications like most things in life there is always a down side. Then, philosphicaly one could ask, if an added health problem would have come along anyway.... how do we know. The question of quality over quanity often comes in to play with illness, another decission which is very personal that know one person can make for another. For me, quality is more important, I do not want to be muddle-minded, but niether do I want to be stiffled in my physical ability- the angst is to find a middle ground. If you've found happiness, I applaud you and support you for we seldom have little else. OK, so I got off the critiqueing of your poem. All that I have said are all the things that shot across my mind as I read your poem and darnit I just wish I could reach out and hold your hand or give you a hug, to tell you whatever you decide is alright. Your poem is powerful and envokes many questions and introspection. Very well written. Thank you for trusting us to your inner sanctum. Lora	2005-06-14 14:18:54
Thunder	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, Your wording is eloquent in it's discriptions. I could feel the comfort of the bed while that uneasy feeling of something lerky sends feelings of discomfiture during the night, the loneliness of the thunder and storm intensifying the feeling. Then the blessing of a storms rain begins to ease the anxiety that has pervaded the spirit, it's rhythm bringing more logical thought. As night turns to morning, all things are new and the mood of potential doom and gloom lifts as all of nature awakens. I could smell the rain, the air electric and the emptiness that sometimes fills the night hours. Thank you for a pleasant read. Lora	2005-06-14 14:06:53
I Don't Know	Kenneth R. Patton	Kenneth, You may suggest that your friend has more grace than you know, but dear poet in this offering you show a graciousness that is rare even in the oldest of souls. Splendid wording, rhyming, very humbling. This spoke to my heart of compassion, adoration, friendship and selfless giving. You are awesome, great work. Lora	2005-06-14 10:42:42
Foundations	Thomas H. Smihula	Thomas, This is superb, a real delight both in form and technique. There is not one statement that I could pull out to tell you how special this piece is. I can see that it is filled with love and you made my heart joyous with the awe that you apparently have for your grandmother. I also have three small grandchildren in my home, two boys (5 & 2)and a girl(4), they are a handfull, never a dull moment and definately wear me to a frazzle, I only hope that I can do as well as your grandmother did for you. What a wonderful tribute you have given her and what a wonderful legacy she gave to you and yours. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Lora	2005-06-13 15:51:29
I AM . . .	Latorial D. Faison	Latorial, Wow, you took my breath away. I can not point to any one line that stood out more than another, you have left we with "you are truly the child of God" and a child of the cosmos, the issue that won't be hidden. You are the here and now, you are more than watcher or seer, you are the crux of interaction not merely by being here but by your action. Your work will give everyone a chance to pause and hopefuly take a look around. Powerfuly stated, this takes me beyond the throws of all those publice debates...this takes me to the true heart of the matter... Recently a friend was discussing with me about how she felt others percieved her, I told her to be content with herself for she was just as she was suppose to be...why did she want to change that which God had made, she was like he, the "I am" and if that was good enough for him, it should certainly be for us all so... just a thought to share with you. I like it, "take it or leave it": I am too much for this wayward world to digest With pen and paper, I paint pictures with frankness you are as you are, and that is as it should be. Lora	2005-06-10 15:51:37
ASHES	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hello Nancy Ann, Your thought carries through your writing, and the message at the end reminds me of a fable...always a lesson to be learned no matter how bitter-sweet the lesson is. It has a rhyming to it in a sense, a hidden melody even with all that it depicts. Yes, hero's pass on, and so often with the passing of anyone, it is also a re-birth or our spirits, but that is something that so often is left unspoken. Lora	2005-06-09 11:22:09
Sole to Soul	Timothy Holyoake	Timothy: This is a very well written powerful piece. You make us all keenly aware of the people we often try to pretend do not exist. Your statements: You don’t know my name, but you know where to find me. I could tell you why I sit upon the street, a shadow of the life I left behind me, Now hungry, weak and always tried, I am ever so slightly broken. But you’ll never know if I’ll mend, as we have never spoken how often humanity sweeps aside that which assailes their senses and I am your father, I am your son, Care for me for I am you. Love me for I am. how in our neglect that these people we find so distasteful are as you stated, are father, son and possibly even one's self. Your work flows, an easy read and a strong comment on social conciousness. Thank you. Lora	2005-06-09 10:57:38
Mea Culpa	Dellena Rovito	I am impressed with your graphic symbolism, while spoken softly this writing is hard hitting. Poet you have echoed so much of the feeling and sentiment of the concious person. Your statement "Will world's darkness ever persist? Hatred binds me firmly to hate. One can't exist without sun's light. reminds us or should I say warns us, that hatred is a one way street and there is no winning unless with let the light into our hearts. You definately set the mind to thinking.	2005-06-09 09:50:32
The Thief	Timothy Holyoake	Timothy, Very strong, well written. You followed the thought and event all the way through from start to finish, no question left to ask. I do hope the perpetrator of your horror has recieved his just rewards. I want to screeeam everytime Ihear of a person in such a trusted position abuse such trust, what a betrayal. Bless you for sharing, bless those who read and can help this not to happen to another. Thank you so much for having the courage to share, and as to the merrits of your writing, it flowed well. Lora	2005-06-08 22:14:47
The Mindless Wanderer	Thomas H. Smihula	Thomas: Really not so mindless a wanderer, only one who wants to speak out but halted or stilted for want of where to begin. “Thoughts lost broken pieces remain jig sawed, helpless trying to shake the mind into something concrete” This I derived from the abruptness and short stanza’s in the beginning. Your word of “lost broken pieces, jig sawed” speaks of one who want to put things together but not sure how. The illusion of joy, is quickly dashed when one realizes that some things are spoken in haste, “Joy felt for a split second hardships removed, forgiveness only a word concepts contain little consistency actions not retrievable.” Frustration that things don’ fit into the box’s they are pre-perceived to do. From there, you spell out it all and your words flow more freely till you come to your conclusion with is one we have all reached from time to time, “Love, hate, sadness, pleasure unidentified due to gaps blended as one, Keys, wallets, pens misplaced, not remembering locations with blocked walls…” This work took me on a journey that at first I was uncomfortable with but as it moved on the familiar understanding of these feelings came into view. Unusual piece, unexpected journey, thank you.	2005-06-08 15:52:10
Prideau Malraux on 65th Street	Michael J. Cluff	Michael, I read this once, then again, and again. At first I wasn't sure of what you were stating and then the thought came that just possibly you were putting quite eloquently what other words would have been a common ordinary everyday event. Thank you for making my mind work. Lora	2005-06-08 14:25:15
Today	Mandie J Overocker	Amanda, I left void of words to describe the inexplicable feelings this awoke in me...the deep compelling feeling to reach out and just hug someone, words can not soothe these feelings but perhaps knowing that there are others who care and feel the pain, confusion can help. Thank you for sharing such a deep work with us. Lora	2005-06-08 14:21:51
Dignity	DeniMari Z.	DeniMarie, You have so aptly described when so many of us have been through as the bud of youth leaves and maturity rears it's head. All the emotions, what a ride, what a memory of the roller coaster effect it has on ones life, the ups the downs and not a whole lot of in-betweens, and then of course your resolve. This is a much needed piece for all those who have hit that point of change, thank you for writing and sharing with us. Lora	2005-06-08 14:18:26
unittled	Rachel F. Spinoza	Rachel, How beautifuly powerful just a few words can be. You have captured conjoured memories of California. What a picturesque view that is so often hidden in their cities, great reminder of the other side of California, the side beyond sprawling freeways, cities and hussle-bussle life. Lora	2005-06-08 13:56:10
Two Souls	marilyn terwilleger	While brief, a great statement, a pronouncement, a commitment, of strength. Thank you for sharing.	2005-06-06 22:20:22
Walking In Morning	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Wow, such intensity and true compassion, almost as if the writer is experiencing the heart ache of the one being observed, almost like an impath. Alas, often we are unable to reach those we so truly and desperately wish to reach but with all compassionate beings, hope lives on and we keep trying even at the risk of our own safe place and composure. Keep trying to reach out, you will make a differenc even if you aren't aware.	2005-06-06 22:17:53
Gentle Touch	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, As you have probably already gathered I'm not too much on technical aspects but I can tell is something flows or is halted, this piece is smooth, transcends the emotions as experienced with the ultimate conclusion that all we can count on is that which we already have and to revel in the fact that God touchs us all even if we are unaware..many blessings to you.	2005-06-06 22:10:57
The Secret Love	Helen C DOWNEY	Aw sweet escape, sweet surrender, I believe we all have them and hide them so well. Don't you just hate those alarms sometimes. I liked the rhythm of your writing, you drew me quite subtlely and then moved me through the dream. Thank you for a break from the mundane.	2005-06-05 23:50:44
Larkspur and Lilacs	Mell W. Morris	I felt a familiarity with your writing, comfortable. You gave me pause to look back and wonder for a moment of what destiny lay at the feet of all those music and choir teachers. Ashamedly I have seldom thought of mine with the exception to be thankful for the things they had taught although at the time I must admit I was not fond of clasics or scales... Thanks so much for this piece of memory that you have shared. I have enjoyed your writing, it is most pleasant to be able to read and understand what is written.	2005-06-05 23:39:54
Lost Years	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Your poem left me with a sadness, while we make our own cages and may resign ourselves to just that it is still sad to see one confine themself so totaly. Thank you so much for sharing your insights, many of us have done the same as your poem states but yet have not come to the self-awareness of self imposed confinement. Tecnhniquely I felt that you had a good flow/meter.	2005-06-05 09:57:17
Letter to My Friend	Claire H. Currier	I genuinely love this poem...that's not much by way of critiqueing but your words speak to me. Your poem is a great reminder of how we find treasures in the most unusual unexpected places. Your surprise at your find is well stated, the first at the pleasure of viewing your friend and the second at seeing the your Grandmothers glass cross. In the end, while a family heirloom is precious you show that the value of friendship is no less. Thank you for the gentle reminder of being aware of ALL our blessings and treasures.	2005-06-05 09:48:09
Retail Therapy	stephen g skipper	You have definately painted a picture and captured that little secret place us girls try not to let others know about. It is a funny thing how giddy a pair of heels can make a woman feel. Unusual and captivating, I could not help but to read on.	2005-06-03 21:45:39
The Opposite Side Of Life	marilyn terwilleger	Very powerful, while at face value the picture painted is exact the subtle nuiances of how life renews is in your message. This brought back many wonderful memories I spent as a youth on horseback in forests, also the stark reality of how fragile all life is and the underlying strength that even the frailest "In time sap will well up and nourish boney limbs that now blindly grope the air to breath, and saplings will peek through the forest" will somehow survive. You hit all peeks of emotion for elation, to shock, sadness and reverence. Good read.	2005-06-03 21:41:21
Summoned By A Kiss	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Good imagery. In your first line I was not sure if your word "lost" was to be "last or lost" however both work for me. I like the way you lead the reader up to the point of your being and what you are waiting for. This is uplifting and refreshing to me.	2005-06-03 21:29:16
A Long March	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Great visions of spring, well metered, much enjoyed. I too find that I am being drawn to the Haiku although I don't know much about them they are very intrigueing. You have created the type of spring day that stays in memory, well stated.	2005-06-03 21:20:44
Sometimes	Kenneth R. Patton	I had to chuckle when I read this. While I can't presume to know what to tell you as to the technical aspects of your piece I can say it was an easy read, it flowed, and I definately can relate. Writing creatively or otherwise can not be forced, it has to come when we are comfortable with what we pen.	2005-06-03 17:56:20
People Say They're Kind	Latorial D. Faison	Nice flow, to me you conveyed sentements that go beyond anger of ignorance or self endulgence more to a point of sad amazement of the treatment of man toward fellow man, all contrary to man's own verbage. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.	2005-06-03 17:50:38
Father Dearest	Audrey R Donegan	Ah, it is sad what hold a parent can have on child even after they are grown. Your poem makes one question their own actions as to how much verbal input one should do with one's own children and how amongst the clever conversation still be able to demean their offspring or make them somehow not feel that they can live up to the image that is project. I also see the coming into one's own and being able to take back ones self. Thank you for sharing this with us. As for the technical merrits of your work I am not one to really give you pointed direction other than for me it flowed from mood to mood and then to conclusion with ease, it did not lag... You have made a strong statement.	2005-06-03 17:38:43
Stars Alive!	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	I like the way you have captured the fireflies and the imaginary fantasies that come from an innocent age. Having never been fortunate to actually see fireflies this instills a rich imagery and helps to fill a space that hasn't been fulfilled....... For me it read fluidly, good rhythm, thank you.	2005-06-03 14:56:14
BALLET	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	The meter, ease of reading was great. Your imagery painted a picture in my mind which was most pleasant and the use of the term "Ballerinas" showed me a new way to look at butterflies. "Tapestry in dance" gives a unique insight to how you pictured the butterflies although in keeping with the "light airy mood" you are weaving, "Tapestry in dance" is a bit heavier than your other nuiances.	2005-06-03 11:53:26
Who Was Reetika?	Latorial D. Faison	I beleive that I have read this, re-read it and then again. It is haunting. You have used so few words to convey so much. Each step of the way I could visualize this womans essence amd the trials she must have gone through. When I came to the part of: "closing little eyes before closing her eyes " my heart was already breaking and tears were forming in my eyes. You have given a great rememberance of a woman that would have been an honor to know. Thank you for sharing this with us humble readers.	2005-06-02 23:19:35
Treasury of Bitter Herbs	Jana Buck Hanks	I felt the imagery flowed well while the subject matter you spoke of in your added note is not exactly what I got from your poem. As with many poems I walked away with what I needed from your writing although not necessarily with the message you may have been trying to convey. I enjoyed the poem, especially the descritiveness and the ease of reading.	2005-06-02 11:29:02
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Lora Silvey	Critique Date

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