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|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Andrea M. Taylor||Critique Date|
|A Beam of Life||Debbie Spicer||A Beam of Life - Awesome Title!!! A smile… much - you can bet your life on it. It… second - it expends only, but, a second or expends only a second (it is only, but, a suggestion [ha] With … on. - to warm the soul for hours Not… without - truth, but maybe some punctuation could strengthen it because you are using punctuation. and none… by it. - same thoughts as above It … give & It… work. - no suggestions, but for all us to smile…NOW! It…surrendered. - Simple truth spoken Some… away. :) - The best things in life are free. My friend, this is a joy…to read and to know the author. The pull of the muscles on my face, as I read it, was warm and cleansing. My smile for you and your seeing the beams of light again. My heart is morphed with yours today…as butterflies, we fly free…over the troubled meadows, above the dirtied skies of mistrust and malice…but low enough to see the simple beauty of a gift…the smile. My mind’s eye saw your first smile again today…are you seeing mine back?||2004-10-27 11:18:06|
|Blade In Hand||DeniMari Z.||Blade In Hand - Grabs your attention Blade in hand… concious (sp?) to insanity - good set up line to want to keep reading. Venting … floor. - tongue twister, not sure where it is going Burning … rest. - truthful image but who’s the haunted? Magnet …lies. - I love this line. Magnet and cost…very nice. Rip and roar…rip of the knife or the tongue? Hmmmm!!! Blade …cries. - Death can wait…freedom is calling to your cries…how interesting, but what does it all mean? You got me. This is a what I call a cotton candy poem…There is color and appeal, but when you bite into, it quickly melts and your not sure of the flavor…this is not a bad thing, what I mean is you want more, it like an English movie…you know, the end always makes you ask, “Is that the end?” A couple of questions, why the caps on some of the beginnings and not all? Why the caps and punctuation in general? The thoughts expressed seem more free than you allow them to be with this structure. Is there a purpose? Any way, this poem has the appeal of the Diary of the Mad Housewife or a Alfred Hitchcock movie…I am in the Rear Window…but what am I seeing? Thanks for the read. Andrea||2004-10-27 10:35:39|
|ADORATION||Debbie Spicer||Debbie, The mature love that sneaks up on us is quite lovely isn't it? I am enjoying the undercurrent of if you stop looking you'll find it. We don't always take or make the time to stop looking when we are busy being young and busy. I really enjoyed the "Dicovered...this life" lines. They are rewarding in both warmth and promise. A sweet read, my friend. Love, Andrea||2004-10-12 21:30:41|
|Silence||marilyn terwilleger||Marilyn, Don't grab your rope! You've grown by far, but the tale of this first piece is timeless. I love the first line...it is true how silence can be very loud.. the sounds in our thoughts are alarming sometimes. The question of this little challenge is have we grown with our poems..what do you think? Andrea||2004-10-12 21:25:18|
|SEASON’S CONSEQUENT||Debbie Spicer||Debbie, I did not know you then, but have had the pleasure of knowing you since. We bumped in the TPL night to find a kindship so endearing that I treasure it. I am aware of some milestones in your healing journey and have shared memories. Your inital poem speaks of the poisonous past rearing its ugly head. Your strenght to endure and passion to live free again grew with this first "I know...prevail" statement. Our meeting is a testimony of the true success. Nice to see your name in the ring again, friend. Love and God bless, Andrea||2004-10-12 20:44:24|
|Search||Edwin John Krizek||I enjoyed this. I like the "...senses on high" after the "electricity...gut" You, in a very short and to the point verse, say a great deal. The search for the perfect rose! I am smitten by the concept. However, along the path of gloom we must not overlook the children of the lesser garden. Thanks.||2004-09-09 23:55:09|
|japanese verse 57 (Photographs)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Ah, my good friend...albums of the soul. I enjoyed this digital snapshot of the mind. In black and white you produced color and count. It is a Kodak moment all by itself! Nice to see you again. Blessings, Andrea.||2004-09-09 23:32:43|
|Grandchildren||marilyn terwilleger||The forum of life presides here, my friend. It starts with the sweet smell of newness and grows to "Nana, may I borrow your car?" The gambit and gauntlet of grandparenting. The freedom of unconditional love not afforded with your offspring. The secrets, the songs, the sailing with dreams on smoother waters of curious seas. How wonderful your image. How pleasant your thoughts. Thanks.||2004-09-09 23:24:18|
|Flow?||Ryan D Allen||You are a man after my own heart. Flow, count, and stanza stamina...Bah Humbug... Seriously, we ponder, erase and ponder to please...Whom? Writer's cramp or writer's tramp...that is the question. Does a blind man have perception or does he feel his way through? This is a long standing debate...so sit and write and let the debators get elected. If there is a vent...the air will flow. So vent, write, feel and do what comes naturally. Enjoyable fun read. Thanks.||2004-09-09 22:59:08|
|Can I Be Jewish Too?||Paul R Lindenmeyer||Paul, I enjoyed the fomat. Oh, those querries of faith. You have had a drink from the well, haven't you? This reminds me of a dear Jewish friend of mine who loved to use the expression, "Is the pope Catholic?". One time we were engaged in a light hearted debate about education and he used it on me. I responded, "Not the first one!". We had a good laugh! The paternity issue should not divide these two honorable faiths. Man's indiscretions does enough damage alone. I cannot think of a single suggestion. It provokes serious thought. Thanks. Andrea||2004-04-06 22:51:31|
|Afterthought||Michael J. Cluff||Michael, What a delightful condensed version of history. Sixteen syllables of witty truth. Ogden Nash would be proud of you! No suggestions what so ever. Definitely Atkin's food for the soul. Enjoyable read. Andrea||2004-04-06 22:35:58|
|japanese verse 44 (Cross)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, First, it doesn't sound righteous. It is a wonderful expression of your working faith. The symbol, the direction, and the odds. Amen. Thank you for the reminder. I am sorry, but, I too, made a Holy Week submission. Andrea||2004-04-06 22:28:06|
|"I Don't Know"||DeniMari Z.||DeniMari, A real enjoyable thinking out loud session. The format supports the rambling state of mind. The font compliments the tone. I found myself painting a little curl at the ends of my lips during the read. Perhaps, it's "been there, done that" or just having fun with you. It reads like it is passing through my head without my eyes! A stolen or borrowed thought that you realize you shared before in your own silence. By the way, "I don't know" it is the color of the water that you rest your paint brushes in. A little muddy from those few strokes of genious on your canvas. Thanks for sharing. Andrea||2004-04-06 00:34:22|
|Changing With The Changes||Marcia McCaslin||Marcia, The title is quite a tale in itself. It captures the essance of a long time marriage or relationship. The first two lines are the gifts of loving hearts that learned to stay infatuated on and off throughout the years. A very pleasant testimony to the bittersweet decision to love and be loved. The next two lines compliment or reinforce the first ones. But alas, the mystique and the complacency of accepting roles is indicated. I have difficulty with the next line. Not what it is trying to say, but how. Perhaps, it would flow better with something like this - Together, as one, for decades more than their destiny's time kept them apart. Only thinking out loud. The next two sets of lines are crushing as they hit close to home for my own parents situation. The virginal beginnings of their marriage and pain my dad went through after my mother died. Bitter bittersweet truths. My only suggestion would be to remove the comma and the "just" in the "She had been.....unflowering" line. The rest of the poem sums up the changes of the changing. Yes, he did tell her. Their lives entwined so beautifully that his requesting the favorite dish was a simple day to day "I love you" and her delighted "yes" was her I love you too. In time their hearts grew to a singular and wonderful opaque vessel beating in unison. His sorrow only blocks the light not the love. Gee, I am carrying on. I think you knew these two. Your tale is too precise in the telling. I really enjoyed this read. Thank you and be well, Andrea||2004-04-06 00:20:35|
|The Cleaning Lady||Marcia McCaslin||Marcia, I was taken in by the title, moved by your verses. I worked in a hospital as a nurse for many years. I would always take the time to thank these ladies and gentleman who would work so hard and seem so pleasant. I am grateful to you for acknowledging their efforts. As a patient, I looked forward to the visits and chats. Your poetry is a lovely gesture to so many hard working people. The read is nice. The images are real. I can even smell the disinfected air fluff in my face as she left. Have Windex will travel... Andrea||2004-04-04 18:28:26|
|Tranquil in the Wind||Debbie Spicer||Debbie, This has almost a lullaby affect. Something sung to our children to teach tolerance and respect. I truly love the "Keep....hands" line. It has a cradling sensation. "They....unseen" line is the meat to go with the potatoes. It is short and sweet with a great lesson. If we could preserve the tranquility in gentle winds; we could weather bigger storms. we may be "delicate", but your thoughts are wonderfully hopeful after experiencing what you have. Good recipe to feed hungry minds. I really took this one in. Thanks. God bless, Andrea||2004-03-31 23:32:53|
|japanese verse 42 (Pollination)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, The dedication is as sentimental as the haiku. I love the metaphor. Great visuals by giving a Shakespeare touch to the silent workings that keep color and beauty in our worlds. "Handsome Romeo" and "prettiest Juliet" have pollinated my soul to romance the small beauty in my surroundings as well. How wonderfully you let the reader enjoy both the nature of man and man in nature. Claire has touched all of us in our own special ways. Thank you for this kindness to my Tully friend. Andrea||2004-03-29 21:22:01|
|japanese verse 41 (Rainbow)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, This is one of your best. The visual is very very good. "Spectrum of hope" is absolutely magnificent. It gives me the chills. What a wonderful way to think about rain! A simple, yet memorable still life of an illusive gift from God painted on a canvas of verse. Bravo! Andrea||2004-03-23 21:47:57|
|Compassion||Debbie Spicer||Debbie, I cannot be unbiased. I won't pretend to be. I, personally, can only say that our most fortunate black and white poetic link in search of humans in the humanities brought me bright color and friendship. We come and go into this road of life alone, but our journey's companions make the difference in going in a direction or having one. My detour here has been blessed by meeting you as well. You speak of wounds healing and accepting scars. How can one critique a valuable life lesson? We all benefit from a little Vitamin E for the soul. Sometimes words are just to be heard and not measured. This peace spoke volumes to me. God bles, my friend. Andrea||2004-03-23 21:32:46|
|For Paula||stephen g skipper||Stephen, Good to see you in print again. God's blessings. Andrea||2003-10-19 00:07:22|
|Eagles (Tanka)||carole j mennie||Carole, First forgive the typo on the other tanka, I put 5/7/5/7/5 instead of 7/7 in the end. Oh well...I can count really. This is interesting. I really can picture the circling bird and young brave. I like the tie between them. A nice read for a well kept tight format. Quick and full of vision. You are doing well with this genre. Thanks for sharing. Andrea||2003-10-01 22:52:01|
|Perfumery (Tanka)||carole j mennie||Carole, I really love this picture of the beloved Pepe La Pew! The 5-7-5-7-5 format seems intact. I enjoyed the "mild,...gaze" and "an....gift" lines. This is quite picturesque. Most enjoyable setting for this critter. No real suggestions. A nice first. I tanka you for the read. Andrea||2003-10-01 22:44:45|
|japanese verse 26 (Camel)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, This is pleasant. I love the image of "Treks the gentle traveler..carrying the hills". I find l1 a little difficult. Perhaps, On "this barren land" or Donning barren land. I don't know there is something missing in this line. Just an observation. Yeah, like the student telling the teacher. As always, I find pleasure looking in your nature's scrapbook. Andrea||2003-09-27 01:14:48|
|Brushed By Death||Debbie Spicer||Debbie, Fearful and praying, we hoped for this post These words from your voice was wanted the most Back to living, as this story has beem told To weave in new threads, now made of gold You've been given more time to cherish each day Family, friends and linkers, we welcome your stay So, good to have you back, my good friend!!!! Love, Andrea||2003-09-22 00:02:22|
|Straight At It||Rick Barnes||Rick, Pearls of wisdom found in the oyster bed of life!!! How simple and true, yet, we all will try and second guess our past knowledge. I really like the "All of voices...past voices" lines. It went straight at it. I really enjoyed this generic message. It begs for a rerread just to absorb the wonderful matter of factness to it. It is like the "Little Train that could" for grown ups. It is written for a subjective viewing and each reader will get from it what he/she may need. A universal guide while stumbling through the unknow territory of life. No suggestions. Thanks. Andrea||2003-09-21 23:36:19|
|God is in His Glory||Claire H. Currier||Claire, I feel no need to critique this as I am just so pleased to see your voice in print once again. I picture you taking a break from your busy day, sitting on your newly worked on porch and thanking God for the sunrise and suneet view of His beautiful gifts. I feel that this peaceful beauty renews your strength. This to me, as a friend, brings joy to your words for me. Kindly just, give me a one, as the read was more beneficial to me than you. God bless, Andrea||2003-09-21 15:01:20|
|The Bandit Queen||marilyn terwilleger||Marilyn, I like this witty ditty. It was a fun read. I think maybe commas at the end lines like "The girl, the wife, the bandit, the outlaw" could be useful for emphasis. Also, after "Bandit Queen" in l3 of s6. I did have a little trouble with s4. The Younger/larder was hard to grasp. I took the liberty of drafting alternatives...only as a suggestion to work on the stanza. I used theives instead of the bandits to give her more recognition... Theives James, Younger and Cole Evil enough for feathers and tar At her table, count what they stole The wife, Belle Starr -or- Theives Cole, Younger and James Evil enough for feathers and tar She fed, while plotting their games The wife, Belle Starr I enjoyed this very much with or without any suggestions. Andrea||2003-09-21 14:52:06|
|FALLING||Mark D. Kilburn||Mark, I have been falling for New England falls for too many years to tell. It is my most favorite season for smells and memories to warm up the crispness you speak of. And spring is my next favorite. So, I am either a sucker for your verses or you paint a great picture...I go with the latter. I am finding a conflict with reading your poetry. I think if you went totally free and void of ending punctuation marks it will work as well. If you really can't let go of the punctuation, that is okay, but I suggest you utilize the comma more in either format. For instance: "No time to play," - a pause is needed "Snows fall outside, winter's..." - Separates the points and possesion for winter to complete the sentence. "Where.....bray;" - semi needed to join the two thoughts "Days of deep freeze (with) snow to your knees (is)" or "Days of deep freeze, snow to your knees (is)...- You need to make it a complete sentence with punctuation "Cold longest nights, brief.... (and) faith..." - a complete sentence. Also, did you want to capitolize Him in reference to Jesus? Remember this is only one man's (human kind) observation. I think free style is good...your thoughts are great and could flow with the poetic view by just using commas. Where as, the use of punctuation and period endings begs for complete sentences and pauses for your verses. I could be all wet, but it matters to the read as well as the assiting the point. Andrea||2003-09-21 14:14:51|
|So Nice||Judy A Badger||Judy, This speaks volumes of one's heart. You take life with a grain of salt to season it...I like that. I read and reread this, each viewing gives alternate meanings or feelings. I can relate to the stanzas with my husband, children and my friendships. This piece has movement...it flows with live, love and life. This is so nice. It's simple and pure and one finds you in a good place. This is an upbeat share, I thank you for it. No Suggestions, but hold that thought!!!! Andrea||2003-09-21 13:37:04|
|When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their Colors||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne, A pleasurable reads with a boutiful vision within your nature's theme. I enjoy the way you observe and share your view. My only suggestion would be with the title. Perhaps Avian Autumns or something like that. Only this bird's view. Thanks for such fruitful delight while gazing upon, yet another, one of your nature's postcards. Andrea||2003-09-21 13:17:23|
|Splendor in the Pages of a Book||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne, This piece is a wonderful expression of love and admiration for your grandfather. I was blessed by it to stop and remember my own grandmother's influence on me. She was an avid reader and taught me to view the world with words. It isn't the same, but the end results are quite similar. I truly enjoyed these words as a catalyst to my own memories. To me, the bound, bond lines are a bit off, but the intend weighs more than the verse. The soul/whole pair seems forced a bit. Maybe something like, Written thoughts have permanence to make of break the whole...some how the thought seemed a little overstated. Only an opinion. Lastly, I thing the "with a simple gift..." line, you could drop the "he bought" and it would still work well. This is merely an observation and only a look from these eyes. Either way the spirit of this read is well worth the look. Andrea||2003-09-21 12:58:14|
|When Small Frogs Seem to Disappear||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne, I find this an amusing little piece with great visual lines. I really smiled with the "Is this sticky..." stanza. A great thought. My only stumbling was at the "but thus freed..." line. Perhaps a comma at freed or maybe, but when freed, he... Just sharing my thinking on this. Thank you for sharing this experience. It seems so real with its ending promise that life goes on. Andrea||2003-09-21 12:41:17|
|Sole Mates||Rick Barnes||Rick, I truly enjoy your subject matter. There is a mental picture of these worn out companions and a desire to know their stories. You have a wonderful sense of humor about aging. I did have difficulty with L's 3 & 4 in S1. I found even reading it outloud caused me to pause. It seemed to beg for some compacting with the read. I was wondering if maybe something like this would work: I suppose, it's the kickin' done In a wild whirl from town to town Just a suggestion from this reader. It helps the down/towns thing too. A most memorable and fun read. Thanks for the pause that refreshes the spirits. Andrea||2003-09-18 21:10:45|
|The Passing||Judy A Badger||Judy, This is beautiful. I am a mother who lost a child. I don't know if you saw my post. I will email if you like. The simple truth of the "loan" is so true, but such a big pill to swallow. I remember saying the same words to my mother and father at his funeral. I said, "I knew he was a loaner, but I didn't know the note was for only 5 years". I totally agree with the joyous reunion and draw strenght from it. Honestly, I await the same. Our feelings are merged into the same heart here. I appriciate the verses with a watery view. Your images comfort me, as I "need him still". A wonderful impression of a future journey. Andrea||2003-09-18 15:40:20|
|Grand||Judy A Badger||Judy, How wonderful your words are. I am blessed with grands...they are the best thing. Unconditional love at its perfect state. I loved the "dog-eared daisy" line and the dewdrops of speech. Your expession of delight is contagious. Befitting grands, grandchild, granddaughter and grand indeed. This is a pleasure to read...I could feel the squeezes from you...and will pass them on to mine. A very refreshing upbeat read. No suggestions except, enjoy the hugs and flowers. Blessings, Andrea Oh...your email came back as undeliverable...please email me. I would like to get my message to you.||2003-09-18 15:29:58|
|A Glorious Day||Callie Cothren||Callie, I like this outburst of joy for a new day. It is very refreshing and upbeat as it reminds us that each new day brings its own special events. I would suggest dropping the punctuaton at the end of each sentence and set these lines to read outloud. This is something that I was taught just recently as well. I now appreciate the value of this advise more and more. I think the "Painting...blue" line could read a little smoother, if perhaps it was more like "Brushing the sky with strokes of purple..." or something like that. You may want to consider replacing the words slowly and darkness with other images. This is only this reader's thoughts. It is a happy and hopeful piece. I love the last two lines...tomorrow's promise is a great thought to end a day with. Thanks for a sunshine break. Andrea||2003-09-18 09:22:22|
|Class and Style||Mark D. Kilburn||Mark, I enjoyed reading this as it moved along with simple images of a snap shot in time. The concert's end and the increased enjoyment of your wife's companionship is quite lovely. You state in a very matter of fact, but poetic way, how you love her still. Concerts may come and go, life will bring its offers, rebates or credit, but your relationship is a homecoming for class and style. I really enjoyed the pace and tight descriptions of your offerings as it progressed to the conclusion. It made me feel joy for your returning to another place in time with the concert, but with the excitement of mature love. The surroundings of excitement, music and memories were visual and the afterglow real including the trash. It reminded me of a open concert my husband and I went to in Boston. They are so much fun when it is a "blast from the blast" band. The memories of youth pour out in conversation that breaks you away from your daily lives. A most enjoyable read. The warmer than old coat, taking the bus again and repeated stanza format added to the pace and flow. A few punctuation pauses may improve some of the images. For example, "When we are having fun, time flies and..." To me it might put more emphasis on the fun time. Also, after the "I hope your...ended" line. It is a ggod place to stop and take it in. Only a suggestion. I mentally put them there. Rumor has it, I just might be a mental case (lol). If you remember correctly...I think, I started that rumor. (tee hee) I truly enjoyed this. I am new and this seems like a different format from you. I must admit, I haven't gone back to compare. This is just an "short term" observation...it comes with the aging process. Thanks for sharing this one, guy!!!! Now aren't you sorry you encouraged me? (lol) My very best regards, Andrea||2003-09-17 19:54:28|
|japanese verse 25 (Dawn)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, Very nice as usual. Enjoyed the "sign of sunlight". It has a nice reading and image affect. It does pour in once it appears, doesn't it. It is amazing how it looks warm, even in winter here. It always takes me by surprise when the temperature is so low, yet the morning glow looks like it should be warmer. Nice picture here. Thank you for this view of a brief moment in daily time that isn't always appreciated by the business of the day ahead. My very best to you, Andrea||2003-09-17 19:16:52|
|Our Bullets are Bigger||Karen Ragan||Karen, This type of reading for me is a read. I don't care if you give me a 1 and move on. I just want to express the beauty of your son's image and your words for me. Our faith is our big purple bullet needed life. Our inner strength to go on as we whince at what our children witness at such a young age. I enjoyed the post and savored it as an imaginative and powerful memorial to all who were lost or suffer the continuing loss of that tragic day. To critique this presentation, for me, does not serve any purpose to the importance of the message. In our hearts, we may not always follow the rules, but still can feel the impact of truth when innocence lost. I remember when my son was 10 and the Challenger exploded. He came home from school very sad and upset. He told me the teachers were watching it on television all day. He looked at me with his very deep blue pools of stolen innocense and asked, "Mom, why do they keep showing it over and over...don't they know one hurt is enough?" To this day at 26, he is still bothered by the way the media presents the news. When the 911 attacks happened, he brought up the Challenger situation again and said, "What purpose do we serve these people by watching them needlessly die over and over again? What do they want to insight...more sorrow or revenge?" The look in his eyes was the very same. I still ponder his truth. God bless, Andrea||2003-09-16 09:23:37|
|Untitled||Claire H. Currier||Claire, I will be as gentle as your very precious smile here. What a wonderful image of aging. I see your mother and you on one of your daily errands. I am drinking in the possibilities of your conversation with eachother. I am smiling back at thie 5-7-5 haiku. The twinkling of eyes when the wrinkles join is a precious image. I makes me miss my grandmother and mother. I thank you for this Kodac snap shot of joyous memories. Claire, I am still grinning and enjoying my wrinkles joining. A very nice vision and read.||2003-09-16 08:48:29|
|(haiku)||Donna Carter Soles||Donna, Sadly, you present a strong image of our (mankind)losses. The 5-7-5 form is intact. I am impressed by the fact that choice of words allows anyone to visualize these images. They do not belong to one group, we all share the pains of war. Nice job. Andrea||2003-09-16 08:40:31|
|A Hope For A Thousand Tommorrows||stephen g skipper||Stephen, I sense resolve and a renewed strength in the power of living one day at a time. I rejoice in this message. I like the way the thoughts are presented as absolute statements. If it true, that each dark cloud has a silver lining; I am happy that you have found some silver. Your expression and commitment within the lines of your loving poetry puts hope in its best light. Keep holding on to "The ones you trusted" when you are "downhearted". There are some typos, but the intent of the poem is not lost. Keep writing, my friend, it will help build precious memories during your journey towards a thousand tomorrows. God bless, Andrea||2003-09-16 08:24:00|
|Shadow of Greatness||Mark D. Kilburn||Mark, One would be remiss in not commenting on this. I found myself involed in the read more as if it were a great editorial. This doesn't mean it is less than poetry, but speaks volumes for the silenced hearts and the broken ones of two years ago. The broken ones carry on. It brings us back to the red stripes for the blood shed during our infancy in world history. The blue of the sky to be shared by the free and the not so free. Our stars may have gained numbers, but our ideals have not changed. Our heros of everyday are acknowledged and are given a reassurance of our gratitude. As each stanza finishes, the next compliments it. The title is interesting. All too often we do shawdow true greatness by being comfortable with knowing it is there. A very deep, moving and meaningful read. I thank you for sharing it. Andrea||2003-09-12 15:42:58|
|japanese verse 24 (Old Age)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, I cannot not believe how we think so much alike. I appreciate the simple truth of this. The images are allowing each of us to look in the mirror and see what we may want for our own outcome. I might have presented the first line with "If" instead of "when". The two whens distracted me a little. But, I don't know enough to know if this changes the impact of what you wanted to have us read. I don't agree that beauty is always lost with aging. This could be why I would use the if, when and then at the beginning of each line. It seems to help the flow of the entire image better for me. In any case, the thought and images are presented well. Thanks, as always. Andrea||2003-09-12 15:11:37|
|Little Man||marilyn terwilleger||Marilyn, Sometime poetry is not to be critiqued by enjoyed. This is one of those for me. I went for the ride and loved the view. I am a former nursary nurse. I would hold my little bundles and talk to them about there futures. I would say things like, "Good morning, Madame President, welcome to our world" or "So, you are the attorney for the defendant?". The other nurses used to tease me about it. Anyway, you now know why I like this poem. A great read and wonderful image to behold. Caden is a joy for all who believe in humanity. Andrea||2003-09-12 11:43:46|
|Right to Life||Rachel F. Spinoza||Rachel, Your words are very succinct and I believe, meant to titillate. To that end, I enjoyed it. However, it baits the question , by means of the title, that maybe there is only a tangible choice to be made. This is my impression and not necessarily your intent. Subsequently, it confirms or reaffirms the reader’s beliefs. This is the strength of your versus and your mental imagery. If “Sunshine screams” from the womb, “Mama please save me from the light” and after birth, “Please save me from the dark”. Maybe, just maybe, if we cherished and protected all life, we could save ourselves from ourselves. Good reading. Thank you. Andrea||2003-09-12 11:09:20|
|Poetic Linkage||Terrye Godown||Terrye, Most enjoyable. Love the last line...it sums it up quite nicely. Sometime we lament too (lol). Seriously, this is very descriptive of the TPL. I applaud you attempt to revitalize. Each line is quite unique, yet gets us to the point. I like this thought process and I am glad I am a part of this. If I wasn't I'd feel quite invited. About the coconut, I'd never waste good rum! Be well, glad tidings! Andrea||2003-09-12 10:22:15|
|Departed Spirits||C Arrownut||I enjoyed the visions in the poem. Having felt similar things in my son's bedroom. As time goes on, the room has been changed, but the images are still there. I enjoyed the flow of the piece. It let the mind capture the purpose with the read. I hope my email didn't offend you. Andrea||2003-09-05 11:07:01|
|Suicide Note Of A Seaman's Wife (Revised)||Drenda D. Cooper||Drenda, It may have bent the mighty oaks...but it truly broke my heart. This is a wonderfully imaginative piece place well in its era. I could actually picture the seaman standing on the Widow(er)'s peak as salted breeze flavored his tears while he rereads and rereads the note. He finally looks out towards the ocean. I could smell his mistress, the sea, as she beckons him, and whispers, "The land is nevermore!" I do rhyming and sing song effect. The affect works for me. A very nice read. I appreciate you letting me know about it. God's speed and comfort. Andrea||2003-09-04 09:08:52|
|japanese verse 23 (Tide)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, I never thought about the tide in this way. "It softly combs the surface" denotes the goings on that we take for granted. I love walking the ocean. Thank you for a mental jaunt to one of my favorite places. Andrea||2003-08-29 14:04:06|
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