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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Jacob W Roberts has given on The Poetic Link.
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Displaying Critiques 1 to 5 out of 5 Total Critiques.

Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Jacob W RobertsCritique Date
A Poem Is. . .Joanne M UppendahlWell...generally the word "soul" in poems is blase and over done. I suggest re-thinking what you might want to do with it. I'm being petty here because the rest of the poem I really like. Form and content match well (especially in stanza one). It's self-reflexive, self-indulgent. On that note, maybe change the title to "My poem is..." or "This poem is..." It would make the poem a little more honest, or precise is maybe what I really mean here. Another note on diction, why the "maybe" in stanza two? Well anyway, very pleasant. Lovely, even. Jake2004-07-19 20:19:55
Photo of an Unknown RelativeMolly JohnsonIncredible rhythm, tone, and voice. Smart poem. The form matches the content, insofar as it is loose, strong, solid, fluid. That being said, you might want to consider how the strength (mace, relative, stone, etc.) and flimsiness (of the water, dress, nutmeg, etc.) are reflected in your line breaks. I generally discourage ending lines with prepositions or conjunction. They both seem weaken lines. I know it's kind of petty and nit-picky, but I suggest re-checking your enjambment in a few other places, just to ensure the poem says what you want it to say in as strongly a way as poems can. (For instance, why end line 12 with "stand" instead of "here"?) Another question, why one stanza? Just a suggestion, and maybe you've done as much, try breaking it into a few. I think there are some places where it could work to emphasize the distance between the relative and the narrator, how she is represented in the photo, and the distance between the relative and the reader, how she is represented in the poem. Each new stanza pointing to that distance. "Mace" and "cleave," very clever. If the idea is to show consonance and dissonance between generations, or, if that is not the idea, your poem works in that way. If I had to sum up the poem's mood in one phrase, "intelligently comfy." Great. Just a great poem you have here, Molly.2004-07-17 18:42:26
Gambling on MermaidsThomas Edward WrightThis poem is interesting in its construction. Formal in the sense that it is made of sextets, informal in its shape. Why the albatross allusion? It all seems to me like an introduction to a very interesting story that you don't tell, though. The two companions the poem points toward raise my interest as a reader, but it seems the overly poetic / sentimental side of the narrator kicks in and keeps their relationship from view (in any rewarding sense). It's sort of like reading in a comic, with the bubble and the words in the bubble, but the speaker is just a lot of interesting looking lines. To me that's disappointing, but for you it could very well be a success. The disappointment is that it seems to be a touting of idealism with very little maturity to counteract it. Maybe just an anecdote for the sake of generosity? A little disenfranchisement? Outright selfishness? Otherwise the poem seems disingenuous. Very nice subject matter, enjoyable to read overall. 2004-07-06 20:19:06
Morning CoffeeEdwin John KrizekThis scene is very pleasant. Why it exists as a poem, though, I am not sure. Besides the clever diction, there are no noticable devices these words employ, besides enjambment. Ending lines with prepositions, though, is like putting too much cream in the black coffee of your poem. I suggest re-figuring the enjambment specifically on lines 6 and 14. It could lead to some surprises. COULD, that is. The overall sensation you achieve, though, Edwin, is nice.2004-07-06 20:08:49
Electron SelfCarolyn Gale McGovern-BowenAs a bit of a positivist mystic, I appreciate this poem's message. I think that playing with the enjambment would make the poem more interesting to read as a poem, rather than just a series of great ideas. The idea being that the poem is about chaos more than it is about order, but the poem itself appears rather ordered, at least after a couple of readings. Why couplets and triplets? I also think the more far-out ideas are sort of mismatched with the formal language. Some articles could be removed to call attention to key ideas, like "cosmic wind" S6, L1 might work better without the "the." Perhaps since you're talking about ignorance and cruelty in terms of the random formulation of humanity, just cut out the posessive noun, "humanity's" in S5, line 2. To just say that cruelty exists without an agent would link the randomness you mention earlier to that line in a Sartre-esque way, if that term isn't too pretentious. Perhaps you could then change it from the passive voice, turning cruelty and ignorance into the agents themselves. It would be appropriate since the poem speaks of such large things without mentioning the a loving god there to nurture its creations. Jake2004-07-06 20:01:24
Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Jacob W RobertsCritique Date

Displaying Critiques 1 to 5 out of 5 Total Critiques.

If you would like to view all of Jacob W Roberts's Poetry just Click Here.

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!