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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Karen Ann Jacobs has given on The Poetic Link.
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Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 82 Total Critiques.
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Karen Ann Jacobs||Critique Date|
|Stars||Dellena Rovito||This poem makes me smile, especially today when I need a smile. We’ve had thunderstorms with patchy sunlight, so as I’ve read this poem, with my room going from dark, to light, to dark again, I am getting to see your images effecting the world around me. It’s very cool! Yep, this is a perfect day for this poem, for me at least. “tipping their top hats to you” Thank you. Kayren||2005-09-20 12:41:56|
|Ode To A Younger Me||stephen g skipper||Before I read your note at the end, I kept thinking about the advice our parents give us and how in this poem I had the impression that you were being your own parent, sending this advice back to your younger self. Then I realized, as a parent myself now, I give my kids the advice I wish I’d gotten or the advice that worked for me, and our kids are a part of ourselves, so in a sense we are sending advice back to our younger selves. Very cool poem. Thank you for sharing it. Kayren||2005-09-20 11:27:24|
|in honorarium...||charles r pitts||Wow. Upon my first reading of this poem, I felt that you’d expressed a lot of what’s been churning around in me for the last week. September 18th was my “death” anniversary. (I was raised a JW and disfellowshipped and disowned by parents.) Then I thought of the boys in Utah kicked out of the bigamist Mormon faction community there. As I examined this poem again I saw the fallen angels. I had a realization. They’re related. I never saw the connection before. For years I’ve asked myself, why do I still get twitchy as my death anniversary approaching and I have nightmares that replay the pronouncement that I was to be considered dead to everyone I’d ever known, even my parents? I’ve always loved the “Prophecy” movies, but I’ve long since moved away from worshipping any deity. Was the story of the angel’s fall a metaphoric story about the splitting up of a family; the disowning of a child? Or if the bible story are literal is that were the devaluing of children came from? I haven’t wanted most of that life back for a long time, but only recently I find that I don’t want any of it back, not even my family. Would angels reach that point too? Thank you for the thought-provoking poem. The primal and violent beat of this piece lent a strong current to the message. Once I started this poem there was no way I could stop. I’ll be thinking about this one for a long time to come. Kayren||2005-09-20 10:54:07|
|Mist||Regis L Chapman||The first half of this poem seemed very different then the second half, so much so, that I would suggest making it two poems. The first half filled me with awe. The second half felt down to earth and not godly like the first half. Maybe I was too swept up by the first half to fully appreciate this as a whole. My favorite image: "self is a ocean, a drop, a mist, a dew rising in freedom from the waves" Would it be better as “an ocean” instead of “a ocean”? I really enjoyed this poem. I hope my feedback has helped a bit. Kay||2004-11-20 23:50:53|
|Senior Moments||DeniMari Z.||I hope I’m this bright when I’m elderly. This poem brought tears to my eyes. I could see the place as it is and I can see it the way she chooses to see it. Even though it is a dark place, and a dark time in her life, her light shines and I’ll remember seeing it. I’ve always said that I could live without my body working right as long as my mind stayed cleared. I’m changing that to clear and bright. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem! Kay Technical thing: The third stanza you have a line that seems way too long. Maybe it pasted wrong.||2004-11-10 01:17:24|
|B-Rated Love Affair||DeniMari Z.||Throughout this poem I kept trying to figure out what it meant by “B-Rated”. Did it mean “B” as in a “B” horror film and that the relationship was under funded, under invested in? I dug through the poem and pulled out the B words I found. Between (twice) Bare Break Bodies Bond Finding those words seems to clarify this poem for me. Your note says that this is completely confusing, but I found a sad story in this poem. Maybe there will be another stanza as the story continues. Kay||2004-11-10 01:08:17|
|Finale||Mark Andrew Hislop||This poem read like a Metallica song, haunting, dark, and powerful. Have you thought about making the title “Curse Me Now”? In the poem, “curse me now” is a phrase that brings the images of a man being beaten but still challenging his tormentors, because he hasn’t been and won’t be broken. I’m so sorry for the circumstances that caused this pain, but this poem expresses a fighting spirit that will go on. Hang on to that and write on! Kay-Ren||2004-11-03 13:06:05|
|Tree haiku #1||Joanne M Uppendahl||I loved the great visual I got from this. We get a lot of wind here and I love to watch the trees dance. Great Haiku! Kay-Ren||2004-11-03 12:37:41|
|Amethystine Mists||Jana Buck Hanks||Long before I reached the last line of this poem, I felt the meditative state being embodied in this poem. Perhaps because I’ve done this I didn’t need the reveal at the end. I could also, right now, easily move into meditation. I feel so calm, relaxed, and safe. It has been a long time since I’ve been led to this state and I don’t feel alone. I also feel clensed of negativity, and I’ve learned something. The properties of amethyst can be called up. This was my favorite stanza and one area in it tripped me a little. ”into sacred ceremonial whirling pools of intuition peer I innocently (this tripped me a little. I wanted to read it as “I peer”) winged daughter of the Owl (This tugged at me.) stirring with willow wand softly through immortal souls pregnant sleep (I love this visual of something growing or changing in its sleep. It kind of reminds me a butterfly.)” Thank you for this wonderful experience. I have to write now. Kay-Ren||2004-11-03 11:27:57|
|Tree haiku #3||Joanne M Uppendahl||Watercolor is a perfect partner for a Willow tree! I don’t like to use this word but I’d say it was genius. This is the feel, sound, and look of my favorite tree! I’ll never again see a willow tree without thinking of a watercolor painting come to life. Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 20:25:55|
|Sighs of Autumn||marilyn terwilleger||Autumn is my favorite time of year. I am always glad to see the miserable season of summer go and to welcome autumn. As I read your poem I couldn’t help but smile at the perfect way you described the sights, sounds, and feelings of this time of year. I had to look up a couple of the words, but I’m glad I got to learn what Chanook, marl, and Grackles were. My only suggestion would be to think about breaking the big second stanza into two or three stanzas. I just felt a bit weighted down by the big clump that the words seemed to struggle against a little bit. Great poem, though! This was my favorite part, “Ghost like rusty leaves rustled and scampered across the brick path.” It gave me a happy chill. Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 20:22:44|
|MY THOUGHTS ON POLITICS||TJ Daniels||This is the best political poem I’ve yet to read! I totally agree. Wouldn’t it be nice if it were impossible for a political official to lie? Thanks for sharing this. Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 19:24:21|
|Tree haiku #2||Joanne M Uppendahl||Even though this is about trees, I thought of my eldest starting his Junior year in high school this fall. Sometimes, I feel like the tree and soon I’ll be left bare as my kids go off into the world to find their own lives. At least trees get to do the whole thing over again every year. I wouldn’t survive this again! Hehehe Great Haiku, Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 19:09:11|
|Silence||marilyn terwilleger||Yes, you have improved as a poet. You’ve gained depth and confidence since you wrote this one. Although, I like the simplistic message of this poem and the image it invokes. Thanks for sharing it. Why is punctuation bad? Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 18:33:30|
|verse 63 (Sunrise)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||I was sitting enjoying the visual your Haiku gave me when I read the note and I feel like I had just shared a wonderful moment with you and Joanne. You always take me to new places even your notes are poetic! Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 15:27:47|
|Your Rainbow||Primrose Maclean||The images in this poem were absolutely fun! What’s “eyeing off”? I love a calm, positive rain. This poem reminded me of going to Disneyland in the rain. We got soaked, but it was my best Disneyland trip ever! Thanks for giving me that happy rainy day feeling even though the sun is bright and shiny here. Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 15:18:57|
|A Child||Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach||As I read this poem, my mind played out the lives of my sons. I’m all warm and fuzzy. Part of my favorite things about Halloween was all the adorable little children having fun and looking so cute! I caught a yearning in your poem for a simpler time, when family and not things sat at the top of the list of importance. The pendulum swings both ways and I hope we, as a culture, will start swinging back towards family and away from things, soon. Thank you for sharing this thought provoking poem. Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 14:48:57|
|LITTLE WORLD, BIG CITY||Primrose Maclean||At first I caught the initial picture you painted, and it was a very lovely picture, but then with the last few lines you gave the whole poem a yank that changed the colors. I’ve often sat and wondered at each person’s personal universe that they are the center of and I’ve wondered if anyone else sees that pattern. You do and you described it wonderfully. Thanks it is good to know that our universes overlap once in a while. I especially liked the rhythm of, "To jeer; To cheer; To revere…." Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 14:15:47|
|One second flat||Mark Andrew Hislop||LOL. You made me laugh. Actually, though, in a one page poem I find that I have to go back and at least reread the first few lines, because the poem as a whole usually reflects more depth on the single lines and even on the choice of one word. I see poems as word puzzles that are revealed one line at a time. Thanks for the giggle. Kay-Ren||2004-11-02 14:09:48|
|The Door||marilyn terwilleger||The one word, “Outlandish” brought the entire poem into focus for me. When I read, “October Moon” and “Days crimson end” I stumbled. I was unsure of how to feel about the melodramatic phrases that I’d heard before. I’ve been taught to shun anything cliché, but you’ve embraced it with this poem and because the poem admits that it is outlandish, yet does it anyway, it is okay. I come away from this poem with thinking, once again, that sometimes, outlandish reactions are perfect and necessary to outlandish events. My son’s best friend lost his dad last valentines day. My son is sixteen and as we were driving to the hospital to be with his friend and his family, we talked about how terrible, how awful, this event really was. My son, started to say the “F” word, but stopped himself, because I was there. I looked at him and said, “You know, sometimes there is no better word and it is times like this that the word fuck is appropriate, because this is fucked up.” My son let his emotions out then, and he was able to spend the next couple of days helping his best friend. My son didn’t start cussing all the time around me, I haven’t heard him cuss since, but he grew up some more that day and so did I. You poem reminds me of that lesson. Thank you. Kay||2004-10-22 16:18:59|
|Squaw (revised and lenghtened)||timothy joseph canezaro||I haven’t read the short version of this poem yet, but I found myself entranced and immersed in the world glimpsed through this poem. My heart beat faster and I couldn’t look away. I want to read the other one, just to compare. I’ll let you know which I like better and why. Real quick, I had a couple things that tripped me up in this one. I got caught a little on the word, “unerection”. Would flaccidity work there, instead? This line caught me, “treading into places most fear going”. I didn’t really understand it. Okay, heading to read the other one. Thanks for this experience. Kay||2004-10-20 14:49:06|
|Blade In Hand||DeniMari Z.||I enjoyed reading this poem. My favorite image was, “Magnet to the lost Not caring is the cost”. I also liked the way that the first lines of the first stanza and the last match. They gave the poem a nice sense of conclusion. I think the only suggestion I’d make is that adding another line or two to the last stanza would give an even more balanced affect. It’s just an idea to toy with if you want. Thank you for sharing this poem. Kay||2004-10-20 14:32:18|
|Enough||Edwin John Krizek||I like this one better. There is more passion and feeling in this one, and perhaps that is because the flow isn’t constrained. I really like it, too and I think it is enough. I hope my vote helps. Kay||2004-10-03 15:31:48|
|CRUCIBLE OF THE TOWERS||Paul R Lindenmeyer||I can only say thank you for posting this. It's beautiful. Kay||2004-10-03 15:09:27|
|Stones Will Sing||Joanne M Uppendahl||Dear Joanne, This poem of oneness with the universe captured my eyes and made me see through a telescope where all that exists is bodies in space, stars, nebulas, clouds, and fellow planets. I felt a part of those bodies and I knew that I experienced this through you who felt it first and managed to capture that experience onto a computer screen in words. You amaze me and inspire me. Seriously, you need to compile a book of poetry, and send it to a publisher, then you need to autograph one for me. I can see the book, the whole cover, back and front, is a picture from space. Our future is literally in the stars, but we have to get there. We need poets, like you, to inspire this generation and the ones down the road to see beyond their feet on the ground. You know, Asimov’s magazine is online and they take poetry submissions. http://www.asimovs.com/info/guidelines.shtml Kay||2004-10-03 15:04:45|
|Mass of tears||Mark Andrew Hislop||I had to look up, Eucharist. After I did, I wanted to reread the poem to see if it was about being Christian. First though, I wanted to write my, non-Christian, impressions down for you, but it was too late. Now I see all the Christian clues. When I’d first saw the title, “Mass of Tears” I didn’t think of the Catholic Mass, I thought of a crying jag. Looking up that one word changed my perspective on the poem to the one you intended the reader to have. I’m sorry I didn’t write down my impressions before I looked up the word. I actually feel pretty silly for not seeing that this poem was about faith. I first saw it as a poem about faith in ourselves, but now I see that it is a poem about faith in Christ. This poem flowed really well and easily pulled me towards its conclusion. Thank you for sharing this poem. Thank you, also, for giving me one of those “Off kilter moments” where one’s perspective is exposed as being upside down. Technical stuff: Having each stanza start with the word “perhaps” triggered my teacher’s voice, “Repetition is generally bad in poetry”, but I liked it. I tried to picture each stanza of the poem starting with different words like: maybe, may haps, what if, could be, but then the poem lost its sense of ritual. Second line of the first stanza, was “out” supposed to be “our”? Kay||2004-10-03 14:30:45|
|Insight||Andrea M. Taylor||I really liked your Haiku. It amazes me how much can be said in just a few little words. Here is what I got from it. We tend to look outside ourselves for the answers, but we’re looking through eyes prejudiced by our life experiences. Where we should be looking is inside. Thank you for the wonderful thoughts. Kay||2004-10-03 13:59:58|
|Thoughts on An October Day||Joanne M Uppendahl||Dear Joanne, I love this line, “a living charcoal sketch in flight.” It is so amazing! The whole poem was great. This poem flows with the rhythm of the bird’s flight and it made me look beyond the release of birds to a release of our own young birds. Too soon, it seems, they’re flying on their own, off on their chosen paths, leaving us to watch them go. We know in our hearts, though, that we will see them again, even if we don’t know when. Hugs! Kay||2004-10-03 00:40:39|
|Moving On||Joanne M Uppendahl||Dear Joanne, The end of summer, the moving on of warmer days, is so eloquently portrayed in this poem by a pair of adorable frogs. I’m reminded of a pair of frogs I bought at Target one year. They became my friends and lived much longer then the little card with their care said they should. Then, one summer, ants carried ant poison into their water and killed them. I was so sad. I’m glad your frogs moved on and weren’t born to captivity as mine where. It’s so wonderfully odd how we keep connecting. Hugs! Kay||2004-10-02 23:58:08|
|Fairyland||marilyn terwilleger||This poem took me to a height of beauty and lushness that I long for and cherish whenever I glimpse it. Then your poem brought me down and showed me the horror that so often is allowed to thrive instead. I had to remind myself, though, that even though Fairy isn’t always visible, weeds have beautiful flowers too. Gazing deeper I can see that our outlooks are reflected in this poem as well. Everything is rosy when things are good and something happens to turn it ugly. The only thing I would suggest is that maybe the asterisks aren’t needed. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem. Kay||2004-10-02 23:49:43|
|A Pocketful of Stones||Lynda G Smith||I read your poem last night and it has been in my mind since. I hadn’t expected the ending and even though it made me very sad I couldn’t help but think that when I have to go that going with the stones I love so much in my life wouldn’t be such bad idea. Thank you for sharing this dark and beautiful poem. It had so many original phrases that twisted the images out of my mind. This is my favorite stanza, “An apathetic muse in stroll anchors granite globes of tethered thought on strings of agony.” If I were making a book of my favorite poems this one would be in it. Kay||2004-10-02 23:25:50|
|Verses 41 to 60 – Third Collection||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Okay here goes.. all of them rock! You really need a book out or a desk calander. My top five favorites of this batch are 51, 43, 49, 41, 42. Don't make me pick one of the five to be my all time fav, cause I can't. It was hard just picking five favs. Hugs Kay||2004-10-02 00:53:09|
|Imperfection||Robert Wyma||Your poem spoke to me of taking responsibility and making things happen no matter what. I’ve read it three times, but I can’t think of anything I’d suggest changing. I think it is a lovely, inspirational poem. Thank you for sharing it. Kay P.S. I liked the lay out, too.||2004-10-01 20:53:28|
|Schism||Regis L Chapman||As I read this poem, I felt a bit freaked out and scared. The world felt skewed from normal, my eye twitched and it wasn’t until I read the note that I felt relief as, with that short note, you put the world back into normal perspective. Perhaps that note should be part of the poem. It wouldn’t be nice to leave us tweaked in the head like that. Thank you for the drug free trip. Kay||2004-09-28 18:21:36|
|Orphan||DeniMari Z.||I am behind on my reading. As I tried to catch all the poems to pick which to vote for, I read yours and had to stop to say a couple of things. I empathize with the plight revealed in this poem, but I admire the sentiment of faith in heritage. I chose the other route. I have kids of my heart, but not of my blood. I look forward to the day that I am an orphan too. This is a beautifully written poem that really called to me. Thank you for sharing it. Kay-Ren||2004-09-06 20:55:32|
|1 (Emerald)||Jana Buck Hanks||Dear Jana, This is a fun Haiku. It is almost a tongue twister, too. I liked the rising use of the letter S as the words progressed. It reminded me of a riptide pulling me into the sea. Thank you for the smile. Kay-Ren||2004-09-01 18:54:44|
|Trip to the City||Edwin John Krizek||I loved this poem! It reminded me of when I used to live in a small town as a little kid. We’d moved to this tiny town of 2,000 people before I really started remembering life, but we visited the cities a few times a year. When my parents told me that we were moving to the city it was like a dream come true. Finally, I’d have more chances at making friends. There would be more to do. Ever since we moved to the big cities, I’ve wanted to go back to that little town life. Someday, I’ll find the Oz I left. I liked the repetitively used words in this poem. I think they helped take me back to my childhood. I still think Dorothy’s Oz exists somewhere, too. Thank you for making me feel something good. Kay-Ren||2004-09-01 17:29:53|
|Virgin Snow||cheryl a kelley||Dear Cheryl A. Kelley, I really liked how you’ve taken a woman’s right of passage and shown it from a child’s perspective. I think I’ll always see this metaphor now when I look back on that event that changed my life more then I could’ve ever guessed. I was a kid playing on broken glass. I have a couple of suggestions that I feel may make this poem tighter. This line, “We gather together and examine her shallow flesh wound. We look out…”, might flow better if it read, “We gather together to examine her shallow flesh wound. Then looking out at the field…” This phrase, “capillary like action”, I think could work as just, “capillary action”. There are so many great images in this poem. This one was my favorite. “sending shards momentarily dancing summersaults into the air.” It makes me remember what it felt to be young and free of caring about the consequences of my actions. Thank you for sharing this wonderfully contemplative poem. I’ll never look at loosing my virginity the same again. Keep Writing, Kay-Ren||2004-08-12 11:24:01|
|UNTITLED||JACK M HRINIAK||Dear Jack, Thank you for showing your Dad’s uniqueness to this stranger. Your note at the end of this poem added a lot to the poem. Have you thought about making your note a part of the poem? Your poem was full of wonderful imagery. This phrase really inspired a powerful image in my mind: I take his heart in my hand and burn into dust, riding on a midnight wind. These lines gave me a vision of being kept awake by memories of his love and not really wanting to sleep. I like the feeling this inspires. I feel privileged to have been allowed to read this poem. Losing someone sucks, but your Dad has left you some wonderful things, including his wisdom. Thank you for sharing it here. It has made an impression on me. Kay-Ren||2004-08-08 00:54:19|
|American Gothic||Edwin John Krizek||This poem reminded me of a scene from the movie “Armageddon”. A.J. and Grace are lying in the grass, under a tree, giggling and being mushy. Soon A.J. will be rocketing off into space to save the world and Grace asks him, “Baby, do you think its possible that there's someone doing this very same thing at this very same time?” A.J. replies, “I hope so, otherwise, what the hell are we trying to save?” Your poem is in the same category of emotion, but you’ve captured this feeling from the other end of the spectrum. There should always be the cute old couple strolling together. You’ve captured the hope that we won’t grow old alone in a soft new way. Instead of dreading my ‘golden years’, right now, after reading your poem, I’m looking forward to being old with my spouse and walking in the park with him. I’ve been looking forward to being the crazy, scary lady down the street, but you’ve reminded me of something else I have to look forward to. Thank you. Kay-Ren||2004-08-06 12:16:03|
|Lickin' River||Jana Buck Hanks||Dear Jana, Even before I read your notes I could see the ‘memory’ quality of this poem clearly. Until, I read your notes, I feared that this place is now gone. I felt a huge sense of relief when I read that this place is still there and better then ever. My family lived in a tiny town for five years when I was a kid. We moved back to the city when I was 10. I was about 27 years old when I went back to that tiny town. I wish I hadn’t. It had changed so much that my memory of what it was is tainted by what it has become. After reading this poem, I don’t think I’d be wrong to think that this place is also held in your heart and when you need a sanctuary, you still visit this place in your mind. I’m so glad that this wonderful place exists in both places and now in my mind as well. Thank you for sharing your special place with me. I feel inspired to write about my special place. Have a great weekend, Kay-Ren||2004-08-06 10:56:42|
|Winona, from the High Cliff||Thomas Edward Wright||The dualities of this poem gave me some trouble. At first, I believed that she committed suicide to avoid an arranged marriage. Than I thought she just left home, chose to not marry the one her father picked for her, and lived out in the world she made her own. Finally, I realized that both is true. Even though, she lives she feels she is dead to them. This story poem is beautifully and lovingly written. Is it a Native American Legend? I tried doing a search with yahoo, but I didn’t come up with anything. Thank you for sharing this poem. Kay-Ren||2004-07-27 01:48:53|
|Saying Good-Bye at the Seaside Cafe||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne, What a wonderful contemplative piece of poetry you’ve created here. If you remember, I felt another of your poems was a good ending to sum up your trip. I have to change my mind. This was is much better. I would love the chance to look at them all together in a book. This part: -------------------------- “Do people drown?” “All the time. Riptide!” “Oh.” “Do you want more coffee?” This great grave mother sea is a mistake to underestimate. ------------------------ Seemed totally different and separate from the rest of your poem. It alluded to me that you gained more respect for the ocean during this time. _______ Tillamook Lighthouse, farewell! (Tillamook gave me a thrill because I was there on a family vacation when I was about 8 years old. My parents bought me a red beret that I loved) ‘Till next time, then, deep blue. You, heavy as slate, fearsome as Fate, holding up a wandering sky. (This passage makes me feel the lighthouse. I almost feel that if it weren’t stationed there, then there wouldn’t be anything else.) So long, hot sand on tender feet, wayward wooden steps, flights to small stuffy shops with sticky treats. (I get the feeling from this part that you didn’t really enjoy shopping. That’s okay. I really don’t like to shop, either.) Where periphery of land meets edge of sea-- why does the verge of things pull so incessantly? Soaring gulls, be well. Happy brave dog of the waves, (I LOVED this phrase, ‘brave dog of the waves.) come home with me. I miss the ocean so much. I used to be a surfer and I can feel your longing to keep the ocean in your life. Have you ever seen a storm at sea? My dad took us, one summer, to see a summer storm. It was incredible. This poem made me feel the majesty and the pull of the ocean again. I miss it with you, because of this poem. Thank you. Kay-Ren||2004-07-27 00:55:58|
|Least of All Me||Molly Johnson||I haven’t seen the movie Fahrenheit 911, but I had a feeling that this poem was connected with it. I did a search for Sgt. Michael Pederson and found his memorial page. Even though, I haven’t seen the movie, your poem made me feel for this young man, instead of just thing about what I’d heard of a woman being video taped as she mourned for her son. Thank you for putting his existence into another perspective. This was an incredibly descriptive part without having to be gory. This passage twists my insides without grossing me out. “or something, not knowing how red freedom is, how crude and sticky it becomes.” The last lines, “I am her son even though grief will outlast the flicker of my face.” Made me sad and I wanted to argue, but you’re right. We miss those we love long after it is hard to remember what they look like. Memory should last longer then pain. Thank you for changing my view of this soldier life. Kay-Ren||2004-07-19 01:14:26|
|japanese verse 36 (Ku Klux Klan)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Morning Erzahl, I'm alone and I finally can read another of your poems. The title of this one jumped out at me. I have such anger for the KKK. I found this Haiku artful not angry. The use of the all the K words and the sad image of kaleidoscope being killed made me wish again that blind hate wasn't in our range of emotions. On the other hand just seeing the name Ku Klux Klan inspires a lot of powerful emotions in me. I wish hate would be outlawed, but I have to remind myself that hate comes with its own toll. It is just too bad the price is spread around. I admire the guts it took to write this Haiku and not blast them. There are so many emotions that could have been captured on this subject. I find it noble that you chose sadness. I don’t hate them, but I wish they would stop. That they exist makes me sad, too. Thank you for the thought inspiring Haiku. Have a great day. Kay-Ren P.S. I'm glad I'm finally getting a use out of my mind reading curse/gift. I'm learning so much from picking your brain. Thank you for letting me. I hope you will watch “The Butterfly Effect” again. It is not really about the kids, they are external to the real story. It’s a great reflection inspiring piece of art. My spouse couldn’t shut me up about it for about an hour after we finished watching it. I’m glad your older brother is doing well now. Thanks for explaining that line in “No Excuses”. I get it now. I expect every line you write to be profound. See how much you’ve spoiled me. Heheh. I love James Bond too! He’s a great character. I watched Friends for a while, but I own all the seasons of Highlander the series and most of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. LOL.||2004-07-12 11:48:12|
|Symphonious Secret||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, This poem was beyond beautiful. It warmed my heart and made me smile. My heart, though, wants to think that this is a mystical friend, even though, the last stanza explains that it was fantasy that is overlapping reality. I want to believe that this is a cleaver rouse to hide the fact that you are writing about a real fairy. I like they way the first and the last stanza are similar and bring a circular conclusion to this tale. The phrase, “Ambian haze” made me feel a foggy mist filled with the smell of flowers, even though I’d never read the word Ambian before. I guessed that it was a form of the word ambiance from the way you used it and I was happy to see, when I looked it up, that I perceived it correctly. Thank you for the new word. I love the feel of it. I just thought of something, off topic, that is neat. By introducing this word into my vocabulary, I will forever see it as you presented it to me. The feeling you were able to imbue into this word will always stick with me. When I come across this word again or when I use it, I will feel that foggy mist and smell those flower. Thank you for the word and an understanding of why it is good to present less common words to our readers. “Loving, pickle green eyes” was a striking image. This adds to the otherworldly quality of your lover. The more times that I read this poem, the more evidence I find of its basis is in reality and I’m happy that reality is so magical for you. Even though you now live in an apartment, nature sings in your blood. I’m left with feeling that I should be looking more for the magic in my every day life. It is there. I just need to see it. Thank you for all you’ve shown me and taught me with this poem. Kay-Ren||2004-07-11 14:26:55|
|Den of the Wolf - Lair of the Fox 1967||Jana Buck Hanks||This is a hard one, for me at least, to review. I will do my best, because now that I’ve read it, I can’t pass it up without letting you know that I think you’ve done a great job. I’m impressed with your handling of this painfully emotional subject. I like the idea of using a third person perspective. Putting the year, 1967, in the title added a lot to this piece. Society was more constrictive and more prone to blame her. What help was there for her back then? I could go off on a rant, but I’m trying to stay objective. Perhaps I can’t be objective on this poem. I think my only suggestion, is that maybe the title should have a warning about this poem’s subject. I appreciated the form this poem took. The first two stanza’s rhymes made me feel light, exuberant, and young. I found the progressive deterioration of the structure that was established in the first two stanzas to be an artful demonstration of what this horrible act does to a person. I loved the religious connotations of this phrase, “un-carnally gained”. It reiterated the fact that this should have been, but wasn’t, a spiritual act. While at the same time this phrase reminded me of how some religions condemn the woman and say she was ‘asking for it’ by not being modest enough. The phrase, “incredible wolf in stylish sheep’s clothes”, gave me a powerful image. I could almost see him getting ready to fool everyone by dressing up. I keep erasing my closing paragraph. I want to rant and I want to scream. No matter how many years pass the memories never leave. The feelings we had then still hurt us now, while the villain is probably out there feeling nothing. I’ve seen Karma at work and I just have to hope that it keeps working. See there I go ranting again. I’m not sure how to end this, so I’ll just say I’m impressed. I couldn’t write about this and do a good job as you have done.||2004-07-11 03:23:04|
|JOURNEY OF THE CRYSTAL CAVE||Jana Buck Hanks||Dear Jana, The form you’ve chosen, with the last word or thought of one stanza being carried over to the next, gave me a feeling of walking. Not the normal kind of walking, but more like a bride’s maid walk as she leads the way down the isle. I feel that your chosen form set a great rhythm and tone for the subject of this poem. I appreciated the way you demonstrated that it only took a thought, “I wondered why…” to accomplish what the seeker wanted. This is a great description of what lucid dreaming is like. I loved the way this poem went from mundane to mystical. I was reminded of all the things that surround me and connect me to the ‘normal’ world. This line, especially, made the connection a warm and gentle message, “vegetable suspended in the liquid labor of Grandma’s love”. This is a wonderful image and it invoked my happy memories of helping my grandmother and mother can. In the sixth stanza I felt the slight conflict between the mundane and the mystical when normal words like stereo, a word that invokes a technical machine, with natural words like crystal and birth mixed together. This was an artful transition and prepared me for all that came next. Your poem gave me enough foreshadowing so that I was not completely surprised by the drastic mystical twist of shooting energy, but I still felt awe and wonder at the occurrence. The final stanzas of the poem felt like I was falling into a soft bed and saying, “Ah, we made it.” If you haven’t submitted this poem to anyone yet then I hope you don’t mind my recommending a magazine that I think would love to read and maybe publish this poem. http://www.pangaia.com/contributor.htm The editors are great people. They are strict, but honest and fair. They rejected my poems kindly. I think your style fits them better then mine. Thank you for sharing this poem. I thoroughly enjoyed reading and digesting it. Bright Blessings and my your words continue to flow smoothly, Kay-Ren||2004-07-09 14:12:51|
|No Excuses||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzhal, Thanks for helping me find this. I sure wish we could get links to work in this box. If I take this poem's verses by themselves I get very strong impressions. We can go forward We can stop...give up I like the plainness of this of this passage. It puts the choice at our feet and doesn’t make a big deal of the choice. This is an issue I’ve been knocking around in my head lately. I’m concerned about one my son’s future. Plus, I just saw the movie, "The Butterfly Effect". I’m not sure I would recommend this movie to the general pubic. I know I’m not going to let my kids watch it. If you’d seen it I’d love to hear your view on it. If you haven't seen it then I would recommend it to you. Life can be tragic Life can be lessons Whatever others see it I can say with a sinister smile “Life is what we make” The "sinister smile" in this passage made me think of a designer of mischief. Have you ever read "Illusions" by Richard Bach? We can laugh, we can cry Eyes can have teary eyes Tears with blood Or joy in flood "Eyes can have teary eyes" is a confusing line to me. I understand what it means, but I'm not sure it lives up to your level of profoundness. It is kind of redundant and sticks out. Maybe I'm just thrown off by the different rhythm of that line. You'll probably explain it to me and I'll smack myself in the forhead and say, "Duh." The whole poem has a totally different feel then just the first passage alone. I like them both and felt inspired by both. The whole poem has a third person Omniscience feel to it, while the first verse alone had more a contemplative feel to it. I'm so glad you helped me find this poem. Gods, I love reading your work. You make me think and feel. Your work inspires me. Have a great day, Kay-Ren||2004-07-09 12:35:51|
|japanese verse 43 (Destiny)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Morning Erzahl, I'll warn you now; I am allowing myself to read one of these a morning. I love these so much, but I want to have the thoughts they inspire for a while. When I read your additional notes I went back to your list and looked for the poem, "No Excuses". Did I just not see it? I would love to read it. Please. This passage is incredible. I’m a big movie buff. This passage is better then a movie quote that I liked so much that I had it put on a coffee mug. “The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.” This quote from Terminator has stuck with me since I first saw the movie in the 80’s. I like "Destiny" Haiku better. We are what we are Prodigy of our shadows Path of our footprints I can’t decide which line I like best, though. You have such a gift with putting words together. We choose our future by the choices we made in the past. I could see this as a wisdom spoken in a movie. I want to step aside from my life and look for my footsteps. I want to see where they are heading. LoL. My footprints are scattered all over the beach. Thank you for today’s contemplation. Kay-Ren||2004-07-06 10:47:34|
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