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|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by April Rose Ochinang Claessens||Critique Date|
|The white magnet||Mark Andrew Hislop||hi mark andrew, this poem is kind of melancholic for me.and have written poems of the same tone.i think i write better in that tone.anyway,i just have a comment on the 3rd stanza: with tongues like nail guns, and me and my chin quivering over steam-quills of coffee. And I ask, What to do? The grand project has whittled down to a twee accretion are u by any chance belgian? or dutch? coz the word "twee" means "2" in belgium. or if you have had an error in typing it (well it happens sometimes),then i think you have to do something about it to make your poem better. and i think "accretion" is not the right word for it coz its like contradiction itself, you know like "whittle down" then "accretion..."something is amiss, i think.and the second line in the above stanza "...quills of coffee," i think has to be replaced with something else.this is just an opinion, the last say is still up to you.sorry if i made these comments/opinions.i have no intention of hurting you or something. i just want to help u. generally i liked your poem because its like some of the poems ive written, the tone, i mean.||2006-05-17 05:59:58|
|Longings||marilyn terwilleger||marilyn,your feeling in this poem is so much like mine in my poem "reminiscences," which you recently have critiqued.maybe thats why you had empathy for it.perhaps, this is also the reason why i had empathy for your poem.its like im the one speaking in the poem.in short, i loved your poem. thanks for posting it.this is more like an expression of how i felt for it.its well-written as it is and the words are well-chosen.more power to your writings. april||2006-05-16 03:42:33|
|In Welter||Jordan Brendez Bandojo||hi jordan,to begin with,i like this poem,from beginning to end.the first stanza i find funny because of how you got inspired by the "...dung." i have not read a poem that has been inspired by it and i guess this one is a fine piece.and the title is okay; you can use that. i just have a little correction and suggestion on the stanza, "Where did your laughter echoes when it bounced the lagoon? Where did your words hover when no ear to catch them?" "Where did your laughter echo when it bounced into the lagoon? Where did your words hover where there is not an ear to catch them?" the phrase "aloft on cliff", i think its better if you say "aloft a clift" cos the word "aloft" in itself already means "on top" so if you use the proposition "on" then it would be redundant, then i suggest that instead of, "throbbed in wilderness" u can say "strayed in wilderness, Fell into the abyss, and wafted at zero gravity?" this are just suggestions, its still up to you if you want to use them or not.and for the last one,i gave this suggestion because of the line "The lovers' wraiths after the suicide aloft on cliff." i saw here a dispirited couple (its probably the reason why they resorted to suicide). well, despite the suggestions, i still think this is a good piece and again,i liked reading it from beginning to end. take care. april||2006-05-14 06:21:27|
|Lunar Clips||Joanne M Uppendahl||the symbol of the Toad can be associated to a SCOUNDREL,or the like.thats an interesting part of the poem because its like you lifted up such a character. then again lifted up in the next stanza as Yin amphibians; that i believe has something to do with a dynasty in China;Shang (shäng) or Yin, which ruled, according to traditional dates, from c.1766 B.C. to c.1122 B.C. or, according to some modern scholars, from c.1523 B.C. to c.1027 B.C. It is the first historic dynasty of China. well, please correct me if im wrong about my understanding but its really awesome for you to have made a poem thats both entertaining and educational. thanks so much joanne for this piece. april rose c. ochinang-claessens||2006-04-23 12:00:55|
|Physics Dream||Jordan Brendez Bandojo||hi jordan, i have enjoyed reading your poem.of course i have more to say than that.PHYSICS DREAM on the whole is a well-written poem, not like the other poems that i read in the past. i especially liked the description of sunrise on the first stanza.then i appreciate the quotation of b. franklin (though, for me you should have made use of 'benjamin franklin' to have more impact than just b. franklin, but its ok, dont worry about it.) this poem made me read between the lines. and its because of that reason that it has became my favorite among those that ive read in the past.i like poems that challenge me intellectually; poems (articles in general) that make me ask "why,where, and how" because im a person who loves to know more.definitely, this poem has made me know more than i did before. thanks jordan.||2006-04-20 09:38:56|
|Trance||Jordan Brendez Bandojo||jordan, you have use too many images that the mind gets tired.try to focus on a few and work around them. but this is good piece altogether.april||2004-01-11 22:52:57|
|Inktip||Donna L. Dean||donna, this is a well-written simple poem yet has depth when read with the heart. it actually sank into my bosom. its like after reading it i read a long piece because of its deeper meaning.thanks for sharing it. april||2004-01-11 22:16:46|
|Puppet Theory||DeniMari Z.||deni mari, you have a beautifully crafted piece of masterpiece right here. i have enjoyed reading it because of its bittersweetness.sweet because of its sensitivity to feelings and bitter because of the heartache it gave me after i read it, especially stanzas 2 and 3.theyre very sad and the sadness has reached my heart. just a small correction (which you might have just overlooked because maybe you were in a hurry or something)... in the 2nd to the last stanza, ie, Ions ago - the medicine in The puppets laughter warmed The ice blown over it’s soul Seemingly content till the Next puppet role ...isnt "ions" supposed to be "EONS?" thanks for sharing this piece. im going to vote for this. april||2004-01-11 22:09:39|
|First, Last Kiss||Robert L Tremblay||robert, good job! i dont know for others but i believe that this is a very romantic piece of poetry. i hope to read more of its kind in the future. happy holidays.april||2003-12-29 22:58:07|
|Me and I changed to You||Michele Rae Mann||michele, i believe this is a better one. thanks for sharing it. happy holidays.april||2003-12-29 22:51:44|
|ANGEL||housam majid jarrar||housam, this is a poem with so much meaning about life. you have expressed it very well with so much tenderness, passion. maybe you are so enamored to what it truly means to live and let live. thanks for sharing it. take care and merry christmas. april||2003-12-23 02:10:16|
|Tinkerbell was a Bitch||madge B zaiko||madge, this is such a passionate poem and the passion was very well expressed in every line. im always drawn to poetry written in this fashion. thanks for posting it. take care and HAPPY HOLIDAYS! april||2003-12-23 02:04:53|
|Goblet||C Arrownut||c, your poem is so full of feelings that i can very well relate to.you have done a great job in expressing those feelings, even in the title which is very apt to entirety of it. thank you very much for sharing it. i hope to read more of its kind in the future. take care.april||2003-12-21 03:57:47|
|Boxes - revisited||Michele Rae Mann||michele, this is a good revision. i like it. good job. april||2003-12-21 03:49:29|
|cleansing||Sandra J Kelley||sandra, this is like the 5th poem that ive read that is filled with melancholy.you have beautifully structured the sadness such that ive felt it to my heart. thanks for sharing it.april||2003-12-19 04:28:33|
|No Use Trying to Forget||madge B zaiko||madge, you must have had a very hurting experience as i felt your pain in this poem (snif,snif).well it really hurts recalling what happened in the past that made you cry and...o well.this is a very well crafted hurt-story (hurt-history).thanks for sharing it (napkin please! snif.).april||2003-12-19 04:24:49|
|Life at ThePoeticLink||Jordan Brendez Bandojo||jordan, hmm,hmm,hmm... this is a good one i should say, very artistic and cute.my favorite is the first stanza: July 2000 I was born To a place where my virgin pen Began to explore The meadow of verses and poems ThePoetiLink.com, The net of poetic horizons. its cool. hey, keep up the good work. april||2003-12-19 03:56:21|
|Saluting Robert Creeley||Mell W. Morris||mell, this is a neat poem,not wordy but everything is just there.thanks so much for posting it. april||2003-12-19 03:30:34|
|Caroling||marilyn terwilleger||marilyn, this is indeed a neat way of revising the christmas carols.very good. thanks for sharing it.april||2003-12-19 03:20:20|
|Awaken||marilyn terwilleger||marilyn, despite the lines that have something to do with death and the"cold chill splintered my spine..." and the eerie-ness, the "shadows of coolness," i still believe that this is a very romantic poem.i dont but im really drawn to poem written like this.you did a great job. i hope to read more of this kind in the future.thanks for posting it. take care.april||2003-12-19 03:06:07|
|Ice Daggers||marilyn terwilleger||marilyn, you did a good job with this haiku. i felt its power in such short lines... ice daggers,...snow willingly drops...the picture is very well captured in so short a poem.in short i liked it.thanks for sharing it.april||2003-12-19 01:58:42|
|japanese verse 34 (Stargazer)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||leo, this is more like a tongue twister to me but anyway, i enjoyed reading it.i see a million stars.but early in the morning when i just got out of bed, i see more. thanks. april||2003-12-18 06:05:47|
|japanese verse 33 (Snow Capes)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||leo, this is such a good poem. its cute and delicious!im not a big fan of haiku but this one is worth reading over and over. thanks for sharing it.april||2003-12-18 06:02:52|
|I and Me||Michele Rae Mann||michele, you have a good idea here of a poem but i feel like theres something missing... I and Me Why do I cry where you cannot see Why do I get angry at you, please Someone can see It's not me ========== (THERES SOMETHING MISSING HERE!) Being free is not all its supposed to be I'm always on bended knee Please set me free Please Freedom is clean Freedom could be me Can't you just see It's me, Me, ME! the first stanza reads like it doesnt belong to the rest of the poem.so i suggest you write another stanza that will precede the second one informing the reader that it is about freedom. i hope you got my point. take care. april||2003-12-18 05:27:00|
|Rural Shindig||Jordan Brendez Bandojo||wow jordan, youre getting better! i actually like this one. i hope to see more of this in the future. thanks for sharing it.april||2003-12-17 03:43:05|
|A Failure To||Thomas Edward Wright||thomas, this is so "undertaker"--ingly good poetry!! i have felt goosebumps all over my body. i have felt power from the beginning of the piece,i.e. "I think about how I died."i mean, this is just WOW! i cant believe a poem like this can make me have goosebumps, yet still make me feel good after having read it. thanks for sharing it.april||2003-12-17 03:07:43|
|The Murder of Emily Dickenson||C Arrownut||c, this is a very romantic poem, despite "The Murder of Emily Dickenson." i felt it since the beginning, i.e., "Because you did not write to me I’ll wisely write to you..." then again in I remembered myself playing at recess in the ring. I remembered daffodils and tulips. I remembered the setting sun... this is awesome. thanks for sharing it. april||2003-12-17 02:58:26|
|Boxes||Michele Rae Mann||michele, nice piece you got here.short but everything you wanted to say is just there.even the title is well crafted.i have felt the "emptiness waiting to be filled." thanks for posting it.april||2003-12-17 02:51:31|
|POP||Robert L Tremblay||bobby, nice try and i appreciate the effort in explaining the whole thing. but i would have appreciated it more if instead of writing all these explanations, you should have written lines that do not need all these in the first place.well, theres always the next time. God bless. april||2003-12-17 02:48:01|
|Looks on Life- The Story from Our Side.||Jennifer A Cox||jennifer, this is trully a masterpiece, it touched me to the bones. and the style well fits the title.but i had to admit it made me dizzy reading it. still, i liked it anyway.thanks for sharing it.april||2003-12-17 02:13:32|
|Poetry (in the Tradition of Science)||Jordan Brendez Bandojo||dear jordan, great poem! i loved reading the "connection" of poetry to science.although the topic is scientific, you have retained the romantic mode of the whole thing, having carefully chosen your words like: Poetry...in the Tradition of... Dewdrops... vanish without a word. Moon looms ... to shine over the shore at eventide... Phoebus Apollo... Light dances... Now I breathe and verse. this is great material. thanks for sharing it with us. april||2003-12-12 04:43:58|
|This Last Christmas||Paul R Lindenmeyer||paul, i have felt the melacholy of your work by the images that you used like ENDINGS ARE EASIER WHEN PLANNED. TRADITIONS EXIST IN MEMORIES, not time. This LAST CHRISTMAS will RESISE THERE side by side with others past. When the babe WAS in your arms and you were the mother at the crib. When the new house and fresh tree warmed your heart and nourished your spirit. This last Christmas WILL BE HELD BY LAWYERS, and ATTENDED TO BY (A) COURTROOM DOCUMENTS. The house will be EMPTY, NO BABY OR CHEER, only MEMORIES WRAPPED in time BENEATH AN ABSENT TREE. i felt the sadness while reading it.this is a good poem. however, i just want to call your attention on a very slight detail which you might have overlooked. in the line "...and attended to by A courtroom documents..."arent you suppose to delete "A?" to make it"and attended to by courtroom documents (?)" still paul, i respect your poem. thanks for posting it. april||2003-12-05 23:12:55|
|The Boarder||Annette L Cowling||annette, thanks for sharing this poem. the images you used are apt. the part i enjoyed reading the most is The book closed long ago Was marked at a new page, Because of...the boarder. Her lip quivered slightly and her hands Remained tucked in the pockets of her pinafore, As she made a nonchalant comment about a storm coming. the melancholy was effectively expressed throughout the piece having used DEPARTS DOWN THE WINDING ROAD, MOMENTARY FIGMENT OF LIFE,FRAGILE EXISTENCE,REFINED STORIES LACED WITH DETACHMENT,BOOK CLOSED LONG AGO,LIP QUIVERED, HANDS TUCKED IN THE POCKETS OF PINAFORE...RAIN DOWN THE SIDEWALK....again thanks for posting it here for us to read.God bless. april||2003-12-05 22:57:58|
|The Wall||Sergio M chavez||hi sergio, the images you used in the poem are very well and carefully chosen. i have "SEEN THE message of the WALL" reading the lines. you have effectively used the image of the WALL in association to your life.you have earned my respect because of that. however, i just want to call your attention on a very slight possible error found on the line "Of the unforgivable AFFECT on me." the word AFFECT is (as far as i know) a verb.is not the word suppose to be EFFECT (which is a noun and therefore) more apt?well please see to it. but i still respect your poem and you. thanks for sharing it.april||2003-12-05 22:22:40|
|Joe T's Pub and Billards||Robert L Tremblay||hi robert, it is indeed very challenging to do image poems. and for that, i give you a ten.awesome job.it was also challenging to read. well i tried to do it but its a good thing you made another copy of normal format.i liked the part where it said a certain man reflects on what hes been doing in the past.i may never understand why he did that in a pub over a billiards table but i guess being alone for a while did the trick.you did a good job on intertwining the subjects of love, God, and the meaning of ones life.you did it so effectively.i also liked the part where you used an allusion, i.e., First kiss, last kiss, sealed, ironically, Steps away from third Great Love’s art; Dali, With his brushes stroked across the stretching Canvas of his ego, missed the etching. however though, i got bothered by the line beneath the surface of a fable, Is reality exposed to others... well dont get me wrong because i dont have anything against it.its just that i feel like there has been a slight error, and it might have been a typographical one. is it really "beneath the surface of the FABLE..." or "beneath the surface of the TABLE?" also, the beginning of the words in each line are capitalized. is this your style or is it just because the computer did it for you? but anyway, capitalized or not, you still did an awesome job.take care and God bless. april||2003-12-05 22:06:58|
|Winter Night||Debbie L Fischer||debbie,this is just one of the topics that my mentor has strongly warned me about.but you crossed the line and made it. however, because of your artistic ability, i believe the poem should have been longer and not just a nonet.like you shouldnt limit yourself to a certain number of lines or syllables coz you have the gift for utilizing words.use that gift.God bless. april||2003-11-21 04:47:28|
|Winter Night (revised)||Debbie L Fischer||hi debbie, i can see youre a romantic person and so am i.i actually liked your poem but after read it,it made me think to myself "thats it?" coz i believe that there should be more, i.e., the poem should have been longer. (like) so: Entwined bodies together as one soul. ...and then what?...something like that, coz i liked the topic. take care. april||2003-11-21 04:38:37|
|Ignorant Attempt To...||Sergio M chavez||hi sergio, your poem is enveloped with "sinister" thoughts to it and one would actually think youve practically lived its lines.i was just wondering why the "pain" was capitalized,i.e., "Prain."maybe its the personified "you(?)"well, my poetic intincts were challenged when i read it.thanks for that.take care.april||2003-11-21 04:29:41|
|Deja Vu||Sergio M chavez||hi sergio, i have enjoyed reading your poetry mainly because of its strength.i know how it is when something about you is repressed or something to that effect...your poem was written well but i just want to comment and suggest on the breaking of the lines: THIS IS YOUR POEM AS YOU WROTE IT: It was only yesterday when Your actions screwed up my life You abused her while I stared in silence Your hateful screams filled my young heart with fear You took it out on me. It was only yesterday when You told me to kill you, too bad I didn’t You hit me if I talked back or cried I promised never to be like you suppressing my anger and tears You push away those who love me. actually there is nothing wrong with it when you read it but when you LOOK at it, thats a different story. i believe it would look better if you cut it like this: SO THIS IS MY SUGGESTION: It was only yesterday when Your actions screwed up my life You abused her while I stared in silence Your hateful screams filled my young heart with fear You took it out on me. It was only yesterday when You told me to kill you, too bad I didn’t You hit me if I talked back or cried I promised never to be like you suppressing my anger and tears like i said, its just a suggestion. thanks and i hope this helps you. take care and God bless.april You push away those who love me.||2003-11-20 01:14:14|
|Gerald O'Reilly||Leo Wilder||hi leo,i enjoyed reading your poem. it is powerful.the visuals you used made it even more powerful, i.e., Gerald O'Reilly fondles himself as he lies in the dark on his bed, gun to his head, flickering candles, silently dancing on crosses affixed to the walls, the hammer falls. i like these lines.thanks for sharing your work. i hope to read more of them soon. thanks again.april||2003-11-18 04:26:13|
|Changing of the Satans||C Arrownut||hi. awesome poetry. i like it. it made me feel our strength as women... “To the furnace shoveling bones like the rest of your sex.” An indignant No! AWESOME! i believe that the line "a woman had never won" is not at all true because a poet, having written a poem as wonderful as this one, this is just one proof that SHE HAS ALREADY WON.you have gained my respect through this poem and it is truly awesome. you are a gifted poet.thanks for sharing your work. i desire to read more in the future. take care! april||2003-11-18 04:20:18|
|The Last Conflict||Robert L Tremblay||hi robert, nice piece you got here. however, i would suggest that you remove the "excess" words, those that enclosed in parentheses.then try reading your work again aloud.i like it actually. i hope to read more of your works in the future. take care. april The Last Conflict Death rode the hillsides on (his) mighty steed With absent pathos his eternal creed, To search (the) ruins for remaining life, Not saddened by (the) final human strife. He galloped through (the) countryside forlorn, With mission's sense his armor to adorn, Undisturbed by (the) silence around him, Save for (the) sound of harps and angel's hymn. Nothing remained but buildings' charcoaled bones, Man's madness loosed on unprotected zones, When superpowers struggled to survive Each side's weaponry, with no one alive. Suddenly, Death could hear a muffled cry Of tiny infant (who was) left to die Beside his mother, who was silent now, And, Death, for one quick moment, wondered how. Death looked upon (the) bleeding infant small. With bulging eyes and frothing mouth as pall, And he wondered why infant suffered so While others died quickly so long ago. Death, unperturbed, briskly dismounted horse, Removed his steel dagger with no remorse, (And) plunged it through the dying infant's heart, Before remounting, weary, to depart.||2003-11-18 04:03:51|
|A Fragment||Sandra J Kelley||nice poem sandra. i just noticed something wrong with the last part.maybe its a typographical error...the line that says: After the words have filled up the air, How will we BREATH. isnt the last word suppose to be "BREATHE" because its a verb? please dont fret coz honestly, i like your work.i desire to read more of them soon.this one has touched my emotions. i feel for the persona of the poem.it is a sad, sad thing that happened here.you were able to express the sadness effectively.i felt it especially at the first part, i.e., He is afraid it will be good. Each day, chained to his chair, He types pages of his novel, A story he is telling to no one. At the end of the day he presses delete. this is the part where i had to heave a deep sigh because really, i felt it.this is because (again)you were able to express the sadness very effectively.good job! april||2003-11-18 03:31:18|
|The Rush||Ken Dauth||hi ken, thanks for sharing this poem. i like the spontaneity of the lines as well as the artistic flow of thoughts. the topic is neatly empasized and felt, from the first line up to the last.you are a gifted poet and i believe you will earn laurels for it.i like the last stanza of the poem, i.e., Reclining in whispers and conversed moans Tingled senses await satiated murmurs The rush encountered is wanting encores it expresses intimacy of two people,most likely husband and wife, wanting to do what they just did over and over again.i hope i got it. please share more of your poems.thanks again.take care. april||2003-11-18 03:12:16|
|Be Silent||Debbie Spicer||hi debbie, thanks for sharing your poem. i know the message youve tried to impart here but i believe that the lines have been deprived of spontaneity because the head was busy thinking of the words that would rhyme with the former,i.e., "hear,dear,soul, control...etc." although there is nothing wrong with rhyming words,and im not against it either, i believe that your poem will be better if it comes out of the spontaneous flow of your thoughts.try using the free style next time.but im not telling you to change your style.if youre used to using the rhyming words at the end of each line,then thats fine. but as you grow as a poet,then i suggest you also let your style grow as well. dont fret coz i liked your poem. really. its just that i believe it can be better.i hope to read more of your works next time. take care.april :)||2003-11-18 02:59:25|
|What you gave up and Desire (two poems)||Kimberly A Butterworth||hi kimberly, thanks for sharing these poems. i liked the style u used and i believe that it stressed the message of the poems... Withdrawn. Alone. Incomplete? these three lines has captivated my attention most of all. it made me think what my life really means to me. i mean what have i become in more than 2 decades? i want to say more but its making me sink deeper and deeper into slumber and solitude...and "sacrifice?" hey thanks again...please share more of your poems.take care.april||2003-11-17 05:24:54|
|Her Healing Hands||Mark D. Kilburn||dear mark, you are a good poet but you have to try to cut the words that are not necessary as i will show you...please dont take it personally.take care! april ps. please read your poem aloud.thanks for sharing it. (Her) Healing Hands (The) shade from your trees is now cooling me down my eyes see your flowers growing loved from (the) ground your touch lights my being your light warms my soul as long as you’re near (me) I’m complete (and) I’m whole. Your eyes and (your) smile (are as) pretty as stars you’re gifted at healing old aches, pains and scars your motherly nursing only for those in need I drink from your well as you water your seed. Little birds in (your) garden (flit and) flutter about your yards full of kindness (it) erases their doubt trees are (their) shelter bugs and flowers their food it’s a place that can alter (the) nastiest mood. Your ground covers cover my many mistakes your blooms make me smile come (and) take a short break you work without reward satisfactions your own hummingbirds with these flowers make your garden their home. Your lips taste of berries my mouth tastes the same we’re watching red roses in this place free from blame so when your heart’s broken and your feelings are hurt please let me heal with you work your life giving dirt. When winter is raging and your garden’s asleep your soil is frozen and the gray makes you weep warm your heart in my arms dear warm your spirit there too I will love you forever and will always be true.||2003-11-14 02:37:51|
|Old Friend||Mark D. Kilburn||hey mark, this is a lovely poem. you must love your doggie so much you were able to write a poem about him. this is cute. im sure youve also read it to him and he loved it.however, i would like to make one little suggestion. below is your poem. i enclosed in parentheses some of the words. please erase them coz i believe theyre to much already.two lines i suggested words that you can replace those that i enclosed in parentheses and i wrote them in big letters.i hope you will enjoy revising your poem.thanks for sharing it. take care.april Old Friend I miss (my) Mutt today I wish I could look in his eyes they (we)re big and brown soft as love he would stay by my side when push came to shove. He dealt with (his) hard life of pain never once did (he) complain he was one of a kind the best you’ll find… He was born a crippled (little) runt with two deformed legs (up) in front (a) hole in his lung rejected by his mom so little strength but so much aplomb, the vet said “(you) put him down now” my wife said “no way and no how” she fed him eye droppers (and) played tug of war mutt’s legs grew strong playing ‘til (he was) sore. Finally heS (became) well his past you could barely tell he was as fast as any four legged friend (he was) the best damn dog until the (very) end. When I carried him outside to pee holding on (and)waiting for me our number one son never in pain except in the end when he showed the strain... Oh the names our little mutt had he would answer to them all Muster and Smutt, Spiker Cee Kay Pie we’ve called him Colonel, (and) Sweet Butternut but most of the time (we just called him)HE IS Mutt. He was truly low-maintenance (and) so hassle free (a)better dog there never will be- and through the very end he was our best friend...||2003-11-14 02:27:41|
|Birth Right||Ken Dauth||great poem ken! thanks for sharing it with us. i like the emoitons expressed in vivid words that captivated my imagination... Birth Right We carried the SWORD OF A FATHER'S WILL the OVERBEARING WEIGHT OF YEARS AND SINS WALKED the SANDY OUTLINE STRAIGHT AND PROUD, WE WERE SO YOUNG. Freshly taught in SCRIPTED NOBILITY We were told we were right, knew it by heart, PLEDGED ALLEGIANCE SINCE WE COULD TALK BLUE EYES FAIR SKINS PICKED TO LEAD THE WORLD Yet others of color and faith lay down Choice made on the choices chosen Without facts, less than one sided...no sided...MISS GUIDANCE Off we went, and we were young, To sail away and march far lands again Tell the tale and wave the flag, While we were so very young. ive practically enjoyed every line of your work.and title is just so APT.very good ken! awesome! i would love to read more of your works!||2003-11-14 01:27:27|
|Cats In Cardboard Boxes||Annette L Cowling||hi annette, i loved your poem.however, i would like to suggest that you take the excess words such that: As I fade off into (the) slumber of (my) unconsciousness, Staring at (the) sliver of light that beams under the door... I realize (that) you are the sandbar that connects This human island to the last mile of reality. Like (a) restless spirit you soundlessly hover over your work, Until you emerge from (a) reclusive cocoon of creativity. (The) cats and I are your solitary audience of admirers. At that moment, (the) rest of the world is beneath me. I love the way the melody of your words fudge together, Like melting candle wax, forming (an) impromptu sculpture. I want to pick your potent words of delicious ripeness, (And) bathe my lips with (the) juice that saturates them. Each night (that) you read by the lamplight (in the) next room, I wonder how I ever lived before you graced my existence. I hold tight your lyrical words to me and your spice for life, And (the) cats curled up in cardboard boxes for the night. well, this is just a suggestion.should you decide to follow it,take out the words i enclosed in parentheses, then try reading your poem aloud and see what happens.i did this to some of my poems and they got better.it may also work for you. thanks for sharing this poem.God bless! april||2003-11-11 23:47:10|
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by April Rose Ochinang Claessens||Critique Date|
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