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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date
Dragon’s Flame	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, you have penned a fabulous poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. You have made good use of poetic devices in alliteration and enjambments. I like that you didn't use punctuation which can clutter up the flow. You have a solid rhyme and the metaphorical dragon is brilliant. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-10-12 16:31:32
Next Time...This Time	Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen	Hi Kim, This poem is filled with anger, emotion and regret. it's easy to say next time when we are sure there will be a next time. You have used good poetic devices like alliteration and enjambments which serve to make the poem more powerful. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-10-02 16:18:49
Beast	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, This poem begs to be pondered which I have come to know is your style. Lying among the dead draining of life........evocative and stunning a momentary why left among wounded.......I think a comma behind 'why' is warranted No answer but blunt steel traveling .........blunt steel is a marvelous imagery a train of outrage to last longer than count......good alliteration in last/longer. I love, train of outrage Made monument to what are we all .................more alliteration in made/monument idle to know the better way..................an excellent last line, the use of 'idle' is superb I am glad you didn't use a lot of unnecessary punctuation to interrupt the flow. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-09-04 17:18:43
The Lion's Competition	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, as far as I am concerned this poem doesn't need any help. It is written with skill and each line is well composed. The melancholy flavor appeals to me. Your word choices are expressive and compelling. I like the entire poem but your last two lines are so powerful and gives the poem strength. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-09-04 16:59:22
But then	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, this poem is different than most of your poetry and I do like it. First I must ask...are you smitten? (smile) You have made expressive word choices, the flow is even, good use of enjambments to keep the flow pure. I like the brevity as it says just what it has to and no more. This is lovely, sir, give us more like this. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-08-09 17:46:34
Same Old	Mark Steven Scheffer	Hi Mark, this is a fabulous poem you wrote for Mark and I am sure he thinks so too. Written in lower case with a solid rhyme and expressive word choices. You have good alliteration sprinkled here and there, the flow is easy, good enjambments and little punctuation makes this piece a joy to read. I am glad I don't have to pick a favorite phrase or verse but if I did I think it would be the last quatrain. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-08-08 17:35:30
In Dim	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, I have had so much trouble getting into this site but finally used another browser and it worked. This is one of those poems that begs to be pondered. Good alliteration in seen/stark and good enjambments throughout. I am glad to see you write without a lot of punctuation, instead you have let your line breaks work for you. Your word choices are expressive and the flow is easy. Well done. Best wishes, cheynne	2013-05-22 15:48:36
Forever	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is an accomplished poem and one I read more than once. Well composed and easy to understand. I love melancholy flavor of the lines. Poetic devices like alliteration and enjambments are superb. This is one of those poems I wish I had written. Bravo. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-05-22 15:41:55
The Other Side Of Failure	Victor David Rooks	Hi Victor, You have penned a fabulous poem. You have chosen descriptive words to express yourself. I understand the Religious tone and I think it may be about Jesus dying for our sins. The entire poem is powerful and evocative. I have failed at picking a favorite phrase or line as I like them all. I would like to read more of your work. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-04-09 18:08:30
Hummingbird	Joe Gustin	Hi Joe, You have written a lovely poem. I have always thought it is difficult to write about love since so many have already been written. However, I find yours fresh and evocative. You have used excellent words to express yourself and each line is well composed. Even though short it says what it must and nothing more. I have failed at picking a favorite verse or line without doing an injustice to the rest. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-04-09 17:55:56
Consecration	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, You have penned a fabulous poem with expressive word choices and gentle flow. The caps on Father and Souls and sips of wine with crackers give it a biblical flavor that makes it even more powerful. The babies are hushed and the final question we all seek is asked 'or will life's song continue' We can't know the answer until our souls travel afar when we will know what it is all really about. I hope I didn't fracture the essence of your poem but this is the way it speaks to me. Instead of punctuation you have let your line breaks work for you and I like that. Bravo... Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-04-03 17:46:50
Anew	Joe Gustin	Hi Joe, well I guess it is just you and me. Seems everyone else has abandoned the site. That being said I do love your poem. In fact your descriptive words speak so much of the death of TPL. Each verse has been written with care and a profound theme makes this piece a pleasure to read. If I had to pick a favorite verse (and I'm glad I don't) it would be the last. It is powerful and thought provoking. Well done and maybe we should hang on just to see what happens next! Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-02-27 14:55:11
Crappy Days Are Here To Stay!	Howard D. Palmer	Howard, You have penned a good poem and while I don't agree with everything you wrote that doesn't interfer with my appreciation of this piece. Writing it to the tune of 'Happy days are here again' is very creative. I had no trouble singing the lines to that tune. Each line is well composed and quite compelling. Good alliteration in happy/home, a fluid flow, a effective rhyme and the theme makes this piece fun to read. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-02-15 14:47:06
Turmoil	Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen	Hi Kimberly, This is fabulous poem. It is a tad dark but the melancholy lines are well composed and compelling. It reads like a lost love and you have done a fine job in depicting that. I have failed at picking a favorite line as I like them all. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-01-24 17:50:36
Dead Days	Joe Gustin	Hi Joe, You have penned a great poem and one I enjoyed from beginning to end. I like the dark flavor of the lines and the melancholy that seeps from your well chosen words. The only suggestion I have is to not use such large spaces between each verse. Dead Days Each tomorrow Gets further away No particular magic Fills my days ....should this be 'fill' instead of 'fills?' The coins of my youth Have long been spent And only now do I feel The need to repent....this is my favorite quantrain My tired shoes....excellent Know well the dues I have paid The deals I have made The roads I have paved.....great line Well done, Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-01-24 17:46:26
Solace	Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen	Hi Kimberly, This is a lovely poem but it needs a bit of fine tuning. You could delete some unnecessary words to tighten the lines. Solace To be comfortable in (the) silence Yet (the) words flow easy and smooth Content (just) to be as I am and as we are Free (just) to swim and (to) wade in my random mood I want to feel your warm lips on my forehead I need to bathe in your warm cozy sanctuary I long to lay in your arms and leave my troubles I crave the shade of your leaves from the scorching sun Soon I’ll sleep (the) sweet slumber of oblivion Rested knowing you can take the heavy load Slowly waking to the promise of (the) rising dawn Feeling worthy of the care you have bestowed I feel the smile on my lips when I think of you I trust the calm that envelopes me with peace Can’t understand how my heart can feel this certainty Yet still elusive is (the) trust that I’ve found my relief The extensive use of 'the' makes the lines choppy and by deleting them it will flow smoother. There are a few other places that need a tweak or two but I don't want to you to think this is a bad poem. I do like it and keep writing. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-01-24 17:39:44
Nature	Mark Steven Scheffer	Hi Mark, This poem is delicious in its darkness. I never thought of Nature in such a way but there is a lot darkness that can out weigh the sunny days. I can't make up my feeble mind if this is a metaphor for profound depression or death. Perhaps I should just enjoy the words as they are written. Either way I love the poem. It is compelling to say the least and it will stay with me for days to come. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-01-16 17:45:15
Thorns	Joe Gustin	Hi Joe, You have penned a fabulous poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. The melacholy flavor of the lines adds charm to your well composed and expressive words. If I were you I would not give such wide space from one line to the other but that in no way takes away the from its beauty. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-01-16 17:37:34
At the Library	Mark Steven Scheffer	Hi Mark, This is a marvelous poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. Your use of poetic devices is admirable to say the least. I must admit I had to look up the meaning of 'condign' and I am glad I'm not too old to learn something new. I have failed at picking a favorite line as I like each one. You have chosen expressive words that flow down the page with ease. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2013-01-07 15:13:53
Playing with the Grind	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, You have penned a fine poem about the tragedy that beset those little children and their parents. You have used your pen to speak of this atrocity in terms one can understand and it's difficult to read with a dry eye. You have good alliteration sprinkled here and there and for free verse the flow is smooth (not everyone can do this) Your last verse is especially powerful. I found nothing I would change. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-12-28 17:48:50
Ghost	Mark Steven Scheffer	Hi Mark, I read this poem a few days ago and can't get it out of my head. The senseless killing of those children is almost too much for anyone to bear. The loss of child is the ultimate of grief. Your use of metaphor is superb and you have good alliteration in mouth's/motion/moving. You have chosen descriptive words to express yourself, the flow is even and the theme, albeit sad, is well done. Bravo! Best wishes cheyenne ps. I could not find chaunted in the dictionary do you mean..chanted or is it just me?	2012-12-28 17:34:10
Somewhere	Joe Gustin	Hi Joe, You have penned a fabulous poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. Your word choices are expressive and effective. Good alliteration in light/leaf and to/touch also your use of enjambents is excellent. I like the notion of a snowflake being newly baked and falling on the tongue. A creative and thought provoking poem. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-12-27 12:30:17
Drying Up	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, This poem is a creative way of describing writer's block. Good alliteration in it/to and this/time. Your use of enjambents is excellent. The flow is like liquid falling down the page, I love the theme and the expressivee words. I have failed at picking a favorite line or phrase as I like them all. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-12-27 12:09:47
She was shaking	Michael Bird	Hi Michael....this is such a musical poem that I found myself tappping my toe. I like the repeating line of round and round, somehow it adds more rhythm to the theme. You have chosen expressive words and the lines are well composed. You have good alliteration sprinkled here and there. Sounds like one unforgetable night! Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-11-17 17:27:59
The Dance	Joe Gustin	Hi Joseph, I really enjoyed reading this poem more than once. I like the melancholy feel of your well chosen words. You have used good alliteration through out and the flow is smooth. Your last verse is especially powerful and evocative. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-11-17 17:20:30
She was shaking	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, This is a sensual poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. Good alliteration in 'she started shaking' Your word choices are expressive and alive with imagery. I felt as if I was watching the girl dance, like a fly on the wall. Also I like the repeating sound of 'round and round.' Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-11-14 17:07:27
Beautiful October	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, I rarely use punctuation instead I let the line breaks work for me. To indicate a new sentence I use caps on the first word of the line. Autumn is a lovely time of year and yes it does require a lot of time to ready ourselves for winter. This could be used as a metaphor for life and the way we ready ourselves for old age. Either way it is a beautiful poem with a touch of melancholy. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-10-27 16:18:17
Ode To Annie Adams	Joe Gustin	Hi Joe, this is such a sad poem and difficult for me to read as I too have lived your words. In your fourth verse, last sentence I think you mean...The moon THAT lulls me to sleep, instead of TO lulls. Outside that of that this is a well written poem with good and expressive verbiage. I love the way you speak of the way this woman means to you. I don't know if this is true or not but either way it is one of those poems I wish I had written. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-10-27 16:11:06
There's Something About Sisters	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, this poem really appeals to me. Two years after I wass born my mother gave birth to another baby girl. Sadly she only lived a few hours so I was raised an only child who always longed for my little sister. This is a creative theme for a poem, it is well written and compelling. I love the entire poem but the last verse says so much to me. You have used expressive words and the lines flow freely down the page. Good alliteration in seeing/sisters. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-10-18 12:23:13
where is Grace?	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, I was glad for your note telling that you have struggled with Epilepsy. I am sorry about that and hope it is well controlled. You have penned a marvelous poem about your painful journey into the world of surgery and loss. Which I assume was your husband. This melancholy poem is well written and compelling. It touched me deeply and my heart goes out to you. You have good alliteration throughout and the enjambents are excellent. Your last verse is especially powerful. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-09-29 11:38:12
Good Night Darling	Rene L Bennett	Hi Rene, This poem is delicious in its darkness. You have made expressive word choices and your rhyming coupletes are lyrical. I can feel the angst inside the lines and wonder if this poem is about you or just your fertile imagination at work? Either way you have penned an extraordinary poem. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-09-29 11:19:50
ode to summers end	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, I hate to see summer end, but end it must. I like the way you wrote this piece and the expressive words you used. Each line has been well crafted and urges the reader to keep reading. You have a nice rhyme and the theme is creative. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-09-19 16:46:02
Quantum Picture	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, You have penned a fabulous free verse poem. Love poems are so difficult to write as so many have been written and some of the words that express love have been used up. However, I found yours to be fresh and intriguing. If I were in the perspective of an atom, Could I feel the kinetic throbbing of your heart? Could I sense your gentle touch? These three lines are special and extraordinay. The person you wrote this for must be delighted. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-09-13 15:22:07
Rest	Mark Steven Scheffer	Hi Mark, this is a marvelous poem, it is well composed with simple words that make it profoundly successful. I am really pressed for time but I wanted you to know how much I like this piece. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-09-07 11:02:18
Far away and troubled	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, I have to tell you, even though this piece is sad, I enjoyed reading every line. It is a doleful but well written poem that steps on the heart of this reader. Love poems are difficult to write as so many have been done before. However, I find this one to be fresh, with good word selection, emotional and compelling. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-08-27 18:06:26
Under the Rainbow	Mark Steven Scheffer	Hi Mark, This is such a melancholy poem full of heart-ache and some pain that lies between the lines, unwritten but there just the same. I have failed at picking a favorite line or phrase as they are all compelling and wonderful. sometimes I come across a poem that I wish I had written and this is one of them. More of the same please! Bravo. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-08-27 18:01:20
Down By the River	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, You have penned a doleful poem and one I enjoyed reading. How sad it would be to lose our rivers and other sources of water and due to such hot weather we might do just that. Also I view this piece as a metaphor for life and the things we must do without just to survive. You have chosen expressive words, an easy flow and the theme is superb. Well done. Best wishes cheyenne	2012-08-19 14:58:48
Daily Bread	Mark Steven Scheffer	Hi Mark, You have used simple and easy to understand words in this fabulous poem. Though shorter than your usual fare it is most powerful. I must admit when I read the last word 'Death' I was stunned. The only word you capped makes it even more stunning. I have read this several times and each time I like it better. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-08-11 17:39:32
The Reality	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, I would defy anyone to read this poem with a dry eye. I can't even imagine the grief of losing a child and I am no stranger to grief. I know you will always carry him in your heart. You have used many good poetic devices in this piece....like alliteration, enjambent and clear metaphor. It has all the makings of a professional poem with the powerful and well composed lines. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-07-26 17:52:29
She Brings	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, You have written a fabulous poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. You have chosen expressive word choices and each line has been well composed. I fell a bit of political flavor here but I could be wrong. Your phrasing is impeccable and evocative. This is one of those poems I wish I had written. Bravo! Best wishes cheyenne	2012-07-09 00:24:35
Ode to Spirit	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, First let me tell you I tried to write a crit on your poem "Pickin Strawberries" but must have hit the wrong key as it disappeared! Anyway, it is wonderful and I wanted to let you know that. You have written an ambitious poem here, not that it is a bad thing but a little long for my tastes. Having said that, once I began to read I couldn't stop till the very end. It is more like poetic prose than a poem and I enjoyed reading it. Your use of enjambents is good. Also you have so many outstanding lines and I would have to copy all of them in order to tell you which I like the best. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-07-05 17:28:10
Drained	Andrew W. Slick	Hi Andrew, There is nothing more sad than losing a love. Be it through death, seperation or anger it hurts just the same. I don't know if this piece is biographical or not but I have a feeling it is. In your line...for once I 'to' understand...do you mean 'too' or perhaps 'do?' Welcome to TPL Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-07-03 17:37:55
My Policy as of.....	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, Just want you to know you can critique my poems as you wish. Your suggestions and toughts of how my writing affects you is a breath of air to me. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-07-03 17:30:36
Consoling Life	Andrew W. Slick	Hi Andrew, First of all let me welcome you to TPL. I have read this piece of prose with great interest. However, I had to scroll from side to side to read some of the very long lines which was a bit distracting. I like the conversation which was so real in my mind. There are so many that OD in this time and age, many more than when I grew up. I think you should use another format, perhaps quatrains would work here or maybe you could use 10 beats per line and there is no need to rhyme. You have used good word choices to get your point across. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-06-28 10:44:51
Circles in Time	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni...you have written an emotional charged poem. I am no stranger to grief and one thing I have learned is that it never goes away. However, in time one learns how to handle it and only visits the pain occasionaly. Your word choices are expressive and compelling. Your phrasing is impeccable providing an easy read. Well done! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-06-28 10:22:21
Soul Sick in Albuquerque on a Bus Lay-over	James C. Horak	Hi James, This melancholy poem is stunning. Your imagery of a bus ride paints a perfect picture in my mind. Watching the landscape drift by but not in a good way rather it belies the emotions of the protagonist. Your word choices are expressive, the flow is smooth and the theme is creative and outstanding. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-06-20 18:02:28
On Prayer	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, You have penned a marvelous poem that touched me. I think your journey is a spritual one but then it could be a romantic walk. Either way it is exceptional. Because its hinges are oiled by my tears? This line is so expressive and borders on melancholy. why is my blindness all that I can see? How I wish I had thought of this line first and it will stay with me for a long time. If I am creative enough to get it into my long term memory I will never forget it! I like this new style you have adopted and please keep it up. Bravo!! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-06-08 17:54:31
Monopoly	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This is a fanciful poem and one I enjoyed reading from the first line to the last. You have chosen fine words to express yourself and even though they are light hearted I detect some melancholy betweem the lines. I'm probably wrong and you just wrote this for fun. And fun it is. Your syllable count is uneven but that doesn't detract a thing from this piece. Well done. Best wishes, ccheyenne	2012-06-04 17:53:13
definition: I get what I deserve	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, This poem is full of despair and anguish. I hope this is not biographical but is speaks of depression perfectly. I like your descriptive words, the easy flow and the theme, albeit sad. Good alliteration in what/whom/where. I think all of us have these feelings of desperation once in a while but it usally passes without doing harm. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-06-04 17:44:09
I Was In the Middle and You Were All Around	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, This is a lovely poem and it speaks to me as I have lost my mother too. You have a typo in 'wasnt' but that is an easy fix. You have made good word selections and the lines are full of emothion and love for your mother. Each line has been crafted with care. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-05-28 01:10:17
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date

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