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Doug was born young and small, a wee lad, in fact, but time and a lot of protein shakes took care of that. Doug once thought he wanted to be a scientist, until he realized he would have to give up combing his hair. Then he thought he wanted to play poker for a living, until he realized that his best nights were someone else's worst. Plus, he was broke. Doug then thought he would do something for humanity, but he could never get close enough to Kenny G to pull the trigger. Without hitting his nice soprano sax, that is. Doug would never hurt a musical instrument. Doug then wandered the wasteland of LA for a good two or three hours before landing a job teaching math at a private high school. Now Doug has a captive audience, and can finally tell as many booger jokes in one day as he really has always wanted to. Doug has yet to use the word "booger" in a poem, though he has managed "dewsmacking" and "quadri-f***". Doug remains unpublished, despite, (no, "because of"), despite, (no "because of" I tell you), (whatever....silly voices only I can hear) despite his immense exposure in the world of modern poetry. Everytime Doug tries to correct this, he gets dragged out of "Midnight Special" Bookstore by the police. Doug says lots of things in his critiques and posts that piss people off, but he always regrets them, and is more than happy to apologize. Doug will buy you lunch if you live in Los Angeles and critique one of his poems. Especially if you rate it highly. Not that Doug is a ratings whore. He's just a really nice guy.

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