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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Darlene A Moore has given on The Poetic Link.
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Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!Displaying Critiques 1 to 37 out of 37 Total Critiques.
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Darlene A Moore||Critique Date|
|God's Intervention of Abduction||Cathy Hill Cook||Dear Cathy, I have been absent from TPL for awhile, so do not take it amiss when I state that the first 14 line are almost the complete poem. The latter half tends to ramble, tightening would benefit this piece a lot. You don't need to force the rhyme...I suggest you check out some articles about poetry contests (it has a list of what to avoid) at www.utmostchristianwriters.com ....there are some terrific resources there for the aspiring Christian poet. I do love the line towards the end "My mind forgets what it has forgotten". The initial line of the poem is quite a grabber and great intro. I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.||2004-04-03 00:21:38|
|japanese verse 35 (Manger)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Thank you Erzahl for your succinct Christmas message. So few words, so much meaning contained in measured syllables.||2003-12-27 02:09:42|
|a curious merriment||Rachel F. Spinoza||This is a precious jewel Rachel. Laughter vs. mourning. Life vs. death. Laughing in the face of the reality of death's presence. aptly titled "a curious merriment". "trickling mirth on the stairs" I just love it. This is one delightful read. THanks for the posting. It is perfection as is.||2003-10-16 23:35:15|
|Two Diamantes||Joanne M Uppendahl||Thanks for the introduction to an unfamiliar poetic style. As I read over the two you seem to be true to your rules with also writing an interesting duet of clouds/mountains. Both are inter-related in truemastery one to the other...you start and end with cloud. And often mountains both pierce and are shrouded by cloud. And the precipitation sandwiched between the two...I drove around a mountain once without ever being able to see it due to clouds and was rained on, sleeted on, snowed on with changing elevations. Well done.||2003-10-16 23:31:46|
|japanese verse 28 (Rose)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Another in your series: in the first line "as a" doesn't pack much punch...consider using other wine words ie claret, bouquet,etc...."crimson wine bouquet" or "crimson claret wine" etc. I like the idea of intoxicating beauty, heady fragrance (bouquet) the rose has. After all there is a wine "ros`e" (can't figure out how to put the accent mark over the e"||2003-10-16 08:29:36|
|Travel Agenda||C Arrownut||This is a very intriguing poem. With the planets as the "travel agenda" I think of some form of comet that passes through the elliptic. Enjoyed the read...missed why the AK-47 unless she is on an earth bound collision course.||2003-10-15 20:56:28|
|Drought||marilyn terwilleger||quite a picture of dessicated garden. in first line would definitely benefit from a comma after feet. Suggest "foliage" vs. "herbage" before feebly in last lines. I love the vision of Marigolds defying the sun. Also the texture of the sound of the ecru grasses in stanza 1.||2003-10-15 20:50:45|
|Allegiance||Andrea M. Taylor||A patriotic haiku...only suggestion consider strengthing first line...words like "of" and "the" add no weight and in a Haiku you want to avoid too many of these not add much punch words. Eagle of the sky----perhaps, eagle framed in sky, etc. Taking wing with might and grace------really like the might, grace Freedom to embrace ------even though rhyme is not the thing in haiku, it punctuates here||2003-10-01 18:11:14|
|Grand||Judy A Badger||This is definitely a poem from a woman who loves the role (not the Tootsie roll) of being a grand-parent. Love the line "with the glistening dewdrops/ of newly formed speech" lets us know that this is a toddler, a young 1-2year old with her fistful of flowers and delight in the world, eager to share with nanna. Yes, more addictive than candy. Thanks for sharing your "grand" wonder.||2003-10-01 10:40:51|
|Departed Spirits||C Arrownut||You draw in the sites of his presence well. He permeates a place. Both in the house and your mind. Very vivid descriptions help us visualize as well. Enjoyed the gardening themes, pet themes, house themes... but is treelings a word ?saplings. Understand...lost my father in '01. However, he left no place I was familiar with, a condo in some Texas border town 1200 miles away. But I have his desk, a piece of his pride...he refinished it himself all 200 lbs. of it (solid mahogany) and his ashes are hiding in the cedar chest until we decide where to put him (sibling indecisions). However, I feel confident his soul is still in existence...sometimes I feel him smiling somewhere behind me.||2003-10-01 09:42:39|
|Epitaph||Ken Dauth||epitaph...re about "endings", last words. This poem more is about last "placements". Putting yourself into some out of the way setting to await the resurrection. Someplace noone will come to accidentally. But why no sunshine, why only shade/shadow? Tired of hot days, simmering heat? Too much light shone on how you should have lived? intersting questions. Love the last line "A simple faith for what is to come." A line of hope at the end.||2003-10-01 09:32:36|
|Nativity||carole j mennie||The imagery is stark, dark. Purposefully, honed that way to draw our attention to homelessness, its ugliness even in the "beauty" of a holiday season. I'm not sure of the meaning of the last lines esp the reference to "In eight days, the monkey comes". But who are "we" to redeem the situation folks find themselves in...living in the streets, what is there that can make a difference? This poem disturbs us in our comfort zones. well-written. thanks for the courage to post.||2003-09-30 22:34:36|
|My Oil||C Arrownut||Another intriguing poem...recovery from the ashes...an object/yourself...a fall, a fire, destruction down to the bones. And the cleaned up remains decorates still your life's wall...a reminder/ a memory of what its like to fall? The scars that are still present even after you've re-built. No suggestions for change to give. I like your dichotomy, the levels present, the hints of more in-depth.||2003-09-30 22:19:25|
|Blinded||C Arrownut||I like this little poem that reads so simply but has depth...do we choose our blinds or to blind our own eyes/soul? to refuse light, to begrudge its entry? And in our darkness how can we perceive the real light of truth? Love the lines "every night we/ slump in the/ not-so-easy chair of/ our one-room universe" Well-written, no suggestions for change.||2003-09-28 22:53:59|
|Haiku - untitled||Andrea M. Taylor||I like this little haiku. My only suggestion is to mention "colors" in it...I want to see the colors pop out at me, however, there is little room in a haiku to be too verbose...perhaps "crimson" "saffron" or something else prior to attire...or to continue "dress" metaphor in next line...ie autumn's fall fabrics,etc.||2003-09-28 20:41:33|
|japanese verse 26 (Camel)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Interesting haiku on camels...the reference to deserts, travel, humps. well done...but I've never heard anyone call camels "gentle" in my reading...perhaps because I've never met one except to be eyed by one at a zoo. but the reputation I've heard is not so kind (more proud-necked). I like your portrayal better.||2003-09-26 23:34:53|
|Perfumery (Tanka)||carole j mennie||If I recall a tanka is 5-7-5-7-7 syllables per line. Right on then. THis old skunk is just lumbering forth to greet us. Let's not get in his way, observe him from a distance only. Great imagery and description. I can just see him waddling up with his curious eyes pointed right at us.||2003-09-21 19:53:13|
|When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their Colors||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne...this reminds me of a poem from earlier...is this a rewrite or a new rendition inspired by your lovely pond? I like the vignettes each couplet paints...the images, the birds, you are painting these scenes quite well with your words in this piece. Makes me envious...almost feel like I'm sitting out on a quiet deck observing with you.||2003-09-18 23:31:16|
|japanese verse 25 (Dawn)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||And I smiled to read this ....wonderful use of long "I" sound throughout and the "s" use draws this together. I saw the orange glow the sun's orb this am, now it climbs the sky and warms the earth as this poem warms the morning. THanks for posting.||2003-09-17 10:04:28|
|Class and Style||Mark D. Kilburn||Reading through this it almost seemed like I was reading the lyrics of a song, kind of a country western style song with choruses...yours varying just a bit from stanza to stanza...a wistfulness and tenderness pervades the poem. Thanks for the posting. no suggestions for any changes.||2003-09-15 18:03:21|
|Sole Mates||Rick Barnes||Great title with implied "pun". Kept wonderful voice throughout poem. kept true to your rhyme scheme. Just loved the whole thing, the parallel aging shoes/yourself, works quite well, no suggestions for change....getting re-soled? so can keep on kicking another some-thousand plus miles?||2003-09-15 17:47:34|
|Untitled||Claire H. Currier||When Wrinkles are joined....5 syllables Your eyes still shining brightly....7 syll. Peace, love, joy remains....5 syllables A delightful portrait of aging gracefully. succinct hiaku style. each word is a heavyweight here and must count Try to avoid the "is" verb form to give more punch...ie when wrinkles "knot",join the third line reminds me of scripture I Corinthians 13..at the end where it says faith, hope charity remain.... Good first haiku...its a fun, but demanding form...my last PTL submission is a sequence of them.||2003-09-13 19:54:48|
|When Small Frogs Seem to Disappear||Joanne M Uppendahl||I seem to remember reading an earlier version a few hours ago...this is better, more put together. I would like a little more imaginary flair...ie prince, frog...be daring...the first part just begs for more spunk and humor to follow...I find the ending disappointing compared to the beginning...I still want to know what that frog was doing in the bathroom...I want more action/reaction...did you take this that calmly in stride? I haven't even seen a tree frog in years!! I don't mean to sound hard on you...I worked on one poem this week for days tearing off and rewriting an ending several times for some of the same reasons...the ending was bland compared to the early part of the poem.||2003-09-13 03:57:12|
|Lunar Spoofs||Joanne M Uppendahl||I like the tone, the whimsy, the entire voice of this poem. Well done, Joanne. Good form breaking the moon down to its phases, a structure that worked out quite well...I like the slices of the crescent moon, the new moon's veil...all of it.||2003-09-11 00:03:08|
|Little Man||marilyn terwilleger||Beautiful poem to greet your "great"? grandson. Oh my! A sweet poem for a little boy but I doubt there'll be much serenity around... that does not seem to fit most newborns that I know!!||2003-09-11 00:00:42|
|Silhouette||Andrea M. Taylor||love the beginning...."gnarly" is such a textured word! I envision the pines along the California coast that cling to the cliffside...."bent not broken" very true I think more of perseverance shown than wisdom as regards the tree itself, but wisdom to cling to the rock...the very foundaton stone of Christ I can see as metaphor.||2003-09-10 10:02:22|
|Echoes From The Sea||Mell W. Morris||I like the atmosphere of this piece, the almost melancholy wonder by the sea, the other-worldliness of it. Reminds me of a movie I once saw "Secret of Rohn Innish" (?sp)with the fogs, the seas, the seals... the selkie myth...almost like you are wrapping yourself into a sealskin like a selkie and joining with the seals in chorus. Good writing, Mell.||2003-09-08 20:13:19|
|Tempest Fugue||Rachel F. Spinoza||Wonderful imagery, "yarns so vertiginous..." don't care for "splat" though understand it...seems almost more an interruption to the wonderful flow. secons stanza "undulated in sea rhythms until you become salted to my taste" sensuous. like phrase "marry you to adventure"...sounds exciting and inticing. Original voice and poem...good reading. thanks.||2003-09-08 18:29:35|
|Freeway||Rachel F. Spinoza||I really like the surprise..the ending...the suspense...what would a child after the previous painted scenes shout...and Mars is quite unexpected, an uplifting note to a depressive corner of the universe. Very well executed...definitely no suggestions for changes. One question...where is the narrator of the poem, someone walking along, driving past in a car? Another inhabitant of an apartment there?||2003-09-01 13:15:38|
|japanese verse 23 (Tide)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||THis haiku is quite musical with its "c" and "s" and "-r" repetition. A delight to read aloud. the imagery is soothing...a gentle lapping, pulling back, receding type tide image...not the crashing in of a high tide. one where you can walk out and look at the tide-pools and explore.||2003-08-29 09:10:04|
|Each Morning I Begin Again||Joanne M Uppendahl||I like this sparcity...the words are like little sips themselves, cause us to pause and savor. Wonderful....I sip steamed coffee's hint of bitter, listening question...how would "I sip hot coffee's hint of bitter" work with repetition of "h" just a thougtht as I would like to suggest "steaming" shower stings. because I like the "st" repeat better than the str/st. and you would not use steaming twice. Do you need the "still" before alive? or maybe "here" alive. I guess I feel still is a bit overused and I confess I have used it a little overmuch myself. "Daybreak spouts"....like this, imagining a fountain laughing with water from the mouth of a fish sculpture. Enjoyed this poem immensely.||2003-08-27 15:42:35|
|Doppler Effect||Joan M Whiteman||like the title...reminds us of the way sound changes as it approaches, departs. Good metaphor to start with a membrance of a brief relationship. Like the line with "rouging her cheeks" Suggest in stanza one drop last two lines, concentrate on the metaphor...add sound perhaps, the train whistle, describe the sound as it approaches, make us hear it, too? In second stanza a little pruning will strengthen the lines... "Too brief, his presence..." Can you perhaps keep to the metaphor more in this stanza? The last two stanzas flow well...great ending.||2003-08-27 15:15:47|
|An Immodest Request||Rick Barnes||A love poem, delightful, seductive feeling yet much deeper than that of a typical man and woman. The hint word, "ministries". THe consummation of Christ and His Bride the Church. The poem is lyrical, lover-ly. The overwhelming sense of love and depth in the union comes out in this poem...the giving of One to the Other. Thanks for posting and sharing this wonderful piece.(peace).||2003-08-23 09:59:54|
|Soul Mate||Mell W. Morris||A poet to poet mating of souls...the words that penetrate, communicate, share. Words that can be read over and over...not spent idly. A well-written poem becomes a part of your heart, spirit. But poems read alone...can they truly alleviate lonliness? of course, with the format here poets can discuss the poems back and forth...and so on other forums, too. ie here's a poem, a poem back to you...a communique...a word for the day. Your poem brought to mind a song I remember from the late60's/early 70's..."I am a rock, I am an island...I have my books and my poetry to protect me". Though sometimes we live on our islands not by choice...and the poetry consoles. Thanks for sharing part of your soul.||2003-08-22 20:52:12|
|japanese verse 22 (Water Lilies)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||good imagery....the lilies flowers poking up surrounded by the lily pads and the ever noisome frogs... enjoyed this delightful haiku...another to add to your growing collection...start adding photos and make a book to share.||2003-08-21 13:55:39|
|Bridge of Tears||Michael Bird||A poem about "parting", the end of a relationship, the transition of mind and heart. Just a few technical suggestions: a few less "ing" verbs in stanza one, drop "they" after fireflies in second stanza. not needed. To continue the metaphor in the last line...are path/walk the words you need or something else with highways theme ? byway,ride, navigate,etc. Well executed piece. Maintained interest throughout.||2003-08-20 15:55:03|
|Sudden Momentum||C Arrownut||An interesting first poem here on tpl...there is an underlying wit behind this poem. I love your scenario...the cleanup, the vacuum-ing, all well introduced. then the denounement...the explosion. all the hard work thrown out, destroyed in a split second, the description "like Mt Vesuvius/air thick with hot ash" great ending. hope to see more work here.||2003-08-13 06:20:05|
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Darlene A Moore||Critique Date|
Displaying Critiques 1 to 37 out of 37 Total Critiques.
If you would like to view all of Darlene A Moore's Poetry just Click Here.
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