Helen C DOWNEY's E-Mail Address: hcdowney@hotmail.com

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Helen C DOWNEY	Critique Date
The blood of Malta	Mark Andrew Hislop	Mark, A truly great write on a historian level. My favorite line is the first...it sets the scene, making one want to investigate the remaining evidence as if a mystery. In the second stanza I am torn between a woman and a volcanoe from many different lands... Malta, Rio Napo, Maranon...but then with your words; " Without a driving waterfall.What if this rain should fall?" I am inclined to take the latter. Powerful lines like;"Her soul had the ramparts of Troy," I feel the rumblings of the volcano making her prescence known. I feel Island ceremonies going on as I read; (Be a true friend, the blood of Malta sang, Tell her what Malta sings to Her). This is a great historical piece that will shine for eternity. Helen	2005-06-03 11:55:47
Subtle and not so Subtle Racism	Mark D. Kilburn	Mark, What a great story! It's ashame the world is the way it is and that there is such a thing as racism. YOu wrote the truth. Woven words of truth flow beautifully throughout. Glad you posted this. Bravo! Helen	2005-05-04 09:14:44
Fleur de lys	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, Well written and full of informative things that I did not know. Excellent flow, describing the different meaning of the IRIS (lys). Beautifully done. I wish I had a chance to read this ealier. She sure is a winner! So glad that you posted her. Helen	2005-05-04 09:04:37
Several Days after the Taxes Had Been Paid	Thomas Edward Wright	THomas, Sounds as if someone had a good time after tax time! I feel I have traveled the world as I read line after line. You made me laugh with lines: 'Levi's stretched over too-dimpled derrieres, sat.' OR : 'Sighing at the thought of another salesman' ...this reminded me of your other poem, "Several Days After the Death of a Salesman" You have such great imagery and flow, I am propelled to read it again. Bravo! Helen	2005-05-04 08:32:52
Several Hours after the Death of a Salesman	Thomas Edward Wright	Thomas, Excellent imagery! Great flow of words that make you think beneath the surface of things. One of my favorite lines: 'I visit a grave. There is no one home.' I would answer to this, Yes there is but they aren't talking! The dogs know they are there, it drives them crazy. The other favorite line is: 'The ebbing tide, the moonless night;And so little's right in the wierd little world.' Well poets are dark in their way of thinking. Such a fitting line. The last stanza is superb! It really doesn't end does it! Thanks for sharing your masterpiece! Helen	2005-05-04 08:08:27
A Loud Colored Museum Opens its Doors	Thomas Edward Wright	I feel as if I am at a circus with the 'Cubes. Murals. White. Light.'and then 'We shuffle through the exhibits.' THis is not some ordinary place. It's from the past I believe. The imagery is superb in this poem as well as the structure. The introductory line reminds me of things that they say while filming a movie. The metaphors you have used are excellent! Bravo! There is not a thing that I suggest to be changed in this poem. The flow of the poem runs nice and smooth. Helen	2005-05-04 07:31:23
A Life Borrowed (adult content)	Audrey R Donegan	Audrey, I don't think any ones' life is their own, maybe a few, but for the most of us it appears that our lives are being dictated by some one or another. Such a heavy and deep poem here which is written with wonderful metaphors and great imagery. My favorite part of your poem is in the last stanza... ['I lie hear awake Breathing heavy and stir knowing dreams are never safe or secure.] This part tells the reader that you do a lot of heavy thinking at all times. The flow of the poem was good, with strong words that make the reader stop and think. Great job in the structure. Helen	2005-05-02 17:23:11
Revolution	Audrey R Donegan	Audrey, An ageless poem of truths. You have written strongly of what is going on today in our world, but the scenes could have happened thousands of years ago. There is an ageless air about this poem in which I am sure this poem will be enjoyed for many years to come. In the second stanza..'atop creaky bleachers that will one day topple', this reminds me of the Romans in their time. The last stanza has good use of imagery, with each line getting stronger. This stanza reminds me of the riots of the Vietnam war on the late 60's and early 70's. There is good structure and conformity here. A very good write indeed! Helen	2005-05-02 17:10:12
SEDONA (revised)	Audrey R Donegan	Audrey, The structure of your poem has been well thought out with great imagery. In the first stanza two words stick out...'Winter', and 'solace', which give great strength to the entire poem. In other words it sets the mood of the poem. The second stanza...'eternally bound in gold leaf gratitude', these words make me feel that the other person has a great love for you in which you feel inferior to. The wording is superb here. In the third stanza I feel the word 'ferried ' was an excellent choice. I felt I was passing through time. The 4th stanza was very romantic. "as the valley of radiant red graciously adopted our love." ...I can feel the intense love between two lovers as the sun sets. This was an excellently written piece. Bravo! Helen	2005-05-02 16:57:25
Diamond Life	Thomas Edward Wright	Thomas, Great flow of words that make the reader want to read on. I especially like the wording you have chosen; 'Mays for Wills', 'Yogi for Mickey'. Those were eye catchers! The last few lines really sum up your piece to perfection. Glad you posted this winner. Helen	2005-05-01 07:58:12
Unexpected	Audrey R Donegan	Audrey, The beginning really started out in a boom, but when I got to the third stanza, I felt it should have been shortened as the first two stanzas to give it that right feeling. All in all it is a great piece. My suggestion: drawing me enthralling me fearlessly exposed to the possibility of HE. This gives it a better flow and making the last line stand out , letting you sit there and say...WOW, that was good! Helen	2005-05-01 07:39:05
Lament	Audrey R Donegan	Audrey, Such a sad poem, yet I feel it's power luring me to read it over and over. In line three of the first stanza it would sound better if 'intrude' were 'intruded', in keeping with the same tense. In the last stanza I suggest the last two lines be broken to read: so pure so true half bloomed yet heaven sent. In this order it flows better with the rest of your poem. Hope I helped. Helen	2005-05-01 07:31:38
Tempernental	Terrye Godown	Hi Terrye, Interesting piece. I feel that you are talking about yourself as the volcano, and for thirty years you have struggled with your wrtiting and trying to be that editor in chief! Yes it takes hard work, but when you are type A ..I know the headaches. The structure of your piece is written well, some minor words changes, but all in all the flow and coherency of this piece is very good. YOu speak a lot about your self, sprinkled throughout....This is a worthy piece...a number 9.5 if that! Bravo! Heln	2005-04-30 16:06:53
Scarlet Embers	Audrey R Donegan	Hello Audrey, Having been to LA I can viaualize the nights. A lot goes on at this time and I feel that you have captured the flare of the night until the smog of the morning. The Title fits perfectly with what you are trying to convey to the reader. The structure is free flowing , well done and each stanza is concrete, making one stop to think about just what is being said in that particular sstanza. There is one way I can tella great poem is that if you read it back wards and it makes sense, then it is solid. Great work! Helen	2005-04-30 15:57:41
Eye to Eye	Dellena Rovito	Dellena, A beautiful piece here. It flows like magic and your words tell of love. The structure fits this piece well and the flow is smooth. Thanks for sharing. Helen	2005-04-28 17:29:46
Bus Stop Memories	Audrey R Donegan	A powerful piece with good structure and word imagery. I liked the line..ill and sweating desparation..I felt as though I had better get out of there soon. I can relate to this poem. In LA I felt like that all the time. It was scary. Great Job! Helen	2005-04-28 17:25:35
A Fester of Cherry Blossoms	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, I feel as if I am in Washington DC looking at the Lincoln memorial and all the Cherry Bloosoms are in bloom. There is the reflecting pool in which it captures all activity that surrounds her. The poem is well structured and flows unobstructed. My favorite stanza is "redistricting my freedoms, bankrupting my future de'laying all hopes for a better world" This stanza makes me think of discrimination among people. A powerful piece here. Great work! Helen	2005-04-28 17:13:34
The Times	Audrey R Donegan	Hello Audrey, WOW! Now let me catch my breath...! This poem speaks the truth about what has transpired this century. Yes, it is true that this century has been overrated dramatically. War has encompassed our world where "lives lie limp and dreams die in dormant destitute." Yes, life is monotonous and no one seems to see what's really out there for them. Madness overcomes them and they are blinded to what really is here. Yes, true romance was left in the dust while the young try to bring it back to life. Yes, in your fourth stanza, the government has left wasted lands and no one can hear them through muted sounds and "pass judgement through fingertips". The world is confused and the Governments of the world are not helping. And as you have stated in the last stanza, somewhere in the future the children of tomorrow will "live free wide-eyed and in wonder of what is and will be. This is such a powerful piece, hope it wins! BRAVO! Helen C. Downey	2005-04-27 09:24:22
The Feathered Mask	Gene Dixon	Hello Gene, This poem is by fall a very interesting piece. I feel as if I am in church. The first stanza has Jesus watching us from between stone pillars, and he gazes down marbled ailes inbetween the pews. In the second stanza the feathers are his crown of thorns, and through blood stained tears he watches us at our failed attempts to struggle through life. In the third stanza he is letting us know that he sees all and knows all. In the fourth and fourth stanza if we see his face and look int his eyes we will see him smile, this is when we know we have reached the otherside. In the last Stanza..."Pray he does't speak." Who knows what he'll have to say to us or where he will send us. This piece had a lot of good imagery , good pacing as wellas structure. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. Helen	2005-04-25 18:45:47
Letters	Audrey R Donegan	Audrey, The simpleness of the title sets the reader up for wanting to know more of what's inside. "Winter keeps me cradling my impatience." You snuggle up to the fire and read the letters that you, anticipating/wishing more would arrive. "The wait will be the death of me." Waiting is the hardest thing we do. Here you are anticipating the wait will be so long, you your self will shrivel and die. "You wrote that day unto my weakness..." The letters came at your weakest monment, A time when you needed them, but probably could have done with out them. "It stirred me woke my nodding passion" The strong use adjectives throughout your poem let me slip into your emotions and feelings. When the days turn to weeks turn to months and the letters becoming shortersaddness set in, but you have not given up because you are in the arms of Time awaiting his return. The hands of time do move quickly and maybe brfore you know it he will be back. I've enjoyed this poem very much. The more poems that I read from you, the more I like them. Thanks for sharing. Peace, Helen	2005-04-24 06:12:58
8 p.m.: The Saturday Evening Post	Thomas Edward Wright	Thomas, A very interesting piece that has me thinking about the new Pope! Here is a piece that when you re read it over several times it starts to make sense. Only if I had a little vino I might be able to understand it more. It sounds like the Pope is a new comer in his environments and is trying to find his way around his new home...with the help of some wine! Inspirational piece here! Thanks for sharing!	2005-04-23 22:27:19
Your Passion	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, What a fitting poem for todays weather! "I welcome checkered silence"...the weather is raining then snowing then raining /snowing and the birds and animal are silent while those of us snuggled in side. I see two poems in this one. The first two lines of each stanza when strung together tell a tale of nature and Gods litle creatures. The second two lines in each stanza if strung together tell of a love. I am sure God made both, written by you Marilyn. This poem was very delightful and I loved all the imagery it holds. Bravo! Helen	2005-04-23 22:15:05
Promised Sight	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Hello Paul, Your piece sounds as if it came from the bible. With strong words such as unmerited and redemptive, is sounds as if no matter how much we sin, if we have hope and faith in the Lord we may be able to save our souls by cleansing our selves in the pool of Siloam. THis was a very soothing and comforting poem to my ears. Thanks for sharing.	2005-04-23 21:52:38
The Shepard	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, First I must admit that I am getting addicted to your poems! When you first read this poem so ful of magic imagery and desriptive words, I get the impression that I am reading about about the life and times of an ordinary shepard. Reading over again I feel as if yo are speaking about Jesus...especially the last stanza... "He is steward of the land Keeper of the gate Savior of the flock He is the shepard This last stanzascreams out to me to remind me that the lord is our shepard and that he over looks all of us while waiting at the gate. What an inspirational piece Marilyn. I am so glad that you posted this one. ~Helen	2005-04-21 15:55:57
Light	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, Such a visual piece wriiten superbly! morning light so soft.........I can visualize the reflected rays of sun bouncing of the morning dew, making it seem as a silky soft veil. noon sun lucent mountain tops....I can see the mountain tops glitter sharply from the rays of the sun. Such a beatiful and breath taking sight. Wow Marilyn! I want to reach out to touch them. twilight stunning sight........Yes, with the above two lines of great imagery, a third great line for an ending day, with the sun hiding behind the mountain tops and casting off it's golden glow. Marilyn who have painted a beatiful picture with such a small amount of words. Truly a winner! ~Helen :D	2005-04-21 15:46:09
Reflections in an Unpolished Stone	Gene Dixon	Gene, I feel as if I am at the cemetary in front of a tomb stone of a loved one, because you words reflect the way I feel when visiting my sister. I feel her prescence but can not touch her. As you have said in the first stanza..."only shadows, thin and gray." and you go on to say "You hardly knew she was there"....Ah! But the memories flood in and "you might see a trace of her face, the pale blue of a shaded eye, a splash of light on dark hair". Such descriptive words of an angelic face...or even an apparition. I especialy like the way you have worded the last stanza: "Mostlikely you'll remember fading images and unpolished stones." To me this represents the tomb stone, which most are of unpolished stone. You have displayed such great imagery that it takes the reader out of the written words and and into another demension. An ageless piece of work gene! ~Helen	2005-04-21 15:34:36
SEDONA	Audrey R Donegan	Audrey, There are a few minor changes I suggest to enhance this piece. In the first line I suggest a coma after the word face; it makes one pause to digest what the winds are doing. The word YOU, I beleive should be YOUR...to be consistant with the rest of the thought. A period after the word EYES; makes the first two lines sound much better as well as making it powerful. In the line 'We stood in each other's'...The word EMBRACED would capture more feeling than WE STOOD. You have a small poem with heavy meaning. Thank you for sharing such an enjoyable read. ~Helen	2005-04-20 07:08:25
For Dead Fathers Who Live	Latorial D. Faison	Being a grandmother of a fatherless child I really appreciate these words. I could gag my ex-son-in-law withthem, hoping that he would at leaast swollow them and learn something from it. I know many even today who would like to know where their father was ...especially while growing up, and they would ask him in the same state of mind that you have portrayed...that of anger, that of feeling only half a person. TO bewhole is to have a mother and a father. As on grows up they start to get a feeling of being discarded, this leads to depression and of being unwanted. If this goes on too long the young individual will eventually need some psychiatric help. If you only knew where he lived, I am sure that you would have sent him this powerful note. Great read! Thanks for sharing it.~Helen	2005-04-17 16:04:58
Last Night	Kenneth R. Patton	Kenneth, As I read each stanza an excitement strarted to grow. Great imagery used in each to enhance the readers visual concept of what is next to come. I loved " My fingers tracing a story in secret Braille" ...makes me want to know the secret! Last night must have been pretty romantic when you decrib it as 'Rich and sweet'. THe intensity gets stronger as you describe 'nibbling tiny bits, so that it will last longer'. The las t stanza starts out following the poem, but then the last line makes me sad..."So it will never be" Are you trying to erase something that you want to forget? A very well written piece that leaves me hungry for more! Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem. Helen	2005-04-17 10:17:24
Fits and Starts	Kenneth R. Patton	Kenneth, A good title to your little poem! This piece I felt was pertaing to many of us writers where you have your good and bad moments of letting the creative juices flow. Rereading it several times this little poem did indeed grow. It appears to represent your writing patterns when a door opens in your mind that does not frighten you. Our minds have many closed doors inwhich some we do not dare open, but there comes a time when a particular door sqeaks open a little and wants to be told. At this time it is safe to let a bit of information leak out in oder to ease our pain. These closed doors may or may not have to do with love but the stories beg to be told. My favoite lines are ...and the saddest part I've limited access to my heart. This is a touching piece Ken, hope to read more of your work. Helen	2005-04-17 10:01:46
Daddy	Audrey R Donegan	Audrey, After even reading the first stanza I cried! The words, so strong and straight forward stung as I visualized this invasion of an adult upon a young person. What torment the young girl had to go through as wellas becoming throughly confused about love as you sated in two places : 'learned love comes with a price...attached to a cock.' Then :What is love if not the lust in your eyes?' You have written a chronological painful story of sexual abuse and manipulation of a father. It was done quite well. I do not recognize the structure, but it fits this poem well. I espesially liked the last stanza in which you remember ...and through time you have realized that you can break away from him. Whether a true stroy or not, it has a lot of power to it. Thanks for sharing it. Helen	2005-04-17 09:47:00
Adda	marilyn terwilleger	Marilyn, This piece realy swept me off my feet! There is much action going on here and your use of imagery was great! I could visualize the trees bending and your hair twisting, flying all over your face as you try to brace your self.Whew! I am tired just thinking about the struggle you are going through.I feel the chilling wind upon my body and hear the spooky howls from the wind. I see that the trees are wet, trying to shake off the rain while the poor birds clutch to their nests. I especially like how you describe the force of the wind as brambles are rolling all around and the grasses lie flat. Gee I surely hope that you didn't have to actually walk in this? But all in all this was a strong poem which stands sturdy! No wind could knock this poem down. Great write Marilyn, I enjoyed it! Peace~Helen	2005-04-15 09:28:40
The Thought Of You	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Nancy, What a wonderful memory...it is magical to harbour such precious thoughts then bring them out to make us smile. You have captured something special. "It's been awhile since the last time that I thought of you"...whether minutes, days, or months, it's always nice to bring back that special moment. "Let your image dance with me across my mind,"...the pleasure of anothers face, so vivid,(great use of words here.) "waltzing in places where only we knew."...those special places only shared by two..how romantic! "I inhale your memory, take it deep into my lungs and exhale there within your shadow."...my favorite line this is. To encompas another with heart and soul. "You refresh me; allow me to breath in time..." I feel as if we have been taken to another time, another place, so magical. You have captured a warm and treasured moment in time that you have portrayed well lacing imagery and deep feelings. It was a pleasure to read. Helen D.	2005-04-14 12:17:48
Wings Unclipped	John Dean	Hello John, A poem that takes me deep within ones self. A well written piece that keeps you digging deeper in to anothers subconscious. A time when you were adventurous enough to taste the wine of life, but became frightened and hid within yourself. Getting restless you are ready to take another chance...someday! Thanks for sharing. Helen D.	2005-04-14 11:15:43
In the paths of heroes	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	William, A very good poem here! I would only unwind the last stanza to equal four lines. This gives it a nicer flow. It is true that heroes can't be made and it is not so very easy to follow in their foot steps no matter how much we try. And you are right when you state that 'Glory and honour not in armour worn"...we have no shields against those we battle, only cars. It is sad to be a hero, because after the glory all we have are memories. Helen	2005-04-14 11:05:31
In your wake (an afterthought)	Audrey R Donegan	Audrey, This is a poem that wants you to reread it over and over. The structure of this poem compells you to read the strong words think about what each word means, then pulls you forward to the next word. Such emotional and angry thoughts.... then you break down, cry and and are resolved to be without him. A heavy poem with well written lines. Thanks so much for sharing it. Helen	2005-04-14 10:35:14
Crooked Shadows	marilyn terwilleger	MArilyn, It sounds like you were in the deep dark forest! I like how you depict the life of the forest. The tall trees with thier leaves...'It crawls between mountains hiding from light (the forest floor)...'dims heaven's torch'..the protectionf of the leaves. You describe beautifully how the trees 'sway in unaduterated rhythm'...and with that one word "Listen"...I can hear the russel of the leaves, the silence of the reverant air. And in the 5th stanza your use of words so describes the darkness as well as the slivers of sun rays. The last line is my favorite..."sine the sun my muse is dead". It is true that without an energy source we are not much. Truly enjoyed your poem. Well written. Helen	2005-04-14 10:23:08
She speaks	Audrey R Donegan	Hello Audrey! In this poem I see many things going on around me. Freedom to be your self, especially on 'early Tuesday mornings after my first bowel of Applejackets.' I visualize a young child eating their cereal and then running around nude. Then growing up a bit you are in heavy competition of chess. Adulthood is displayed by your use of ..'hearts pounding, lips on thighs, teeth teasing skin.' Death calls..."She Speaks," an illness perhaps or mechanical break down of the body, (her hidden intents)...and without any preservation you give in to her calling. To struggle would be a waste of time, so you go peacefully. Written well Audrey.We can not always hide from death. Helen D.	2005-04-14 09:29:42
About Love	marilyn terwilleger	A very unique piece of work in which simple words speak loudly.	2005-04-11 13:40:58
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Helen C DOWNEY	Critique Date

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