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Elana H. Kirshenbaum's E-Mail Address: elana@usadatanet.net
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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Elana H. Kirshenbaum has given on The Poetic Link.
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Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

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Displaying Critiques 1 to 2 out of 2 Total Critiques.

Poem Title Poet Name Critique Given by Elana H. Kirshenbaum Critique Date
For All That Lives And Calls Earth Home Joanne M Uppendahl Hi Joanne. This is only my second critique as I am rather new here. Wow. I just love this. It speaks closely to my heart. The language and rhythm is stunning. The format of the lines works wonderfully and the energy flows so beautifully. I especially love the following two verses: I think of her and her shiny fingers, separating the bits of flesh she touches lightly in her hurry. The gleam in her eyes now is like white fire warming the milk rising in her like yeast, like sun. ."..milk rising in her like yeast, like sun." Oh, it's fantastic. The way the language builds upon itself, line after line. This is not easy to do. It echoes the writing of Mary Oliver in many ways but is your unique voice. I often am saddened and wonder, as I drive down the highway and see their bodies lying, killed by cars, if they have kits in a den, waiting for their mothers to come home. Thanks for sharing. I have no constructive suggestions here. Thanks for sharing! Elana 2006-04-21 07:32:33
Hurricane Season Mark D. Kilburn Hello Mark, I have read through your poem a number of times. There are some nice phrases like "easy doctors". I like, He couldn’t stay long chasing or being chased by drugs, drink and yesterday’s high I think you could even go further with this poem and make it resonate more fully. For me, the poem would be stronger if the language was more specific with key details and images in some places. You begin to do that in various areas with phraes like "his eyes were calm but cloudy". However, in other areas, phrases like "Youthful exhuberance", "forceful denial", and "reaching for the past" are less powerful. The metaphor of a hurricane is fine, and a wonderful place to build from, but I'd like to see it drawn out more specifically, more subtley in the poem. I'd like to see it juxtaposed with more detail about the man. If more with a detail, an image, the poem would expand in so many new ways. How is he like an aimless hurricane? What are the waves of insanity? How specifically does he confuse excess with happiness? Maybe you could show this with his words, his dress, his mannerisms, his tone of voice, actions, his specific choices, his hair, how he impacts others specifically. Small details can help expand the poem to its fullness. Your poem doesn't need to add in length necessarily. One line can speak volumes. For example, if you could show us how he is ebbing and flowing in his life or in his presence with you, I would see this man and understand the situation more. What line or two lines could speak to that more powerfully? It would give the reader more to see and feel. This is one of the big challenges in writing. Have you ever done stream of consciousness writing where you sit down and think about a subject and write non-stop for a period of time? This can be very helpful because you can tap into a deeper part of yourself- the self that doesn't edit thoughts, grammar, sentence structure, andideas. Thanks for sharing. It's not easy sometimes to hear constructive criticism of our work but I see a lot of potential here. I hope my comments have helped in some way. Best wishes, Elana 2006-04-21 07:22:01
Poem Title Poet Name Critique Given by Elana H. Kirshenbaum Critique Date

Displaying Critiques 1 to 2 out of 2 Total Critiques.

If you would like to view all of Elana H. Kirshenbaum's Poetry just Click Here.

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!

Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Elana H. Kirshenbaum	Critique Date
For All That Lives And Calls Earth Home	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne. This is only my second critique as I am rather new here. Wow. I just love this. It speaks closely to my heart. The language and rhythm is stunning. The format of the lines works wonderfully and the energy flows so beautifully. I especially love the following two verses: I think of her and her shiny fingers, separating the bits of flesh she touches lightly in her hurry. The gleam in her eyes now is like white fire warming the milk rising in her like yeast, like sun. ."..milk rising in her like yeast, like sun." Oh, it's fantastic. The way the language builds upon itself, line after line. This is not easy to do. It echoes the writing of Mary Oliver in many ways but is your unique voice. I often am saddened and wonder, as I drive down the highway and see their bodies lying, killed by cars, if they have kits in a den, waiting for their mothers to come home. Thanks for sharing. I have no constructive suggestions here. Thanks for sharing! Elana	2006-04-21 07:32:33
Hurricane Season	Mark D. Kilburn	Hello Mark, I have read through your poem a number of times. There are some nice phrases like "easy doctors". I like, He couldn’t stay long chasing or being chased by drugs, drink and yesterday’s high I think you could even go further with this poem and make it resonate more fully. For me, the poem would be stronger if the language was more specific with key details and images in some places. You begin to do that in various areas with phraes like "his eyes were calm but cloudy". However, in other areas, phrases like "Youthful exhuberance", "forceful denial", and "reaching for the past" are less powerful. The metaphor of a hurricane is fine, and a wonderful place to build from, but I'd like to see it drawn out more specifically, more subtley in the poem. I'd like to see it juxtaposed with more detail about the man. If more with a detail, an image, the poem would expand in so many new ways. How is he like an aimless hurricane? What are the waves of insanity? How specifically does he confuse excess with happiness? Maybe you could show this with his words, his dress, his mannerisms, his tone of voice, actions, his specific choices, his hair, how he impacts others specifically. Small details can help expand the poem to its fullness. Your poem doesn't need to add in length necessarily. One line can speak volumes. For example, if you could show us how he is ebbing and flowing in his life or in his presence with you, I would see this man and understand the situation more. What line or two lines could speak to that more powerfully? It would give the reader more to see and feel. This is one of the big challenges in writing. Have you ever done stream of consciousness writing where you sit down and think about a subject and write non-stop for a period of time? This can be very helpful because you can tap into a deeper part of yourself- the self that doesn't edit thoughts, grammar, sentence structure, andideas. Thanks for sharing. It's not easy sometimes to hear constructive criticism of our work but I see a lot of potential here. I hope my comments have helped in some way. Best wishes, Elana	2006-04-21 07:22:01
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Elana H. Kirshenbaum	Critique Date