Audrey R Donegan's E-Mail Address: mumbles101998@yahoo.com
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Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 60 Total Critiques.| Poem Title | Poet Name | Critique Given by Audrey R Donegan | Critique Date |
| The Grooms Gift | stephen g skipper | Stephen, This piece lights up my life! I too recently married (July 17th 2005) and this poem hits home in the most romantic and pleasurable way. The 5th stanza has such wonderfull imagery: 'deep sapphire sea' and 'white sand framed with lush green palms' and the alliteration you used with 'idyllic isle' is excellent. It also has a steady flow. Thanks for posting and nicely done. -Audrey | 2005-08-13 18:43:30 |
| Through My Dark Crystal | Jana Buck Hanks | Jana, There is a lot of great imagery in tis piece: 'caustic slug slime footsteps to predisposes fumbling, down narrow-minded alleys' - wonderfull! Your closing stanza is extremely strong and powerfull allowing the reader to marinate in the idea a while longer. Nicely done, Audrey | 2005-08-13 15:01:27 |
| Upon Her Leaving | Rick Barnes | hey rick, hope all is well. so much has transpired since our conversations and I would love to fill you in. my email is still the same, write me if you would like. y the way, this piece is bursting with emotion. So many times I have lost myself in someone else and when they were gone, I felt like I was too. Thanks for everything thus far... Audrey | 2005-08-01 22:05:07 |
| Treasury of Bitter Herbs | Jana Buck Hanks | Jana, This piece was such a joy to read. So very many wonderful images and the opening stanza is just perfect, luring me in, while stanzas like #3, 9 ,11, and 12 kept me begging for more. Nicely done, no suggestions from me on this one, Audey | 2005-06-03 18:43:05 |
| Between Duties and Demons | Latorial D. Faison | Wow Latorial! I think this one is my favorite of yours thus far. The final sanza is just phenominal, truely fantastic. It just grabs you and begs to be reread over and over. The title I think is very fitting and this piece just seemed to flow with incredible ease and paused in all the right spots. Again, wonderful work Audrey | 2005-06-03 18:34:12 |
| Lost Years | Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. | Hi, this is the fist in a while that I have critiued of yours. First off, a very fitting title for this piece. There are a lot of powerful emotions jumping off the page: sorrow, regret/shame even, self-tourment and isolation. The short line breaks I think really allow the poem to poccess its naturally strong prescence The only suggestions I would make would be to take out the 'and' inbetween depression and anxiety, possibly adding a comma or making another line. Only for the purpose on the flow of the piece. Either way, nicely done. Thanks for posting, Audrey | 2005-06-03 18:28:45 |
| Stars Alive! | Nancy Ann Hemsworth | Nancy, the structure of this one is perfect. Well done. The title I feel works well, especially with the exclamation point. The imagery you present here is wonderfull: 'flit and glitter through the trees' and 'snatched from summer skies' these words not only create a picture but also a feel of warmth and wonder. Nicely done, and thanks for posting, Audrey | 2005-06-01 13:57:29 |
| Spring's Prophecy | Paul R Lindenmeyer | Wow Paul, this piece is absolutely stunning. I am almost speechless. 'Friday rains cold this spring morning' - a very smooth opening line. 'but yesterday at the summons of sunshine's warm graces' - warm imagery indeed! 'Can the resurrection of the roses be far off?' - perfect timing in the poem and a perfect fit. I honestly loved this one. Thanks for posting, Audrey | 2005-05-14 16:30:48 |
| Bigmouth | Mark Andrew Hislop | Wow, this one is packed full of anger, pain and resntment. Very well done. 'you move through me while I remain unmoved' - I must admit to being a little envious of your talent. This line is proof of just that. 'a meat axe anvilled from your iron truth.' - strong and vivid imagery, bravo! Mark, this piece is screaming with brilliance, I look forward to reading more of your work. Nicely done, Audrey | 2005-05-11 20:49:52 |
| Island life | Mark Andrew Hislop | Mark, very impressive. Your imagery and inferences are spectacular. 'that idiotic palm frond that drank my breath last night drips its morning sweat'- you create a vivid picture for the reader. 'I walk my sanded street again today beside my big blue gutter' - wonderful inference to beach and ocean. This piece flows with such ease. Descriptive and clear - well done. Audrey | 2005-05-11 13:08:09 |
| High Tide | Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. | Medard, there is some very good imagery in this piece. 'watchful pelicans skim close to shore' - nicely done. 'sea oats cling desperately to the dunes' - what an image! Your descriptions are alive and vivid, enabling the reader to picture it with ease. My only suggestion would be possibly changing 'is advancing up on me' to something like 'high tide advances up on me' or advances upon me' This poem created such a sense of calmness and serenity for me, thank you. Well done, Audrey | 2005-05-10 18:15:58 |
| A Long March | Nancy Ann Hemsworth | Nancy, Your first line alone describes March and spring so very well. A time filled with a bounty of pastel colors on display for the world. Well done, you truely have a gift. Your structure is perfect and there are no techincal suggestions I can give you here. Brilliant write, Audrey | 2005-05-10 16:17:14 |
| Crested Swift | Nancy Ann Hemsworth | Perfect structure. It is hard to imagine so much imagery in five small lines, yet you create that well. 'brawny wings', 'hovering flight', 'vibrating iridescence', 'lustrous example' -all creating a crystal clear, vibrant picture to me. It still amazes me sometimes, the power of poetry, expressing a theme so sweetly that might take others a novel to express. You definately do this here. Another inspiring and well writen piece. Thanks for posting, Audrey | 2005-05-09 16:43:57 |
| Cinquain | marilyn terwilleger | Perfectly structured. A true ode to love's power and beauty. Your last line 'lives on' is a wonderful ending to an emotion that doesn't. Very well done Marilyn. Thanks for posting, Audrey | 2005-05-09 00:39:56 |
| The Blue Wolf (R) | Patricia Gibson-Williams | Patricia, I believe this is the first poem of yours that I have read. Let me just say that you have a nack for storytelling. This piece flows evenly from begining to end and you stick to structure well. One tiny suggestion would be to put a comma after 'fair' in the 3rd line, first stanza and take out the 'and' in the fourth line, first stanza. Either way, I enjoyed this read. Nicely done. Audrey | 2005-05-08 01:36:03 |
| Millennium Lady | Helen C DOWNEY | Helen, well writen. 'formidable walls' - nice 'promised betrothal' - well said 'duly stands' - great imagery I wonder though, if there is a way to break up the lines a bit to help it flow a little better. Someting to think about anyway. I really enjoyed this one, Audrey | 2005-05-06 19:26:16 |
| Retail Therapy | stephen g skipper | Stephen, This is the first piece of yours that I have read. I very much enjoyed it. This is comming from woman with a shoe addiction :) The switch up of structure is done brilliantly in this poem. Nicely done, Audrey | 2005-05-06 19:19:59 |
| People Say They're Kind | Latorial D. Faison | Latorial, Beautiful form. This one flows wonderfully from beginning to end. As for the content, I couldn't agree more. This world is full of bias and hate. Saying that, I beieve that a poem can make a difference in the hearts of others. Thank you for posting this, Audrey | 2005-05-06 01:00:48 |
| senryu | Rachel F. Spinoza | Stunning! I'm speechless. True indeed. Beautifully done, Audrey | 2005-05-06 00:56:10 |
| TV | Latorial D. Faison | This piece evokes so much anger and sadness in me, as I'm sure was your intention for the reader. Well done, keep writing what needs to be written. Audrey -by the way, check out my poem 'letters' it has a similar theme to the last poem of yours I critiqued. | 2005-05-05 14:21:08 |
| Your Best Guess | Rick Barnes | Ok, maybe not envious (if infact it doesn't suit me) but definately inspired by your work. 'the depth of how' - the reader can go a lot of places with that (i'll go more personally in depth off the site) I think the final 3 lines are what truely makes this one so good. talk to you soon (I'm still reading the one's you sent me) Audrey | 2005-05-04 00:27:26 |
| Traces of War | Latorial D. Faison | Nice revision, Audrey | 2005-05-04 00:21:57 |
| Hanging Tree | John Dean | John, The structure and flow of this piece is spectacular. Nicely done. Your ryhming is right on and well placed. I love a poem that begins with pain and sorrow and finishes with solace. Thanks for posting, Audrey | 2005-05-04 00:15:25 |
| Light | marilyn terwilleger | 5-7-5 - well done. 'noon sun lucent mountain tops' - what a stunning line, it's imagery creates such a magestic picture. 'twilight stunnung sight' - in my opinion, the perfect 3rd line. How does something so small, create so much? I guess that's just the beauty of poetry:) Thanks for posting, Audrey | 2005-05-04 00:10:42 |
| The Secret Love | Helen C DOWNEY | Helen, This is a nice piece. A dream of what was? Or maybe just a dream, I'm curious to know. 'clicked clicked' - I love the image. You might want to play around with the idea of 'click clicked'. Two typos which I'm sure you have seen (I know I always see them AFTER I post a poem) freesom/freedom and bekieve'believe One more suggestion to ponder (or not) is possibly changing 'game' to gain. I don't know why but I think it fits the feel of the poem more. Either way, nicely done. Thanks again, Audrey | 2005-05-03 15:43:29 |
| Wings Unclipped | John Dean | This piece is bursting with dreativity. From a caged bird's perspective. 'my reflection is a rabbit's eye' - wonderful! 'and oh, the details' - let's the reader know what is comming iss something you are passionate about. 'on rising thermal' - again, fantastic. Nice, Audrey | 2005-05-02 13:53:22 |
| In the paths of heroes | Nancy Ann Hemsworth | I'll start at the bottom and work my way up. 'footsteps of heros only lead so far' - a strong finishing line. I wonder if there is a way to lat it stand out a little more. ok, I'm going to jump around a bit: I might try putting a space between the 1st and second line of this piece. I think it would draw the reader in more, and feel less cluttered. I really like 'carried scar' and 'burden borne' Thanks for posting, hope I was of some help, Audrey | 2005-05-02 13:49:10 |
| A Fester of Cherry Blossoms | Rachel F. Spinoza | What a powerful piece for our times. I applaud you. I absolutely love: 'redistricting my freedoms, bankrupting my future' - a passion in your anger Thanks so much, truely- Audrey | 2005-05-01 00:46:40 |
| About Love | marilyn terwilleger | And what a sweet 1st attempt. This piece makes me smile and dream of its contents. Nicely done, Audrey | 2005-05-01 00:44:09 |
| The Shepard | marilyn terwilleger | All of your work is filled with such awe inspireing imagery. Take for example: 'and sunrise likens lemon rinds' - wonderful! 'patient ewes with curly fleece' - good stuff and 'patrols the fold' - rolls off the tongue. Nicely done, Audrey | 2005-05-01 00:42:28 |
| Herzog | Rachel F. Spinoza | Wow, so many great lines: 'boomed and bellowed' - grabs me 'against both huge injustices and daily lies You lifted us into and air most rareified.' - I sense s astong passion and commitment in this statement. Finally the last stanza pulls al the emotion together so well. Great work, Audrey | 2005-05-01 00:38:43 |
| Ever Over | hello haveaniceday | The first stanza truely makes this piece. Stunning! 'over gritty city sidewalks' - wonderful 'gaps of thought flash huge release' - flows so smoothly from the tongue And finally your last line ties it all together. Great work, Audrey | 2005-05-01 00:30:08 |
| Second Avenue | Rick Barnes | God I love that line - 'The streets slowly release yesterdays warmth into an empty sky gone far beyond blue.' 'and these deserted streets are not asleep' - a smooth rhyming line I am envious of your talent, Audrey | 2005-05-01 00:18:39 |
| Several Hours after the Death of a Salesman | Thomas Edward Wright | 'that weird word world' - :) and I love: 'all the gods are betting on the dogs' Your last lines bring it all together 'It never ends. Beautiful. Intangible as a star.' Exquisite, truely. Audrey | 2005-05-01 00:04:06 |
| The Feathered Mask | Gene Dixon | 'He taunts us' - great opening 'grinning like a cryptic harlequin' - stunning imagery and metaphor 'opaline eyes'and 'atrophied attempt' - wonderful 'his joy brims at each of our failed footsteps'- brings a feeling of doom well written, thanks for posting Audrey | 2005-04-30 23:57:37 |
| Tempernental | Terrye Godown | Your ending put a smile on my face :) I loved:'as I type my sos in metaphors' - you connect to the poet is us all. 'restless skin' and 'its steamy drool' - great imagery. I very much enjoyed reading this poem. Thanks Audrey | 2005-04-30 23:51:37 |
| Fleur de lys | Dellena Rovito | Great first and last line. Singling them out, giving them room to breath 'lofty stature' - wonderful 'as fresh and true as multi-hues' - roles right off the tongue a minor suggestion:instead of 'in her wake the rainbow was born' maybe 'in her wake, a rainbow born' (unless ofcourse your intention was to imply that she was the reason rainbows were created - Then leave it as is.) Either way a beautiful piece. Audrey | 2005-04-30 23:45:02 |
| A Bird in a Pear Tree | Dellena Rovito | What a fun poem. It rolled of my tongue, such fantastic rythm. I loved the (chicken). A small suggestion: to change 'till' in the final line to 'until' (only for the purpose of the flow) Either way nice work. Thanks for posting- Audrey | 2005-04-30 23:33:58 |
| Reflections in an Unpolished Stone | Gene Dixon | Very interesting piece. I especially like 'the pale blue of a shaded eye' - nice imagery. The last stanza I think, brings the whole piece together. Nice work, thanks for posting Audrey | 2005-04-30 23:09:47 |
| Your Passion | marilyn terwilleger | Brilliant! Smooth and even paced the whole way through. 'and spangled sun shatters blue' - what wonderful imagery. maybe 'and the clamor of life cofounds me' either way the feeling is portrayed well. a well written ode to love. Nice work, Audrey | 2005-04-30 22:11:45 |
| Plug Up | Dellena Rovito | A piece great left 'as is'. Fabulous last line. Thanks, Audrey | 2005-04-30 20:26:04 |
| Forlorn | Helen C DOWNEY | Forlorn, a fitting title. Good choice. Again, nice work. And if I may again offer some suggetions: Maybe 'this' desolation - making it a bit more personal. and what about 'Their reflections ripple upon the glass'. The fifth line appears a litle muddled, I wonder if there is a way to make it sound clearer. 'In the blink of an owl's eye' - I really like this. Now that I think about it splitting it up into three sanzas might make for pauses to allow the reader to take in all that you are offering. After the 4th line and then leave the last two lines separate. I don't know maybe not, but it might be worth a try. I hope this was helpful, Audrey | 2005-04-30 20:19:24 |
| Several Days after the Taxes Had Been Paid | Thomas Edward Wright | I am envious of your style. 'new moccasins stretched their arms around my aching feet' I absolutely love that line. Your last line delivers a solid ending. Audrey | 2005-04-30 19:50:20 |
| Of Stormy Climes | Lennard J. McIntosh | Your first three lines are so very well written. Brava! also: 'wide-eyed and muted fright- a stun of speechless' This poem speaks loudly of our current times. Brave and bold this piece sends chills though me. See my poem 'Revolution' and 'The Times'. You might enjoy them. Thanks for posting. Audrey | 2005-04-30 19:43:44 |
| A Loud Colored Museum Opens its Doors | Thomas Edward Wright | Nice alliteration and great imagery. I especially like: 'tears were shed,lawns mowed, beers inbibed' and 'an attitude sharpened by history, wide as a river.' Good stuff, Audrey | 2005-04-30 19:37:38 |
| Fits and Starts | Kenneth R. Patton | An honest look at self. Brava! I love the line: 'my writting comes in fits and starts random waves of crashing thought' The line breaks are perfect creating such a wonderful flow. Thanks, Audrey | 2005-04-30 19:28:39 |
| Half | Latorial D. Faison | A strong message of pain and loss in a concise powerful piece. Maybe try: 'after giving you all of me in my entirety you are gone and half is not enough.' Either way the short length allows for a strong impact on the reader. Nice work, thanks for posting Audrey | 2005-04-30 19:25:03 |
| Last Night | Kenneth R. Patton | Interesting piece, the ending lost me a little. I think braille doesn't have to be caitalized. Nice structure and flow. Thanks for posting, Audrey | 2005-04-30 19:14:07 |
| Fog Removal | Helen C DOWNEY | I really like this piece, so raw with emotion. typos: 'mighty oak' in the 4th stanza and 'began'in the 3rd stanza. (although I might encourage you to use something other than began since you use begin in the line right before it, maybe something like commence. Also maybe 'gathering strength and energy form above'. Anyway love the last line. Audrey | 2005-04-30 19:10:17 |
| Promised Sight | Paul R Lindenmeyer | Love the imagery: 'ground to spiritual dust' and 'hoping with visioned faith' Nice work, sorry I could not be of more help. Beautifully written, concise and powerful. Audrey | 2005-04-30 18:56:21 |
| Poem Title | Poet Name | Critique Given by Audrey R Donegan | Critique Date |
Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 60 Total Critiques.
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If you would like to view all of Audrey R Donegan's Poetry just Click Here.