Patricia Kim's E-Mail Address: pkay332@aol.com


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Displaying Critiques 1 to 1 out of 1 Total Critiques.

Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Patricia KimCritique Date
Cloudy OutburstsJoanne M UppendahlHi, I enjoyed reading your poem. I like how you use your language, brief and visual. The second stanza I thought was the strongest. I can clearly imagine the element of rain when you compare it to a swarm of bees. The swarm of bees seem to be just the right metaphor for strong rain, it expresses the movement of rain so well. I had more trouble conjuring up images for the first and third stanza. Sugar donut clouds sound nice but I was having some trouble conjuring up images of clouds in that way. Perhaps it's just me. The third stanza I found to be the weakest. I am familiar with the idea of 'menacing clouds'. I think you could capture this menacing quality without having to state it outright. Also, the comparison seems a little too common. This stanza does not have that artistic newness of your second stanza. Have you thought of adding more to this piece. Right now it sounds like a sort of exercise. I think it could be bulked up more. For me, I find the strongest poems to be 'message' centered and personal. Did you enjoy rain when little? Does rainy weather or clouds remind you of any people, or any specific events? Patricia 2005-01-12 12:41:25
Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by Patricia KimCritique Date

Displaying Critiques 1 to 1 out of 1 Total Critiques.

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