stu t fisher's E-Mail Address: sfisher@applehealthcare.com


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Displaying Critiques 1 to 4 out of 4 Total Critiques.

Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by stu t fisherCritique Date
Heart EyesJACK M HRINIAKWeird. Stu2004-09-07 16:41:01
Here in the DarkPatricia Gibson-WilliamsOnce I read the addititonal comments, I was moved. Nice, honest, moving. Stu2004-09-07 16:36:38
A Loss of WhiteMedard Louis Lefevre Jr.Exponential sadness, however, nicely written. The poem is scary, growing old is so lonely and depressing, but it doesn't have to be. However, nice. Stu 2004-09-07 16:24:52
Virgin Snowcheryl a kelleyI believe you have a gift to write and I am impressed with the flow of the piece. However, I would not classify this as poetry. It tends to run on a bit suggesting more of an essay than a poem. I love the "sending shards momentarily dancing summersaults through the air". I can picture this beautfully. More "s" words might help: "sending summersaulting shards" sounds super, for example. I recommend shortening up the sentences a bit and making them nonsentences, using thoughts, somteimes collidng always reflective of your memory. Layers and layers of cloth and wool, a mummified soldier awaiting the command greater sis reaches up to turn and pull Wwooooosh, faces flinch to the bitter wintery wind, and freezing the sweat on our beaded brows. (I love the colors of the snow equipment) Armed with yellows and reds we light up our 2 dimensional snow world the wind grabbing at our shovels and block makers, removed from their warm resting places beneath the family tree. Sleet pecking at our cheeks, stinging, biting "Let's go!" she shouts, we jump! Into this white world, unknown, blinding Too late to turn back now. Our jumps break the crusted surface, summersaulting shards of dancing ice. One glove flies off, sis howls vulnerable to the frozen world. The closed door behind, the ice princess ahead. Thats all I have time for. My comments need rewriting as well. I like your thoughts, they provide a nice picture. Stu 2004-09-07 16:19:05
Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by stu t fisherCritique Date

Displaying Critiques 1 to 4 out of 4 Total Critiques.

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