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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Ellen K Lewis has given on The Poetic Link.
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Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 142 Total Critiques.
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Ellen K Lewis||Critique Date|
|Pushed Away||DeniMari Z.||LOL lol oh DeniMari! You're feelings are well imagined (and shared). I enjoyed this. I know that you are striving to meet the feeling-'it makes no sense'-and for that I give you a thumbs up for the original line spacing and off-beat sort of way you expressed yourself. Good luck on your soul mate search! Don't try too hard though. Its exhausting. Stay young and grab one before you're no longer in your mid-life...LOL Thanks for sharing this. Tonight was a good time for me to see someone else's desperation..:) Ellen||2010-01-10 19:27:10|
|Left Behind||cheyenne smyth||Cheyenne, Hello again! I have read this and contemplated it's meanings for the last hour or so. It took me awhile to put it all together but I think I got it! And then the end became the beginning and I shuddered myself. The truth at the gate might just be that fullness after all. Thank you enlightening me! My only suggestion would be adding a footnote. Whenever you write of something this personal, your readers may miss the truth (I know I almost did) without a footnote explanation. Otherwise, it would just be wrong to change this. I found it very thought provoking and obviously spoken from the depth of your feelings. Well done! Ellen||2009-12-28 16:19:35|
|Proved Once Again||Kenneth R. Patton||Aha! Good imagery. Simple and straightforward. I like the ending. For what its worth? It's great. Everyone will relate to this, Smiles, Ellen||2009-12-28 15:39:41|
|Please Read:||James C. Horak||ooo awesome contribution my friend! Spreading it around! Ellen||2009-12-28 15:36:00|
|Always||cheyenne smyth||Oh wow this is beautiful! Your picture words are vivid and draw me into them.
A slice of dawn observed love growing strong
while beads of wine we mixed with laughter, spilled
on linen, in taper’s wavering light.
That is awesome my friend! I can visualize those moments as if they had been real to me.
In nights fold our hopes became fulfilled (I stumbled on the poetic-ness of this line....maybe in ||2009-12-27 15:38:01|
|My Tribute To Dave||DeniMari Z.||Hello DeniMari. This poem is jumping around in my head! (lol) I am going through some of the lines with you and making suggestions (you asked for it!) Grateful to another year geared to leave behind (greatful for another year, (geared?)(packed?-as in storage?) memories to be left around the dark doors in my mind.....I hate to say this, but that sounds like dirty laundry! Maybe you should think about those two lines. Its scary to have memorys lurking around dark places....I do understand that is your point-to share-- Then plague a burning rash formed (awesome line-don't change it!) between nights of dreams both were slashed from my sight (I'm lost about 'both'..nights/dreams? do you need a line about days? Mixed between God's flawless beauty and the pain, there is a hint of hope lurking. One more thing. You have dark secrets in your mind, and then softest inner secrets layering protection. Maybe you should make a reference--mind/heart? I like the piece generally. You have a good story to tell. You have it unfolding in a good form. Like you said, it just needs your talented touch to 'fix' it! I hope I haven't offended you with my candor-all remarks are meant to be taken lightly. SMILE Bless you! Ellen||2009-12-25 21:49:39|
|Out The Shop Door||Kenneth R. Patton||Hi Kenneth. You certainly have helped me invision this chilly day! This is a great piece and entertained me, and left me something to ponder too! I am in Kansas today where our 25 mph winds keep gusting to 60 mph and the air temp is -9....Your words express that feeling I get when I look out over the horizon at nothing but cold air as far as I can see. (smile). When the sun is so unsympathetic that even the fog freezes you know you're in trouble! Thanks for sharing your wintry' feelings. Hope the sun starts shining soon! Ellen||2009-12-25 21:25:10|
|Stop Renting Space In My Heart||DeniMari Z.||I love the title! I must admit that I'm not fond of this particular style of verse,(with each line rhyming with the next) however, you have used it well to share your emotions. My guess is that alot of us have felt this way! I have a suggestion. adoration a quest for the magic pill. This feels like you searched for something to put here. ...I'm hard pressed to find a better line; or to understand why you used this one. Could you have used 'overkill'? It does fit (sort of) that adoration would be the thing that could spoil a good relationship, if it were one-sided. Too much is not a good thing when it is not shared equally. I actually like your last lines-kind of a footnote...those feel as if they flowed from you with absolute freedom. There's alot there, just in those two lines. Wouldn't that make a great place for another poem to blossom? Thanks for sharing this. I'm not skilled in critiqing, but I hope that my few comments have been usefull! Ellen||2009-12-20 15:13:42|
|Unseen Obvious||James C. Horak||Chills, chills! Your last verse gives me shivers, as I know that that truth is shared much the world over. I stumbled around in the first verse; lack of foreknowledge left me not knowing where to 'punctuate' if you will. Nothing compels the unwise to wisdom caring, touching, given the wine imprecise upon the floor my example: is it 'nothing-ness' that compels, or is it that wisdom has lost touch with caring, etc...again, a perfect example of my lack of knowing. Others may find the answer quickly and with total understanding. I have concluded that the wine, imprecise on the floor represents that the 'poring out' of wisdom fell unheeded. I hope that I am at least close to your truth, my friend. Your writings always leave me in contemplation of some inner knowing which I have lost. I thank you for sharing this, and the new opportunity to examine wisdom. Shine On!! Ellen||2009-12-17 16:08:18|
|My December Vote||James C. Horak||Awe James! you haven't even read my submission yet (and I'm just positive you'll like it! lol) Anyhow, it's good to be back, and as always, I can trust your eye for the best. I'm going to run over and read those poems you mentioned and see if I agree. :) Best to you! Ellen||2009-12-14 12:09:09|
|The Club||DeniMari Z.||Ah DeniMari, hello again! Its good to see that you are still here. (I've been gone a few) I love this little ditty and certainly do agree. But I love the descriptions that you used and the way you made them unfold! All that confusion! You only forgot one thing and that would be the carols blazing over and over above all the din! LOL I could (can/do) hear them in your crowd though. A delightful thing for me to come upon for my first read today! I imagine that some would think the stanzas and the rhythms are goofy but I won't go there. I love it-the confusion was intended (I believe) and I love it!||2009-12-12 13:19:41|
|Light Paints The World With Color||Dellena Rovito||Fresh material! I like it. It is full of pictures and shivers. I would make a few minor changes here and there, none of which would probably make a difference-but still I pen them so that you will know how much I am enjoying this work of yours! Day attempts to keep its grip onto the light..or...day/light attempts to keeps its grip into the night A car's lights swipe brightly across the house...or..headlights...cars' light....this line is a bit hard to roll with.... Basements sit off limits to the faint of heart...... I love these two lines! Attics even lit are keepers of the darkness. 'keepers' is a great word here Split shift domination of light and darkness exists....even amongst the unknown there is solidity of truth! Night's creaks speak......tongue twister! The creaks of night speaks... This has been very enjoyable. I think I'll peek under the bed tonight... Thanks for sharing, Ellen||2007-03-24 14:02:37|
|Springing||Dellena Rovito||Sweet!Thats a great way to feel about spring-ing.... Deep cold is gone the days come warm ....poetic but not real helpful swoop dance --I wish I could do that! I like these words and pictures. They feel joyful. The sun shines rays of better days. ...catchy little phrase! Bursting buds and foliage greens. Lovely pictures! And my very favorite line (I wish it were mine!) I dance with wind undisciplined, I'd choose a flower as my twin. awe....... close to heart I hold Earth dear......I don't like this line. It's 'forced' or turned around to make it rhyme and make sense. I think if you turned those lines around again it would read something like this: Close to my heart I hold Earth dear regaurding life with much revere Just a thought. Lately my thoughts haven't been so clear, but I hope I'm makeing sense now! I enjoyed this very much. It's completely delightful! I was intrigued to read because of the catchy title. Great choice!!||2007-03-22 23:36:26|
|my first tanka||charles r pitts||Complete circle of thought and still with mystery! I like it. It is very picturesque and even a bit of a fantasy there. I like the line about the 'eyes'..especially. This is a good work Charles, I'm glad I caught it. If this is your first, I can't wait to see your second! Cheers! Ellen||2007-03-22 13:35:57|
|another Janis Fan||DeniMari Z.||Yes I remember those years too! This is an awesome tribute to this great American icon. Where would we have gone in the 60's without such influences ? I like the way you have used the song titles to tell your story. That's cool! From the beginning to the end, I like it. You have used rhythm and rhyme just right. I really like this. Good work poet! Ellen||2007-03-22 13:28:12|
|mitkos||Shannon M Bloomquist||This is almost like a reality check for the untamed heart! It is very open, indistinct, and yet at the same time it is full and overflowing. It smacks of pain, or worse, depression. The realization that nothing is 'best' and there is little that might be 'better'....harlots wrecking harmony.... I think I can say that there are a few lines that seem redundant, a little too airy perhaps. I promise) you’ll feel differently not great not even good and certainly not perfect........babbling? not the feeling > could you have used different analogies instead of repeating that this is 'NOT' ? True growth of love in this family I think! This is a nice artistic view. I really like this. Ellen||2007-03-22 13:19:21|
|PUSSYCAT||Monica ONeill||Hello, Monica. I like the delivery and the light heartedness of this one. I know that this is a sad time for you. I'm glad that Mouchie is there with you, sharing with you. You've managed to 'lift up' a heavy burden without breaking Mouchie cat's spirit, for us...Mouchie was a friend here.. Good writing. I hope you will keep this up, Ellen||2007-03-21 17:25:12|
|MY CLOWN||Monica ONeill||This is an awesome tribute! I can feel the empty room around that dresser....the silence is deafening...how true that is, it conjures up lots of images... I enjoyed this piece for it's simplicity of expression and it's deliverance of emotion. I consider this to be quite good. Although I have never had the priveledge of reading you before, I like the style you used here in this piece.||2007-03-01 15:36:25|
|Sleeping Dogs (a repartee with Fear)||Mary J Coffman||Hello Mary. I have come to expect the best from you when you let go and 'spill'.....glad you didn't delete! we met in that moment between life and death when beginning comes upon end......chills my spine...ooooo there you stood in the silence of steel gatherer of mortal souls.......awesome! I can relate to that~! ~ debt lies in every favor ~this line is essential for understanding. disappear beneath a psychotic smile....ooo, again I am astounded...seems like an easy way out doesn't it? an omnipotent steadfast similitude resigned to solicit my own sanction? ...perhaps we are our worst enemy afterall! you exist only to be conquered.....sounds like a creedo come to life I can't stop laughing at the ending though! I think of all the times I have done that, erasing an hour of agony that in the end, doesn't seem to measure up. Great display! I love this!||2007-03-01 15:20:40|
|Empire of the Unredeemed||Mary J Coffman||Wow! This is an awesome write! I must admit that I used the dictionary to help me through this, and then I had to sit back and let it 'fumigate' so that I could ssoak up the meaning. I ended up feeling eerily learned in the dark realm.... It is really well written, as I can find nothing in my dictionary to pick at with your word choices. It is a haunting piece for sure. I really like it. Well done my friend!||2007-03-01 15:08:20|
|Sing Lady||Mary J Coffman||Mary, this is awesome! I really like this. I have to tell you that I spent a little while trying to figure it out, to understand it enough to give you a fair crit. It is intriguing enough that I wanted to know more. I feel like you have a masterpiece here! Reading it aloud, I find that it has a delightful temperment and that it does, indeed, dance on the tongue. as monolithic silhouettes trumpet the dawn and first-light filters through the adagio of an agate sky (beautiful scenery and backdrop!) casting its blush on progressions of rolling hills where Mara waters open to Serengeti sands....(I love that! these two verses taken together have given me alot of imagery and ground....) (I notice you don't have any extra words forced in there, and that the words you have chosen are STAR material) (the single sentences are a perfect fit) sinking in cinnamon seas.....the 'ssssssss' is great for dancing.... Just the thought of that night falling is scary! You leave me with a taste of a mysterious quality... This is excellently written! You deserve bunches of roses for this one.....Ellen||2007-02-12 00:33:49|
|My Father's Funeral||Nancy Ann Hemsworth||These deep thoughts are taken through a hollow barrel before they're dropped on the page, like a splotch, they stop right there. At first I am tripping along, hodge podge, and then you surprise me with an ending that is so touching and soft, like a child full of wonder. I remember watching him write it writing it as if he were an artist, a scholar flowery and fanciful huge hooping of letters with many loose tails a message in his signature more than scratching on a page; representative of his life. *****you got me right there! that is awesome! In my mind I see a scene fitting for a Rockwell. This is very nicely done. I really like this.||2007-02-07 23:01:03|
|Shaking Hands||Kenneth R. Patton||LOL delightful! I enjoyed this read very much, Kenneth. The comforting discomfort.. a fresh thought! and then there’s Johnny Cash....I don't know if there is relevance between your father and Johnny, but I love the twist and the release of laughter. A great read.||2007-02-07 10:40:54|
|Into The Woods||Dellena Rovito||Hi Dellena. I can so relate to this piece! I see it as a definate renewal of self, and I see it as living and dieing. Into the woods with thoughts and words Into wilds in search of comfort, Into shadows of boughs layered Into enveloping arms held dear, Into the fragrant soil and trees .....and I am reborn! I really like it. Thanks for sharing it.||2007-02-07 10:35:00|
|WASP||James C. Horak||Hi James. I love this! This is my kinda stuff...smile...I give you an A+ for this! I am in awe, my friend. Your title is perfect...W..A..S..P... oh yeah! One comment..your last verse...loses its' punch ? I think your footnote would have made a 'better' ending. Ellen||2007-02-02 12:08:45|
|Scarlet and Snow||Mary J Coffman||Mary, this is beautiful! The angels stirring the trees, the clouds dropping petals... air aglitter like sparkling apparitions on their way to meet daybreak’s first light a splash of ruby red.........I'm not sure if these line breaks were intended, but I don't think they are needed to get that awesome picture presented., clad in the opulence of wintrs clothes...lovely discription This is one of those poems that you read again just to savor it's loveliness. I really lik it aot. I am an avid bir watcher and I often get out at dawn to see 'who' is coming today...your poem is lovely! Thanks for sharing, Ellen||2007-01-28 11:41:06|
|Young God||James C. Horak||Well hello James. I'm just stopping by to let you know that I have read this work of yours. I know that I am not a good critiqer of your work, but I like to read it! **anger has no art in holding it.* I'm wondering: anger can't hold (knowledge) and/ or (itself)...I see that this is lef open for that very reason. I like that notion that anger can't control itself, so there I dwell. Would that I would know, Transport Beyond is not that much A place beyond view. That what I have kissed is not moment but eternal branded in the mind like a flavor visiting Before mindful thought springs. I love that whole verse, for what it says and for the way you presented it. What more can be said of it? It's great! *where love is completeness* completeness?? The word threw me off. It's just lacking that grand feeling of the rest of the words. *knowing Truth has no savagery. * Oh, I totaly disagree. But I am not here to tell you that I agree with you, or disagree. I am here to judge your talent and the overall sense of this poem. It's good to find ways to cause others to dwell upon truths, and you have done that (again). I'm sorry my words could not be more helpful. I just wanted you to know that I did try to understand and followed it through until I was atisfied that I had gleaned all that I could..Thanks for sharing! Ellen||2007-01-28 11:11:52|
|The truth of the passion||Mark Andrew Hislop||Yep, Mark. I liked it all the way to the end. Bullshit is right-it just doesn't rhyme! I know that rhyme is not always a good reason to change a word-and your choice of words is powerful-but it falls to fast...lays too flat... Kind of like life huh? Don't give up too easily ok? Find a better way to end this and you'll have a better poem. Hopefully life is also getting better- or at least getting along...peace, Ellen||2007-01-22 11:29:25|
|Boy Blithe and The Krebs Cycle||James C. Horak||Well, James. This one, like the other, saves it's punch for the ending. Kinda perfected now, it has clarity so it shows that.....Could this line be 'fixed? ending the line with 'that' is almost like not ending it at all. Of course, I am reading from the perspective of a simple mind, and one not versed in the specifics of style. But, that's my thought. Other than that, I don't see anything that 'needs' something. I find it powerful and gentle both. I also know that there is much truth to what you have spoken! I do enjoy this series you are working on. Looking forward to more, Ellen||2007-01-22 11:20:08|
|Flying To Florida||Teresa Green||Oh, Teresa, this is beautiful! I would have missed the whole thing had it not been for your footnote, so I am really glad you added that. I have no nits to pick! This is well written, emotion packed punches and deep, thought provoking statements. What more can a good poem need? I really like it! I miss my mom too. I'm thinking how she would have smiled at this. My mother would have said "let it soar" and I think your mom probably is smiliing at you too! God bless, Ellen||2007-01-22 11:01:32|
|Undone||Joan M Whiteman||I think this poem needs more! Another verse to close? I really like it. proportional to the winding wall of china.....what a great comparison! I am left to wonder how you thought of that! Vanity...left open...old uncles....interesting combinations leaving this reader leaning toward abuse(?) Or at the least, neglect. The ending verse leaves me feeling as if there is so much more to this 'tale' and I need more to understand....Were you orphaned? Left to be raised by your uncle? closing doors and opening statements came with a neat surprise! I like it. I just need more to understand the depth of these deeply wrought emotions (assuming there are deeper feelings here). Your title doesn't really say anything. It offers no clues! None the less, I like it. It is a thought provoking piece. Smiles, Ellen||2007-01-20 11:00:11|
|No More Sweet Sixteen||Sharon J Eisenmann||Sharon this is delightful! I believe it may have some spelling/typo's but the picture is not at all tainted by them. I love the creaking rocker! It's funny how those things can 'cover and uncover' deep secrets... poring ..... rythmaticly..... I think your title is a great opener for this piece, while your last line is a perfect open-ended statement. I love it! I think this is splendid. Thanks for the delight! Ellen||2007-01-20 10:47:08|
|When Love Says Goodbye||Deborah L Bird||Hi Deborah. This is a really cool poem! And, you're right-throw away the formalities and just 'let go of the pain' !! I enjoy a fresh take and yours is simple and bitter-sweet. I think you included everything-all the joys that are lost. Smiles, flowers, poetry and music! Perfect descriptions of love lost! Only one thing you forgotten I think-laughter?- Don't change your poem though! I really like it and it's going on my list of favorites for this month. It's just so simple, and so complete and done so easily-it deserves a star! Thank you for sharing! I'll be looking for more of your poems...smiles, Ellen||2007-01-16 11:28:38|
|The Devil Writes Poetry||Sharon J Eisenmann||Hello Sharon. This is a very intriging write! I am engrossed more deeply with each word. Although I may find some reason to disagree personally, I find no fault with the write. Your title quickly caught my attention; however I am not sure how it fits into the piece as a whole. The depiction of the devil 'exploding on the scene like a wrestler' is a supreme, and fresh look. I love that picture! *This part is not scripted- now that I disagree with. The following lines I am certain I can agree. No, I am certain he’s been told to stay behind the curtain. Not time to show his face… Must be an unforeseen flaw in the system. .. not a chance, I think. Stringy brown hair, not blond or blue eyed, so how can he claim same origin as the race he deems superior?....now I am in a circle of confusion....this superior race that you mention....it sounds as if you are describing the white man? Am I to believe then that this is not a reference to His people? I don't know, but I don't believe that the white race is superior. The lines following that are quite well written! I am in awe of the way you have finished it. It is easy to see, esp. on this day. I think that even though I disagree with your point of view, your writing is definately well done! Thank you for sharing these things with us. Smiles to you, Ellen||2007-01-15 10:52:05|
|Ah, Such Memories||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Hello. Nice to meet you! I like your style. This is a charming piece. "Half moon smiles' is intoxicating and delightfully fresh. I love your title! It also, seems fresh. Do you always capitalize each line? It was the only distraction I found while reading. It's true that it is up to each pen to decide what is properly done; so I can't say it's 'wrong'. Still, it was distracting for this reader. But I really like the whole thing! Very nice. I'm glad you have come back! Smiles to you, Ellen||2007-01-14 12:13:45|
|Shades Of Tiffany||Dellena Rovito||Resplendent inspiring the senses in stained glass world's of luminosity. fresh perception and moments that require revelation. Those are my favorite lines! They almost spell out the whole of it and are very well penned. I really appreciate this bit of beauty! It-the written work-offers new revelation as well. A reminder that wisdom can be found in many things, including light; wheather it be setting through stained glass or sunliight. I would love to see the base of this lamp! A very nice poem! Smiles, Ellen||2007-01-12 15:45:44|
|Young Man on the Ropes||James C. Horak||Ah, James, a new style for you? It's a charming tale and I love the ending. I have worked with some gifted/handicapped children as a volunteer, and I think the answer was just right! Smiles to you, Ellen||2007-01-12 15:32:42|
|Widow Walk Time||James C. Horak||Hello James. This is a compelling piece. It has a 'creepy feeling' about it; something mysterious and unknown. The end is a sad thing, but feels like it belongs there. I really don't like to read this kind of poetry. The sentences are left open-as if nothing is ever really finished, no thought fully known. ...these 2 lines are great... It's not much this night to come, Pleasant walk around to await the sun,.....some would argue even those sentences are incomplete; but to me they are familial, like a dialect. But these: Upward turning one face to try Morning mists lift as warmth would fill ...these are heavy and dull..they don't carry any passion with them....might be better off without them. Sorry I can't offer much more than that. I do appreciate the referrence to the soldier though. I'm still smiling and I hope you are too! Ellen||2007-01-04 21:31:29|
|The Nights Before Christmas||Joan M Whiteman||Hello, Joan. I can really appreciate your comments in this poem. It's great to read something 'different' about Christmas! After awhile it all gets kind of 'mushy' and more than unreal.. I like the freestyle way you did this. It works. I was going to comment on how much I liked the first verse; but truely I like them all. And the ending is good too. It's just a delightful little poem! Thank you for sharing it with us! Ellen||2007-01-04 20:48:16|
|Jewel||Nancy Ann Hemsworth||Hi, Nancy. I like this little ditty. It's perfect as to meter. I wonder why you chose saphire? blue azure? Just a thought. Thanks for sharing! Ellen||2007-01-04 20:40:01|
|Colors||marilyn terwilleger||Marilyn,hello. Was this written in a dark moment? I find it hard to resist picking it apart! This just doesn't seem like you! 1) how is it that glass can ignite inside your brain? I guess really without that information, it is hard to relate it to anything else. Shards are easy to picture and their colors and reflections too. I like the line 'startle my soul'... I don't know what else to say. I thought of passing on by and choosing not to crit' but that's not fair! So, I'm going to have to tell you; this poem doesn't do anything for me. It feels confused, and unfinished. Sorry about that. It's the best I can do. Still, thanks for sharing! Smiles smiles smiles, Ellen||2007-01-04 19:15:31|
|The Métier of Sleeping||Thomas Edward Wright||Moody like the blues, chirping like scotch and downright confusing this tricky piece is fun. I'm having some trouble following through with all of your thoughts, but those that do 'hit' are bizarre. It's a fascinating tale. Your very first line is good. It has a strong 'feel' to help lead this reader through. This verse is magical in itself. **I must confess I am not a fan of this style, and am not well equipped to offer evaluation.** Half the alligators and all the crocodiles Lined up to protest the great collapse. How immersed you’ve been. You missed it all. Homer was a woman. And greater secrets Than that to be revealed. Stick around. The women will entice you. You won’t regret it. He is on his knees now in church As a youth praying to his patron St. Ophelia **hmmm. I think I sense a little anger here....a little bit indignant. (surgery does that to me too) and then you get morbid. Now that is of course my personal choice of words, and most readers probably won't see it that way. I love the blank line that only God can read! Cheese and crackers. ...that made me smile! another sudden twist (can I have my lemon zest with these?) And from there I continue to be lost. I know that anesthesia can do really weird things to the mind. That is the only way I can relate to this. What of the 'fire? Is this more of the same, a halucination or a real drill? Either way, you left me hanging on the end. Ok. So now I can't exactly say that I really enjoyed this. I prefer honesty over flattery; I hope you feel the same. I don't wish to offend anyone-I'm just not enlightened to it, that's all. Sorry I can offer no more. Ellen||2007-01-04 02:33:44|
|Walking In Your Holy Land||Claire H. Currier||Hello, Claire. This is a charming write. It's cleverly penned; refreshing. I had no problems relating with this one! I felt much like a baby Christian, as if being led by a gentle hand.. It's neat since it's Christmas time, to relate with baby Jesus and 'baby' Christian. I like the feeling of awe that you express. And I really wish I could walk those streets with you! Smiles to you! Ellen||2007-01-04 01:59:18|
|History Lessons||Dellena Rovito||Hi, Dellena. This is a different style for you...(I think)...I enjoyed this!. I think it is as deep as the dust on the history book; it goes full circle and that is neat! I have one suggestion for you that may or may not be important, but anyway-try reading it without the 4th stanza. I think those two lines take away from all the rest. One more suggestion. This just to pull the reader back into the book When ultimately completed or when ultimately completed hard bound and titled a book hard bound and titled I like this alot! I'm really glad you shared this. It is a whimsical way to look at the reality of life, and especially dear to we poets. Awesome! Ellen||2007-01-04 01:34:01|
|The Sea of Misery||Rachel E Hubley||This is a long, elaborate work and will be hard to crit' but I will do what I can. First thing that bugged me was: The splinters of your shattered soul. As I read on I can understand that you intend for these 'splinters' to be a guide for you. Interesting parody. A broken fragile piece of glass might throw 'shards'....I think the word splinters is misleading. I plunge into the drink......I question this. Are you being coy or is this a sailors term? Doubting now, I grasp a shard and pull it to my breast. A murderous wave sees its break and throws me on the glass. If I understand so far, a shard is a piece of his soul. You grasp for it, and it cuts you up..? I flew from you on broken wings...I like this line, and then this a little later: would give out halfway through? I needed that to bring me back to the point. and mean to take me out. (meant)(?) As I slowly made my way along this makeshift breadcrumb way, I put each piece of silver soul >>>this is a great verse. I feel like I am picking up the meaning of your somewhere inside of me. whole poem....the puzzle is starting to come together The path home was erased. >>I almost missed the ''path'- this line reminds me again, of where you might be headed with this Holding you close, I tried to swim the way I thought you’d come. But not for long, I’m sinking now, and both our lives are done. Uuuuu...what a sad, sad ending. I didn't really like this piece at the first read, but after I really looked it over (adding each verse and line by line their relationship to each other) I see that there is very much more to understand. It gets better as I study and in the end I like it. It's intriging for sure. It's dark and mysterious too. A challenge to read.||2006-12-28 22:54:57|
|My Fur Coat||Dellena Rovito||Thank you for the smile today Dellena! What a great ending. The title drew me right up next to a fire; ready to snuggle down and read. Then, I am delighted to know that this fur is alive! What a best friend indeed! ** Worn wrap-around it displays beauty upon me. ** or............Wrapped around me it displays (or graces?) its' beauty upon me....... acquiring new perspectives with each stroking. (Thats a wonderful line) Did you spell 'nap' wrong? knapp? Sorry I don't have a way to check that one out. It's probably right but you might check it out, just in case. actual animal's .....hmmm...breathing instead of actual? the breath, the breathing.... I love the ending!!! Nice twist. This is a delightful poem. I'm really enjoying this. smiles to you. Ellen||2006-12-28 22:19:49|
|The Place of Peace||James C. Horak||Wow. Ok, James, again I am stunned! These thought will haunt me today, as I soak them up. I really really like this type of stuff that you write so well! I wish I had once walked through the streets of your vision and had seen with my own eyes. Or that perhaps, you had seen through my eyes that I might understand. I am blinded and don't know these truths you speak of. I know of the Templars, the Ark and Saladin; but I don't know of the greatest of these, or the least. I am so sheltered. Thank you for this, and the other pieces you have submitted! It is necessary for someone to keep us enlightened. Please share more, won't you? We see on TV all the bad, the horror, the tenacious activity but I know nothing of the people themselves; their goodness or virtues. "Seeing" this little old man tenderly caring for the Ark of the Covenant renews my faith in people....... I really like it. You're tops on my list this month! Ellen||2006-12-27 13:20:14|
|Taking On The Day||Dellena Rovito||You go girl! I envy your strength and your drive. If only I had that same attitude! I hope that you are on a smooth ride these days, even if at a gallop. I really like your motto. This piece is well written in form, thought, and word. I really like it alot. Hope to see you on the road someday (smile!) but I'm taking the easy route with my RV, and I don't have a horse trailor...lol...good writing, my friend! Smiles to ya', Ellen||2006-12-23 11:20:10|
|Lila||DeniMari Z.||Hi. I like it. Overall, the idea, the story line is great. The ending produces the desired results (I think) and I can imagine that the young (and the old) will enjoy this. It has a few setbacks, I think. "taking up little space" is trite and forced. I see that that may be an important part of the picture, but it could be better daid. December fifteenth and she was still there As the door of the toy store opened blowing in cold arctic air. The shopper left smiling with a small teddy bear .....the first line is great. The second though, needs something. The words rattle a bit, stick to the tongue and don't say enough. Maybe you sould mention her long fronds of hair instead of the open door. Just a thought. December 24th, Cindy James went to bed, after saying her prayers She looked up and said, "Merry Christmas dear Lord, May all of your wishes come true, thank you for everything and all that you do." I think the innocence and grace are very well expressed! In all, I like this very much. I'm wondering if this little girl is you? Or perhaps one of your own children? The whole story is great for Christmas telling. What a nice switch from the grinch ! Merry Christmas to you! Ellen||2006-12-22 12:59:16|
|The Power Of The Pen||Dellena Rovito||Awe, Dellena. You've definately expressed yourself with this one. We all have different reasons for writing, and at times even we stray from those. I try to portray the times, the reactions, and the things people share ie...current events. I'm not good at being friendly (lol). If I stretch out with my emotions >>these are awesome words. Short and to the point, yet touching and inviting. and we touch we could have understanding. I must write so you will read and you may possibly identify with me. >>>this is my least favorite verse. It's well written and definately should be a part of this work, but I can't say that my poetry 'fits' that sentiment. Maybe that is where I am lacking. The work is perfectly written and goes on my list this month. Smiles to you! Ellen||2006-12-22 12:24:32|
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