This Poem was Submitted By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-08-12 14:41:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Sudden Momentum

      Sudden Momentum The living room’s been polished, and the last shred of indoor pollution, according to the EPA anyway, has receded from the air, and settled on the rug. The shine jets across the closed curtain enclosure. Then the unwinding of the vacuum cord. Handle slumped, power on. The slow grope of the first time. Thorough, it sucks everything into its slit. Then the pace quickens, slurps at every hair, fast, even faster, suddenly it’s on its own momentum, motor revving with each slide until it explodes  like Mt. Vesuvius air thick with hot ash.

Copyright © August 2003 C Arrownut


This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2003-09-07 22:47:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.22222
Oh my goodness...I hope that doesn't happen to me. Your use of descriptive words is interesting...groping, slurping, sucks, revving...it's almost sinful! Thanks for posting this light and entertaining poem.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-08-14 08:14:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.06897
Nice structure and good word flow allowing one to be brought into that clean, polished room...been there so many times and then the old vacuum is brought out......those dam bags......huff and puff and then POW they burst open with furry causing the floor to contain all matereals not just from today's sweep but others as well....there goes the shine.....brought a smile to my face as I read for I honestly have been tehre many times....thanks for sharing...sounded like you were playing an instrument along with the word flow which added to the read...good job poet...be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-08-13 19:53:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
C, This is an amusing tale about a mundane task. I like the way you led us readers right up to the end with a good analogy. I had one just like it, but I won't share the brand! Andrea
This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-08-13 06:20:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
An interesting first poem here on tpl...there is an underlying wit behind this poem. I love your scenario...the cleanup, the vacuum-ing, all well introduced. then the denounement...the explosion. all the hard work thrown out, destroyed in a split second, the description "like Mt Vesuvius/air thick with hot ash" great ending. hope to see more work here.
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