This Poem was Submitted By: George L White On Date: 2003-08-13 15:40:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Drivin Me Crazy (No "G" intended) This fifty one Plymouth with three on the tree seemed
Like steered a boat not a car
So when it turned evening I’d just rather park-er
No sense in us going too far
But Martha a woman of sixty eight years was
As willful as if she were nine
Said “You just slide under and I’ll climb right over
Cause we got to get there on time
I’m not one to argue besides she’s much bigger
By now I have learned to obey
And how we got switched without hittin a ditch is
A miracle right to this day
You see I’d forgotten one thing that’s important
I knew somethin, just didn’t jive
At sixty eight years she still danced up a storm but
She hadn’t a license to drive
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Copyright © August 2003 George L White
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-09-07 15:48:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25641
Interesting and funny story which moved forward fairly well. I was confused by the "three on a tree". Is this a standard drive or a car waiting to blast off as the starting lights cycled? Also,
"Seemed / like steered a boat not a car" was cryptic to me. The tale of the large woman who wanted to drive and had no licence was well told. All in all it is a funny story but maybe a little too coloquial for someone in their sixties. I enjoyed reading, had a good laugh, and that's what counts.
Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-09-03 09:51:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi George,
MOST entertaining and enjoyable! I like the pun on "Drivin" in your title, and dropping the g puts the diction into a casual, conversational style that suits the humor. The characters are very likeable and the punch line is appropriately surprising. Meter is regular, catchy and carefully (but subtly) done. Rhyme is also good, including the neat internal rhyme in L11. I might question use of couplets rather than quatrains; why did you split them? With four sets of rhyme, it would readily convert to four quatrains, as the rhyme scheme also indicates a connection between pairs. But of course, it's your call.
In L2 I recommend "like steerin" instead of "like steered" which doesn't make perfect sense. I also suggest dropping the comma after "somethin" in L14, for consistency. You've used no other end or internal punc. [a comma wouldn't be needed in this spot, anyhow].
park-er fifty[-]one
park 'er? sixty[-]eight
This has been a true pleasure to read. I'll be looking forward to seeing more of your work.
My best,
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-08-14 08:09:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.06897
Hi George and welcome...I have not seen any of your work before and this one certainly brings a smile to my heart......love the Chevy to begin with and the lady who is 68 and so spunky.....well your structure is great, the words and how you play with them are superb allowing images to grab and hold......actually I could see the little lady or big one as described climbing over you to take control........the expression on your face was something to behold.....it reads so very well and just keeps flowing......love the ending without a license as well.....really good job poet and I look forward to more of your work. I only question the word steered.....did you intend to type in a different word such as steering? Just a thought on my part.....again thanks for posting and be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-08-13 19:46:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
George,
This is very clever and amusing. It brought back to life a great memory of my mother. She hoped in our old red and white 1957 Ford wagon, wings and all, to save her bleeding child (me). She went bombing up the wrong way of a one way street. She was pulled over and the officer asked for her license. She told him flat out she didn't have one. The officer then asked, "Then why are you driving this way!!!???" She looked him straight inthe eyes and said, "Because it's the fastest route to the hospital!" He looked at her with disbelief and escorted our vehicle (mother still driving) to the emergencey room and told her to go right home afterwords.
This poem is good medicine for the soul.
Andrea
This Poem was Critiqued By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-08-13 18:01:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.75000
Hi George L. White,
Not sure I understand title, especially the 'G' part. But I enjoyed the humor very much. One thing though the rhyme is too obvious for me. And too much sing-song rhythm. I did see a double meaning, though: it was in the switching. Not sure if you meant a sex change or a ridiculous situation. Had fun reading it. Thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-08-13 16:30:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.04167
Love the way you played me on this. I really
got a chuckle. That would be drivin crazy
her without a license. Reminds me of the
Little Old Lady from Pasedena who believe me
I saw several times!
I like how you broke this in two line stanza's
and generated the flow right to the end.
Your words were easily understood and told the
story.
Well done. Thanks for making my day. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-08-13 16:10:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
Hi George,
What a great and humerous piece this is and I just love it. You
have written it with such wit that I was totally engaged from the first
line. I can just see you and Martha changing places in the front seat,
in fact I have been guilty of that myself...."I'm not one to argue,
besides she is much bigger..by now I have learned to obey"...good for
you, George, probably works better anyway!..."how we got switched
without hittin a ditch..."...I laughed out loud at this line. I
remember when me and my husband did this and as usual I launched into
a fit of laughter which was the bane of his existance. In those days
there were no seat belts and we were on the highway..we finally made it
in spite of my uncontrollable laughter but now I wonder how in the heck
we did it without wrecking. You really take me back with this one and
I loved every minute of it...thanks for posting and making me...and I
am sure everyone else...laugh. Also you have written this in a
conversational tone that is very effective.
Peace...Marilyn
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