This Poem was Submitted By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-08-14 20:19:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Let Us Protect You

Let Us Protect You The living room’s been dusted and the last shred of indoor pollution, according to the EPA who routinely checks houses for dust now, has receded from the air and settled on the rug. Afternoon sun presses through  the blinds, highlighting a polished glow on the oak tables. Now where’s that damn vacuum cleaner? Which closet did I stuff it into last time? Only clean what shows, I say. Thank God, if anybody’s up there, those dust meter bitches haven’t thought to check the fucking closets yet. Unwind the cord Now to plug it in Shit, somebody pushed the table back. Again plug in. Now for the race. This corner, that yet another swip swipe at the middle, on and on into the bedrooms and back the final sniff around. Done. motor sputters bag explodes door bell rings “Meter Lady, EPA” Oh fuck! Another fine.

Copyright © August 2003 C Arrownut

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-09-04 08:47:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.09722
I feel liked I critiqued this earlier but it must have got lost in the shuffle or I didn't follow all the steps which is more than likely. I really like how you show this reader the effort of cleaning the surfaces and allowing the dust to settle (almost like life itself). As the day progresses you show me that the surface is clean and spirits up. Now this is where I find difficulty is searching for vacummn cleaner I would have liked to see more procrastination and less hard language that deteres this readers thoughts. I like how you come back with hurry me must finish cleaning before it gets to late, hide all the secrets, mop up all the thoughts left dangling. Yet in the end it goes for naught since it explodes right back out when confronted. I know the main idea if not the only was to make this a fun poem and I can see that side of it, but I also brought into it some of my own thoughts about life because that is what poetry should do make the reader think. Overall a very good poem, like the free form delivery and the breaks of thoughts going from one moment to the next. Thanks for sharing. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-08-24 18:19:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
C.A.: I never imagined from the title where this poem would go...but I haven't had such a good laugh in quite a while. This will strike a chord with any reader who has ever unsnarled a vacuum cleaner and pursued the dust mites. That you have created a branch of the EPA who checks homes for duct is hilarious (and slightly credible, unfortunately). I share your cynicism. "The living room's been dusted and the last shred of indoor pollution, according to the EPA who routinely checks houses for dust now, has receded from the air and settled on the rug." This free-verse style paces the poem perfectly. The TIC-ism is delightful. At least you have all the dust settled in one place. The subsequent tercet tells us that the oak tables have a sheen in the sunlight and I like the phrase "presses through the blinds." "Now where's that damned vacuum cleaner? Which closet did I stuff it into last time?..."Into which closet did I stuff it last time?"...... Only clean what shows, I say. ....my personal credo as well.... Thank God, if anybody's up there, those dust meter bitches haven't thought to check the fucking closets yet." A note of irreverence or true, honest doubts of God's existence. This seems to fit with the tone and voice of the narrator. Hysterical that the dust-meter maids haven't gotten to the closets. At least some things are sacred. How about under the bed? (My weak spot). Two couplets and a single line reflect the intensity of the ordeal with the vacuum, misplaced furniture, and the segue of "Now for the race." Perfect pace and set-up. "This corner, that yet another swip swipe at the middle......swip swipe is excellent..... on and on into the bedrooms and back the final sniff around. ....delightful sniff.... Done. motor splutters bag explodes door bell rings "Meter Lady, EPA" Oh fuck! Another fine." Great, great ending that I hadn't anticipated. The last two stanzas are in short lines, enhancing the pace, and heightening tension. This is executed deftly and makes a great read and humor is difficult to write and bring it off. You have done that superbly herein. Kudos and I look forward to further poems from your pen. Best, Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-08-18 13:23:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.42424
C, Working hard at figuring out what this read really wants us to get. I am at a Janis Joplin intersection in my mind. I think, Bobby Magee's "freedom is having nothing left to lose" is a "nearsies". But I don't think you are playing horse shoes with this concept. I think you want a direct hit. Am I close? Andrea
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-08-16 20:25:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90909
I like this! The imagery in this poem is easy to picture, the emotions are well portrayed and the humor is welcomed. I was picturing a futuristic society with dust-bunny police stalking the hapless public. And enter the rebel, stage left, who charges about taking impatient swipes at the dust in the carpet and damning all of THEM who demand cleanliness absolute. The final twist when the vacume bag explodes had me laughing aloud. On the serious side, to get as much action and imagery as you did into just a few lines is commendable. Thanks for a truly enjoyable poem!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Galen never received one at bir Arrowhead On Date: 2003-08-16 13:10:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
C. good going. Finally, a decent poem about the ridiculous state our governemnt is in. You really caught the flavor of this Bush era. Love the message, but I like rhyme best. Good luck.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-08-15 10:01:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.07692
Hello and I must say I can relate to the message of this poem. The dust police are comming to take you away, haha. It does always seem like I can never quite keep up with the rate at which dust seems to pile up. Sweeping everthing into the closet is another of my bad habits as well. Then later(6monthslol) I come back to clean it out and find all kinds of junk I never needed in the first place. And the way they are adding more and more gadgets to new cars to keep pollution to a minimum is definately heightening awareness to the problem of pollution. Yes, Poet, this is an interesting concept and the stucture of this poem is inspiring in the way you use free verse to make your point. There is one thing though. I am not a Holier then thou person and feel that sometimes a strong word can heighten the effect of a poem and strengthen the message, but in this particilar poem I do not feel like the stong language used helps in any way. I would lose the expletives and that will make it a much better recieved poem. Overall , I like what you have done and look forward to reading more of your work. Take care and watch out for those dust police, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-08-15 07:46:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12500
Who am I to tell you the language is not tasteful but it is not for all readers therefore I would eliminate the swear words.........basically the message is the same but the tone of voice is harsh......I enjoyed the first one much more......your words do bring forth images of the search for the cleaner, the vacuming process itself and the dust as it empties all over the place......in that manner I would say good job.....you invited comment poet and I must honestly tell you I appreciated the original one more. Did someone offer you these suggestions in response to your original poem? Thanks for allowing me to respond to this poem....be safe, God Bless, Claire Hope you were not affected by last nights power outages.....that was frightening in itself
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