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Living Room Karma Howling at the moon, Searching for karma, In my living room. Is it so late so soon? Life's petty dramas are passing me by. Led blindfolded, To a date, With a fickle destiny. You ask why do I howl at the moon? And I say to you, It is to soon to tell, And to late, To spin the sorry tale. For I am not a forked tongued serpent of lies! And I would tell the whole truth, For my words will never lie. Even if my lips, Sometimes cannot tell the difference! While heart, soul and body, Remain true, I will be lead by love. And I will howl at the moon, Still searching for karma, In my own living room. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-04 10:24:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73529
Hi, stephen
While this is a speculation on a serious subject, this poem feels light as air because of the jaunty rhythm that has been accomplished. This makes the reader want to know more and to follow along easily without getting bored. I made some suggestions mostly just for the meter.
Very clever title which sets the mood for the poem
[perhaps – “At the window “ as a first line – to bring us more firmly into the picture? ]
Howling at the moon
Searching for karma,
In my living room.
i want to sing it! This would make a terrific song!
Life's petty dramas are passing me by.
Ambiguous as to whether or not this is a good thing! Great!
Led blindfolded,
To a date,
With a fickle destiny.
A blind date with destiny! Love it!
You ask why do I howl at the moon?
And I say to you,
It is to soon to tell,
And to late,
To spin the sorry tale.
Great rhythm and dialect here!
[-For] I am not a forked [-] tongued serpent of lies!
[I [-would] tell the whole truth,
[-For] my words will never lie.
Even if my lips,
Sometimes cannot tell the difference!
as interesting as this aside is – it looses the rhythm here
While heart, soul and body,
Remain true,
I will be lead by love.
And I will howl at the moon,
Still searching for karma,
In my own living room.
Nice the way you bring it all back home. This is a terrific piece