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This Poem was Submitted By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2003-09-15 20:01:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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A Hope For A Thousand Tommorrows

I get downhearted Sometimes. I forget about the ones, That I have trusted, With my limited love And foreshortened understanding The ones, With all my todays and tommorrows, In their hands. What is true, As long as blood still flows. I want you More than a thousand times Wrapped as we are, In our circumstancial cocoon. I forget, forget about our needs. I love and believe in you. I know that you will not cross the river now, Not today, No, not today. Yet another chance to put right The wrongs of a wronged man. Then shall my heart be lifted. Above clouds in clear blue skies And we shall fly, you and I Like starstuck lovers, Soulmates, Each others best friend. Together forver in a place of peace and love unlimited

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-05 14:42:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54839
Stephen you have written a special love poem for someone hope you have shared it with them. I like how you break this apart making the reader see the thoughts you posess for this love of yours. You have shown us what really is important and that you understand that. Wonderful use of words, anyone can understand and you did not have to use intimacy to get your point accross. Well done. Thanks for sharing your life with us. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-09-30 19:19:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Stephen: This poem feels as if it were written with blood, spoken from the depths of your spirit, and I am quite moved by your evocative powers. "I get downhearted Sometimes." I like the informal way you begin, like you are chatting with the reader, and that draws me in for a closer look. "I forget about the ones That I have trusted With my limited love And foreshortened understanding." This is profound. A self-revelation and "limited love" and "foreshortened understanding" are exquisite phrases. "The ones, With all my todays and (tomorrows) In their hands. What is true As long as blood flows." It's difficult to put your trust in others when you are a person of action. Sometimes there's nothing we can do but trust and hope. The action is removed from our capabilities. The ensuing lines delineate your feelings of love, desire, and belief for your beloved. Very tenderly stated. "I know that you will not cross the river now, Not today. No, not today." This gives you more times, opportunities to right the wrongs, so to speak. You write with such feeling which I cannot duplicate in my exegesis. "Then shall my heart be lifted. Above clouds in clear blue skies And we shall fly, you and I, Like starstruck lovers, Soul mates, Each other's best friend. Together forever in a place of peace and love unlimited." Simply beautiful. Your imagery is awesome and you give us rhymes of sky, fly, I....a symphony for the ear. There are ten sibilant sounds in your last stanza.....sssssss......which make this sound like your whispers to her. Whispers of love. I hope the last line will come true for both of you and with your faith and devotion, you will surely be rewarded in like fashion. Stephen, I don't know what to say about such an outpouring of love which did not once seem rhetorical. I will wish you the best with this winning poem and I won't forget it. That's about the greatest praise I can give. Best always, Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-21 13:49:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Dear Stephen: This poem is like a love letter and psalm, combined. It is also like a soliloquy, in which the speaker addresses a another in a series of unspoken reflections. I realize that this is a very personal piece, and yet you invite readers to partake. In so doing, you enrich our lives with more than you may realize. The message I take from this piece is to cherish each moment, today, with a beloved! For the dear ones I have already lost, your poem reminds me of the hope of being reunited which makes their loss somehow bearable. But I have not faced your exact situation, and from you poetry I am learning of one man's bravery, love, and willingness to be vulnerable. I get downhearted Sometimes. Perhaps 'downhearted' is an understatement -- which serves to show the reader how the speaker endures - balancing the needs of the other with his own feelings - keeping them modulated at 'downhearted' instead of more extreme states which would render him unavailable to the needs of the beloved and family members. I forget about the ones, That I have trusted, With my limited love And foreshortened understanding Again, the vulnerability is allowed to be what it is. We have all been hurt by loving someone - and sometimes ask ourselves if our love has not been enough, or has hurt another. Our love is 'limited' and our understanding 'foreshortened.' You say it simply and profoundly. The ones, With all my todays and tomorrows, In their hands. This is where I felt the poem begins to sound like the Psalm s- a form of sacred poetry which has always been very comforting to this reader. It is because we love that we have our most searing pain of loss. It is because others hold "all my todays and tomorrows" that the speaker recognizes his connection with those others, and realizes that all love may lead to great pain, but is also the primary ingredient in a life LIVED. What is true, As long as blood still flows. I especially value the recognition that we are creatures of NOW (as long as blood still flows) and cannot truly know what follows, what *will be* true in the incomprehensible future. I want you More than a thousand times Wrapped as we are, In our circumstantial cocoon. The "circumstantial cocoon" is one of the most stunning phrases I have read in any poem - as it describes a time-limited situation in which the speaker may be ever more intensely aware of the value of the presence of the loved one. I am reminded of the long illnesses of both of my parents, and the sheltered, intense times I spent with each of them as a precious gift. Those gifts grows ever more precious with the passage of time. The "cocoon" is like a time-out-of-time, in which all is suspended but the awareness of the dearness of the one whose continuing presence is no longer assured. Once, with another loved one, an undiagnosed fatal illness made me unaware of the importance of each day with that person. My "foreshortened understanding" whispered to me, but I did not acknowledge it. My blindness to the message given was costly, beyond imagining. I forget, forget about our needs. I love and believe in you. I know that you will not cross the river now, Not today, No, not today. These lines are so powerful, so condensed, that it is difficult to comment on them. As long the beloved does not "cross the river now" there is the sheltering cocoon, the extension of time in which to fully experience love and belief. This is wisdom, in my estimation. "No, not today" implies that the crossing will take place in another, not too remote "today." But it is impossible to go there - indeed, ill-advised I think you show us. Lest the present be diminished, lest the speaker withdraw from the beloved to grieve in advance. This IS love. Yet another chance to put right The wrongs of a wronged man. Then shall my heart be lifted. (here is another reminder of the Psalms) Above clouds in clear blue skies And we shall fly, you and I Like starstuck lovers, Soulmates, Each others best friend. The hope of being reunited after this life shines from this piece like a beacon. It is impossible to read this without tears, without remembering that it is this hope which makes life possible (bearable) for so many, including this writer. That there is more than our physical life informs this piece, but does not limit it to those of a particular faith or necessarily any organized religion. It speaks to the heart - which is the job of poetry, in my estimation - to lift us out of our limiting circumstance to something higher. You have done this, and shared a part of your life in doing so that makes us all richer for the sharing. May these weeks and months ahead be filled with the greatest possible peace and love for you and those you love. "Together forever in a place of peace and love unlimited" Amen. Continuing prayers go out for you, your wife and children. All my best, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-17 17:31:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58824
Hi Stephen, This poem is filled with over tones of sadness a simple plea to your wife, the love of your life never to leave you. But at the same time it speaks of a love that will last through eternity. "I want you more than a thousand times"..."wrapped as we are in our circumstancial cocoon." superb choice of words my friend and one is able to feel the closeness you have for each other........"I know that you will not cross the river now, not today, no, not today." There is the fear that she might cross over at any time but not today.....perhaps you are the one keeping her here Stephen......your wanting her to be well so desperately even in these most trying of times....."Yet another chance to put right the wrongs of a wronged man." I am confused about this line but I am sure it works well once I understand it.....I know it is not easy being told just how sick your wife is and perhaps that is what you mean by being wronged.....the both of you are at that point I would think.....Simply love the closing stanza my friend......"clear skies...starstuck lovers, soul mates, and best friends." so revealing in your emotions and love speaking of a place where you both will find peace and love that has no limits yet endless joy in the light of your God.....I know you are speaking of heaven and it is reflected within your lines. This is a very beautiful poem for your love of your wife and I am sure she is touched deeply by it...Take care my friend, please know she and you are still in my prayers......be safe and God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-16 18:00:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58824
Hi Stephen, This poem has such sad over-tones...it is a somber and simple plea to the one you love to never leave you. But at the same time it speaks of a love that will not or cannot last for eternity...."I want you more than a thousand times"..."wrapped as we are in our circumstancial cocoon." You are closer to each other more than ever due to a change in your lives that has overcome you...."I know that you will not cross the river now, not today, no, not today." I feel the pathos here...a fear of loss which looms in the future...."Yet another chance to put right the wrongs of a wronged man." not quite sure about this line...sounds like you believe you committed a wrong but then you were wronged. However, the last stanza is beautiful..."clear skies...starstuck lovers, soul mates, and best friends." The last line is so reveling in that you are speaking of a place where you both will find peace and love that has no limits. You may be speaking of heaven in this line. Beautiful poem with so much emotion and love for you wife. I wish you both well and keep writing. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-09-16 08:24:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Stephen, I sense resolve and a renewed strength in the power of living one day at a time. I rejoice in this message. I like the way the thoughts are presented as absolute statements. If it true, that each dark cloud has a silver lining; I am happy that you have found some silver. Your expression and commitment within the lines of your loving poetry puts hope in its best light. Keep holding on to "The ones you trusted" when you are "downhearted". There are some typos, but the intent of the poem is not lost. Keep writing, my friend, it will help build precious memories during your journey towards a thousand tomorrows. God bless, Andrea

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2003-09-15 23:24:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello Stephen Infrequent are my critiques here because I am an anti-poet poet. Don't get me wrong, I love poetry in simpler forms, not the pretentious or sometimes overly ridiculously simple (the only style I am capable of as you can see from my critique). This offering is from the heart...and one of the few that caught my attention because I didn't have to run to the dictionary and I didn't yawn. I hope that your love continues to inspire your writing spirit. Mick

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