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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-16 20:59:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Bandit Queen

This is a tale known by all In valleys wide and far Told by some just to enthrall The stories of Belle Starr Born in eighteen forty eight In a farm house of mortar She grew tall and straight The girl Belle Starr Married young when only eighteen To a man less than stellar Gave birth, kept the corners clean The mother Belle Starr Bandits Cole, James, and Younger Evil enough for feathers and tar Dined in her kitchen from her larder The wife Belle Starr Two husbands later she wed Sam Starr Robbed trains car to car She was a tempest in a samovar The bandit Belle Starr Served time in a house of correction Talk of her was popular Bandit Queen the general perception The outlaw Belle Starr In time she lived in the Choctaw Nation Became a citzen exemplar An assassin slay her in shotgun fashion The life and death of Belle Starr

Additional Notes:
Belle Starr was born Myra Maybelle Shirley. She died at the age of 40 of shotgun wounds. History tells us that she may not have been guilty of all the charges against her.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-05 14:14:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54839
This was an enjoyable read not only in the story but in verse. This is the type of poem that could be put to music. The presentation was great the flow is where I think at least from this readers viewpoint you might want to revisit. Example is last line of each stanza: stories of Belle Starr This girl named Belle Starr A mother called Belle Starr Just some examples reflecting a change from 'The' The last line suggestion - life and death, Belle Starr Remember this is only one persons opinion but this was a great read and the rhyming was kept intack. Thanks for sharing. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-09-21 14:52:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
Marilyn, I like this witty ditty. It was a fun read. I think maybe commas at the end lines like "The girl, the wife, the bandit, the outlaw" could be useful for emphasis. Also, after "Bandit Queen" in l3 of s6. I did have a little trouble with s4. The Younger/larder was hard to grasp. I took the liberty of drafting alternatives...only as a suggestion to work on the stanza. I used theives instead of the bandits to give her more recognition... Theives James, Younger and Cole Evil enough for feathers and tar At her table, count what they stole The wife, Belle Starr -or- Theives Cole, Younger and James Evil enough for feathers and tar She fed, while plotting their games The wife, Belle Starr I enjoyed this very much with or without any suggestions. Andrea

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-18 12:03:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
In the spirit of Robert Service, this is perfectly metered story poem and tells a great tale filled with detail and excitement. This is a tale known by all In valleys wide and far Told by some just to enthrall The stories of Belle Starr I don’t think you mean … to enthrall..the stories…perhaps the line break is not enough to separate the object/subject here so I suggest either a dash after “far” or [These ]stories of Belle Starr and since you have a last stanza “the” pattern throughout this clever piece, perhaps the dash is preferable Born in eighteen forty eight In a farm house of mortar She grew tall and straight The girl Belle Starr Married [-young ] when only eighteen [a little redundant with both “young” and eighteen”] To a man less than stellar Gave birth, kept the corners clean [great image] The mother Belle Starr Bandits Cole, James, and Younger Evil enough for feathers and tar [yep} Dined in her kitchen from her larder The wife Belle Starr Two husbands later she wed Sam Starr Robbed trains car to car She was a tempest in a samovar {love it1} The bandit Belle Starr Served time in a house of correction Talk of her was popular Bandit Queen the general perception The outlaw Belle Starr [or perhaps “the convict" – as she was caught and you already have “bandit””] In time she lived in the Choctaw Nation Became a [citizen] exemplar An assassin [slayed ] her in shotgun fashion The life and death of Belle Starr Wonderful story cleverly presented I like the rhymes and slant rhymes to Starr!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2003-09-18 09:50:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi, I never really knew even a bit about Belle Starr but did hear of her name in one of Bob Dylan’s songs – Tombstone Blues. This will therefore serve not only as an offering of expression but an education as well. Marilyn, while the flow works well for me, I’d also like to make two suggestions you might consider. I was wondering if you could reorder the last lines of each verse to fall into a particular order that might enhance the progress of the poem. We could start of with the girl, move on to the wife, mother, bandit and outlaw. I guess its just an interchange of the ‘wife’ and ‘mother’ lines. Then, I would suggest strengthening the rhyme - scheme in some of the verses so that words meant to rhyme with ‘starr’ do not have to be mispronounced. For example, ‘popular’ and ‘starr’ don’t gel very well in this rhyme scheme. Similarly, ‘stellar’ and ‘starr’ and ‘mortar’ and ‘starr’. Thanks for this account on the life and times of Belle Starr and believe me, I’d rather read history from a poem rather than a dusty history text book. Point of interest: Did she name herself Belle Starr or was it a name given to her and why this particular name………sure would like to know!! Thanks. Keep writing!! Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-17 13:35:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Marilyn: What an engrossing, colorful narrative poem! Much of history *is* often shy of facts, or is changed to reflect the biases of the day, true enough. Her short, tragic life, detailed in this interesting poem shows us a glimpse of this compelling woman known as the "tempest in a samovar." Many fascinating, often fantastic, stories led to the myth and legend of Belle Starr, whose true life may have been with less glamour. Belle may have actually been an unfortunate woman of her times, hardened by necessity's lash. This is a tale known by all In valleys wide and far Told by some just to enthrall The stories of Belle Starr I love the way you begin this piece - setting the scene by piquing our interest, at the same time letting us know that some of the stories about Belle were told "just to enthrall." And enthrall she does, throughout your poem! Born in eighteen forty eight In a farm house of mortar She grew tall and straight The girl Belle Starr I think the word "mortar" rhymes in a witty way, which is part of the appeal of this piece. Along with the story, there is word play and wit, terrific rhythm in this spell-binding yarn. Married young when only eighteen To a man less than stellar Gave birth, kept the corners clean The mother Belle Starr Bandits Cole, James, and Younger Evil enough for feathers and tar Dined in her kitchen from her larder The wife Belle Starr I especially enjoy the way you give her "life stage" as the fourth line in each quatrain following the first one, which sets the stage for the entire poem. Two husbands later she wed Sam Starr Robbed trains car to car She was a tempest in a samovar - my favorite line The bandit Belle Starr Served time in a house of correction Talk of her was popular Bandit Queen the general perception The outlaw Belle Starr Your deft combination of "correction/perception" is pleasing to the ear, and also allows readers to reflect briefly on the notion of 'perception' vs what may have been a much more drab experience for Belle. In time she lived in the Choctaw Nation Became a (citizen) exemplar An assassin (slew) her in shotgun fashion The life and death of Belle Starr The only 'lack' in this piece, as far as I can see, is that it left me wanting more. Great job, Marilyn! Encore? All my best, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-17 09:04:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56667
What a tale you spin as you unravel the life of Belle Starr.......actually a very pretty name for a mighty pretty lady.....saw her portrayed on television once in a movie and she was also a Queen of the Saloon back then so it seemed......imagine getting shot at the age of forty? I cannot behold that image for the pain of the bullet ripping through would be more then enough for me....each stanza takes a portion of her life and yourpen just brings it forth....from her birth to her death you did her justice if indeed one can do an outlaw justice.......nice structure, great word flow, images throughout....could not ask for more......thanks for posting and sharing this with us......I wonder what we might have been if the Lord placed us here back then.......guess we would still be living in the woods only we would have out houses with spiders sitting besides us rather then flushing toilets.....what a sight.....bless you my friend for putting up with me.....be safe, God Bless, Claire

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