This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-09-17 03:58:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 25 (Dawn)

First sign of sunlight Pouring in silent delight Warm as morning smile

Copyright © September 2003 Erzahl Leo M. Espino

Additional Notes:
Special thanks to Tanner and Latorial for giving me a subject "Dawn" - the opposite of "Dusk". :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-07 22:14:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45098
Definately Dawn in this first line with first sign. The first two lines very well done yet the third caused pause for me but if it had been any other way then it would not follow the Haiku format. Maybe if it had said: 'A warm morning smile'. Just a thought. Well done and thanks for sharing. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-03 14:25:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.26667
Hi Erzahl! This is another of your Haiku's where every word you use has so much power and promise. You are the master-it's no contest. This is Imagry at it's best! I can see the sun as the mouth of our Creator, pouring out the delight of His heart on us, and of course, lovingly smiling down on us. On another level I also see God's patience in the sunrise. As the first signs of light shine I am reminded of His words from the bible: "For God , who said "Let light shine out of darkness", made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of knowlege of the Glory of God in the face of Christ. 2 Corinthians 4: 6 Thanks for sharing this, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-30 14:06:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96154
The first sign of sunlight Pouring in silent delight Warm as morning smile Lovely! There is a beautiful symmetry in the i's and l's of this piece that makes it amazingly artistic in presentation. This is a poem that should be made into a calligraphy tapestry and framed . I love the subject – perfect for haiku and the assonance of first/sign and Pouring/warm Great piece Ezrahl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Drenda D. Cooper On Date: 2003-09-25 09:00:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Erzahl, I have not been writing many critiques, but I have been reading most of the poems posted. I just had to take a moment to comment on this lovely haiku. I really took this one to heart ---for I am (an insomniac) often awake to see those first rays of light penetrate the darkness and bring on the new day... "First sign of sunlight Pouring in silent delight Warm as morning smile" Although haiku does not have to rhyme, you manage to incorporate it which adds to its "delight".. The night seems long at times when one cannot sleep and although the darkness brings on tears at times..I have always seen the "first sign of sunlight" as "hope" that springs for a new beginning and "warm as morning smile" is how if a "nutshell"--- The only thing I might add is have you considered, perhaps, using "sigh" rather than "sign" of sunlight..just a thought...............Enjoyed it ..........drenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-09-23 13:41:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Erzahl, Another and another pours from you fervent mind, regardless of suggestions given, your skill in the art of haiku, knows no peer. Each time you create a mood for the reader, in the brevity and use of linguists you create perfect pictures. Of course once again you use the right sylable count, but it what you do with that count and style that is amazing to me. No only do you capture the mood, you bring the reader into this beautiful framework of presentation. I could go on and on as to the skill you display, but I swear Erzahl you improve on a near prefection, which more then demonstrates your understanding of the style, the projection, and maintaining the intent. I don't know how many times I've experienced what you have written in my 64 years of life, but you captured the exact essence of all the sensation, and the poem creates a warm glow, you know that glow that places you in the beauty of the Creators universe, for when the sun rises in the East if fortunate enough to see the infused glow of the sun spreading, wiping out shadows to eventually proclain the warm and intent of comfort in the soul. Maybe I wane unpoetically, but honestly you're a pleasure to read, and each time you post I know I will read and cvomment..beautiful, comforting and deeply appreciated on the drab, overcast, rainey day, for I know rain is a cleansing and again and again the creator will once again allow this picture to calm troubled hearts, wonderful. (I realize you used caps, in natural poems the Japanese didn't you know, everything we read in translation is lower case, so I'll assume that's your preference in presents, either way a georgious poem.) My best as always, Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-09-17 19:16:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.09091
Erzahl, Very nice as usual. Enjoyed the "sign of sunlight". It has a nice reading and image affect. It does pour in once it appears, doesn't it. It is amazing how it looks warm, even in winter here. It always takes me by surprise when the temperature is so low, yet the morning glow looks like it should be warmer. Nice picture here. Thank you for this view of a brief moment in daily time that isn't always appreciated by the business of the day ahead. My very best to you, Andrea
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-17 10:43:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57895
Hi Erzahl, I love this haiku..."First sign of sunlight....pouring in silent delight." These are wonderful words giving a perfect image of sunrise. Sunlight does pour as it peeks up over the earth. It seems to 'pour' slowly but deliberatly until the earth is covered with it's 'smile of warmth'. Of course your structure here is perfect and the message is timeless. Your talent is overwhelming...just beautiful! Blessings of peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-09-17 10:04:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
And I smiled to read this ....wonderful use of long "I" sound throughout and the "s" use draws this together. I saw the orange glow the sun's orb this am, now it climbs the sky and warms the earth as this poem warms the morning. THanks for posting.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-17 04:50:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56667
Dawn....indeed a lovely subject to think about...the beginning of a new day in true form-5-7-5 ....morning light as it filter through one's window...sunshine glitters on the morning dew, pink sky off in the distance, what more could you ask for to start your day? Warm as a morning smile......certainly is for there is nothing that puts a smile on one's face then morning sunshine after a night of rain.....enjoyed this very much along with the images projected with the flare of your pen and the thoughts sent forth with your always, thank you for posting and sharing this with us. Be safe and God Bless....Claire
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