This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2003-09-18 19:33:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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FALLING

Changing over autumn to winter hear that lonely call. Easy to see why people like me always fall in love with the fall. Serious forest elk will bugle a mournful and lonely sound. No time to play this is no summer day there’s a crispness that’s going around. Summer birds fled replaced by the wind sounds like the ocean to me. Snow falls outside winters white pride and a picturesque vista to see. Miles away where wild horses bray the slim-pickings season is here. Grazing is done like the prodigal son horses cope with the seasons each year. Days of deep freeze snow to your knees a hard life for horses and bums. You have to stay warm  during blizzard and storm or while waiting for Jesus to come. Cold longest nights brief icicle days faith is believing in him. Just like you know when the winter winds go that a warm spring is coming again.                                                                                  

Copyright © September 2003 Mark D. Kilburn


This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-07 22:04:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45098
Mark the seasonal change was great and the selection of words worked well. My favorite stanza was: Days of deep freeze snow to your knees a hard life for horses and bums. You have to stay warm during blizzard and storm or while waiting for Jesus to come. Perfect flow in this one. The only season that I would have liked was to see summer otherwise I did not have any other suggestions. Well done. Tom


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-10-04 11:20:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93103
FALLING {Great title!} It must be lovely to live in a place that has real seasons. Your poem is warm, lyrical and lovely, Mark. I made a few technical suggestions. Best, Rachel Changing over autumn to winter hear that lonely call. Easy to see why people like me always fall in love/ with the fall. Serious forest elk will bugle a mournful and lonely sound. [I like the auditory attention in this piece]l No time to play this is no summer day there’s a crispness that’s going around. "Going around" is a nice casual expression here Summer birds fled replaced by the wind sounds like the ocean to me. [good analogy] Snow falls outside .... Grazing is done like the prodigal son How is this "like the prodigal son?' I think it needs a little more explanation - do the horses "roam" perhaps - and return to he same spot? horses cope with the seasons each year. .... You have to stay warm during blizzard and storm or while waiting for Jesus to come. [wonderful leap there!] Cold longest nights brief icicle days faith is believing in [H]im. Just [as] you know when the winter winds go that a warm spring is coming again. That kind of faith - yes -you make your point well
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-09-25 12:47:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84000
Hi Mark, being a Fall Baby I couldn't agree more with the first well written stanza. Every time I see one of your submissions I know we're in in for a extra special, upon close acquaintance with the actual sensations, and I don't believe this poem misses a nuanace to Fall creatures (by the way really like the title), even if we don't have first hand sighting of elk, and other creatures mentioned, you bring to us a reality that allows us that sighting we may never see in the wild. Not only all the essences of each creature, but the full sensation of the season is encapsulated in the tapestry of the differt weaves that constitute this seasonal delight. I wasn't wrong after reading it, just sorry that I seem to be behind my efforts of past participation, truthfully though I'm doing what this ailing ole body allows, although the mind is still sharp, physical abilities seem to drag behind. All in all I wouldn't even suggest suggest anything, but then nothing strikes me as needing to be fixed. Exciting, and really feeling that chill, don't mind the fall the winter though that's a completely different story, won't have the freedom of using my scooter which will dampen much. Keep writing, havn't failed to excitey sensen, or to make these visualization so real to me. Best regards always, Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-09-21 14:14:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.15000
Mark, I have been falling for New England falls for too many years to tell. It is my most favorite season for smells and memories to warm up the crispness you speak of. And spring is my next favorite. So, I am either a sucker for your verses or you paint a great picture...I go with the latter. I am finding a conflict with reading your poetry. I think if you went totally free and void of ending punctuation marks it will work as well. If you really can't let go of the punctuation, that is okay, but I suggest you utilize the comma more in either format. For instance: "No time to play," - a pause is needed "Snows fall outside, winter's..." - Separates the points and possesion for winter to complete the sentence. "Where.....bray;" - semi needed to join the two thoughts "Days of deep freeze (with) snow to your knees (is)" or "Days of deep freeze, snow to your knees (is)...- You need to make it a complete sentence with punctuation "Cold longest nights, brief.... (and) faith..." - a complete sentence. Also, did you want to capitolize Him in reference to Jesus? Remember this is only one man's (human kind) observation. I think free style is good...your thoughts are great and could flow with the poetic view by just using commas. Where as, the use of punctuation and period endings begs for complete sentences and pauses for your verses. I could be all wet, but it matters to the read as well as the assiting the point. Andrea
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2003-09-19 23:29:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53846
Hi! This was a spiritually tempered poem with an emotional force that absorbs the reader instantly. The poem is centered around 'faith' through the trials and temptations of life - depicted or symbolised here, by the references to the transition of a dreary Fall into an even more dreary Winter. The winter referred to here would symbolize the darker corners of what life is about and the poet's message to counter such darkness is one of faith, hope and understanding. Summer is at hand, he says, and uses the cheer and vitality of summer to symbolise the promised return of Christ. The poet has therefore used the seasons to depict sorrow and the promise of a better life. I would like to probe the poet's mind and in doing so I find that this poem is a reflection of personal experience of a life brimming with tribulation. When the poet comments in the first verse 'easy to see why people like me always fall in love with the fall', one might be able to conclude that a life of hardship is part and parcel of his existence. Imagery has been used effectively in the poem, giving us a visual effect to add to the feelings he wishes to express. From the 'serious forest, elk with bugle' to the 'wind sounds like an ocean to me'; from the 'winter's white pride' to the 'brief icile days', the poet paints the picture of a dreary wilderness at the center of his heart. However, one cannot and must not miss out on the offerings of hope in the poem. And even though the piece is present with overwhelming sorrow, it is this hope that is the central focus of the piece. There are three references - '....waiting for Jesus to come', 'faith is believing in Him', '..a warm spring is coming again', that instill hope in those who find themselves at the core of wintery lifes. I like the use of rhyme in this. It never seemed forced and that's because the poem flowed remarkably like a song. This was good work. Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-19 09:00:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55000
Changing over autumn to winter hear that lonely call. Easy to see why people like me always fall in love with the fall. Great opening stanza which sets the stage for the rest of the poem to follow.....fall is such a lovely time here in New England with the changing of the leaves bringing forth the harvest of red, yellow and golden tones to the woods and mountains.......the farmers gathering in the final harvest and going off to the fairs which come each weekend now with their 4H shows as well as their harvest fares.......the hayrides, pumpkins pickins, apple orchard time, all a part of fall in New England......People all over the worlld would fall in love with the fall if they could share in theis wonderful site my friend......yours seems to me to be just as appealing though....might not have the forest elk but I have the beautiful deer that come down into the meadow to find water and food......and once in awhile there are moose that follow the trails from Canada down into our woods and that my friend is a sight come morning light or nightfall dusk.....and as with the changing of all seasons it happens in the twinkle of an eye for the first snowfall announces the coming winter stay where one might as well bundle up and relax for the next six months will be colder then the rest.....the water will freeze over and you will be able to skate across the lakes and ponds near by or dig a hole in th eice and catch a few fish that still remain within its waters......just because the temperatures have dropped to freezing and below does not mean the fun has left New England it means you just bundle up and add a few more layers of clothing to your already stacked pack.....hay rides turn to sleigh rides and to me the horses are much prettier to eatch with fresh fallen snow covering the ground and blankets all around and the fires that await your return with the hot cocoa......and I love the way you add Jesus to this poem for we do await His return and perhaps you might want to give homage to Him by adding a capital H to His name......just a thought on my part......for nothing would be possible if not for Him.......thank you for posting this piece my friend....it is structured well and the words allow for a nice even flow which as you can see from my review have brought pure pleasure to my own soul and pictures for all to enjoy. Be safe and I look forward to another of your prescious reads....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-09-19 04:24:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
I am basking with the colors of the seasons while reading this poem, Mark, as this poem is painting splendid imagery all over its wall. And the lip-smacking imagery is being reinforced by cadence and rhyming which seems to serve as the dance music like call/fall, sound/around, me/see, etc. They are perfect! And more nice impact is created by the way you form all the lines like every stanza has 6 lines. There seems to be in unison of the meter and it creates a harmony. fall in love with the fall....yep, your readers would more in love because of your nice presentation! There seems to be a forlorn scene painted in the second stanza: Serious forest elk will bugle a mournful and lonely sound. ----but the elk seems to create a trumpet sound especially that you describe that there is crispness going around. It made me miss eating eating crispy foods, huh! You also made use of the figurative language to further beautify the artistry: Summer birds fled replaced by the wind sounds like the ocean to me....I could feed the cool breeze while seeing the splendid scenery here: Snow falls outside winters white pride --[nice alliteration of 'w' sond] and a picturesque vista to see.....WONDERFUL!--[nice alliteration of 'w' sound in winters white] -alliteration has also a special effect in: where wild horses bray -with the nice sound of 'w' Days of deep freeze - 'd' sound is great! Just a little comment on these lines: there’s a crispness that’s going around -i would prefer omitting "that's" here, the read would be a little nicer. winters white pride -I think there is apostrophe here [winter's white pride] faith is believing in him - I would prefer to capitalize 'h' in 'him' because you are referring to God here. Although, these are just trivial suggestions and it did harm even a little to your superb artistry. I like the thoughts here: You have to stay warm during blizzard and storm or while waiting for Jesus to come. The association of Jesus is simply the best! Overall, the poem stands very high in its imagery, creativity, etc. Thank you very much. I long more of this, Mark! You should have a colorful day today!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-18 20:36:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Mark: It seems like this one rolled out as naturally and easily as that wind which replaced "the summer birds which fled." As a coincidence, I wrote a poem on a similar theme today, especially including those fleeing birds. As always your imagery is magnificent, and you've made meter look so easy! I love the easy, walking cadence, and dry wit combined with reverence (a trademark of yours) in, for example -- Days of deep freeze snow to your knees a hard life for horses and bums. You have to stay warm during blizzard and storm or while waiting for Jesus to come. Your two-beat meter for two lines, then trimeter for one, then two, then one is musical and makes your words stick in my mind. I caught the droll humor in "waiting for Jesus to come" yet know you are a believer. As such, I think people of faith can effectively inject humor and it doesn't detract from but adds to the theme. I especially love -- Cold longest nights brief icicle days faith is believing in him. (Suggest "Him") Just like you know when the winter winds go that a warm spring is coming again. The dual theme of nature's cycles and the return of the One is magnificently handled here, Mark. Encore! All the best, Joanne
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