Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-18 22:00:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their Colors

A deep rippling garden pond still draws dabbling wood ducks and calling geese. Ring-necked pheasants run through tall weeds; sun’s rays gild their straight unwavering tails. Shy birds find easy places to swiftly hide from sight while plucky ones escape to thicker, thorny scrub. Wasps threaten sleek ruby-throated hummingbirds, undaunted on their quest for wet, sweet feasts. Townsend’s warblers will remain through winter then flee for mating season, flaring bottle green.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-07 22:47:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45098
So many beautiful birds displayed in this poem. The stanza's help promote each scene by given the reader just enough. My favorite part was with the Wasps you started to make me dig for a hidden thought and that is good. Fall to Winter. Thanks for sharing another enjoyable poem. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-03 16:35:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.26667
Wow Joanne, what an exquisite thought. Trees spilling color forth like water out of a pitcher! And yes I know that spill can mean a solid substance running over. But that thought just won't leave my head! This is a title with nice imagry and a poem chock full of imagry. I can visualize the pond with feathery friends galore! nice aliteration of D with draws/dabbling/ducks I like the P sound too with rippling pond and the ing sounds with rippling/dabbling/calling/unwavering Stanza two makes me picture the sunlight reflecting off the beautiful pheasant tails. That is such a beautiful thought. I can see them scurrying to hide. Stanza four is absolutely delicious! "Wasps threaten sleek ruby-throated hummingbirds, undaunted on their quest for wet, sweet feasts." Sleek ruby-throated humming birds! How wonderful. quest for wet sweet feasts----I love that. Nice ending too with the visual of the green. Now this is a Fall poem to copy off and read over and over. Thanks for sharing this. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-01 19:27:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82143
Hey Joanne, was beginning to think I would never reach this poem to comment on. Talk about capturing the essence of Fall, as I read about all our feathered friends in struck me, this is the season we all become away up here of Wild Turkeys, don't they have any in Washington. It's is neat to see them, for the hens come in flocks with their young right there, and if fortunate we may even get to see the very elusive males. Just wondered, they are really something to sit quietly and watch, sumising just what their habitat turns to onece the leaves comepletely changed, and those wonderfully colored leaves no longer crackle beneath their feet, this is also the time of the year one is bond to see all the Fox, proud, defiant, doing their things like humans don't truly exist for them, crossing roads with utter defiance for cars, they stop and stare at you, almost offered the challenge to dare you to hit them, there is humor in the wild, all one has to have is an open minds to see all the natural wild life like that exists, our town and towns around have been designated by Federal law to maintain the area is the most pristine Farm lands they always have been, and that's one Federal law I feel someone had a great deal of hindsight, and we are still a fortunate generation, to experience a somewhat maintain safe lands. Anyway I go off here once again, oh I have such memories and experiences to pull from, I've always felt fortunate that a measure of old time feeling remains here in our protected Farm Lands area. Can't say about the rest of Mass. when you get close to Boston and all the Metroplitian areas it's obvious it's been caught in the whildpool of Materialism, but here, ah the woods are still the woods, I can still walk through them, and caughth that feeling of how innocent, and simple it was, a life form I would prefer. Anyways, great, complete couplets, blending so well to maintain your intent, another very enjoyable and well written submission. Sorry I'm so late with this, but I know I'll reach the end of the month. Hope you are well sitting in breath taking relaxing environoment you so aptly described. Always a pleasure to read you, and comment. Hope all is well Being a Fall Baby this has always been my favorite time of the year, and you certaintain caught all the essence of the season. Pretty soon all the leaves will have fallen, but God is gracious they don't all fall at once, some sooner, some later. Enjoy, relax, and please keep submittine.....Love, Jo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-09-29 00:21:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.23077
Dear Joanne, Here sits a wonderful Fall poem. I love the couplet of the pheasants so much I would want you to start with it. It is so exact. Then the rippling of the garden pond to give us a sense of the season. I like the ideas of the third stanza but all the other birds are so names these anonymous birds seem out of place. Shy doves? The loveliness of the poem resides in the color of each bird's feathers. Who is plucky? The next two stanza are so pretty and thoughtful. I love the warbler stealing the green from the trees. I like basking in this poem. Jane

This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-09-21 13:17:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.15000
Joanne, A pleasurable reads with a boutiful vision within your nature's theme. I enjoy the way you observe and share your view. My only suggestion would be with the title. Perhaps Avian Autumns or something like that. Only this bird's view. Thanks for such fruitful delight while gazing upon, yet another, one of your nature's postcards. Andrea

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-19 14:50:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53659
Fall here in Tully is just beginning with the incoming wind and rain of this weekend I am hoping the wet weather will not harm the leaves that remain green on the branches.....waiting for the coming month in order to turn their shades of red, gold, burnt orange (one of my favorite colors) and at times a mixture of the above.....yellow does stand out very well too.....the hunters will begin to gather soon for bird season and those pheasant you speak of ever so sharply will once again fill my yard in safety measures.....for they know which side of the road they can stand upon....safe ground....hehehe.....the wasps might be keeping your hummingbirds at bay but let me tell you the wasps here in Tully, who made a nest in the tree above my deck certainly are keeping Claire on her toes.......was stung once seven times on the back of my neck and I am AFRAID of those little guys....actually they are white faced hornets and very very bad.....last night I heard the ducks calling out to each other which amazed me.....and my chickens that respond thinking WOW I have friends down the road a way......nicely structured, great word flow, images, could not ask for more......you have taken the essence of the season and brought it to life as you always do. Thank you for posting and sharing this with us......looking forward to more of your work...Be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-09-19 14:43:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne: What a wonderful title. I read "spill" as "sprawl" three times. You are the champ for best titles and have herein ousted me from the throne of Queen of Assonance and internal rhyme. Plus, your nature poetry is some of the best ever written, with an eye like Ted Hughes and the symbolism of Frost. "A deep rippling garden pond still draws dabbling wood ducks and calling geese. Ring-necked pheasants run through tall weeds; sun's rays gild their straight unwavering tails." The D's of S1 are wonderful and with the assonance make a lilting, tapping lyric. Your adverbs for wood ducks and pheasant tails are true perfection. You continue the long E assonance from S1 to S2 in weeds and give us a rhyming sun/run. And the scene depicted is simply grand but no one else would see it as poetically as you do. "Shy birds find easy places to swiftly hide from sight while plucky ones escape to thicker, thorny scrub. Wasps threaten sleek ruby-throated hummingbirds, undaunted on their quest for wet, sweet feasts." Assonance continued, too much to delineate. I love the notion of "plucky" birds and thicker/thorny/ threaten/throated is lovely. I don't like the wasps but note the hummers are "undaunted" so I can live with it. Then like strumming an old lyre, you serve us: "quest for wet, sweet feasts." Ah, the musicality of your words never ceases to surprise and please me. "Townsend warblers will remain through winter then flee for mating season, flaring bottle green." I haven't the least notion of a Townsend warbler but grateful you included him because you put the icing on, the finishing touch, the eclat, the genius stroke with "flaring bottle green." Ted Hughes uses the "green" in miraculous ways in his poetry, too. "Whistling green" ("October Dawn) and my favorite from The Wind: "the house rang like some fine green goblet". Anyway, to be compared to Ted Hughes is one of the greatest tributes I could render. You have the same magical touch. A lovely look ar autumn time in bird lives which is a metaphor for our own. Just as surely as winter follows autumn, the seasons cycle as do our lives. Great work. Laurel wreath. Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-09-19 14:33:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.21429
Hi Joanne, This is lovely. The imagery is consistantly themed, is easily pictured. The poem sounds good when read aloud, and I particularly noticed the alliteration of First stanza: "deep-w-draws dabbling ducks" Second stanza: "Ring - run - rays" Third stanza: "shy, swiftly, sight - thicker thorny" fifth : Flee - flaring " The only thing that caused me to hesitate as I read was the final couplet which seemed to me to be somewhat separated from the rest of the poem, perhaps because of the "will be" which changes the Time somewhat or perhaps because there is no neat "Tying up" of the poem. This is good observation as Nature doesn't tie things up completely ever, does it? Thanks for the wonderful imagery, Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-19 10:22:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58333
Hi Joanne, What a beautiful image you paint of fall...As I read your words I can actually see the scene as you describe it's beauty. Even the title is wonderful...I love.."spill their colors" I have seen ring-necked pheasants as they run through the weeds. They are such a wonderful thing to see in the wild. My husband and I use to hunt pheasants and I must confess it was hard for me to see them fall from the sky with a bullet imbedded in their lovely bodies...."Wasps threaten sleek ruby- throated hummingbirds" My husband put up several bird feeders in our backyard and a special one for hummingibrds, however, we only had one bird that fed from it...probably not very prevelant in our area. I don't think I have ever seen a Townsend warblers...what do they look like? Joanne, this is another lovely poem from you with great imagery and poetic talent...enjoyed it very much. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-09-18 23:31:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
Joanne...this reminds me of a poem from earlier...is this a rewrite or a new rendition inspired by your lovely pond? I like the vignettes each couplet paints...the images, the birds, you are painting these scenes quite well with your words in this piece. Makes me envious...almost feel like I'm sitting out on a quiet deck observing with you.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-18 22:42:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi, Joanne - good to see another nature piece from you. When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their Colors Wonderful title which promises much – and keeps that promise A deep rippling garden pond still draws dabbling wood ducks and calling geese. Nice “e” , I and soft a assonance in a lovely bucolic beginning Ring-necked pheasants run through tall weeds; sun’s rays gild their straight unwavering tails. What a lovely picture you are painting here – I can see the straight gilded edges of the tops of their tail shining in the weeds! Shy birds find easy places to swiftly hide from sight while plucky ones escape to thicker, thorny scrub. Poor shy birds – to be the ones without the substantial hiding place – A good allegory. Wasps threaten sleek ruby-throated hummingbirds, undaunted on their quest for wet, sweet feasts. The subject is a little ambiguous here as it could be either the wasps or the hummingbirds who are on a quest . It is true that grammatically it is the hummingbird – as that is the last named noun – but it could be the introductory clause wasps – my money is on the hummingbirds though. Townsend’s warblers will remain through winter then flee for mating season, flaring bottle green. Wonderful colors! Fine strong visual ending to a treat for the “eyes”

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!