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This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2003-09-21 16:30:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Brushed By Death

Without warning as a severed thread Anguish surged upon me only to spread Tearing with dull scissors as held in such fright Entreating its leave with all pursuits of might. A tapestry once woven among sparkling gold Was fading at once into a lifeless mold Intertwining threads between life and death Unsure as this time if I could take a breath. As within an arras many pictures are displayed A resonates of hope's dream still played Unquenched and insatiable while in flight Turning dull threads back facing the bright. Awoken to find my family all there I wondered why all were there in a stare They told me I brushed death by just a blink Thank goodness I have God, family, friends, and the link.

Additional Notes:
At the Rodeo (Pendleton, Oregon)for the first time, as many of you know, I was stricken down by a gall bladder attack, which turned to surgery, which turned septic. It was touch and go, and thank you all for your good thoughts, prayers, and yes, for my Happy Birthday as well. You are all wonderful. Oh: Arrass means = a wall hanging of heavy hand-woven fabric with pictorial designs. Love to all! And thank you as always! I am thinking of you all! Debbie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-07 21:51:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45098
Debbie you know me I tell one what I see and think within a poem. I know by the forum this happened even after you were given a different diagnosis. What I liked about your poem is the ending it is from the heart and we are the lucky ones to have you still here. Death, I had a face to face encounter so I know the experience. Now for your poem. You express yourself well and the first and last stanza's are much smoother than the middle two. Here is an example of what might have been more in tune for this reader, remember this is only my opinion. Tapestry woven among sparkling gold fading at once towards a lifeless mold Intertwining threads between life and death Unsure of the time, hoping for breath Again only my opinion so take it with a grain of salt. I love your poem of thanks. Thank you. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-02 18:36:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.15385
Debbie, I heard about your brush with neardeath and you were in my thoughts and prayers as well as everyone on the link. I was touched by the amount of concern others here had. You are loved! You've have written a beautiful piece here about the experience. I really like the metaphoric reference to the tapestry of your life. Nice touch! (Actually I wrote a poem called Tapestry.) Excellent title and very well thought out body. Ironicly, There is a richness to this that resonates your love of life. This structure lends itself well to this type of poem and I think it flows well. I especially love your intro stanza and the way you unfold the tapestry. I'm glad that you're better and hope to read more of your poetry soon. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-30 22:04:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47692
I do not know why this appears on my list again my friend but it does and we all know how I felt with my first read........I am still praying that your recovery is whole and complete and that the Lord will continue to show you the path He now has chosen for you to take......when one comes so close to His loving arms there is a road waiting to walk, so do not be afraid.......it will take you home someday but till that glorious day your work here is not complete.....thank you for posting and for sharing this with us.......I know it will touch the hearts of those that read it and will spring forth new life knowing there is a God who does love and care for us all. Be safe my friend and God bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-09-27 18:18:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Debbie: I critiqued this last week and lost it in cyber space. I had spent an hour and I know I won't be able to duplicate my prior efforts plus since my pc is fritzing, I may lose this. I rarly read the forum and was unaware of your mishap with the blood poisoning post gall bladder surgery. I'm glad you are well enough to write about it but it must have been horrifly painful, not to mention dangerous. Your 1st stnza sets the scene: a terrible attack; "tearing with dull scissors" got my attention. I also like the "severed thread" simile. "A tapestry once woven among sparkling gold Was fading at once into a lifeless mold Intertwining threads between life and death Unsure at this time if I could take a breath." The tapestry metaphor is lovely and appropriate and its turning to mold represents your pain effectively. We have "intertwining threads" here in lieu of "severed threads". "As within an arras many pictures are displayed (They resonate) with hope's dream still played Unquenched and insatiable while in flight Turning dull threads back facing the bright." Now you give us "dull threads" turned back to the light. I totally love your use of threads as it complements the tapestry and the brush with death. How often do we hear "Hanging by a thread"? Your rhymes are perfect throughout and the pom is well paced. Your final stanza says you woke up to see your family all staring at you and they had to tell you what had occurred. Your end line is sweet and comforting. Debbie, your poem is very adroitly done with the tapesty metaphor one of the best I've seen. Then I find all those wonderful threads...I will not forget this poem any time soon. I am happy you are all right and I hope you will continue to write with this level of acuity and acumen. Just grand! Kudos, Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-09-22 15:54:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Hi Debbie, how enphatic this poem is, "Brush with death", frightening, to floow the gist of your intent, you have capture the full essence of the experience, and in all ways a universal sensation of how it seems we're lost to relatiy, alone really with thoughts unconnected, yet making fll sense to you (all) who have had the experience of a close death. Wonderfully written, but I nary had a doubt, you were ready to write this poem, it's like the awareness of what actually hold value, those that surround, offering their strength, all one has to go is grab ahold, I really like how the thread of survival is described, for no matter, how bad the fight, God wills us on, he in quiet tones, tells us, now is not the time, to grab ahold, to turn ones face to the sun (another of his creations, it's almost as if we really have to unconciously fight, yet proclaim the will to live. I know the sun is the giver of life, all we do is continually reach for it, acknowling the Creator has determined we fight this fight, and you did. Tired, painful, out of it, yet we do reach for the sun. See I told you, no doubt in my mind, you would be very poetic, and organize, and present all these sensations so well, that's why I told you to post the poem, I had no doubt it would be well written, another extension of the healing process. You never cease to amze me, the heights you have scaled, the burdens you so carefully designate to their right place. He wants you, along with loving family and friends to reach for the sun. You make me proud to read this, and be included as a fiend, who loves and cares, and prays you will find total peace and tranquility, placing what would seem insurmountable odd, learn, and go on. You deserve the accolades, you met the devil, and beat him. Amen Love, now remember to write this deep inner respective, seeing in down in black a white, is truly a part of the total healing process. You know I care, I'm proud of you, you're quite a woman. Love you, always, Jo

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-22 12:40:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi Debbie, As I read your words I could feel your pain and the uncertainty of life as we know it. Unfortunately I have been operated on so many times I quit counting. You have deftly told your story with a great deal of emotion and it took me on a journey of my own...."Anguish surged upon me" These are perfect words for intractable pain..."tearing with dull scissors" This line gives me the shivers...that ripping, tearing abdominal pain is beyond words but you found them giving this reader more than pause.... I love the way you have used a tapestry to describe the fine thread between life and death....wonderful...."unsure, at this time, if I could take a breath"....I know the fear in taking a breath as you know just the act of inhaling wll increase the pain. In the 3rd stanza you are beginning to wake and this reader begins to relax with ..."resonates of hope's dream still played."..."turning dull threads back facing the bright"...even before you wake you are fighting with all your might.. coming out of the abyss and wondering why everyone is staring at you with their hearts in their throats. A close call, Debbie, I prayed for you as we all did as soon as we heard what was happeinig to you. Thank God you are home safe and well. Love...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Julie Ann Ruengert On Date: 2003-09-22 01:11:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I could feel as I read the poem that you were in great pain and I liked how you compared yourself and situation to tapestry, first gold then fading as you were probably in and out of consciousness. My only suggestion to get this beautiful poem to flow better is to count your sylables for example the first four lines have a rhythum of 9, 10, 11, 12. The second four is 12, 11, 10, 11. You could make the 11 sylable line (Unsure as this time if I could take a breath) into 9 sylables by for example by saying, (Unsure at this time, of life or breath). The next four lines could be 9, 10, 11, 12 and the last four lines could be 12, 11, 10, 9. Ex. Within an arras, pictures displayed-9 A resonate of hope's dream still played-10 Unquenched and insatiable while in flight-11 Turning cloudy textile back facing the bright-12 Awoken to find my family all in there-12 I wondered why all of them were in a stare-11 They told me I brushed death just by a blink-10 Thank-you God for kin, friends and the link-9 Your poem would flow 9, 10, 11, 12---12, 11, 10, 9---9, 10, 11, 12---12, 11, 10, 9 I hoped this helped and I am glad prayers were answered and you got better. I had gallbladder surgery but it wasn't that bad because they got to it before infection set in. Also happy birthday and God Bless You. Friends, Julie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-09-22 00:02:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Debbie, Fearful and praying, we hoped for this post These words from your voice was wanted the most Back to living, as this story has beem told To weave in new threads, now made of gold You've been given more time to cherish each day Family, friends and linkers, we welcome your stay So, good to have you back, my good friend!!!! Love, Andrea

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-09-21 18:13:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.29412
Hi Debbie, The title of the poem caught my attention, as it is facing death that ultimately seems to bear fruit in strong poetry. Before I lose track of it, did you mean "at" instead of "as" in, "Unsure as this time if I could take a breath" ? The metaphore of the tapestry is excellent and works for the poem. The language is mature, the couplets rhyming in the stanza's. I particularly liked, "A resonates of hope's dream still played Unquenched and insatiable while in flight". This speaks so well to the drive towards life we have, and I am so glad it was strong in you! Until now I hadn't known you were ill. I'm glad I found out only after you had turned the corner into recovery. The last two lines can summon up my belief's also. Thanks for the poem, Rene

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