This Poem was Submitted By: Dawn Parker On Date: 2003-09-23 13:15:50 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Blaze Time stands surprisingly still
Uncertain in this ignited moment
Hearts ache to quickly heal
Seared with flames of a feverish vent
Flared eyes risk a shielded glance
Stoked by crumbling firewall bricks
Feet shuffle to regain balance
Fueled by hope amidst smoldering sticks
Blame loosens its fiery hold
Consumed within the rising plume
Minds kindle regrets burning untold
Sparked from hot tears of a passioned flume
Cheeks absorb the sulfur taste
Tempered with trust for the other’s face
Arms reach for an explosive embrace
Spirited above this ashen place
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Copyright © September 2003 Dawn Parker
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-26 08:24:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.49091
Good Morning Poet: After several readings of this poem I wondered what kind of blaze are we refering to within these lines? To me this speaks of a lovers spat..."uncertain in this ignighted moment hearts ache to quickly heal." This is beautiful..the charged moment when two lovers or perhaps wonderful friends want so badly to recover from the heartache of hurtful words they needed to vent. "Flared eyes risk a shielded glance stoked by crumbling fire wall bricks" ..once spat out for the other to actually hear then the pain begins to subside from within and perhaps a healing process does begin and hopefully so within your heart as well......fueled by hope admist smoldering sticks"...wonderful..."minds kindle regrets"..."Hot tears of passion flume"...good line "cheeks absorb the sulphur taste..tempered with trust for the other's face" ..."arms reach for an explosive embrace"..feeling the anger has left the need to hold and comfort each other has returned once again and in closing ..."spirited above this ashen place." lovely ending to a passionate piece of writing. Actually reminds me of something I ventured through a few years back with someone close to my own heart.........Emotions fill this piece my friend and I am pleased to have found it on my list of reads. Thank you for posting and sharing your work with us. Be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2003-09-26 01:28:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.36842
Wow Dawn. I feel the need to open the nearest fire hydrant and drench this poem with needed H20!
What a torrid visual you create. Such fumagating verbage. Such could have been written by one witnessing the LA riots back then. Not to mention visions of the horrors wrought by the Ku Klux Clan years back. But all those history clips aside, the most momentous moment was that twin towering inferno which struck NYC. And that is the scene in which I'll place my bet. The "sulfur" taste; "explosive embrace" and "ashen place" pull this piece beyond the realm of burning crosses for sure. Riots.. well, some of them, also have significantly branded their causes into our history. You leave no specific hints other than the overwhelming sense of fire, smoke and infernal destruction happening here, and the sickening effects on the senses and the mind:
"Hearts ache to quickly heal"
Seared with flames of a feverish vent"
"Feet shuffle to regain balance"
"Cheeks absorb the sulfur taste"
"Arms reach for an explosive embrace" for examples.
The firey adjectives, verbs and nouns, lick the lines like flames.. popping up here and there, a constant reminder of this portrayal of hellious proportion.
A very wrenching, emotional script Dawn. I hope you'll confirm my guesses about the event that inspired this poem!
Cheerz,
T
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-25 21:30:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45455
Dear Dawn,
I have read this poem several times and at first I wasn't sure of
the meaning...what sort of blaze...then all at once I was into it. To me
this piece speaks of a lovers spat..."uncertain in this ignighted
moment hearts ache to quickly heal." This is just beautiful..the
charged moment when two lovers or perhaps wonderful friends want so
badly to recover from the heartache of hurtful words they needed to vent.
"Flared eyes risk a shielded glance stoked by crumbling fire wall bricks"
...the fire of anger begins to abate...feet shuffling to regain balance
....fueled by hope admist smoldering sticks"...wonderful..."Blame
loosens it's fiery hold"...now the lovers want to forgive..stop
blaming each other for whatever crime fuled this passionate balze.
..."minds kindle regrets"..."Hot tears of passion flume"...good line
"cheeks absorb the sulphur taste..tempered with trust for the other's face"
..."arms reach for an explosive embrace"...all the anger is gone now and
the need to hold and comfort each other has taken its place...."spirited
above this ashen place." lovely ending to a passionate piece of
writing. I have a feeling this will be high on the winners list this
month. The emotion with which it is written shines through every word
and line...just beautiful.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-09-25 09:43:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
Dawn you make this reader dig, that is good, for I revisit the poem several times to see what stone remains intact throughout this combustion you have depicted. I see love written within this poem and the passion between two explode and rise above the flame. This is my type of poetry, enjoy the structure, the verbage, the rhyme, the thoughts presented that is both the physical and emotional. Well done. Excellent poetry wouldn't change a thing. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-09-24 17:51:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78947
A brilliant burst of fire is what I noticed after visualizing this poem, Dawn! And it seems to me that this blaze is bringing a striking display that looms aloof before me. I can sense passionate feeling/emotions here.
Upon reading the title, questions are looming before your readers... Is it a blaze of anger? A blaze of mixed feelings? A blaze of external sight? And of course, it entices us to put an interest/urge to read this laconically written piece.
Indeed, this poem is blazing with colorful ingredients just like your previous submission that I critiqued entitled "A Taste of Life". What I mean for colorful ingredients are figurative language used which includes the personification, interestingly beautiful slang (like 'stoked') the use of alliterations, etc. Of course, personification is made use to create a energetic entrance...Time stands surprisingly still...and the more it becomes enlivining because of the wonderul alliteration that is created by t/s sound: time/stands/still...makes a sibilant sound with surprisingly.
The attempt of meter gives an energetic cadence with the rhyming scheme that lilts my heart to a blazing palpitation. Smile!!!
Just a little maybe trivial comment on this line:
Minds kindle regrets burning untold -I think there should be an apostrophe here: [Mind's kindle regrets]
I am bit chemically passionated in the last stanza:
Cheeks absorb the sulfur taste
Tempered with trust for the other’s face
Arms reach for an explosive embrace
Spirited above this ashen place
I like the association of the 'sulfur' and the use of 'explosive' to describe a kind of embrace. Very interesting! I am thinking of how can I make mange my arms to make explosive embraces! I just have a great in this! It makes me open my mind to a perspective that is so concrete!
I just have an blazing read with this one, Dawn. What do I mean for blazing read? It's a passionate and energetic read! It's again my pleasure reading and critiquing your artistry!
With the blazing desire to read some more of your poetic crafts,,,SMILE!!!
Jordan
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