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This Poem was Submitted By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-10-01 00:10:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Hymn to Autumn

Nestled in eiderdown, Flannelled and balmed, Autumn left quickly Sans rancor or blame Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain Go now, go swiftly, To the veranda, Tune up the piano, Drink cider and bloom This will be private: The dying, my darling This will be private, The dying alone

Additional Notes:
This poem is not about anyone in particular -

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-10-31 10:22:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.21429
Rachel your poem is so senual I can feel myself wrapped in a warm quilt drinking cider on an autumn day. I also like the repition and rythm in the final stanza. I don't have any suggestions because this one is already better than anything I write but I wanted to let you know I enjoyed it. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-10-23 20:50:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear Rachel, I love the disclaimer so we will not heap sympathy upon you. LOL. A friend of mine just turned 59 (Marsha). Personnaly I thinks looks HOT. She where great bright colors (the other day a bright blue) and has the lovely laugh lines of a well lived life. Anyway, she was remarking that when people call the news is of poor health and death. Its engulfing her a bit. I am in the baby and divorce stage myself. Ill health tends to be staged in a battle which is won and also lose. Anyway.... On a very personal and not very relvant note that has nothing to do with your truly lovely poem (can you tell I do not want to grade the papers in front of me? The sectoion of the prompt that asked my students to evaulated seems beyond thier notice lol.) I think it is a real pity that Autumn is associated with death. It is also the time of the harvest, of bounty. Anyway... to your lovely hymn.. a : a song of praise to God b : a metrical composition adapted for singing in a religious service 2 : a song of praise or joy Nestled in eiderdown, (such a lovely word and brings in the cold of the season) Flannelled and balmed, Autumn left quickly Sans rancor or blame (Sans? seems out of tone as does rancor--maybe I just don't like the sounds of rancor) Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen (so niccce--jealous) Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain (just love these metaphors) Go now, go swiftly, To the veranda, Tune up the piano, Drink cider and bloom Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh so good. This will be private: The dying, my darling This will be private, The dying alone Great ending. Thanks so much Jane!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2003-10-20 12:15:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
R., Not to anyone in particular - ay? So I gather it is to everyone in general? For some reason I found your note at the end very relevant. Just recently I received an advance review of...oh that doesn't matter...anyway, I was told there were too many dedications throughout. Hmmm... I wonder... On with the show... My box of accolades for Roni is forever overflowing. You never cease to amaze. Your use of vocabulary, your jazz ryhthms, your impeccable placement of accent. Adorned in such comfort autumn is whisked away... Nestled in eiderdown, Flannelled and balmed, Autumn left quickly Sans rancor or blame and yet rife with symbolic callings. This season, the season of leaving, always parts swiftly, unapologetically, knowing it's time. Wrapped in a comfortable casket, the comfort, eiderdown and flannel, are for us, the ones left behind. Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain Roni, it simply doesn't flow any more meaningfully or beautifully than this. Go now, go swiftly, To the veranda, Tune up the piano, Drink cider and bloom What a soft and gentle nudge appears with the word "bloom". This will be private: The dying, my darling This will be private, The dying alone You have such a passionate compassion and a daring sense of reality. The last line gives at least a duel purpose to the privacy. We do die alone. It is the ultimate privacy. Paradoxically, if this line is read as, "only the the dying itself is private, everything else, before and after, is shared, then we return to the seasons don't we...or do we? Your writing moves me so... Rick "Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain" Now Roni, it simply doesn't flow any more meaningfully or beautifully than this.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-18 15:53:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.08333
Hi Rachel, Finally a poem from you on my list! This may not be about anyone in paticular but it really hit me where I live as it reminds me of when my husband lay dying and I was helpless to help him..."Nestled in eiderdown, flanneled and balmed"...this is a wonderful line, the word choice is so perfect here that it gives me a nestled feeling. Living on this mountain top I call home eiderdown and flannel are a necessity in the winter...I always sleep with the window open regardless so I really need the warmth..."Softly the pavement has dressed up in linen. Embroidered in remnant of twice-frozen rain"...using fabric to give the image of wet pavement is brilliant!..."Tune up the piano, drink cider and bloom" perfect for this piece...I remember how my husband loved to hear me play the piano and of course fall is the time to drink cider. Then the last stanza brought tears to my eyes..I read it twice but could not read it a third. This is another example of your wonderful talent and one that touched me so profoundly. Thanks for writing this one. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-14 17:25:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Rachel, I had already seen the universal implications in this poem, your wonderful rhythm, and use of smilies (metaphors), but mostly the appeal in the the soft quality of the beauty of the season on Autumn, and the harshness and differences of the winter vissta's that are to come. Fall (Autumn) is the time of year I was born, so I've always felt that festoons quilt and elderdown comfort, that this poem so warmly reminds me of great sensations. As usual you write with a perfessional air, wonderful aluring poem for me. Good show as ual, great syntax, rhythm, and quiet, soothing quality. Good Luck, very deserving, as in another you posted that I'll critique, what a learning curve of coming to a religious understanding of a Jewish Holiday.....Best, Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-09 20:50:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Rachel, I am excited again to have this chance to give my views on this seemingly deeply intriguing poem. Also I feel it hard to unravel what it is telling about. It seems to give me a mystery or a kinda haze that makes me think deeply. It is always a good point if the poem makes the readers participate through thinking and pondering on the thoughts. Maybe, I am just not getting sensible at this moment. Anyway, I am getting verbose again! SMILE! Hymn to Autumn! The question that crops up right in my mind is, is the is the hymn joyful or melodious of forlorn? I can sense a little poignance here! I don't know I just felt it in my first glance of the title. The first image that loomed before my eyes is something like soft, light and white that seems to bring comfort with your wonderful entrance: Nestled in eiderdown, Flannelled and balmed, Eiderdown is the down of the either duck right? It is used as stuffing for quilts and pillows? Excuse this "low in English" reader! "flanelled" is even a voculary for me! Oops! I think it is typo, I think the spelling is only a single "l" but I think it is accepted! Just a thought! Well, infact, the word "cancel" can have both "cancel" and "cancelled" as the past tense. Anyways... Autumn left quickly Sans rancor or blame -[what is "Sans"? Is it used as a preposition that means "without"? So that it would say "without bitter resentment"? Im sorry about my being unknowledgeable! NOw, from the light/soft imagery in the first stanza, the second stanza gives me the picture of a somewhat coarse but lustering as you associated the idea of "linen"! The third strophe is more participating: Go now, go swiftly, To the veranda, Tune up the piano, Drink cider and bloom The imperative gives a strong impact! Isn't what you want to tune up with the piano, the kind of hymn to the autumn? This reinforces the effectivity of the title. And the ending seems to give a forlorn hymn! If I pause and ponder there seems to be a pain. I just don't know how to concretize the pain! I hope I did mess up my mind here! I salute to your craftmanship here! Thank you very much, if you can expound to me the real essence of the piece! Take care, Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-09 19:30:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
I love the imagery in this poem, and the brevity of its lines, which seems to echo the season. This seems to be one of those poems which captures a moment in time which is not full of action or drama, yet pivotal in understanding a character. The poem moves well, reads well aloud, although I have to admit when I get to "Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain" This is so lovely that I find I have to stop and savor the images. Wonderful writing! The last stanza has something of the same effect, except in this case it is the landscape of the emotions that demands one walk slowly to savor the feelings. I particularly like the tone of acceptance and gentle love that I felt as I read. This is beautiful, and has such simplicity. Then again, so does the night sky in summer. Thanks for sharing this with us, Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-09 04:52:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Rachel, Your initial entry for October is timely and a wonderful introduction to one of season’s most moody character, the “Autumn”. Your ode to its spectacular beauty is a joy and inspiration to read. Welcoming the saddest and coldest phase of season “winter”, your “farewell” to “autumn” is truly a last resort of warmth. Something we would like to cherish for the last moment…and you have captured it very well. “Nestled in eiderdown, Flannelled and balmed, Autumn left quickly Sans rancor or blame” --- Undeniably poetic! You have pictured the coming of “winter” and the leaving of “autumn” with great anticipation – without bitterness, a welcoming sight to behold. I find “flannelled” and “balmed” appropriately to “nestled”. “Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain” --- Wow, very haiku-like…I’m enjoying the visualizations! Fashionably winter-like! “Go now, go swiftly, To the veranda, Tune up the piano, Drink cider and bloom” --- I like the soft reading of this simple commands…I find it not forceful but hypnotic. The mention of “veranda”, “piano”, “cider” and “bloom” brings a nostalgic feel between the lines. “This will be private: The dying, my darling This will be private, The dying alone” --- Wow, dramatically beautiful! I like the rhyming and playfulness of the line “The dying, my darling”. The repetitive “This will be private” brings goosebumps to my spines. This is a sad note especially the last line “The dying alone”. It is the word “alone” that sadden the situation. The “private” brings a strong-willed and determined emotion without self-pity and feeling of abandonment. Kudos on your very fine work here Rachel! I really enjoy the sensation of your roller-coaster emotions circling around the poem. There is something in this poem that is unexplainably powerful and influential. Thanks for posting this in TPL for our enjoyment! I know this is another winner! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-10-03 15:33:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Rachel: Sometimes I hear and see things in poems that I don't think poets meant to be there, so if I interpret this differently from your intent for the piece, I apologize in advance. This poem brought the lyrics of "Cowboy's Lament" to my mind and I am hearing it sung. I think this began when I read "dressed up in linen" and then intensified with the final strophe: This will be private: The dying, my darling This will be private, The dying alone I recall that the young cowboy was dying, and gave instructions for his burial: "Get six jolly cowboys to carry my coffin; Get six pretty maidens to bear up my pall - " Perhaps the only similarities are that the speaker makes a request for certain things to be done whilst she (or he) is dying -- Go now, go swiftly, To the veranda, Tune up the piano, Drink cider and bloom which are in contrast to wandering about with a downcast mien, as well as the reference to the pavement which has "dressed up in linen." But the title is "Hymn to Autumn" and in the first strophe, the images are soothing - or at least soothing in the kinds of ways we are soothed when recuperating from an illness: Nestled in eiderdown, Flannelled and balmed, --soothing liquid l's in all four lines Autumn left quickly Sans rancor or blame Autumn *does* leave quickly - and autumn's intense beauty is partly due to the dying of the leaves. How can we blame autumn for what cannot be helped, one might conclude here. "Softly" in the second strophe evokes, for me, "Oh beat the drum slowly." But the texture of pavement is harsh, especially dressed in its linen "Of twice-frozen rain." But instead of the "slowly" of the Cowboy's Lament, the one to whom the speaker addresses this hymn instructs, "Go now, go swiftly." I somehow feel that the speaker addresses an other, who, as innocent and guileless as a fleeting autumn, must leave the speaker to die alone. The repetition of "dying" and "private" imbue a resoluteness (no change of mind possible) to the speaker's words. This is a mournful poem which greatly intrigues, and an excellent read. Splendidly done, as always. Bravo! All my best, Joanne

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