This Poem was Submitted By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-16 11:10:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Forever Daddy

One, two, three, four, five,... I tried counting the stars above But they clustered in zillion "Daddy, their number I couldn't reckon!" Like the untiring efforts you exert for me I become a man of principle and discipline. I was once equipped with a sonar, I tried determining the Pacific's depth But it's unfathomable, "Daddy, its bottom is beyond measure!" Like the paternal love you bestow on me. I was once a capricious dreamer, I yearned I can fly Like a bird gliding from afar While zephyr's blown across the azure sky. Ah, yes, I did soar! You gave me wings Your wisdom levitates me  into a lofty seat of understanding. I was once a merchant, searching for fine pearls Risking my life to unknown places like a vagabond, And at last, I've found the place where fine pearls are treasured In your heart, dignity and heroism  of an ideal father reside in quintessence. My childhood flashes back When we were flying a kite In the verdant fraught with delight. "My child, hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight!" You uttered in bravery. And you know, Dad? The kite is still flying! Your nobility and greatness hold its string. Now, I grew up With virtue you molded, my armor I learned to take up the gauntlet, I delve into the world Prepared as a militant soldier in a battle With wisdom you imparted, my helmet. Now, let me tell you, Daddy I may be ignorant of the world around me  Yet one thing I'm sure I know You do love me and I love you, too Forever long.

Copyright © October 2003 Jordan Brendez Bandojo


This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-30 11:37:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I have to admit that this poem makes me a bit jealous. I have never had that great a relationship with my family generally, and my dad specifically. Because of the painful things this brings up for me, it's more difficult to break down this poem than it might otherwise be for me, so sorry. It's a well done poem, quite different than some of your other work, IMO. The words verdant and zephyr made it in there, as I can tell that these are some of your favorites from your other work. Thanks, REEG!


This Poem was Critiqued By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-11-07 21:41:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
My gosh Jordan, no wonder you were embarrassed and shocked by my poems. I read this one and "Mother and Child" And definitely enjoyed both. Your English is much better here than in your emails. Just one line was a little off: I yearned I can fly. We don't use "yearned" like this. My suggestions: My dream was to fly or I dreamed of flying. Even I yearned to fly. All in all I like your ideas and your admiration for your father. I hope he is still alive to read this. I'm sure he'd be pleased and quite proud of you for listening to his wisdom. The mother and child is quite well done-haiku. I enjoy writing them, but have only a few that are any good. You bring out the nurturing role of mothers and fathers quite well in these two poems. Perhaps in your culture you wouldn't consider what your father taught you to be nurturing, but the way I look at it is that he took the time to teach you because he loved you and over here we consider that nurturing (love). Thanks for sharing. Gayle
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-11-07 13:44:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
What a wonderful tribute to a father. As an adult writing for a father - the use of the word "Daddy" is complelling and indicates a strong and abiding love since childhood. One, two, three, four, five,... I tried counting the stars above But they clustered in zillion[s] "Daddy, their number I couldn't reckon!" Like the untiring efforts you exert for me I [became] a man of principle and discipline. fine beginning, Jordan I was once equipped with [-a] Sonar, I tried determining the Pacific's depth But it's unfathomable,[good ocean reference-clever!] "Daddy, its [depth- or another word - bottom is odd here-especially in the simile] is beyond measure!" Like the paternal love you bestow on me. I was once a capricious dreamer, I yearned [to] fly Like a bird gliding from afar While zephyr's [blow] across the azure sky. Ah, yes, I did soar! You gave me wings Your wisdom levitates me into a lofty seat of understanding. good stanza! I was once a merchant, searching for fine pearls Risking my life [in] unknown places[,] like a vagabond, And at last, I've found the place where fine pearls are treasured In your heart, dignity and heroism of an ideal father reside [-in quintessence -overwriting in that stilted word]. My childhood flashes back When we were flying a kite In the verdant [needs noun here]fraught with delight. [nice oprphan rhyme] "My child, hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight!" You uttered [bravely}[but why is it brave to say that? And you know, [Daddy]? The kite is still flying![wonderful line!} Your nobility and greatness hold its string. [-Now,] I grew up With [the] virtue you molded, my armor I learned to take up the gauntlet, [to] delve into the world Prepared as a [-militant] soldier in a battle With wisdom you imparted, my helmet. Now, let me tell you, Daddy I may be ignorant of the world[- around me] Yet one thing I'm sure I know You do love me and I love you Forever long. Forever long is a nice phrase to end this poem. I think the last stanza is not as image rich as the rest but I am sure that it captures real feelings and that is reeason enough. What a lucky man you are to have such a father. Best Rachel
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-11-04 22:27:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Hi Jordan, I have to get some sleep as it's late here but wanted to let you now how deeply moved I feel when I read this poem. It's a most wonderful tribute to a father's influence on his son. The direct quotations bring the child to life, and the father's reassurance - when kite-flying - makes me think of both a human parent and God Himself, overseeing His growing son. Free verse suits the narrative. I think you write free verse very naturally and always enjoy it when this is your chosen form. It's interesting the way you shift between child and adult self, throughout. So the adult man uses sonar to measure ocean depth, and then the child's voice intrudes. The merchant accumulates wealth and yet, remembers kite-flying in simpler times. This is truly the way memory operates. My childhood flashes back When we were flying a kite In the verdant fraught with delight. "My child, hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight!" In the above passage, my one small suggestion is that you drop the end rhyme. You haven't been using rhyme at all, so it seems out of place here. Also, "verdant" is an adjective; you want "in the verdant ... meadow, or field, or spring". It needs to describe what is green and growing. That having been said, the imagery is great and anyone can relate to this situation. Anyway, well done, and I can see by the standings that other readers are also enjoying this one. I'd best get to bed because I have to get up for work and morning comes too early. But I'm so glad I found this poem and can take it away with me. It's extremely uplifting (no pun). I miss my own Dad, though; he died in 1985 and there's been an empty hole in my heart ever since. When you write these words to your father, in a sense, you speak for me too. My Best, Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-25 04:53:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76000
Hi Jordan, The first time I read this poem, I would like to inform you immediately how beautiful and inspiring this is…something I will never forget! I like the way you write your “free-verse” poems…it flows flawlessly with your pen. Readers can easily feel the heartbeat of your words. You make it so casual and easy yet to us, your audience…I find this very skillfully written and with great character and charisma. Well, your words and approach works well with me! “Forever Daddy” --- Great title! One can feel the child-like and innocent side of you! “One, two, three, four, five,... I tried counting the stars above But they clustered in zillion "Daddy, their number I couldn't reckon!" Like the untiring efforts you exert for me I become a man of principle and discipline.” --- And that child-like character strongly supports your introductory line…its like a “Ten Little Indians” counting! I like your number “zillion” instead of the usual “hundred”, “thousand” and “million”. With words and phrases like “become a man”, “principle” and “discipline”…I could instantly detect the depths of your message here. “I was once equipped with a sonar, I tried determining the Pacific's depth But it's unfathomable, "Daddy, its bottom is beyond measure!" Like the paternal love you bestow on me.” --- Your craze in astronomy radiates within these lines. I like how you associate its ongoing mystery just like a “father’s love”…so eternal! “I was once a capricious dreamer, I yearned I can fly Like a bird gliding from afar While zephyr's blown across the azure sky. Ah, yes, I did soar! You gave me wings Your wisdom levitates me into a lofty seat of understanding.” --- Wow, such luscious profundity! You are good in this! Plus, the images are even vibrant! You are like an eagle in the broad sky soaring all those dreams…strongly influenced by the blow of your father’s wind…which is “wisdom”…the “wisdom of life”. --- I enjoy the use of “capricious” for the dreamer. I also like the use of “zephyr” and “azure” within that same line. The “z” is effectively contagious! “I was once a merchant, searching for fine pearls Risking my life to unknown places like a vagabond, And at last, I've found the place where fine pearls are treasured In your heart, dignity and heroism of an ideal father reside in quintessence.” --- Wow, another exquisite “treasure” of words. You never fail to shower us with your gems. “Searching for pearls” is a wonderful thought…but realizing where to find this “treasured” pearls in the heart of a “father” is something more than big! This is one of the clever and sweetest metaphor or allegory I have ever read! Your words are always fresh and new! The use of “quintessence” is elegant! You have end this stanza with such style! “My childhood flashes back When we were flying a kite In the verdant fraught with delight. "My child, hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight!" You uttered in bravery. And you know, Dad?” The kite is still flying! Your nobility and greatness hold its string.” --- Again, you brought the nostalgic feel between a father and a son through the subject “Kite”. For me the most powerful lines in the entire poem are the lines “The kite is still flying! Your nobility and greatness hold its string”. --- What a legacy you have there! “Now, I grew up With virtue you molded, my armor I learned to take up the gauntlet, I delve into the world Prepared as a militant soldier in a battle With wisdom you imparted, my helmet.” --- Wow, again! To associate the paternal love to the different armors is unique and smart! The use of words like “virtue”, “armor”, “gauntlet”, “militant soldier”, “battle” and “helmet” are excitingly inter-related. But what I like most is the last line “With wisdom you imparted, my helmet.” - with this, you left me hanging in awe! “Now, let me tell you, Daddy I may be ignorant of the world around me Yet one thing I'm sure I know You do love me and I love you, too Forever long.” --- Wow, another unforgettable and poetic phrases! I enjoy every depth of your words here! And to end this obvious and felt love with an ending phrase “Forever long” is just perfect! You complete it all! Kudos on your masterpiece here Jordan! Another stellar performance! Thanks for posting this wonderful piece for us to reflect and enjoy! For me, this is top-notch! As always, Erzahl :) P.S. In regards with your English translation for the word “mag-ina”, I don’t know the translation of it in English. The only thing that comes to my mind is “mother and child”. :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-10-23 19:21:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95000
Jordan: WOW! This poem has to be one of the most wonderful events in your father's life. Few adult children thank their parents in the superlative way that you have, in the inspirational soaring voice of a truly grateful son. It is of great value to your father, without a doubt, but as a poem it soars. Who reading this will not think of letting their living parent(s) know of their appreciation? It is truly inspiring to read of your father, his words to you, and your gratitude. One, two, three, four, five,... I tried counting the stars above But they clustered in zillion "Daddy, their number I couldn't reckon!" Like the untiring efforts you exert for me I become a man of principle and discipline. I love the way you began the poem with counting. It is as if you begin at "age one" although you are beginning to count the stars. I love the way you've used words to make this poem incredibly uplifting. For example, "they clustered in zillion" and the matching sounds in "principle and discipline." I was once equipped with a sonar, I tried determining the Pacific's depth But it's unfathomable, "Daddy, its bottom is beyond measure!" Like the paternal love you bestow on me. The final line of the strophe above combines with the one above it, in the young child's voice, with the grown man's voice. The depths of your love being returned to your father in this poem are very moving. What a wise decision, to share your gratitude with him now, while he still lives! I was once a capricious dreamer, I yearned I can fly Like a bird gliding from afar While zephyr's blown across the azure sky. --delightful use of z's! Ah, yes, I did soar! You gave me wings Your wisdom levitates me into a lofty seat of understanding. These three lines above are so touching - so much so that I can feel a catch in my throat. But I am writing instead of speaking, so that you won't hear that I am near tears and choked up. I was once a merchant, searching for fine pearls Risking my life to unknown places like a vagabond, And at last, I've found the place where fine pearls are treasured In your heart, dignity and heroism of an ideal father reside in quintessence. You have garnered the truest treasures in life from your wise father, and share this appreciation with us. This strophe above reminds me a bit of the Biblical story of the Prodigal Son, though I know you weren't like that. It is a personal example of how a parent can truly teach a child, not so much by what is said but by what is lived. My childhood flashes back When we were flying a kite In the verdant fraught with delight. "My child, hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight!" You uttered in bravery. And you know, Dad? The kite is still flying! Your nobility and greatness hold its string. The pleasures of kite-flying tie in so well with the character of your father. Truly, a wise and brave parent allows the youngster to venture out, but continues to hold the kite string. That you still turn to your father's example of nobility and greatness is heartwarming. Now, I grew up With virtue you molded, my armor I learned to take up the gauntlet, I delve into the world Prepared as a militant soldier in a battle With wisdom you imparted, my helmet. Strong-sounding words, such as "armor/gauntlet/militant/soldier/battle/helmet" show that he gave you strength with his wisdom. These are all words usually associated with the masculine gender, and this is so appropriate as he was your role model for manhood. Now, let me tell you, Daddy I may be ignorant of the world around me Yet one thing I'm sure I know You do love me and I love you, too Forever long. This is the most moving stanza of all! I have a feeling that he admires your modesty in this piece ("I may be ignorant. . .") but views you with great pride and a thankful heart. The bond between you truly cannot be broken - not by time, nor death. It is an honor to read and comment on this loving tribute to your father. Bravo! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-19 18:28:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi Poet: A beautiful tribute written for your dad...I am sure it brings tears to his eyes. A parent never knows for sure if they are doing the right thing or not and unfortunately some of us lose that parent before their time.....my dad died forty years ago and so unexpectedly.......sadness that remains within my own heart to this day. Do not we all think our daddy was the best? I am sure yours is as grand as mine was......and to be able to tell him so is truely wonderful poet..... I think you have done an amazing job here of noting the different endeavors of your life as they compare to the age you were at the time...."Daddy their number I couldn't reckon"..so child like ."Daddy it's bottom is beyond measure"... you realize his all consuming love for you..."You gave me wings your your wisdom levitites me into a lofty seat of understanding." I love this line. The images are wonderful and the emotions are so deeply felt.... Most children think their parents know so little ...yet maturity finally comed to and with it the understanding that mom and dad are pretty smart after all!..."My child hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight"..structured with pride and word flow to grow......images of important natures of life along walks way.....thanks for posting, for sharing this withus....Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-19 15:12:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Jordan, If this tribute is the forumla that your adult life is (will) be base on, I guarantee you will forever be strong, with resolve, the principle and discipline, given in paternal love (Father to son), he endowed you with understanding (that guarantees tolorance), the dignity and heroism, are two high water marks for any lad to grow to. nobility and greatnes, not bosterious or fool hardy, but capable of making sound decisions, virtue is mine said the Lord, and you finishing off with "You do love me, and I love you too. Foverer Long, beautiful, no son could ask better lessons in life, and he is the Daddy, Love the inflection, Daddy denotes all the memories of the times these life lessons were learned, beautiful tribute, and I really can't take exception to any of your phrasing, but from a grammer point of view, wouldn't Now I've grown up", be more appropriate phrasing at the 6th stanza, that particular wording is what cause me to pause as I read. All in all beautiful, and you are one fortunate son, and you're Dad one heck of a wise man to teach you all these life lessons, to allow you to bloom into a fine man. Beautiful, and it made me feel warm glows of rememberance for my Dad, as a girl he taught me many lessons, which I learned, and all have aided me in my 64 years of life, fond, and loving memories spoken with a patina of love from Son to Father.......Love your sentiment, may be so day we shall meet, and then maybe never, but I feel a closness to you, you seems to be a wonderful man, and loving son, and for me these exchanges are very meaningful...My Best always, Jo Morgan (JoMo)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-16 22:12:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Well, Jordan, You are just on this trip down memory lane lately aren't you? First with "Pigtails" and now with "Forever Daddy". You're having a great time reminiscing and the rest of us get to reap the benefits of it by reading these gems of yours. Once a Daddy, always a daddy. And what fond memories you have. And what a grand tribute this is to your father, Jordan. I am so glad you shared this with us. You've given us a glimpse of your heart and I so love it when poetry does that! It's clear right from your first stanza that you have much love and respect for your father and that he always treated you with love and respect. I like the way you express the idea that like the stars being too many to count so are your fathers efforts to teach you. The imagry throughtout is great as I picture you soaring through the sky, I can see the kite, and you in your armor. Yes you've done a great job of showing us all the ways your father taught you to be a man. This is my favorite part: "I've found the place where fine pearls are treasured In your heart, dignity and heroism of an ideal father reside in quintessence." What a nice ending for this lovely tribute: "Now, let me tell you, Daddy I may be ignorant of the world around me Yet one thing I'm sure I know You do love me and I love you, too Forever long." I enjoyed this through and through. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-16 16:31:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10000
Hi Jordan, What a wonderful and beautiful tribute you have written to your father....I am sure it brings tears to his eyes. A parent never knows for sure if they are doing the right thing or not until that child grows up and only then can we see the fruits of our labors of love. I am sure your father is a remarkable man...mine was, as well, so I truly can relate to this poem. I think you have done an amazing job here of noting the different endeavors of your life as they compare to the age you were at the time...."Daddy their number I couldn't reckon"..so child like and from this beginning your father slowly but surely molded into the man you are today...."Daddy it's bottom is beyond measure"... you realize his all consuming love for you..."You gave me wings your your wisdom levitites me into a lofty seat of understanding." I especially like this line. Most children think their parents know little and are not near as smart as they are. But with maturity they finally come to the understanding that mom and dad are pretty smart after all!..."My child hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight"..this is wonderful and the kite is still flying..with all the widom your father taught you your kite will always fly. Loved this Jordan! Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-16 15:56:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Jordan-------------Give me a minute because I am choked up--I am having trouble seeing the screen--my eyes are tearing as I write---------Now, I am smiling--No, laughing! This is not a critique! If I can find the words, I'll tell you what this is. I really don't know what to say--literally. Ok, so it's one of the best poems I have ever read--bar none, professionally or otherwise. Your use of vocabulary is spot on! your metaphors are super and there are plenty! coloful adjectives abound with pure action words. I think I even spotted some rhymes (fly/sky), (kite/delight/sight). POET, this is not a critique! Thank you, Thank you for posting this for us to run the gamut of emotions. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dan D Lavigne On Date: 2003-10-16 11:48:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Jordan, I am going to go against my critiquing rule. I am going to make some personal comments about this peice. This is absolutly beautiful. This brought tears to my eyes in rememberance of my own father and saddness for my ailing father in-law. This was, again, beautiful and I see absolutly nothing wrong withit in rhyme or meter. i wish I could convey in words how this peice made me feel, but words would not do justice. Simply, Thank You, dan
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