This Poem was Submitted By: Annette L Cowling On Date: 2003-11-11 06:59:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Soul Unattended

I am neither being pushed back nor pulled forward. It is everything else that is revolving around me. Too many pinecones weight down the trees. They ignore me, and they have refused my help. To them, I am a porcelain plate on the picnic table. But it should be known... That I have walked after dark on uneven sidewalks In the blue mist of London, in wide awake dreams. I was the flower asleep in the courtyard, completely Unfettered, by the clamor of the 10 o'clock trains. I'm the moonbeam gleaming in the mist where the Sightless grope in the darkness of their unmarked graves. Let it be known! That I am a stone's throw away from the border Of this world and the next...I'm the soul unattended.

Copyright © November 2003 Annette L Cowling


This Poem was Critiqued By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2003-12-06 11:07:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.86111
Annette - The idea that the writer is central and everything else revolves around him/her kind of sets a certain arrogance to the poem...and that is reinforced by the "porcelain plates on picnic tables" bit (nice alliterational rhythm, by the way). A powerful, yet subtle, statement...well written! Thanks for the read Sean


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-23 06:51:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53846
Hi poet....should weight be weighed? Just a thought for it would have a better feel to the read, at least for me it does...... otherwise I just love the structure, the word flow, the ease in which this one rolls....... But it should be known...Let it be known! These two little sentences add to the read tremendously along with each stanza that follows. Thank you for posting, sharing this with us.....be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-11-20 14:19:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Annette, Wow. You sing girl! Very very powerful. I love your animation of the pine cones and the poignant but telling images of who the speaker is. The moonbeam image is less effective because all the others are so original--although I love the m sounds in that stanza. I love the declaration at the second to last. I think the last line and the title are not needed. Something like Unattended would work of the title. The soul is so clear it doesn't need to be said. Thanks, Jane
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2003-11-17 13:08:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Annette, Your imagery is so fresh and complex. It has been a long time since I have read anything so intriguing. I am a great believer in the mist and have always believed existence in comprised of such stuff. This poem dances with the mystic. It holds hands with illusion. I can feel it pulling on my existential sleeve even as it reminds me that after all it may just be the wind. You capture the mystery so completely without giving anything away. This is rare and seductively alluring. I wait for more. Rick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Drenda D. Cooper On Date: 2003-11-17 09:12:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Annette, This poem certainly is intriguing and summons up the reader's imagination in attempting to decipher its meaning. It is esoteric and open to multitudinous interpretations. I love this sort of challenge, but often am wrong in interpreting such poems.. First of all the title is superb in pulling the reader forward into this poem. After all, souls are a very deep subject, indeed. "I am neither being pushed back nor pulled forward. It is everything else that is revolving around me. Too many pinecones weight down the trees. They ignore me, and they have refused my help. To them, I am a porcelain plate on the picnic table." Right from the start the subject of this poem takes an important stance...To say that everything else is "revolving around me" places the subject in a mysterious place.. the entire first strophe puts this subject in a separate place of importance which goes unheeded by those who do not understand where she is coming from.. I can't say who the "them" are, but obviously those who need to know more about the subject than that which merely ""meets the eye" implying a lack on their part of understanding her "depth".. Reference to a "porcelain plate on the picnic table" to me implies an "out of place" or "untouchable" quality that "they" have assigned to her which she proceeds in the rest of them poem to let them know that she understands more about herself and them than they give credit for. OR the majority are "distracted" by all that is out there before them and thus ignore their most important reason for "being" which is their soul..Why do they feel that the soul is such an "untouchable" subject.. When, of course it is the most important onr and should not be ignored or placed in "limbo" "But it should be known... That I have walked after dark on uneven sidewalks In the blue mist of London, in wide awake dreams." The remainder of the poem seems to me to explain that all those things so much a part of us , part of real life, are shared by our souls which are with us through all of our lives..are there for our reference and "help" at any time and are not to be placed in a "separate" place \ "I was the flower asleep in the courtyard, completely Unfettered, by the clamor of the 10 o'clock trains." These are some of the most meaningful and beautiful metaphorical phrases that I have read in a long while in a poem.. The part of us that should not be afraid ...is there calm in trials and tribulations of life .. "I'm the moonbeam gleaming in the mist where the Sightless grope in the darkness of their unmarked graves. That which remains immovable, implacable, and ever aware of our needs regardless of whether we realize it or use the power inherent in using the light in the darkness of our lives... "Let it be known! That I am a stone's throw away from the border Of this world and the next...I'm the soul unattended." The use of the last imperative "Let it be known" is more of a proclomation , ie, use of the exclamation mark...letting the reader know the importance of the last words of the poem.. Again such esoteric words are mysterious and yet explanatory of all of the above..for it explains who the subject is and from whence it speaks..Always there..waiting..to be used ..yet so often "unattended" during life..for it is the essence of what is eternal... Sad, beautiful, and relevant are your words and I enjoyed them greatly...I apologize if I am way off.. which may be ..Yet my take on your words will remain with me for quite some time..Hopefully, always... Good luck in NOvember..I see you have quite a few entries this month... Yours most sincerely,,,drenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-11-12 16:52:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Too many pine cones weigh down the trees is the real start of your poem it is the first line with imagery and something tangible. You might want to concider using it as your first line. Change nothing else in the poem the remander of your poem is well written in beautiful language. I will look for this on the winners list later this month. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-11 22:22:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.28571
hi annette, nice poem you got here.i like the melancholy expressed in the visuals throughout the poem.i practically SAW the feeling of the persona of the poem.VERY GOOD!!! even the title of the poem has attracted my attention. this is the first one i read today.i felt every line, even the punctuations. to me they are very well placed. however, in the line "Too many pinecones WEIGHT down the trees" i think theres a typographical error.i believe its supposed to be "Too many pinecones WEIGH down the trees." also in the last two lines,which happen to be my favorite, i believe it should have been "That I am a STONE THROWN away from the border Of this world and the next...I'm the soul unattended."i also suggest that you put the last line in a separate stanza such that it would come out like this: That I am a STONE THROWN away from the border Of this world and the next... I'm the soul unattended. this is to give strength to the last line.well these are all just suggestions.i hope thats fine with you. thanks for sharing this poem.God bless!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-11-11 16:13:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Annette--Once again a great and apt title. This one gave me mixed feelings: one part mystery and another part melancholy. This incident starts out innocent enough, "I am neither being pushed back nor pulled forward." Then, a need is felt to relay experiences with us reader(s) which are indeed varied, i.e., "...walked after dark on uneven sidewalks...," "...flower asleep in the courtyard...," and "...moonbeam gleaming in the mist..." In spite of all, this entity is being ignored completely. A good read and well thought out. This could very easily be a soul residing in purgatory. "That I am stone's throw away from the border of this world and the next..." Sorry if I've understated your poem. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joan M Whiteman On Date: 2003-11-11 13:52:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Annette - This could be called an exercise in egocentricity. ("...it is everything else that is revolving around me...") Many interesting and unique images ("...porcelain plates on picnic tables - nice alliteration, clever line) Too wordy, though! There are many places where this could be tightened up and carved into an excellent piece. For example - the first two lines: "I am neither being pushed back nor pulled forward. It is everything else that is revolving around me." could be: "I am neither being pushed nor pulled Everything else is revolving around me" Since your second line speaks of how things "revolve around" you, the direction in which you are being "pushed and pulled" is really irrelevant so you can do without the "forward" and "back" without affecting the clarity of the poem. Good poetry is terse and tight. There is a good poem here...just need a bit of a trim. JW
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