This Poem was Submitted By: Kimberly A Butterworth On Date: 2003-11-15 14:37:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

What you gave up and Desire (two poems)

What you Gave Up I see. With other eyes. I see. Sacrifice. What have you gained, For what you gave up? Did you get what you craved, And satisfy inner needs? Or are you suffering, Withdrawn. Alone. Incomplete? Things will always change, But will they get better? if they stay unchanged, Will they get worse? Is that why we want, Desire,  need? Is that why we hunger, Crave,  bleed? We shed some life, For a part of that need, Only to end up deeper, Farther in-deep. I see what you gave up, I see what you receive, I know its not, Half of what you believe. No Desire Be happy inside, Find contentment within, Happiness.  lasts. Desire.  does not. It burns what you feed it, Destroys what you gain, It grows ever hungry, For possessions you cannot attain. Give in to satisfaction And be happy forever, Do not desire, And you shall not endeavor.

Copyright © November 2003 Kimberly A Butterworth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-06 17:47:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54412
nice thoughts in the second poem my friend......what we desire may not always be what God has in store and that is sometimes a hard lesson to be learnt...... at first the opening poem reminded me of me.....yet, I stop to ask myself what have I gained from giving up a portion of my life to care for my mom and mother in law? Well, it is a heart warming gift of love.....and yes, there are days when one wants to run, hide, scream for at 92 my own mom can be hard to handle but then there are days when she smiles with those blue eyes of hers and I see the reflection of love there within her heart....very seldom when I was growing up did my mom ever tell me how much or if she even loved me....my dad did , all the time......and he died at age 54......miss him even today but I can still see his warm smile........my mom used to say "Me too" when you told her that you loved her.....it was a joke, she played it......things do change for the better for when I started to care for mom she was at death's door.......she responded to my care, it made a difference.....liked the way you structured your two poems though....hand in hand they do go together......I wonder how many others you have touched more then you know......thanks for posting and sharing with us....be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-04 23:50:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Interesting use of punctuation. I found it kind of distracting... Though, maybe, it was the lumious rhythmn of the mind overwrought with questions and answers at the same time? (in the first poem) The second one it felt more like an Activist's march with very strong ideas of how you should deal with your desire. It was like a montra almost with the punctuation. Which I think worked, if that's what you're going for in the second poem, but not so much in the first one- which seemed as though it should be a little more fluid. I am curious to read more of your poetry, as your style is very different from mine and probably one I can learn from.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-11-24 16:08:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53846
Hi Kimberly, What strikes me the most in these poems is the way in which the meter works to give power to the meaning. Both these poems ask very basic questions, and the rhyme in the poems seems to give them extra punch also. I rarely question meaning in a poem, but the last two lines in "No Desire" seem to be contradicting the rest of the poem. Perhaps I'm reading it incorectly. Both poems seem to have good flow, and sound well when read aloud. I did wonder why the lines, "Happiness. lasts. Desire. does not." were punctuated the way they were. It did work to make one stop and re-read and think. An enjoyable read, Rene Fraley
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-11-17 15:34:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Kimberly, Welcome to TPL...nice to have you. In this piece you have posed some very profound questions...some that made me stop and think...."what have you gained for what you gave up?"..I know that sacrifice does not always provide us with happiness or contentment...sometimes it is not really worth it and we are left feeling lonely and afraid...."are you suffering, withdrawn, alone, imcomplete?" Sometimes it is just better to stand up for what you want and what you know is right.,,,"is that why we want, desire, need...is that why we hunger, crave, bleed?" I especially like these words and the message they send. The second poem is my favorite..it is full of hope and promise plus some very sage advice..."be happy inside..find contentment within...happiness lasts desire does not." This is so true and something we all should know but sadly some do not and they always end up miserable. The last few lines are perfect for this poem that is full of good solid advice and can certainly relate to everyone. thanks for sharing and I hope to read more of your work. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-17 05:24:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
hi kimberly, thanks for sharing these poems. i liked the style u used and i believe that it stressed the message of the poems... Withdrawn. Alone. Incomplete? these three lines has captivated my attention most of all. it made me think what my life really means to me. i mean what have i become in more than 2 decades? i want to say more but its making me sink deeper and deeper into slumber and solitude...and "sacrifice?" hey thanks again...please share more of your poems.take care.april
This Poem was Critiqued By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-11-16 18:01:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Kimberley, I enjoyed this poem, though after many reads I'm not sure what it means, but I've finally decided to take a stab. It seems to say that striving after and desiring material things only brings pain and emptiness. Then it urges one simply to be satisfied with what is. What I gather from that is that it's the spiritual and emotional that give us satisfaction, and that should be man's central goal. You bring up the question of change, which seems to be a law of the universe, even for the individual who grows up, marries, has children, grows old, and dies. I take it you mean that satisfaction comes from simply applying ourselves to these everyday things and to forget about the get-rich-quick schemes. Very laudable message. Just a couple things for improvement: Where you have "it's" it should be "its," and the periods at the end of the first four lines in both stanzas of the first poem bothered me. Other than that, it's fine, and I wish you luck if you intend to send this one to mags or jours. C.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!