This Poem was Submitted By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-12-10 20:58:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Murder of Emily Dickenson

Because you did not write to me I’ll wisely write to you. The session holds but just ourselves and psychotherapy. I slowly waited--the mind knows no haste-- and I had put away my pain and my sorrow too for civility’s sake. I remembered myself playing at recess in the ring. I remembered daffodils and tulips. I remembered the setting sun or rather suicide and death. The air draws quivering and chill for introspection’s my only gown courage my only tool. I pause before a house  that swells and gushes with tears. The basement’s scarcely visible a corner’s in the ground. Since then it’s weeks and yet feels shorter than the day I first surmised paper and pen moved toward recovery.

Copyright © December 2003 C Arrownut

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-01-07 22:34:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
What an incisive - and effective - parody of "Because I Could Not Stop for Death"!! Time prevents me from saying very much at this point but I wanted to stop by and acknowledge its skill. S1 is bang on in terms of metrics and Dickinsonian style. (I believe her surname has no "e", though). L1 in the second strophe adds an extra phrase that throws off the meter just there, but then again, the speaker's her own person with a separate voice, so why not? In S3, the childhood memories become less relevant to a dying woman, and more pertinent to someone undergoing an alayst's therapeutic probing. Several of Dickinson's own images are retained here. In S4, you really cut loose with the morbid - and living - trauma. Whereas Dickinson's character has just passed on, this speaker is very much alive, and struggling with that whole issue. She must resist causing her own departure through the well-identified "introspection" and "courage". The house "that swells and gushes with tears" is cathartic. It's no longer a tomb but instead, a place of catharsis and healing. In the final strophe, the speaker's own writing is also her salvation. This could refer to poetry, which definitely eases my own savage breast by times, or journal-keeping, or writing letters (even to imaginary recipients). That the last word is "recovery" is highly significant. In the original, it is "eternity" and the speaker has accepted her deceased state. Did you post this many, many moons ago? It seems familiar, yet revised somewhat. At any rate, good work; this one will stick with me. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-01-04 14:18:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
Hi! I wish I knew more about Emily Dickensen, as I suspect that a knowlege of her life is central to the understanding of this poem. Unfortunately I know little of her, either writings (I remember something about a moor) or her life. I like the sound of this poem as read aloud. It flows well, although I was caught and stopped by the transition from happy daffodil days into suicide and death. Does this refer to the current poet or to Emily? Understanding the value of writing to therapy and healing, and knowing that Dickenson wrote very clearly, simply and said much in a small amout of lines, I can see that you were very much impacted by Emily's writings. Was she in treatment (therapy) also? Was she suicidal? Was she mentally ill? I'm sorry I understood so little of this poem. I want to know more about Dickenson now as ten years in therapy has given me a great deal of respect for those who dare to return to the past to face old wounds and lay them to rest. If it means anything, the use of language in this poem and the intimate mood that is established by the way you use the letter format has greatly impressed this reader. One thing, would a comma after "gown" be appropriate? Thanks for the poem,
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-17 06:51:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Poet this one has many emotions being sent forth along with images .........pain, sorrow and perhaps freedom of some sort.....I am not sure on that though but I tend to think if someone committed suicide the pain was too much to bear...structured well, again the word flow allowed for the reader to just go along with the feelings and images as they became reality and brought you there. In closing it seems that being allowed to put your feelings on paper has helped you or the person to recover from the pain felt within these lines. Eager to feel your response so I will know what I missed. Thanks for posting, it was a good read, intense and so filled. Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-17 02:58:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
c, this is a very romantic poem, despite "The Murder of Emily Dickenson." i felt it since the beginning, i.e., "Because you did not write to me I’ll wisely write to you..." then again in I remembered myself playing at recess in the ring. I remembered daffodils and tulips. I remembered the setting sun... this is awesome. thanks for sharing it. april
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-12-15 10:46:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Love this parody of one of my favorite poems. remembered myself playing at recess in the ring. I remembered daffodils and tulips. I remembered the setting sun That stanza is a little weaker than the other gems as it is too much like her actual language wile it does not contain the caustic sentiments that make the parody so clever in the other stanzas. I first surmised paper and pen moved toward recovery. Lovely ending which captures the spirit of Miss Em. - The idea of a "corner in the ground" is so chilling it might have been written by the Belle of Amhurst herself." Fine Work, C.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Carolyn Minsker On Date: 2003-12-13 08:05:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Well, C Arrownut, I recognize this moniker, but had some vague impression about it, not quite recalled ..(from summer) as if it is an alias. Your title is radically intriguing, a must-read. Strophe 1: ah, instant gratification, we start off with a triple saukow flip! I like the uppity tone, and the smug essence-of-Lewis-Carroll aromatherapy in the room. I wish you had made the first line of Strophe 2 more compact, but it cannot take away from the following 3 lines, punctuated with the frictive 'for civility's sake', condescendingly sugared as it was so that I am lulled by the sunlit warmth of playground reminisces - only to be shaken from my haze by the frigid snap-out-of-it! of Strophe 4. Yes, Courage is the sine qua non for this treachery! Thank goodness we have a moment to catch our breath, before hazarding the flooded basement. (Perfect timing). Strophe 5, A wonderful imaginative end which ties back to the theme of psychotherapy in S1. Well done, gifted Poet. I very much enjoyed this imaginative diversion. Keep Writing, Carolyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2003-12-12 08:30:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I love the idea here, the images, the pain, the construction or framework. I felt, as I read the first stanza, that this was going to be a tight, metrically consistent piece, and when then failed to hold up, the piece lost its continuity. I think it would be a fabulous piece if you would go back and tighten up the meter so that the piece runs like a finely tuned engine. Again, a great idea, and a great start. Push it a little. tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-12-11 05:35:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Here you are once again, Gayle, making my mind and brain collide to deep pondering! But still can smile in simplicity! SMILE! The Murder of Emily Dickenson? What a title to make me curious! I remembered the in our Literature before, our teacher assigned us to select one of the proponents of Literature. Emily Dickenson was chosen by my other classmate, mine, was ee cummings. I don't exactly remember the report of my classmate about her life. Anyways, what popped up right to my mind when I read the first strophe was the mental and emotional conflicts of a person, maybe the writer or the person whom the writer talked about. The session holds but just ourselves and psychotherapy. I think you are portraying the affairs of that person you write towards you. Or maybe, describing the mental/psychological aspect of that person and her inner being. I'm sorry. I think I am lost again in here. I slowly waited--the mind knows no haste-- and I had put away my pain and my sorrow too for civility’s sake. ----the second stanza as to the comprehension of the reader, speaks the character of that person, the good side: being patient, willing to sacrifice for the sake of politeness. The third stanza bursts the sad emotion. It is very poignant to read and feel. That person is pondering about her past which was joyful and now she is lost in the dark. I think you are placing yourself as the person you are talking about. You make yourself the character to reenact the past life of that person. "I remembered the setting sun or rather suicide and death." ---this gives me the hint in validating the title. The use of metaphors are effective to reinforce the tone of the poem. "introspection’s my only gown", "courage my only tool". The poignance of the impact is gravitated in this input. "I pause before a house that swells and gushes with tears." The metaphor is so strong and unique in its concept. Ok, I think this is enough, Gayle. I am just volumizing my garbage here! SMILE! If you can enlighten me with this piece. I always critique your poem eventhough they appear head-craking to me like the "File" which was one of my fav's last month. Thanks for sharing. Please don't leave me lost in the forest! Help me find the light! SMILE! Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-10 23:35:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
There are such gems in this peice!!!! "I slowly waited--the mind knows no haste-- and I had put away my pain and my sorrow too for civility’s sake." It sets her character in a beautiful way... I feel as though there are peices missing though in the poem.. I don't quite understand the journey of the poem as well as I would like too... I almost feel that she's writing a letter for her psychologist or her lover? Then she seems to be walking down streets in her past- but why is she telling this to whomever she is writing? I love the ending too saying that writing is her only recovery .. Etc. But, I am still not sure what exactly she's recovering from? Her attempted suicide? I would definately add more to this poem... It could be so beautiful!! Blessings -Madge
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