This Poem was Submitted By: Robert L Tremblay On Date: 2003-12-12 21:26:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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First, Last Kiss Before Since that
we met, none forlorn kiss, the void
had touched my has grown large, to desiccate
essence; my soul a virgin
my soul of life’s discharge and
captured by your presence. O!
wonder, I, what will become of
how you captured me by your
me? Do you care? What am I to
profile, blinding my dreams do,
to be? You damn me for
and dooming my hopes,
noth- ing, for what I am, being
while caging me with one
a man born of mother
kiss behind mind’s bars, forever
ram who loved and loves
doomed to walk the desert Mars.
to depths unkown to
Why this? What manner of
most, who honors, true,
woman were thee? To offer life
the sacred Holy Ghost.
to such a rogue as me and, thence,
Yet, beyond torment,
never existing happily as one. What
within all of this,
manner of devil art thou, that would dispatch a
and distant to your
a kiss to make me bow to the Gatekeeper of destiny’s
divine beauty, Miss,
time? Enough of this, the end, I scream! What crime
I brood and think
I’ve done to warrant death sentence at prime,
upon that first,
before the final toll of Father Time?.
last kiss.
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Copyright © December 2003 Robert L Tremblay
Additional Notes:
It remains a right sided profile of a young woman with the poetry on
the left being the hair on her right flowing over her right shoulder,
the blank area in the center being her face with "O!" her right eye
and "do," representing her nostrils and tip of her nose, "noth-" her
"Mona Lisa" smile, and the right side of the poem being her hair on
her left side lying on her forehead and flowing around her left cheek
down over her left shoulder, with bosom emphasized.
For ease of reading, a normally formatted poem is posted below.
First Kiss, Last Kiss
Before we met, none had touched my essence;
My soul a virgin captured by your presence.
O! how you captured me by your profile,
Blinding my dreams and dooming my hope while
Caging me with one kiss behind mind’s bars,
Forever doomed to walk the desert Mars.
Why this? What manner of woman were thee?
To offer life to such a rogue as me
And, thence, never existing happily
As one. What manner of devil art thou,
That would dispatch a kiss to make me bow
To the Gatekeeper of destiny’s time?
Enough of this, the end, I scream! What crime
I’ve done to warrant death sentence at prime,
Before the final toll of Father Time?.
Since that forlorn kiss, the void has grown large,
To desiccate my soul of life’s discharge
And wonder, I, what will become of me?
Do you care? What am I to do, to be?
You damn me for nothing, for what I am,
Being a man born of mother ram
Who loved and loves to depths unkown to most,
Who honor, true, the sacred Holy Ghost.
Yet, beyond torment, within all of this,
And distant to your divine beauty, Miss,
I brood and think upon that first, last kiss.
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-29 22:58:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.05263
robert, good job! i dont know for others but i believe that this is a very romantic piece of poetry. i hope to read more of its kind in the future. happy holidays.april
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-27 19:17:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79167
As always poet you put so much of yourself within the work of your poetry.....and this one stands out among the best you have created with the flare of your pen and the midnight oil you have burnt......nice structure, one can see the young woman, her features created with love and the long flowing hair .......the words chosen bring forth the emotions felt within the structure of the lines.....enjoyed this, great read, thank you for posting and sharing this with us, be safe and God Bless. Claire
Since that forlorn kiss, the void has grown large,
To desiccate my soul of life’s discharge
And wonder, I, what will become of me?
Do you care? What am I to do, to be?
how often do we feel such emotions? many times I am afraid......
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-12-14 22:08:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Bobby T.,
This is truly one of the loveliest poems I have read of yours. I
must admit I was glad you posted it in the normal format as I am not
as deft at reading some of your work as I should be, as it seems so
natural for you to draw pictures with your words...."Before we met none
had touched my essence" What a perfect way to begin this piece..with
the confession that none but she ever touched our poet in such a profound and
personal way. From there the entire piece just seems to get better with
every line...."caging me with one kiss behind mind's bars" Beautiful
descriptors of a man totally enraptured by this woman...."What manner
of woman were thee"..."what manner of devil art thou"..."enough of this,
the end I scream"...these are such Shakespear-ish statements..takes me
back to English lit...and that was a long way back! In the end our poor
love-sick swain laments what will become of him and alas does she even
care?..."Miss..I brood and think upon that first, last kiss." This is
truely an amazing piece of poetry and I feel honored that you posted it
here for me to read and I imagine all who read it will feel the same. It
is clever, sad, witty, and very touching. I think you have another winner!
Blessings of peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-13 01:19:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
AH! A familiar story... I feel for you my friend. I really liked this... My critique would be for you to maybe try and keep the rhythmn up that you have in the first stanza throughout the peice... It is very tight and easy to feel and read... it loosens up as the poem goes along. I am amazed at the time you put into these poems ... It reminds me ,loosely, of a great artist ( Chuck Close ).
Blessings
-Madge
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-12-12 23:13:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Bobby,
I must be blessed to first critique this one. This is completely a new discovery in poetry.
Well, you submitted several pieces of unique amazing form like this. I think you are also
fond of sculpture. Your artful work and designs in poetry ar no compare (no pun ---it is evident
in your works). I have not seen any work submitted here in the link that has an image like your work.
Thanks for the additional notes for the immediate aid in understanding your work.
But I think this is not quite complicated because it is really seen in the figure
as if a true sculpture here in my screen. Her Mona Lisa smile is even a pictured acutely.
Mona Lisa has a long hair and it can be seen here. It seems all the words you chose are
carefully chosen to magically form the image of that young woman.
And the more it become interesting because of the theme, "meditating on that first, last kiss".
It seems lovely but it was a little tragic. I thought of the first kiss that lasts forever!
Intriguing one! You were I think deceived bu the Mona Lisa smile of that young woman.
So impulsive is this input:
"O! how you captured me by your profile,
Blinding my dreams and dooming my hope while
Caging me with one kiss behind mind’s bars,
Forever doomed to walk the desert Mars."
Your choice of words made powerful descriptors. And the influx of your ideas just flow nicely to
the reflective ending. I almost couldn't believe the creation of this piece with all the constraints like the form and the rhyming but it seems you didn't have any hard effort for this. You seemed to have it scultured with ease. A clever clever work. Artful, deft, skillful...what else should I say. Another piece worth of publication in The Guiness Book of Record.
I hope to see this as a winner. Keep submitting your amazing works. It is your trademark. Jordan
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