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This Poem was Submitted By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-12-19 22:19:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Goblet

At times, something like emptiness surges from the goblet of my soul but only when the light in the stem blinks into occasions like a “First Noel.” It smashes, like high heels and Nikes, into my face and consciousness. The magnitude of it winds through the arteries of even my tiniest toe and the crackling grooves of the lighted stem are hung out in front of my incredulous eyes. Can’t anyone else see it? Don’t they feel it crashing through the Merry air of Christmas? Out of nothing, “it” erupts. People start shoving, tripping, trampling each other just to grab the last paint gun, Liz Claiborne outfit in their size … or simply to beat everyone to check-out. My shopping wall collapses and I escape to the exit scurrying far from the oblivious, obsessive maul.

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-01-06 19:02:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I really enjoyed your poem. It makes me think that the population is divided into two - those of us who shop with some amount of dignity - and those who leave items scattered in the isles of stores. Isn't it amazing - how the holiday drives people to behave the way you described so creatively? I particularly like your 5th verse - "out of nothing "it" erupts, like a volcano - a spontaneus event that occurs out of nowhere - then on to the next verse where one has to run away from it - great imagery. This piece flows well and artisticly describes the "horror" we all have to endure - out and about shopping at Christmas time. Sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-04 11:25:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78689
The word Goblet caught my attention and brought bak memories of something I heard in a movie once.....when a certain room in heaven was empty and the goblet drained then no new babies were born....I shall never forget that.....now your title has captured my attention and I did find the structure to be good holding the word flow and images as they were created from within the lines.....it is powerful indeed and alive with whatever you intended to present...and that most being the way society has ruined the true meaning of the hokiday and not just this one but all of them with their commercialism.......love the way the high heels and Nikes hit into your face and consciosness.....great visual.....You have created a piece which has so much happening at the same time and I certainly agree with the escape when it happened. Thanks for posting and sharing this with us, be safe, good luck in the contest for this should make the top listings. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-01-02 03:36:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Gayle, Wow! I especially like this one! It has a timely theme in reference to Christmas. Cheers with the goblet of your soul! There is profundity of the metaphor, it is deep but the meaning is clarified. I like your first input: "At times, something like emptiness surges from the goblet of my soul but only when the light in the stem blinks into occasions like a "First Noel."" I can feel you're thirsting to once again drink the spirit of the First Noel! I just came from a Christmas vacation and the spirit of Christmas is still tossing and filling the goblet to the brim. SMILE! The use of similes adds up the enlivining thoughts. The energy you feel is very high upon your observation of Christmas that you described "incredulous" eyes. Wonderful! As you begin with the touch of wonderful First Noel, you end up with a dramatic move. My shopping wall collapses and I escape to the exit scurrying far from the oblivious, obsessive maul. I really like this one, Gayle. It is real! Thanks for sharing. I should see this in the winners' list! Happy New Year! Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2003-12-23 18:47:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52381
Well spent my time crushing strangers fondling mangers praying that Visa the goddess of Christmas Present alight in a kiosk near me, and soon. Man I hate this time of year.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-12-23 08:35:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
WOW! Powerful and alive, this one captures the way crass commercialism ruins the celebraation of holidays better than anything I have ever read on the subject It smashes, like high heels and Nikes, into my face and consciousness. amazing visual! There is so much going on in this piece, but it all works My shopping wall collapses and I escape to the exit scurrying far from the oblivious, obsessive maul. great ending - great pun!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-12-21 09:33:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi C, I can relate to this poem. I like the metaphor of the soul being a goblet. In a poetic sense it's quite beautiful. A carafe would be even better(*smile) because you could pour your soul out to others like you're doing here, and then refill it, over and over again. hehe The name "Goblet" does get my attention and interest to read the poem. The poem has nice flow and kind of pours out into my (numb from the commercialism of Christmas) brain. It feels like a balm being applied before the bandaid. I like the blinking light in the stem, as it is neonish like all the blinking lights we see around us this time of year, kind of hypnotizing if we don't look away for a minute. But in this instance it grabs your attention and smashes the trance of the walking Christmas zombie. hehe. This poem is good stuff! The imagry of the high heel smashing in your face is quite vivid and graphic. "magnitude" is an excellent choice of words here and "I really like the phrase "crackling grooves of the lighted stem are hung out in front of my incredulous eyes." You'd have to be "incredulous" to the meaning of Christmas to not "feel it", wouldn't you? But there ya go. Thanks for reminding us there are still some people of this world who are not handcuffed with mouth duct taped and imprisoned on the runaway train of commercialism. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-21 03:57:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10714
c, your poem is so full of feelings that i can very well relate to.you have done a great job in expressing those feelings, even in the title which is very apt to entirety of it. thank you very much for sharing it. i hope to read more of its kind in the future. take care.april

This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-21 00:33:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Ah yes!!! how well I can relate to this!!!!! I get sick going into any shopping area... Sick because of the very reasons you discribe in your poem. "crashing through the merry air of christmas"... How blinded we all can be by greed. Thank you for this!!! Blessings -Madge

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-12-20 18:57:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
I identified with this poem. I thought of the crowds of shoppers and that feeling of loss that can come with the realization that somehow Christmas has turned into a holiday that has left the Christ out, as well as the mass. The loss of the spirit of loved to the spirit of averice. It becomes more important to celebrate the purchase of the perfectly popular toy than the birth of one human said to be born perfect. I particularly liked the play on the word "maul" which is a terrifying instrument, and act of slashing and sounds like the "mall" of the shopping sort. It's that time of year again, and lest we forget, there in the mall, also resides a multitude of folks that are just happy at the thought of giving to another. Thanks for the poem. It does read very well and has excellent focus and flow. Rene Fraley

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2003-12-20 14:00:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
That's quite a comparison between a soul and a goblet for nobody has ever seen the former. Why is it only the light in the stem that blinks? I would think the whole goblet would. I don't think that the second stanza is necessary. IN the third stanza you say "the magnitude of it...". What is "it"?...the emptiness of your soul? Again, "out of nothing "it" erupts..." I'm left hanging here. I like the play on words in the last stanza, "obsessive maul." I think this could have some possibilities if you re-work some stanzas and tighten up the subject. Thanks for posting. Have a merry season.

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