This Poem was Submitted By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-21 01:01:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Tinkerbell was a Bitch

They told me I was supposed to be beautiful, darling,  and so I was. I laughed generously at life, I worked hard, GOD I’ve tried and tried and tried....... My pampered innocense I kept to slide over my eyes time and again  So, I wouldn’t see the feeding tongue of death...  I kept these smiles REAL   “LOVE”  Always saw the prism in the raindrop  Always saw the heart inside the man.  AND THIS IS WHERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, pass me another drink, hon. Stick another prick in my path, “Love” I’ll rake through them and stagger on back. JUST FOR YOU.... Just for you. They taught me about sweet words spoken, About dreams and children ... and time   oh ETERNITY! They whispered it like a trembling secret I had to find.   It was supposed to be there, Darling,   “If I followed my heart”   But, Tinkerbell was a bitch;  So, I’ve made a fresh start.        What?!   It’s not enough LOVE, is it? .  You stretch those tangling fingers right through my will to make me remember him !!! AND I DO!!! OH yeah, “Love”...  Just for you.    Just for you. 

Copyright © December 2003 madge B zaiko

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-01-05 10:02:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Whew, gutsy poem! I love the mockery, the bitterness, the jaded persona of your speaker. Some of the imagery gives chills up my spine (which is a good thing!) - feeding tongue of death; prism in the raindrop; stretch those tangling fingers right through my will. This poem raises cynicism to new heights, er, depths. Yet behind the humour is the absence of all illusion, a thin veneer that coats an underlying and awful despair. The voice is strong and original. I have no suggestions, as this reads like a finished piece. (sp: innocence) Most enjoyable. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-01-04 15:33:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi, This piece is full of anger, the reader is fully aware that the writer is deeply bitter and is finding some release through the words expressed in this poem. The reader is also aware of the pain, the kind of disbelief one feels at being the fool in a love situation. It seems the writer "patterned" themselves to be what they thought they needed to be in order to make someone else happy. We should all take note of this, it never works - I'm all for following your own spirit - and conform to no one elses idea of who you should be. I enjoyed reading this, I think a lot of people we'll relate to this - does anyone escape painful relationships? Good luck. Sincerely, DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jolene M DePonceau On Date: 2004-01-03 13:46:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Madge--This is a very searing piece of work and I loved it "muchly"! The title is definitely intriguing and wonderful. I love "pampered innocence" (small typo on innocence--minor irritation--no biggie)and I love "tangling fingers" and "trembling secret" also. I haven't been on this sight for some time--pulled away by life and procrastination. This piece brings my divorce to the forefront of my mind---YIKES!--I think I posted a poem entitled "Lost" that, if you feel like it, you might want to check out.It is a fairly old and, to my much older eyes, a very amateur piece of work, but it says what it needed to say.Overal, I liked this poem, would like to see Part 2 on this baby, about have no real problems about the work except I would like to see you dig even deeper--if you dare!:)This is the first piece I've read in a year or more on this site--wait'll I get warmed up! Thanks for the read--Jolene DePonceau
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-30 09:01:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78182
I'm not so sure Tinkerbell was a 'Bitch' in the true sense of the word but I must say this poem is packed with plenty of emotions which shine through most every line.....good structure, nice word flow, allows the reader to feel what they may throughout.......perhaps we are also dealing with a 'Love' gone sour due to circumstances beyond poor Tinkerbell's control......a bitch, never......we are finding pain and sorrow as well due to the 'walk over effect some men have on women they so enjoy controlling' Love, romance, family, friends, you were to have it all and then found it contained nothing you was gone...... well poet there are so many different ways one may interpret the meaning of within these lines, and to each find that is good....just proves to me you did a great job.....I am sorry if this happened to you though, life should not find so many twists and turns without the 'love' as well. Thanks for posting, looking forward to your response so I will know how bad I crucified this piece.....but again poet its what I felt within my own heart at this time. Be safe, enjoy the remaining days of holidays and Happy New Year to you and yours, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-12-27 13:05:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
What a pleasure this one was to read. I can't imagine anyone stopping in the middle of it. They told me I was supposed to be beautiful, darling, and so I was. Love it! Subtle in its opening message - luscious in language I laughed generously [great modifier here] at life, I worked hard, GOD I’ve tried and tried and tried....... My pampered [innocence Am. sp] I kept to slide over my eyes time and again So, I wouldn’t see the feeding tongue of death... a little over the top here - perhaps a more subtle word for "death" I kept these smiles REAL “LOVE” Always saw the prism in the raindrop GREAT image~! I will have to steal it to use in dinner conversation - but not without attribution Always saw the heart inside the man. AND THIS IS WHERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!! That couplete is not as strong and original as the other parts of the poem - Yeah, pass me another drink, hon. Stick another prick in my path, “Love” WOWEE!! GREAT I’ll rake through them and stagger on back. JUST FOR YOU.... Just for you. They taught me about sweet words spoken, About dreams and children ... and time oh ETERNITY! They whispered it like a trembling secret I had to find. It was supposed to be there, Darling, “If I followed my heart” But, Tinkerbell was a bitch; So, I’ve made a fresh start. incredible fresh thought What?! It’s not enough LOVE, is it? . You stretch those tangling fingers right through my will to make me remember him !!! love it AND I DO!!! OH yeah, “Love”... Just for you. Just for you. great ending to a powerful poem which capture the imagination and the energy of relationships and self-knowledge
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-12-23 19:54:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64286
I like this! I particularly like the intensity of realism in the language. This poem is alive and very clean limned. I think it is very hard to write a good poem using dialogue. Using it well is even harder. The first person works in this poem because it is freshly honest in its voice. The use of repetition reminded me of some of the old songs of the 30's. It tends to hold the poem together and gives it a lyrical sound. Thanks for submitting this one. It was for me a very good lesson in remembering how something different can be done in poetry and really work. Take care, Rene Fraley
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2003-12-23 16:23:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I would normally pass on this piece, if it wasn't quite the operetta!! I was quite spellbound from the first sentence through two more readings. I believe the irony and the satire, and "paradox", were well mixed with the "well used" harsher language. This is a good piece. My best evaluation, were it mine is, maybe two more edits, to hone the edge, and project the pronouns to the forfront. Thouroughly enjoyed this piece. Made my day.
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-23 02:04:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.05556
madge, this is such a passionate poem and the passion was very well expressed in every line. im always drawn to poetry written in this fashion. thanks for posting it. take care and HAPPY HOLIDAYS! april
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