This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-01-06 21:08:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Puppet Theory Some need to live their lives
Always playing a game
The selfish, weak and immature
Find vulnerable puppets to
drive insane
What blind ignorance leads
A puppet to doom
What martyr like flaw
In their character
Sets the stage of contempt
In an otherwise peaceful room
The puppet volunteers for heartache
Fully aware of it’s pain
As the puppeteer feels nothing
Nothing of the puppets disdain
The plot twists and turns
More of the wrong being made
an irrational right
No doubt the puppet looses
As if it’s lost its sight
Ions ago - the medicine in
The puppets laughter warmed
The ice blown over it’s soul
Seemingly content till the
Next puppet role
Do unto others - I think not
Do not undo yourself in love
To choose a saner game
Is the puppets best shot.
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Copyright © January 2004 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: thomas romanelli On Date: 2004-02-07 17:51:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I think your analogy is interesting, although it's not original. The language is fine, but I suspect some errors in spelling (the puppet looses? do you mean loses?). It's a decent attempt at metaphorical expression, but overall I don't think it's very good.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-07 08:41:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61957
Hi Poet......I read this one before and thought I sent in a response to it though here you are on list again this morning.......I for one see myself within the lines of this poem.....structured well, word flow is easy going and supplies images as the reader travels on......The puppet volunteers for heartache
Fully aware of it’s pain
As the puppeteer feels nothing
Nothing of the puppets disdain
The above stanza is oh so true poet......for the one pulling the strings is always aware of the pain caused the other person within.......the string puller feels nothing in return .....
Thanks for posting this and sharing with us your talent....be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ronda Michelle Nelson On Date: 2004-01-24 13:02:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Hi
First off, I did enjoy this piece, I liked the subject matter very much, and your choice of words.
There are so many that do live this life, a puppet to someone else, and eventually, hopefully, they
wake up to it. I especially liked the message of the last stanza...
Do unto others - I think not
Do not undo yourself in love
To choose a saner game
Is the puppets best shot.
The message is a wonderful message, In my opionion you just need to tidy it up a bit. The flow is
interrupted in parts of the poem. The ryhme should be syncronised a bit more...but all in all.
a wonderful piece.
Ronda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erica L. Badger On Date: 2004-01-16 12:11:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
This is a really good idea for a poem and I like the way in which you've put it into writing. The first stanza was great. The rhyme and flow in it was absolutely perfect! But the fourth stanza's last two lines I can't seem to understand. I looked up loose in the dictionary and it seemed like it would make sense in this poem, but I can't seem to really put it in and understand those last two lines. Then on the fifth stanza, Ion I think should be Eon, meaning a long period of time. Other than those two things I thought it was great and I really liked the structure and rhyme.
Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed it!
~Erica
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2004-01-11 22:09:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
deni mari, you have a beautifully crafted piece of masterpiece right here. i have enjoyed reading it because of its bittersweetness.sweet because of its sensitivity to feelings and bitter because of the heartache it gave me after i read it, especially stanzas 2 and 3.theyre very sad and the sadness has reached my heart.
just a small correction (which you might have just overlooked because maybe you were in a hurry or something)... in the 2nd to the last stanza, ie,
Ions ago - the medicine in
The puppets laughter warmed
The ice blown over it’s soul
Seemingly content till the
Next puppet role
...isnt "ions" supposed to be "EONS?"
thanks for sharing this piece. im going to vote for this. april
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-01-08 20:21:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This is an interesting poem. The emotions are presented clearly, imagery is good. The poem is neither metered or rhymed. The metaphores are clear. I did have some trouble reading the poem aloud, perhaps because I look for a musical voice simply as a personal choice. I would suggest that the word "to" in the first stanza be dropped down to the nest line, as it is a weak end-word and "puppets" is a strong word. for example:
"Ions ago - the medicine in
The puppets laughter warmed
The ice blown over it’s soul
Seemingly content till the
Next puppet role"
might be written as,
"Ions ago - the medicine
in the puppet's laughter
warmed the ice blown over its soul,
seemingly content
till the next puppet role."
I have to appologise for changing the caps and punctuation, it's a quirk of mine to avoid caps. That's how I would do it; you certainly don't have to!
Your name is new to me, and it's always such a blessing to meet another poet and welcome them to the link. (I suspect that many other's have done so already.) You certainly have a gift for writing, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Rene Fraley
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