This Poem was Submitted By: siddharth Gopalakrishna On Date: 2004-01-07 14:40:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!


Green

Grass it drapes green, surrounds the countryside, oh! the smell of green, stirs emotions inside I thought they were friends, Thought i knew them well, somewhere, a monster, green was leading them to hell Green! also colours envy, sight of which breaks my heart, deadliest of the sins,I feel for it poisons,without reason, every part It comes from the knowledge, they realize is untrue, yet believe they do, it's ecstatic feeding the green goo The monster in green, I have felt the disease too, forgiveness while you still can, is the only cure!! 

Copyright © January 2004 siddharth Gopalakrishna


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-23 20:26:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.69231
Hello Siddarth Wow! Powerful writing. I feel I am too green to write such a wonderful transitional poem that starts with one soft pleasing vision of a perfect spring day and gradually turns to the contrasting violent personal struggle. I loved "feeding the green goo"....quite descriptive. There is a message in your work too, that their is only one way to overcome the disease that takes us away with it's nastiness. I wouldn't change a word...I think that this is very well written....I am happy to see you write this and I am not green with envy. Mick


This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-20 16:54:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.70000
This poem is deceptively simple in it's intent, as was your other work- then it snaps you at the end with profundity. Well done. Very visual, and excellent analogues to the chosen color. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-01-15 15:03:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Siddharth: It is a pleasure to read a newer member's work. I am delighted to find your poem and hope my comments may be useful and encouraging to you. I absolutely love "Grass it drapes/green" and "oh! the smell of green"! You portray green with fluid visual imagery, with sensory cues to stir the readers' memories. But this poem is much more than a paean to one of nature's most glorious colors. You describe emotions which may be destructive, inimitable enemies to ourselves and to others. I thought they were friends, Thought (I) knew them well, --suggest using a capital "I" somewhere, a monster, green was leading them to hell From a pleasurable color to a "monster green" - you show us the varieties of this thought and expand your idea aptly and intriguingly. Green! also colours envy, sight of which breaks my heart, deadliest of the sins, I feel (Yes, so very true!) for it poisons,without reason, every part It comes from the knowledge, they (must) realize is untrue, --perhaps "must" would clarify your striking thought here yet believe they do, it's ecstatic feeding the green goo -- WONDERFUL! The monster in green, I have felt the disease too(;) forgiveness while you still can, is the only cure!! I'd suggest using "forgive" in line 3 above, for clarity - or, "practice" or "offer" before "forgiveness" as the word is a noun which must have a verb as companion. Those grammatical minor points aside, your vivid poem makes its theme abundantly clear, with straight-forward charm. I believe readers will recognize this quality within themselves and greatly benefit from your generous offering of insight. I enjoyed this piece immensely. All my best wishes for your success, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-01-09 23:52:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
If I can make a small suggestion: I would work to eliminate as many "-ing" words as you can. Use the "active" voice. "feed" vs. "is feeding" "led" v. "was leading" .... The active form is livelier and makes the poem move better. tom.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-08 20:53:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Siddharth, Well I am lucky enough to find another poem written by you. I had to smile at this one...which can be a very good thing as we poets tend to write so much sad 'stuff.' You have cleaverly woven this piece around the color of green and it's many meanings. In the first stanza you give us just a smidgen of the loveliness of green grass...I especially like the phrase..."Grass, it drapes green" In the 2nd stanza you refer to that ugly green monster...jelously..probably the worst green of all as it can destroy a relationship....you thought they were friends..knew them well..but we never really know people unless we live with them 24-7 and even then we can miss a thing or two. Then in the 3rd stanza you describe 'envy'..oh that is a bad one..right up there with jelously! ..."poisons without reason"..very true and it also causes pain in every sense of the word. You say you have felt the green monster...but we all have at one time or another...but some are not truthful enough to admit it. Your last line...."forgiveness while you still can...is the only cure"...a very thoughtful piece with wise suggestions that heal the soul. Hope to read more of your work. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-07 17:12:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Well dear poet you have taken the word green and decorated it many ways......green grass certainly is the most pure form you have taken here and indeed it covers the earth where it has been planted or in many cases came to grow........the blue, green grass of home brings forth many wonderful images as does your opening stanza.... I am confused about the monster in the second stanza though perhaps you know more then I when it comes to the color green.......they were friends yet a monster green was leading them to hell.......indeed waiting eagerly for your reply and info on this one..... Now we find green the color of envy in stanza three....again, truer words need not be spoken for envy has destroyed many a relationship between not only lovers but family and friends.......and yes, some do feed the green 'goo'.....and to do so is horrible I will agree for it takes what is good in life and turns it around.... Perhaps you might want to tell us what you are forgiving within the closing stanza where green still is strong and part of the picture.... Interesting piece my friend and perhaps this is a first for your posting here on the link for I do not recognize your name......if you are new welcome......there is much food for thought within your lines. I look forward to more of your work. Be safe, thank you for posting and God Bless, Claire
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!