This Poem was Submitted By: Robin Ann Crandell On Date: 2004-01-20 10:18:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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A Disturbing Poem Your blood-soaked hands,
dripping from my backbone you hold.
Was it your intent to kill me,
or just crucify me to justify you evil ways?
I lay here,
slit open from neck to belly.
Having regrets?
It's too late.
My blood that you drank
won't bring me back.
My soul
will have revenge.
Don't worry my dear,
I loved you too.
Too much to handle,
too much to fear.
Now I am no longer.
Why did you tell me to stay?
I can't believe
my life ended this way.
Now you leave me
here to rot.
I can feel the maggots
getting their nutrition
from my eyes.
Even though I am dead,
it still tickles.
Did you really kill me,
you ask.
Well, yes you did.
Just take one more look.
You slaughtered me like a cow.
Drank my blood,
like a fish needs water.
You might have taken
the oxygen from my blood,
but you haven't taken
the spirt from my soul.
I am still here,
look behind you. |
|
Copyright © January 2004 Robin Ann Crandell
Additional Notes:
Okay, please do not fear, for I will explain. My friend and I were absolutely bored out of
our minds one day. So, we came up with the idea to write gross and disgusting poems. This
was the one I came up with. We had to read them both to 5 different people to see whose
won for the most disgusting. I forget who won, however, I decided to put this on here
because I just found it 2 weeks ago. This was written in 1998.
This Poem was Critiqued By: thomas romanelli On Date: 2004-02-07 18:18:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Robin...this is disturbing, but in a graphic, rather than psychological sense. I'm not sure what you are trying to say; it comes across as a semi-comical ghost story. In addition, there are some errors in spelling and grammer which really kill it. Sorry, but the only thing I found disturbing about this poem, was in reading it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-27 08:15:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56364
Wow..Poet this is so well done......You were definitely in a dark mood when you created this one with the flare of your pen.....nice structure, great choice of words which flow very well allowing images of this groce scene to jump forth.....good thing its only in your mind...wow....loved it. I can feel the maggots getting their nutrition from my eyes. 'Even though I am dead, it still tickles.' Super great line here....... I also loved. "slaughtered me like a cow"...but the ending was priceless...this misguided lover will live with your memory and haunting forever. So enjoyed the closing two lines for one never does know for sure do they.....Bravo....are you going to do a sequel to this.....certainly looking forward to it.....
gave me the shivers and I love this kind of art.......be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-01-26 20:25:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Dear Robin,
Even though this poem is filled with blood and gore- it was still an enjoyable poem for me to read.
I have to admit - I felt a little spooked, especially with the ending "look behind you", and I see no need for you to apologize for the content of the piece - (We wouldn't expect Steven King - to apologize would we?).
There isn't anything I would do to change this - except for last line of first stanza - I think you meant to type "justify your evil ways", other than that I wish you the best with it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ronda Michelle Nelson On Date: 2004-01-21 09:58:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Well, it is a gut wrencher! boy, did that put some pretty images in my head..LOL..but it made me think
of battered women, and how that very thing has come true for many. The public is spared the gore, but
if it were more honestly displayed maybe more would be done against those who stalk women. But, there
is another way this can be taken too. Someone being emotionally ripped apart, until they don't exist
anymore. This piece, thought rather gruesome, leads the mind to explore!
Ronda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-20 11:31:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.55556
Well, even given the "grossness" factor, it's still a good, haunting poem. Well done. It's actually more realistic than most people's poems aboout death and things. Death is never pretty, so I appreciate realism there also. I do believe in reincarnation so your comments in the poem about that is also apropos.
Thanks,
REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-20 10:54:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.62500
Wow...well done Robin!!!
You were definitely "in the 'writing' zone" when you crafted this work. I loved it.
"Don't worry my dear, I loved you too"...often crimes of passion are not explained so simply, so sickly.
I can feel the maggots
getting their nutrition
from my eyes.
Even though I am dead,
it still tickles.
EXCELLENT!!!! That partial stanza is so descriptive, I could clearly see it.
I also loved. "slaughtered me like a cow"...but the ending was priceless...this misguided lover will live with your memory and haunting forever.
This was very entertaining and different, not obscure..great fun.
Thanks for sharing.
Mick
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