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This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-22 11:31:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Prime

Three colours combine Tangent, perpendicular, cosine Changing with clock hands Flocking strands- reds, greens, blues three timeless, primary hues Adding colors advances time reflective colors remember the grapes that add to make the wine The pressing comes November Yesterday I am a mirror that I shed a tear for today I am tree and tomorrow I am free Past Cyan is the sky we pray Magenta reflects blood only were it stays Yellow, the color of my previous life- of cowardice and emotional strife. Black, all right, must be there Past reflection- mirror falling through air To show the lines of pain and sorrow But dank puddles never show tomorrow I wash my idle hands of the devil's cast Yesterday is because it doesn't last I shed a tear for the yesterday that I mirror today I am tree and tomorrow I am free Present today is sun, yesterday- moon Today is seed, tomorrow- bloom adding colors numbered three red, green, blue R G B Yesterday I was mirror that I shed so many tears for today I am tree and tomorrow I am free Future A little sun a lot of time wheels upon wheels and far sight add one on one Leaving white Three colors prime in grand design Now I am the mirror that I shed the tears for we are tall, we are tree ever we are free

Additional Notes:
This song was written originally as a song lyric, with the repeating refrains. I modified this before posting here, and I am still a little...unsure of it as it is now- so any critique will be appreciated.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Robin Ann Crandell On Date: 2004-02-07 13:41:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.36364
Regis, I could really see this poem as a song. But aren't all poem song to those who write them? This poem flowed very well with this reader. Very enjoying and I am thankful that you shared this with me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-01-31 16:53:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.29412
Okay...I like the colour schema...you did spell colour as in Brit. style, then changed to US style - color. Needs to be changed one way or t'other. and tomorrow I am free...I would say, "and tomorrow I will be free." thus keeping it in the proper context. Contextually this is pleasing to the eye. Thanks REEG.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-01-23 19:21:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Regis, I'm not that good at this type of poem as I tend to be quite concrete, but I'll try. To me, this poem speaks of growth from a state of fear and being splintered in chaos into a state of freedom with the three colors as symbolic of many things. I thought first of the Trinity, God the creator, God in human form, and God the spirit. I thought Mind, Body, Spirit. The past was of fear and pain and sorrow. The present is a time of change into a positive, hopeful viewpoint. Seeds into bloom, moon into sun, cold and lifeless and pale into warmth, growth and a future oneness. I see the three as the three basic personality parts, the tree as something strong and steady that will grow into one unified person. I did wonder if the final growth spoken of was a comming reunion with the Creator either in death as the soul returns to its source, or as the mind rejoins the universal over-mind. The treee seems to be "the whole" integrated person in the chorus. Strong and solid. There are what could be religious refferences her. For example Blue is the traditional color for Mary and purity in the Christian church. I likke the way this poem reads, although R/E/D stopped me cold and I found it interupted the flow of the poem. The imagery is interesting, the opposites presented in color images worked. I am wondering how this sounds as a song. One thing: today is sun, yesterday- moon Today is seed, tomorrow- bloom adding colors numbered three red, green, blue R G B As this is read aloud it takes on an almost sing-song sound. Was this what the rhythm of the song demanded? The rhyme in the poem, and its scheme is facinating. I'll have to save this so I can study it. I like it, and am hoping that some of my guesses were in the ball-park! Thanks for the poem! Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-01-22 17:08:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Reeg: "Any critique will be appreciated"...here is my any. I'm suffering a major neuron misfiring, synapse collapse today so my "any" likely will not suffice. You have an appealing end rhyme sustained throughout, your refrain is likewise appealing, and the structure is unique and pleasing. I imagine it would be a cool song but it is a brilliant if occasionally abstruse poem. The title is perfect for your theme. "Three colours combine ....Brit spelling of color... Tangent, perpendicular, cosine Changing with clock hands Flocking strands- reds, greens, blues three timeless, primary hues Adding *colors* advances time ....consistency.... reflective *colors* remember the grapes that add to make the wine The pressing comes November." This is new thinking to me, therefore delightful. The primary colors that are timeless combine as the planes of trigonometry and while timeless, change with clock hands. This is a feast of ideation with strands (flocking) so I am reminded of a stitch in time. But if that is not sufficiently novel, speaker says that time is advanced by the addition of colors! I am whelmed absolutely by your notion and wham! "reflective colors remember." This has the originality and love of words of a James Tate. (Very high praise from moi). The refrain: "Yesterday I am a mirror that I shed a tear for today I am a tree and tomorrow I am free." Starting with a melancholy note, ending with the promise of tomorrow's freedom. Your refrain appears four times in the poem with slight changes to accommodate time. I find it surreal (as parts of the poem) but in a captivating way. "Past Cyan is the sky we pray. Magenta reflects blood only (were) it stays Yellow, the color of my previous life- of cowardice and emotional strife. Black, all right, must be there Past reflection- mirror falling through air To show the lines of pain and sorrow but dank puddles never show tomorrow I wash my idle hands of the devil's cast Yesterday is because it doesn't last." Ah, brilliant. Very self-revealing and evocative stanza with admitted pusillanimity (yellow), suffering and strife (black), blood as magenta only (where?) it stays. "Cyan" is an unusual word so I find it charming. S2, lines 8,9,10 are outstanding. Line eight is profound and I wish I had thought of it, applause for line nine, and line ten should have been penned by Einstein... obviously overlooked. "Present Today is sun, yesterday-moon Today is seed, tomorrow- bloom Adding colors numbered three red, blue, green R G B" Nicely alters the construct and makes the rhyme. Oh you existentialists are ever ready to experiment. "Future A little sun a lot of time wheels upon wheels and far sight add one on one Leaving white Three colors prime in grand design." And therein poet has brought us full circle to end with the primaries again...but with the added idea of their being in grand design. Overall, this is a splendid poem, IMO. Probably not everyone's cuppa but certainly acessible if one is interested in the theme. I continue to find high levels of quality in your work, unique and crisp new ideas, and some lines almost lead to brain-strain as the notions have not been encountered extant. This exercise of my gray matter (today's being the exception) is the most enjoyable aspect of reviewing your poetry. I don't help as I do not see reasons to amend nor alter any part as per the old aphorism: "why fix it if it ain't broke?" I greatly enjoyed this poem, a freedom and easiness about it while profound; almost a contrast within the piece. I think I would call it duality because of the double-layered lines. Kudos and best wishes, Mell

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