This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-01-26 20:04:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Shadow of Still

Standing alone in the shadow of still feeling like you've lost your will. Where is your voice to speak and say? Where did you leave your very best day? Close your eyes and remember all the good you've had. For peace to fill your heart and you won't feel as bad. Keep growing, living and knowing  what passed were blessings to hold. What's beyond in your future has yet in your time to unfold. No dream should die a permanent death, it's survival is at your will. Find the spirit within you to move on, far away from the shadow of still.

Copyright © January 2004 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-30 15:25:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.22222
Hi DeniMari; I love the simple style shown in this and your past posting. That is not to say that you are any less sophisticated as a poet than others here ( I should know I am the simplest for sure) but rather that in reading your work, it is clear, easy to read, with a great message and therefore much easier to critique than some of the more obscure works. This message was timely for me given many of the little problems I face at this moment in my personal and professional life. What I got out of this wonderful reminder was..."move on've done it many times before, you gotta just get moving and do it again". Now on to critique. First stanza opens with the precise understanding that were are glued to the lasts forever..the pain and possibly denial....stuck and still without a frigging idea how to react. Then the ? "hello??? what the hell are you doing? This isn't like you!" Then next the trying to recover by using past successes...this is good because this is what we teach to others who are suffering and it doesn't matter what level you are suffering at, this advice is perfect. "Keep growing, living and knowing what passed were blessings to hold" it. "No dream should die a permanent death, it's survival is at your will"...a very consistent a powerful message in the simplest yet most meaningful phrase. This is excellence. To conclude your direct demand....the one that again woke me up (I gotta get to the gym tonight! the physical activity my provoke the rest of me outta my doldrums) "find the spirit within you to move on, far away from the shadow of still". TY for sharing this work. Mick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-01-30 09:25:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
Hello DeniMarie, Your name is new to me, so welcome here. I love this type of Self talk! This rhymed poem, written in couplets, seems to be about letting go of and accepting the past, not living in the future, and moving on with your life. This could be about a relationship or a loss of a loved one, or simply a change in your life. I like the way we are able to guess at the situation. The imagery, such as "the shadow of still" is really interesting and as I read it I thought of the struggles I have had to let certain things go through therapy, and how they seem to be gane and then sneak up behind me to bite me when I'm not looking! It takes time. I hope that I run into more of your work. I like the honesty of your voice. Rene Fraley
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-29 11:45:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.48387
Hi DeniMari, I have read this piece several times and each time I liked it better. The poet seems to be remembering a very sad event and wants desperately to rid herself of that memory...which is a very difficult task. She knows there is good to enjoy and in spite of the sorrow looks forward to the future...."Find the spirit within you to move on, far away from the shadow of still"....I find 'shadow of still' such an intriguing and inventive phrase. The entire piece has a wonderful rhyme with a musical lilt that is pleasing when read aloud. This is a lovely poem and I wouldn't change a word of it. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-26 22:00:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25806
A very simply stated and heart-warming poem. It's sometimes nice to hear things like this said explicitly, rather than thinking them by themselves into the ether. I especially like the first stanza. It's a remarkable turn of words that grabbed my attention. Well done. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-26 20:55:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55769
Shadow of Still a befitting title for this piece....nice structure with easy word flow and rhyming is superbly well done....your words bring forth images as the reader travels on and it makes your heart light knowing you are the one in control of the emotions that will keep you far away from the shadow of still. Enjoyed this very much and I thank you for posting and sharing it with safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-01-26 20:22:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi Demi, I really like the simplicity and ease in reading this poem and yet your message is one we should hear.It is human nature I think to sometimes get lost in your troubles and pain but as stated here, we have so much to be thankful for and the future looks brightly ahead. I firmly believe in holding onto your dream so that was my favorite line in your poem. Strength, belief in yourself and determination will always keep us moving forward. I really enjoyed this and can offer no stands on its own. Deb:)
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