This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-27 19:01:41 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Tentacles manacles of the odist's mind
freed from wages
in passing- touch gently the cages
What a caress to see...
believe me
so many things, so many thinkers
shooting forth
from toothy crack
preaching from another age
confounding times
many fingers, many minds
reaching forth
reaching back
teaching the language
found in symbols and signs
many lingers, many lines
leading forth
leading back
soothing then removing the sage
bound in gimbals and vines
so many singers, so many songs
telling of the torch
taking up slack
improving provenance upon the page
resounding cymbals and chimes
any inkling... intuition?
smelling North
smiling in jet black
grooving as we age
foreground is a thimble, a sky a spine
touch me yon soul
with your poetic find
tentacles of the mind
embarrass me
whether bitter or cold
go across
new and old
awaited are We...
an Age |
|
Copyright © January 2004 Regis L Chapman
Additional Notes:
This poem was inspired by all you poets out there during a reading of my many critiques this month. It touched my heart to read the wonderfulness of the folks here, so I wrote you something....
I wrote it at work, of all places.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-01 20:39:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54930
Thank you Regis for gracing the link with your bounty of words and praises.....nicely structures, superb word flow, images, oh there are more then a few and feelings, emotions, and the feeling is the same...indeed I think we poets are of a different breed from the rest for our feelings run deep, our hearts are purr as the new fallen snow and our hopes and dreams reach beyond the starts and heavens.....thanks for sharing with us this piece and I look forward to many more of your unique heartfilled poems. Be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-01-30 14:14:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
Hi Reeg:
I am going to give this lengthy poem my best. I may be far afield, so I hope
you won't mind my ruminations about your work. I strongly believe that we grow as
we read one another's writing. Your poetry makes me examine life a bit more closely,
looked at through the lens of your poetic eye. This one is a gift, and as such
deserves acknowledgment!
manacles of the odist's mind
freed from wages
in passing- touch gently the cages --(our separate selves find a unitive experience in poetry)
What a caress to see...
believe me
My response to the word "odist" is twofold: one, because I believe you reference
the one who composes 'odes' and, two, the word 'od' is a Scrabble word defined as
"An alleged force or natural power, supposed, by Reichenbach
and others, to produce the phenomena of mesmerism, and to be
developed by various agencies, as by magnets, heat, light,
chemical or vital action, etc.; -- called also odyle or the
odylic force. [Archaic]"
That od force of German Reichenbach Which still, from
female finger tips, burnt blue. --Mrs.
Browning.
See, if I give a 'complete' response to any of your poems, we are going to be here
for some time! <smile>
so many things, so many thinkers
shooting forth
from toothy crack -- I LOVE this!
preaching from another age
-Allusion to poets of another era, and present-day poets with an archaic "touch" -
Yes, so often notable poets of the Victorian and earlier eras did 'preach'!
confounding times
many fingers, many minds
reaching forth
reaching back
teaching the language
found in symbols and signs
You remind me here that language is a living form which evolves and changes over time.
Language is 'taught' and learned, but also develops as we use it. This line -
"found in symbols and signs" is remarkable, as once again I realize that language
is symbolic and not the 'thing' described. Profound thought that sends me off in
many metaphysical directions. For example, as a "symbol and sign" the concept of
"fingers" has definite symbolism, depending on one's culture. In Western culture,
the ring finger, for example, often represents relationships and marriage. The
middle finger, as we know, can signify anger. The thumb can give a "sign" that
everything is okay. Pointing a "finger" at someone can be an assignment of blame.
Our fingers fly across the keys, sending words into cyberspace, "reaching forth/
reaching back."
many lingers, many lines (I love the witty rhyme of "lingers/fingers")
leading forth
leading back
soothing then removing the sage (What if you left off "the" in this line?)
bound in gimbals and vines
I found "gimbals" in my dictionary as a device which allows an object to remain
horizontal, such as a ship's compass. I don't know if this is your use of the
word - but it rhymes deliciously with "symbols." But I feel that you were
referring to Lewis Carroll's "Alice in Wonderland" --
"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimbal in the wabe."
An example of poetry which has framed our reality differently.
so many singers, so many songs
telling of the torch
taking up slack
improving provenance upon the page -- WONDERFUL!
resounding cymbals and chimes
These stanzas are filled with mellifluous slant- and perfect rhymes. They
are unobtrusive and seem to flow out of your poetic fingers effortlessly.
any inkling... intuition?
smelling North
smiling in jet black
grooving as we age
foreground is a thimble, a sky a spine -- brilliant!
"smelling North" takes me back to the compass idea of "gimbals" and
also serves as a reminder that we are 'lost' when completely immersed
in our work, and must 'smell' our way "North" as we explore unchartered
territories of intuitive creativity. What a lot you have said in these
lines above. "smiling in jet black" - droll words to remind that we
respond emotionally to these 'jet black' symbols on an electronic
screen! Amazing thought - and I don't believe I've encountered this
idea before. This poem is original, tender and tickles my funny bone.
I can't imagine a nicer tribute, Reeg.
touch me yon soul
with your poetic find
tentacles of the mind
embarrass me
whether bitter or cold
go across
new and old
awaited are We...
an Age
You show us here, in your trademark "Reeg" style, that you don't mind
being vulnerable to comment. I appreciate this lack of defensiveness,
this openness to views and find it a remarkably apt model to follow.
Best of all, you imply in your final two lines that "awaited are We..."
You grace our efforts, consider our musings and creations -- revisions
or rejections notwithstanding-- part of a literature of "We" and part
of what will be to those who may follow us an "Age" of poetry. I
absolutely love the implications of all you've written, and am
very moved by your tribute. Kudos to you! I hope to see this work
receive honors in the monthly contest.
All my best,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-01-30 09:14:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
Hi Regis,
What I like most about this poem is the sound of it as it moves forward. It has a timber of "yearning", if that is possible, and the feel of gentle revery. These stanza's in particular seem to have managed this effect.
"many fingers, many minds
reaching forth
reaching back
teaching the language
found in symbols and signs
many lingers, many lines
leading forth
leading back
soothing then removing the sage
bound in gimbals and vines"
The language makes us stretch as readers, the repetition not only ties the poem together, but also provides a rhythem that is soothing and, like a lazy turning river, moves the poem forward gently. Along with this comment I have to say that I think the structure makes good use of space. The rhymes, internal and at the line's end, also serve to tie the poem together. Really good stuff. I don't know how you managed to do this at work where there are, I'm sure, many distractions. There really is something special about a community of writers that are bent on nothing but helping each other to write their individual truths.
Thanks for sharing this, Regis!
Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-29 16:09:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.48387
Hi Regis,
I can't believe you just sat at work and wrote this poem!! You have captured the
essence of a poet..."manacles of odist's mind"...very clever way to describe the
unique personality of a poet. We are so differenct in styles but ever so much the
same in temperment...."so many things so many so many thinkers... many fingers many minds..
...many lingers many lines..so many singers so many songs." I believe poets see things
differently than most of the masses...perhaps we are more sensitive and more in tune with
our surroundings. From personal experience when I have a thought I must write it down
no matter where I am. The last time I flew somewhere I had such an inspiration and
grabbed for a crumpled napkin and wrote it down as I could not rely on my memory to
re-create it exactly the same. I really like this one Reeg...thanks for thinking of our
little group on TPL and thanks for continuing to share your talent with us.
Peace....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-01-28 15:38:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Regis,
I read your posting on the forum about critiquing longer poem. Many points apply here, time constraints, the ability to decren exactly if the poet has stayed within the context of the intent of the poem. Longer poems are difficult to critique in a way, I guess to say making the point of the intent, in the sharpest, most concise manner probably would shorten a piece to the degree that it might be a distraction for the poet to attempt saying it other then what he/she has written.
There isn't any doubt in my mind this poem relates to the passing of time, and all the changes it's taken for us to arrive at this point, keeping in mind you are writing of the approach by a varience of individuals to express in the manner of poetry. You're right of course, my brain thust automatically related to all the validity your poem pointing out. Realistically the intent might e a little to seep for the average reader, the brain in each of us, is that different, basically I look for honestly of thrust to carry the intent, I do prefer shorter poetry using the most concise presentation, so of us are rather long winded, and boy we're rushing around to get to who know where. Maybe the dept of poetry now a days is proof positive that we're all in flux, yet when someone writes with a shortened concise, using proper language, inclusing vocabulary to make their point, part of the rush, rush, rush of this particular era in the developement of civilization.
Yet in your note you know that statistics (forumla) if you will can accomplish with symolism the whole pictutre of whatever needs discussion, like Logic proves, true or false, valid or invalid, the simplest form to understanding points. Net field you were in, and I can understand your question. You laid of nicely strong points, using the shortest form of expression, just it created a longer then usual poem.
I hope this helps, formulas, expression using the best tools (expression) possible sometimes takes the thrust of what the poet intended, the only way he/she could state it has been exactly what your poem covers. I enjoyed reading it a lot, and my instincts told me it was a compilation of all the diversified personalities who write poety, the need to express. Good luck Reeg..........................
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