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This Poem was Submitted By: Michael J. Cluff On Date: 2004-01-29 15:05:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Life in a New Land April 1947 Haifa

The laden fruit tree speaks its roots attached to mine the unseen link until the time to unite is brought to blossom sometimes unfortunately by death, disease, dynamite or desiccation. Pan plays his pipe underneath the sapling smiling all the more. Ties are timeless when based not on bombastic beliefs, ballistics, bellicose boundaries but neologisms in this Near East such as peaceful palazzos, plazas and patios serene city squares tranquil towns nectar sweet persimmon philosophies panoply of this earth rising to the sky, Yahweh perhaps beyond....

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-01-30 17:44:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94118
Michael: Your title is a grand hook for anyone interested in the establishment of the nation of Israel. The notion of new land is repeated in the body of the poem as well as an entire new world. This is a lovely poem with poetic devices humming everywhere. I like free verse but you have added so much assonance, imagery, and six instances of alliteration that it has more harmony than most rhyme/meter pieces. "The laden fruit tree speaks its roots attached to mine the unseen link until the time to unite is brought to blossom sometimes unfortunately by death, disease, dynamite or dessication." The metaphor of the laden fruit tree with which you are in communication is grand. The unseen link of your roots to the tree's until the time is right for surging forward to achieve your homeland...and then blossoms...is extraordinary. "Pan plays his pipe underneath the sapling smiling all the more." Oh rats, I cannot recall the name for that poetic device but it works beateously here. What I think you mean is that the ancient god of fields, forests, animals is joyous at what is occurring. It's sure as heck symbolic but there's another word for your technique that I don't recall. However, I have not seen it more masterfully applied in a long, long time. "Ties are timeless when based not on bombastic beliefs, ballistics, bellicose boundaries....exquisite writing... but neologisms in this near East ....again a reference to the new life, new language... such as peaceful palazzos, plazas and patios serene city squares tranquil towns nectar-sweet persimmon philosophies .....your linguistics brings joy.... panopoly of the earth rising to the sky, Yahweh perhaps beyond...." Your allits slide off the tongue because they are so fine. "Persimmon philosophies" makes me smile in enjoyment of your ability to couple words into euphony. Your ending is dramatic and satisfying as your poem demands. Having established a new world, given new meanings to old words, created others, amidst the serenity rising to the sky..."Yahweh and perhaps beyond." To me, it's a novel and unique idea of expressing beyond God or Yahweh...sort of like: beyond the end of the universe. Michael, this is an accomplished piece of writing and all I can say is Bravo! I think it is also an important poem and I wish there were a way more people might read it. I enjoyed your poem very much and wish you would find time to post more often Kudos and Best wishes, Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-01-30 15:46:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
It is good to see a poem of yours again here prof cluff. I like this poem because it addresses the land of Israel [inteersting to call this place, historically ancient Judea a "new" land" but I suppose that with the British Mandate in 1947 it was indeed a new time for the country. Life in a New Land April 1947 Haifa The laden fruit tree speaks its roots attached to mine the unseen link* [I think it scans better without this line which is understood] and then you would get an internal mine/time play on words until the time to unite is brought to blossom sometimes unfortunately by death, disease, dynamite or desiccation. good d alliteration but I would put death last in the list so it would be ascending Pan plays his pipe underneath the sapling smiling all the more. I like the way you have other creeds, "Pan" Yahweh" etc as a sort of correllary to the country becoming a Jewish state. Ties are timeless [nice assonance] when based not on bombastic beliefs, ballistics, bellicose boundaries ballistics/bellicuse is wonderful but neologisms in this Near East [not Middle East?} what is the illusion here? such as peaceful palazzos, plazas and patios good - plaza plazzos!! serene city squares tranquil towns nectar sweet persimmon philosophies I guess...sometimes...lovely thought panoply of this earth rising to the sky, Yahweh perhaps beyond.... homefully..to last...yes...from your pen to G-d's ear

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Morales On Date: 2004-01-29 21:29:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Sounds blasphemous--somewhat paganish, in a sense. Pretty though. I've always associated "panoply" with a peacock's fan--so it works well. Not quite sure what happened in Haifa during the month of April 1947. I know December of that year marked the beginning [modern beginning] of Israeli/Palestinian hostilities. I believe it began as some sort of labor dispute at an oil refinery--of all places. But I could be wrong. Most likely. The poem is beautifully written--as usual. I'd say Mike has mastered 21st Century Cluffian style. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-01-29 18:50:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68966
Neologisms indeed. Twas the night before Christians, when all through the desert... What a sad story this place is. It reminds me how far we've come. Not very.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-29 17:07:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.32877
This poem gives so many hints to things not explicitly in the text, that it's difficult to discern the real intent behind it. My impression is that this is a poem about the Middle East and conflicts seen from a more compassionate or spiritual perspective. My thought about this is mostly due to the inclusion of Yahweh. I like the line: "based not on bombastic beliefs, ballistics, bellicose boundaries". I not only sounds great against the line above it, it also reminds a bit of newspaper headlines, of which the Middle East is a hot topic. I also like the sections that take a concrete physical sensation and make an analogy with an intangible one. Thanks, REEG!

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